Do you care what people think?

PlannedChaos

Ok, so this is a little bit of a vent, a little bit of a question.  So my MIL is supposed to be coming to visit.  My MIL, who was a crap parent (by her own admission), and who knows the emotional/mental problems we have with my stepdaughter - and yet is critical of how we parent.

So both my DH and my best friend said to me last night - Why do you care?  Why do you care what she thinks?  She's never here, she's never even part of the kids' lives except when she visits once a year IF THAT - so why does her opinion matter.

But I care!  I don't want somebody saying bad things about us or our parenting skills, especially when they're not here going through everything we go through with the kids!  Especially when that person is one of our parents, who is supposed to be supportive of us!

SO - how do you not care? 

EllaAdam

Good question! I have the same problem -- I know I could take it a little less personally considering the source -- but I let my FIL's and SIL's comments get to me WAY too much. I've learned with DH's support, that I can let it go because he backs me up 100%, but I'm still a work in progress....That and knowing me and DH think that my family is way much nicer / cooler / funnier / accepting makes it that much better but I don't tell them that!

LuLu38

I think it is human nature to react negatively when being JUDGED.  How can we not react, at least initially.  I guess for your own sanity, can you try to stop yourself and tell yourself that it actually does not matter what this loser of a person (at least she sounds like one) thinks?  Because if you can't put her in perspective, you are the one that suffers.  Easier said than done.  I really struggle when I feel judged.  GL.  This situation would really get to me.  I would probably not handle it well. 

Jackswife123

I care way too much too. ?If you figure out a way to stop caring...please let me know.

My MIL is great to me and I still tell DH that I think she is judging me....?

thenewmrsrussell

I can understand caring what people think, but how do you even know that she will go off and talk badly about you? Sometimes you just have to go forward the best that you can and try to stay positive. She could surprise you.

manic mama

Mine is my mother. She is cold, mean, selfish, narcissistic and mentally unstable.

She hasn't been a part of my life since Oct. 2007 and I know that this weekend she will be at my shower. She will flit around and be the life of the party and pretend she's the proud grandmother though she has refused to take my calls everytime I called to give her information. And she has never asked how I am or how the baby is progressing.

I was tempted to ask my sister if our mother is attending, but it won't help to know. There is a slim chance that she won't be there, but slim has moved to texas so I ain't counting on it.

I don't care about this on most days, but others I can't help myself so I'm just going to have to breathe through it. I know it will piss me off to see her and I'm going to fight the urge to make my feelings obvious. And I make no promises I will be able to. And I can't even drink mimosas to take the edge off.

So, in short, I do care, so I have no advice for you. But I empathize.

ashmariebay02

my FIL is critical and judgemental and I don't care what he thinks...I'm just over hearing what he thinks. He and my SMIL live about 20 min away, see my daughter maybe every 2 months, but when they do they always have some smart a$$ed thing to say. It gets old