Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months

I feel like a rude stick in the mud re: early bed time

Several of my friends have children ages 1 to 2.  They put their children to bed at 8 or 9, sometimes later.  It is what works for them. My ds has a melt down if he is not in bed by 7:30. Anyway we were invited over for dinner at 6 and at 7:15 the food was still cooking, so I thanked everyone and went ahead home.  They are good friends so I am sure they understand, but I still feel rude and like one of those crazy moms that is not flexible at all.  This happens often. I think everyone just knows that I will need to duck out by 7:15. Still, I feel like a stick in the mud when they are having fun and their kids are as happy as can be.

Tell me I am not alone.  

 

Re: I feel like a rude stick in the mud re: early bed time

  • You're not alone.  The same thing happens to us all the time, but not with our friends (there are two other couples with babies Clara's age in our circle of friends and we all turn into pumpkins at 7:00 these days)

    My problem is with DH's family.  ILs are pretty good but BILs and SILs do not get it.  Their kids are all teenagers now, but when they were babies/toddlers, they all went to bed at (no joke) midnight or later, or whenever/where ever they fell down and passed out.  So to them, I look "crazy" and inflexible when I say that Clara needs to be in bed (in her crib!) at 7:30.  One SIL even told me I'm crazy and that she is going to stop asking me to do things because she doesn't agree with my routine with Clara.  Oh well, I could care less. 

    All kids are different.  Clara will run to her crib, grab her blankies, and say, "UP UP UP!" when she is tired.  She knows when bedtime is and there is no fudging it! 

  • My Ds goes to bed between 6:30 and 7:30.  And yes it does interfere with our social life.  Most times we have people over to our house or just stay home.  But if we are going to someone's house and we know we want to stay out late like past 10pm we just bring the PNP.  Fortunately, ds will fall asleep and then has no problem going back to sleep once we do leave.  Most of our friends live 30min or more away so sometimes we just sleep over too!  You just have to do what works for you. 
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  • I'm worse than you.  I'm a teacher and I live my life by a schedule.  If we're out I like to be home by 5:00 so DS can have his dinner, bath at 6:00, and bed at 7:00.  DS is down to one nap a day, which is sometimes 45 minutes- and hour and half, so by 7:00 he is beyond ready for bed.  I don't care what anyone else thinks. 
  • image*Scuzzlebutt*:

    SIL even told me I'm crazy and that she is going to stop asking me to do things because she doesn't agree with my routine with Clara.  Oh well, I could care less. 

    What?! That sounds like you are harming Clara. At least nobody say that kind of crap to me (to my face anyway ha ha).

  • imagecookie04:
    image*Scuzzlebutt*:

    SIL even told me I'm crazy and that she is going to stop asking me to do things because she doesn't agree with my routine with Clara.  Oh well, I could care less. 

    What?! That sounds like you are harming Clara. At least nobody say that kind of crap to me (to my face anyway ha ha).

    Not sure what you mean by "harming Clara"....like, it sounds like SIL thinks I'm doing damage to my child by having her on a routine? 

    This SIL has two teens who, as toddlers, ran wild through the house all night long and never slept in their beds.  She told me (to my face) that I'm a loser and I need to get out more, I need to wake my baby up from a nap so I can go to the mall, blah blah blah.  It was very unpleasant and ended with me telling her to leave (she came to my house out of the blue to tell me all of this!)  Clara is a fantastic baby and a great sleeper, and I'm not about to sacrifice 12 straight months of STTN and excellent naps for a trip to the mall.

  • image*Scuzzlebutt*:
    imagecookie04:
    image*Scuzzlebutt*:

    SIL even told me I'm crazy and that she is going to stop asking me to do things because she doesn't agree with my routine with Clara.  Oh well, I could care less. 

    What?! That sounds like you are harming Clara. At least nobody say that kind of crap to me (to my face anyway ha ha).

    Not sure what you mean by "harming Clara"....like, it sounds like SIL thinks I'm doing damage to my child by having her on a routine? 

    This SIL has two teens who, as toddlers, ran wild through the house all night long and never slept in their beds.  She told me (to my face) that I'm a loser and I need to get out more, I need to wake my baby up from a nap so I can go to the mall, blah blah blah.  It was very unpleasant and ended with me telling her to leave (she came to my house out of the blue to tell me all of this!)  Clara is a fantastic baby and a great sleeper, and I'm not about to sacrifice 12 straight months of STTN and excellent naps for a trip to the mall.

    Yes, that is what I meant ? she spoke like she was morally opposed to your routine because it is harmful or something. What a peach. She doesn't sound like she would be a fun mall companion anyway. LOL  

  • imagecookie04:
    image*Scuzzlebutt*:
    imagecookie04:
    image*Scuzzlebutt*:

    SIL even told me I'm crazy and that she is going to stop asking me to do things because she doesn't agree with my routine with Clara.  Oh well, I could care less. 

    What?! That sounds like you are harming Clara. At least nobody say that kind of crap to me (to my face anyway ha ha).

    Seriously!  Like letting your toddlers tear around the house unsupervised until all hours of the night while YOU are sleeping soundly is really the right way to parent.  I just ignore her "advice".  But she did take it waaaaay too far that time.  I wasn't really too upset about getting crossed off her list of people to hang out with, LOL :)

    I really, honestly feel like we all have to do what is best for our children.  I think that if your friends understand, that helps a lot.  It is hard to have no real social life now though. 

    Would your baby go to sleep in a PNP for a bit in the evening if you wanted to stay and visit friends?  Or would that be a nightmare, to try to get them to go back to sleep again once you were home?  Clara doesn't do well with stuff like that at all.  Once she is down, she's down, and waking her is a bad idea.  She is happy, but totally refreshed and ready to rock and roll again.  We tried it ONCE and I swear we will never do it again.  It was like she took a nap or something, and it took us 3 hours to get her back to sleep.  3 happy hours, but still....not fun.

    Not sure what you mean by "harming Clara"....like, it sounds like SIL thinks I'm doing damage to my child by having her on a routine? 

    This SIL has two teens who, as toddlers, ran wild through the house all night long and never slept in their beds.  She told me (to my face) that I'm a loser and I need to get out more, I need to wake my baby up from a nap so I can go to the mall, blah blah blah.  It was very unpleasant and ended with me telling her to leave (she came to my house out of the blue to tell me all of this!)  Clara is a fantastic baby and a great sleeper, and I'm not about to sacrifice 12 straight months of STTN and excellent naps for a trip to the mall.

    Yes, that is what I meant ? she spoke like she was morally opposed to your routine because it is harmful or something. What a peach. She doesn't sound like she would be a fun mall companion anyway. LOL  

  • Whoa....I have no idea what happened there, but my reply to you is in the middle of that huge paragraph above this post.  Sorry!
  • Scuzzle,

    We have done the pnp before. It was not as bad as your experience, but still not ideal.  I keep that as an option for special occasions, but for the most part it is more trouble than it is worth. I totally agree with what you are saying about your SIL.

     

  • I totally agree about the PNP being more trouble than it's worth.  At least your friends are understanding - that helps so much.  Just remember that one day we'll have social lives again.....one day! :)
  • I felt like my sister thought i was crazy until she experienced DS having a meltdown then not going to to sleep b/c he was over tired.  It's not worth it. I had this same problem with my parents wanting to go out to dinner, I'm 1 of 4 and first to have a baby.  Well My mother couldn't understand why HAD to do dinner b/w 5-6.  We do sleepovers and use the PNP so he'll sleep anywhere. 
  • So maybe those mom aren't so crazy after all.
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • My daughter is just done and goes to bed at 7. But we still go out and stay out past 7 with her. We just take a pack and play and put her to bed where ever we are.
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  • Definitely not alone.  My 20 month old is in bed no later than 7, sometimes earlier depending on when he had his nap.  We have lots of friends who want us to come over and we usually end up refusing.  It makes me feel bad too, but my kid is more important. :)
  • I think that this is a hard time to establish routines and still maintain a social life.  Right now, I am fine skipping the social life to avoid the bed battles.  I've also been reminded by mom's of young elementary age kids, establish the routine now because it will get worse.  That is something I am not looking forward to and something that I know will kill a social life.
  • if we're out past DS bedtime, we let him fall asleep where we are, then transport like usual.

    I wouldn't have left the party, but jsut put DS down at their house.  Maybe if you decide to do that you can carry along your pack n play.

  • I wouldn't feel bad if I were you, but then my DS goes to bed between 6-6:30pm!  (He sleeps until 7:30am and takes 1 two hour nap.)  It affects our social life, but I am totally okay with that.  His sleep is the most important thing to me, and to be honest, I am MUCH happier with a happy, well-rested baby.  My DS will not just go to sleep in a pnp at anyone's house.  We have traveled a lot, and so he has slept in a pnp away from home many times, but it would have to be a pretty spectacular event for me to bother with doing that on a regular weekend.  I am lucky that I have a couple of friends whose children have very similar schedules.  Our families all hang out together at least once a week for dinner, and we always eat at 5pm.  Maybe invite them over for a 5pm dinner? 
  • You aren't alone!  Jude is really a creature of habit (just like his mama!) and when things are thrown off - meltdown city!  If I tried to cart along a PNP to get him to sleep (what a joke - he would just scream or get distracted by the other people in an unfamiliar house), then try to transport him to the car, then out of the car to his crib - yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah right!  He'd pop up and be ready to party.  No thanks.
  • Ds is that way if he isn't IN THE BED by 8:00. That means we have to start our bedtime routine by 7:30 and no later. He's really not very flexible on this but I consider it a trade-off because he's a fantastic sleeper and has sttn since 3.5 months. If he needs a firm bedtime in order to make that work for him, then so be it.

    I will say that I was leaving a restaurant on Friday at 9:30 and a couple walked in with a kid that had to be about 1 year old. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that they were taking their kid out to eat that late and that the kid would be fine with it (although he seemed perfectly happy).

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  • I am a teacher and do a similar schedule as Erin&Rob.  It just works easier for us.  There are times when we stay out, but very rarely, like maybe once a month he is up until 9.  It puts a damper on my social life, but I love that he is asleep through the night and is easier to deal with.
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