XP: Need some support - EPers especially...(LONG)

purplepuggles

jack has been home for 2 and half weeks now, and he is doing fine. I have some trouble getting time to pump, but I am getting my 7 a day in without killing myself most of the time. my problem is guilt. i feel like i should be trying harder to get him to breastfeed. both times the visitng nurse has come she has mentioned trying to get him back on the breast and though i am sure she doesn't mean it the way she says it, it makes me feel like i am somehow inferior as a mother for not killing myself to try to get him to latch all the time. there are many days where we don't even try at the breast once! it is so stressful for me, and he ends up eating a little bit and then needing a bottle anyway, and i have to fit in time for pumping somehwere too...i just am not all that into trying to get him to latch and eat.

i feel like i should...but i hate the damn nipple shield and he has NO clue without it. i lost the nipple shield for 3 days and i was upset, but also relieved that i didn't really have to try breastfeeding. i WANT to nurse him, it is just so stressful for me and seems to not be benefiting him that much since he is getting breastmilk anyway. i just know that if i don't work at it NOW it won't happen because i am back to work fulltime in april. oh, and he has to have extra calories too so he gets breast milk mixed with formula, so it isn't like i could just devote a few days solely to breastfeeding because i have to get his extra calories in, and his medicine which he won't take without milk.

gah! i am so torn and i just want to stop feeling guilty or like i am not working hard enough at this. the pumping sucks, but it is less stressful right now. somehow that feels selfish too though. this is driving me crazy and the visiting nurse comes tomorrow so i know i am going to be thinking about it a lot in the next couple days. i just don't know what to do.

anniya77

I've been there! (((HUGS))) BFing is not as easy as some people would lead you to believe. It took us a good 6 weeks before we had it down. And we took a few breaks and just EP'd (and even did some formula since I wasn't producing enough). We tried at least 2x a day to BF, with DH nearby to scoop up my LO and take over with a bottle the moment he suspected one of us was getting frustrated or upset (which somedays was a whole minute and a half!). Finally, around week 6, something just clicked, and my LO got it.

 We now EBF (with bottles at the sitter (which he hates)) and I pump about 8-10oz at a time.

It's possible. Just keep at it. You need to what's best for you and your LO, though.

 -anniya

zach'swife

I've been there too. trying to BF was more upsetting than it was worth and we finally went to EP'ing. We're both happier. I felt like EP'ing is a LOT of work, but at least it always works.

If you can get him on the breast, that would be great for you both. If not, he's still getting breastmilk and that's what really matters. Don't beat yourslef up about it and do what's right for you two. A happy mom makes for a happy baby!

 

GL!

jay.otter

At one point I was nursing DS at least 20 minutes on each breast with a nipple shield, feeding him whatever I had pumped in my previous session, and then giving him anything else he needed in the way of formula, and then pumping. I had DH home with me for much of that time, so often he would give DS the bottles, so I could pump, but even with DH helping it was absolutely exhausting. Add in worrying about DS's weight and the whole thing was unbelievably stressful. The nursing part wasn't straight nursing either. It was constant struggle getting DS to stay on task and eat and not fall asleep. The nursing felt pointless and I felt like I was wasting my day by bothering to nurse DS at all. Pumping definitely felt less stressful. It got better though. I started producing more milk, DS has become a more efficient eater, if he isn't too tired, he can nurse without the nipple shield.

Octoberpunkin

I know what you are going through. I struggled with BF'ing in the hospital and we had to supplement due to jaundice. We used a nipple shield also. So I started pumping right away. I would pump one side, bf him on the other, give him a bottle with what I had pumped and then pump the side he had eaten from. It was extremely stressful and it got worse once we were home and didn't have nurses or LC's to help. No one in my family BF either so the support I had was limited.

After a few weeks of struggling and being so stressed out, I talked it over with DH and we agreed it would be best just to pump. We've been going strong for 4 months. I felt a lot of guilt in the beginning, but I'm doing the best I can and he is still benefiting from the bm. Please don't beat yourself up. You are doing a great job!! I've also read that women have had success getting their babies back on the breast after a couple of months of bottle feeding. Something about the babies being able to suckle better. As long as your milk is still coming in, there's no reason why you can't keep trying. I know it would be a little more difficult with going back to work. But it is possible. ((hugs))