Resentment towards the very fertile - am I alone?
does anyone ever find themselves reading stories about the mother who just gave birth to octuplets (after it was revealed she already has six kids ranging in age from 2-7)
or the Duggar family with their 18 kids and counting...
and think WTF?
do you ever feel this way around the friends/family who seem to have no troubles at all conceiving (we have one family member that swears/boasts they had all their 3 kids on the first try each time! another friend that is having her second set of twins - through natural means.....aaaaaaaiiiihhhhhh!!!!)
I have one child and would love one more, just one more...and it has not been easy (one ink test, one laproscopic surgery, and 4 IUIs later...we are now in the middle of our first IVF).
does anyone else ever feel this kind of resentment?
Re: Resentment towards the very fertile - am I alone?
IMO: I think at times everyone feels this...I haven't really experienced it with my friends or family yet; as no one is pregnant at the moment. However, I work at a private placemet school for juvenile deliquent boys and everyday i hear a student say: yeah my baby mama's pregnant again...and i do feel pain. here these kids are 9-12th graders with two to three kids whose families are raising them and on bad days it really gets to me knowing someone who cannot be around their child for 2-3 years cause he is in placement has the ability to impregnate his obvious much more infertile baby mama..
I know i am blessed to have DD, but it still can sting...
Ps. have you gottent the whole "well you already have a child so why are you so upset you can't have more speech" Yeah that's fun
I just got that "you should be happy with the one you have" speech today, from my father. He thinks we're wasting money by paying OOP for all this IF stuff. Then he busts out the "why don't you just adopt?" arguement.
Anyway, in regard to the resentment issue- yeah, I have some trouble with it. I do try to be grateful for Aiden, but the longer it takes for me to get pg, and the more people around me who I know started trying at the same time or after us continue to get pregnant, the more hopeless and bitter I feel. And this octuplet lady- they just need to give those babies away to couples who can't have their own- there is NO reason for that woman to have another child when she can't support the ones she has. The Duggars don't bug me as much as she does, because at least they support themselves and don't rely on tax dollars to help raise their kids!
Oh yeah, I know that feeling. A few months ago I had 2 SIL's and my BFF all announce August babies within 2 days. I was bitter as heck... especially b/c 2 were accidents and the other was to a 46 yr old on the first try. Than my BFF miscarried and than one of the SIL's did... It really jolted me back into reality. Everyone has thier very unique challenges and trials. One of mine happens to be IF... but it doesn't mean I suffer and struggle more than others... just differently.
Of course my resolve is being tested. I have another SIL who annouced her "accident" (if you are wondering I have 11 SIL's) and was whining to me about "HOW HARD PREGNANCY IS!!!!". She than had the audacity to say... I hope this one is a premie like the last one (who has had serious healthy problems) so I can get it over with quickly. UGH... my resolve is dreadfully getting tried!!!!!!!!!
Baby #2: 12 cycles, 1 failed FET, natural miracle but m/c at 9 weeks then another natural miracle that stuck! 9-30-09
TTC #3 - 4 cycles - no BFP yet!
I know that I totally feel like this - although less around whackos with a hundred kids and more so around my friends and family...and even the gals on my home board.
It's hard not to feel resentful.
thanks ladies, I feel a little better knowing I am not the only one with these thoughts.
and ps. I agree with the pt about the Duggars, they do bug me 'less' than the octuplet lady b/c they have the means to support their family - but they do still bug me, lol....and the fact that Mrs. Duggar has a mullet just adds to the feeling of wtf? God shouldn't overly bless someone who has such irresponsible hair care
I will say that I think the Duggar setup is wierd and just this side of cultish at least they pay their own way. I try not to get too involved with the octuplet mommy. There is far too much speculation and not enough fact. When she sells her story ( and she will ) then I guess we will see.
I do get resentful. I don't like myself like that though so I do try to be genuinely happy for friends who are pg.
I guess I feel a little different. Do not get me wrong I am bummed that we have not been successful with our 2nd. I just personally feel that it is not right to have resentment towards anyone. It is not their fault that we are struggling having babies. Everyone in my family popped out kids very easily. I think that is great and I am very happy for them!!
I was very fertile my first time around, but have been trying for 18 months now.
We had 2 years of IF trying to conceive #2 and one loss during that time. We are currently trying for #3! had another loss the end of June
FYI: The octuplets were IVF babies... as were the other 6 children she had.
That said... I am not sure I resent these people, but I certainly resent comments from people like that which can be insensitive... case in point: my sister told me this weekend, "H can sneeze on me and I'll get pregnant; just hang in there". Uh.... what do you even say to a person like that... much less, a sister?!!!!!
Okay, maye I am just being a biatch here but if I were you I would have said ' well then maye I should have sex with your husband and see if that will do the trick'