NICU/preemie moms.....

LisaandBryan

I am really having a hard time thinking that I'm going to be having these babies early.  Hopefully I won't have them as early as I think but even so I doubt I'm going to make it to 36 weeks like I thought. I was so confident that I go do it and now I feel like a failure.

I just don't know how I am going to handle seeing m babies in the NICU.  Isn't it scary tto see them so tiny and hooked to up to so many machines? I'm alsso really scared they are going to have long term issues due to their prematurity and I'm going to blame myself for that

I guess I'm just having a hard time giving up the dream of a perfect pregnancy and delivery and having 2 big, healthy boys come home with us.  Up until 3 days ago I didn't have a single issue and then everything changes.

 I know there are lot of you that have preemies and were in the NICU for awhile so any words of wisdome would be great.  Anyboyd else feel this way?

 

 

2terps

Hopefully this can help you stay positive, but I was put on bedrest at 22 weeks for a short cervix. Shortly after I began having some contractions. With bedrest and drinking tons of water I made it to 36w6d and my boys did not need any NICU time. They were born 5lb7oz and 5lb12oz and we all came home together. At 22weeks I never would have thought that was possible.?

raesue

I am not going to lie to you...it was scary.  And then you get over it and start doing everything you can for your babies.  It was probably the hardest thing that I ever went through, but you kind of just do it.  I have to say though, having never had kids before, the information I learned from their nurses was invaluable - so I guess that was a plus side to all of that.  If for some reason your babies do come early that would be my best advice - learn as much as you can from your nurses - tell them you want to do the baths, feeds, changes that you're there for.  Find out their schedules and build yours around it.

As for the future, I still am constantly on watch for issues that may have resulted because of their prematurity.  I still hold myself responsible everytime they don't meet a milestone or don't do something I "feel" like they should be doing.  That is the hardest part of it now.  However, now that my babies are one the guilt seems to be lessening....I don't feel it everyday anymore.

Even if your babies come early you will be able to handle it.  You're stronger than you think when it comes to your children 

Also, I see you're in NJ...where are you delivering?  I delivered at St. Barnabas in Livingston - their NICU was excellent!

CMW

I like you never imagined I would have a NICU baby.  I made it to 36w6d, but since my little boy had cord blood issues (getting enough) I was delivered early (although 36 weeks is not that early) and my little boy spent 10 days in the NICU.  The hardest part was having one at home and one in the NICU.  This meant driving 45 minutes each way with a newborn to see brother.  My only advise it to clear your schedule, this will be your only priority.  Spend as much time there but allow yourself some time to recoup as well.  Make sure someone will be able to come with you (if your DH cannot), it's too hard for one person.  My Mom came with me on the days DH could not.

Bottom line is, it's one of those things that you just do.  Your mothering instincts take over.

My only other piece of advice is to remember when you are in the NICU that YOU are still the mom, not the nurses.  If they are doing something you don't like, have questions about or concerns make sure you talk to them or the doctor to fix the issue.

april062604

it is the hardest thing that i've ever been through; it was a very scary time...but you see the strength of your children and you know in your heart that you have to match their strength. although to an outsider looking at my children after they were born the image could be terrifying, they were my children so i thought they were beautiful. ?i don't know how we made it the 88 long days, but we did and at the end we have 2 healthy children. ?although the end of the story is happy, i still hate what we went through. ?getting pregnant wasn't easy for me, being pregnant wasn't easy, but being a mom is better than i ever expected. HTH, btw the preemie board is amazing.......

april062604

oh, also, as raesue said...i delivered at saint barnabas too and their nicu is the best!

LisaandBryan

Thanks ladies! I am actually delivering at Morristown. I don't really know a lot about their NICU....

april062604

their nicu is very well respected, ?but they don't have a dr on staff 24/7...they have residents covering. at saint barnabas they don't allow residents on the unit and there's a neonatologist on the unit 24/7.

Moonpie73

Delivering early and having the babies in the NICU IS scary.  It's terrifying really.  Especially the first few days when you are still recovering yourself.  You feel crappy and your number one focus is the babies.  But like the pps said, the more you are there the more you learn and understand and become comfortable.  Plus all the parents there are in the same boat as you so they are great to talk to.

The nurses run the place and they love your babies almost as much as you do.  They want them to do well and grow and reach their milestones as much as you do.  I can't tell you how wonderful they are.  They are your support system and will help you get through.  And it is best to clear your schedule so you can go by the babies schedule so you can be there for feeds/diaper changes/baths.  They want you to be hands on and they will help you in any way they can.

Just stay positive.  And yes the guilt is there especially when one twin does better than the other in milestones but they will surprise you.  They are stronger than you think sometimes.  And just remember that they are a blessing and no matter how big they are or how fast they reach their milestones, they will bring you more happiness than you can ever imagine.

pea-kay

have you been able to tour the NICU? i found that doing that helped me get over a lot of the fear (esp of the unknown.) meeting the nurses and seeing tiny babies really helped when my boys did end up there. (and i remember, when we visited, i was about 28 weeks too, and the nurses were all happy i'd already made it that far. in the nicu, 28 weeks is good!)

kblindgren

My boys were born at 32 weeks and spent only 2 weeks in the NICU before they came home.  It was scary, but I felt "ready" (as ready as I was going to be) because I visited the NICU and one of the nurses checked in with me constantly before I had the babies.  It was hard leaving them, but I knew they were in good hands and I went home and concentrated on things that WERE in my control (getting stuff ready, pumping, learning about how to take care of preemies...)  Now my boys are 7 weeks old, and they have been home over a month.  They're gaining weight and look so much healthier now that I am so glad they were well taken care of.  Yes, preemies sometimes have some developmental delays, but are usually caught up by 1-2 years old.  You are doing a great job and every day they are inside is better and better!  Good luck!! 

lajolla09.30.06

Having babies in the NICU is hard.  It's really hard.  But I think that coming to terms with it early like you are could help.  I was in complete denial about it and I think that was the hardest part.  Even on hospital bedrest when the neonatologist came in to tell us how long the babies were going to need to be in the NICU and what the plan of care would be when they were born... I STILL didn't believe they'd need the time.  I convinced myself that they'd be somehow superhero babies and shock all the doctors and be great breastfeeders and come home with me.  I cried all the way home from the hospital. 

The good news is you will get through it and it will be a memory sooner than you can imagine.  And then you will have your babies and you'll be so happy to have them that it won't matter.  But if you do have a suspicion that you might have NICU babies I'd read up on what goes on in there and get yourself prepared... it can't hurt.  Good luck!

Dsugaree

I agree with what everyone else has said in reposnse to your post - it was the hardest time ever in my life. My girls spent 82 and 124 days in the NICU at St. Peters in New Brunswick and still to this day I am in touch with our nurses keeping them up to date on our girls and how they are doing. Which is fantastic for being 25 weekers - they are all caught up in every aspect of life and healthy. Also do listen and learn from the nurses and ask questions - as many as you need to! Get a notebook and write it all down if you need to but keep asking questions because you are the mother and have the right to know everything they are doing to your children! Good luck and drinks lots of water and rest!

Jessarella

The hardest thing I ever had to do was drive home that first night I was discharged and leave my precious babies behind. I spent 15 hours a day there by them for 4 weeks. It was really hard. There are up's and down's and it can be scary. But you will get through it. The nurses are fantastic, and I learned so much from al of the specialists there. The lactation consultants were great. There is nothing to really prepare you for it. You just do it, and you be strong for your babies. They will need you. I agree with pp about taking a tour of the NICU. I didn't ever do this, and I wish it would have been an option for me. If you have your babies early, it is not your fault. Don't let the guilt kill you. Just try to relax and remain stress free and drink tons of water. Every day the babies are inside you is a good day.

gymrat

I agree with all the pp's. You find strength you didn't know you had. You have also let yourself cry and get upset when you feel like it. It is a scary time but we made it through...

After the initial shock went away, my DH & I made the NICU our 2nd home. We got comfortable there and really took over the parent roles. We knew how to do everything by the time we were released.

Good luck. I hope you keep those babies cooking.

MeuAmor24

As a mom of 1 carrying twins now and as a NICU RN. I have to tell you, its not easy. Whether or not your children will be in the NICU, you have to imagine that if they are there, they need to be there and you need to give them all the support and love to grow and nourish; just as they would inside of you. Whether your Twins are preemies or full term, the NICU can be a very sensitive and intimidating place. The best advice I give all my patients families is HONESTLY, take one day at a time. Things can change from one day to the next. Don't over estimate and don't under estimate how strong your children are. Use the resources available to you, whether that be nurses, friends, family or even chat rooms/boards like these. There are so many people that go through this on regular basis and it can be comforting to speak with people who can relate to your situation. Best of luck to you. and ENJOY YOUR PREGNANCY!!!