DH wants me to stop BFing

SumnerBride

I think I'm having some oversupply issues, and DD has been fussy this last week and having mucus in her stool.

Anyway-I was telling DH last night how proud of myself I was for making it this far, since I only bf'd DD1 for a few weeks before quitting.  He said "Well, she's coming up on three months old now, so don't you think it's time you quit?"

I guess he's feeling like he's not involved at all with her, like he was with the first.  He even sleeps in a seperate bedroom this time, so he's not getting up in the middle of the night to help with feeding/changing diapers.

Part of me would love to quit bfing-it's hard!  I still haven't regulated my supply, and it's hard being the only one who can feed her.  Pumping is also hard on me-even on the lowest setting, my nipples get really sore after a pump session.  So I haven't been pumping and storing.

But I'm also kinda irritated that he would even suggest I quit at this point.  I'm 9 weeks post partum, and I feel like I'm just getting to a point where I can actually enjoy this.  That, and it's FREE!  Formula is so damn expensive, and our one income is already as stretched as it can get.

Did anyone else's DH ask them to quit bfing?  How did you respond?  I've already told DH that my goal is 6 months, but he just gave me a look.

CubbyMama

Can you ask him what exactly his reasons would be for wanting you to quit?  I'm guessing it might have to do with the separate bedrooms thing and feeling isolated from you and/or the baby, which might be something you could address without having to quit nursing.  Congrats on getting this far, and I agree with you about formula being too expensive to give up BF'ing if you're enjoying it and doing fine!

AnneUCSB

Can you figure out some other things that he can do to get involved with the baby? Like he can always do the bath or something? ?I would be a little irked with my DH if he suggested that when you're just getting into a groove. ?I had TONS of BFing issues with DS#1 and at 4 months was considering giving up and DH pleaded with me to go at least 6 months so that DS could have all the many health benefits of BFing. ?I didn't give up and ended up nursing over a year. ?I am SO glad he encouraged me. ?

Maybe do some quick research to show him on the benefits of breastfeeding so he'll be more supportive and include him in other aspects of caregiving so he can bond more with S? ?

Good luck!!!!?

grja

Can you pump and makes some bottles so he can help with some of the feedings? That would be a good compromise. You could still save money on formula and he can be more involved.

babykin18

Yes, we had this problem.  My dd wasn't gaining weight and they had me supplementing with formula.  So it was making feedings super tough.  I would bf for 3 minutes and then giver her 2 ounces of formula every two hours.  He just started to push me to stop bf because it was so time consuming and I couldn't help with my ds as much.  I stopped when I was ready, but I did wish I had more support.

lsufan

If he wants to be more involved, why the heck can't he sleep in the same bedroom and wake up to change her diaper?? ?That arrangement would not go over well in our house.

I would be so annoyed if my husband suggested I quit breastfeeding at 3 months. ? I'd ask him to elaborate and give more specific reasons why he wants you to quit.

And good for you for making it this far!?

Purrrfect433

Before Ben was born, Dan suddenly became this total BF-Nazi. A guy at work extolled the virtues of it and Dan was adement that I breastfeed our child. When he saw how hard it was for me in the hospital, he was very supportive of me quitting. I know he also really enjoyed being able to take care of Ben equally, too. I decided to BF Emily, and he was really not supportive. It surprised me because of how insistent he was with Ben at first.

I was actually having tons of success breastfeeding her and I couldn't understand why he wanted me to quit. I think, like Rich, he didn't feel involved at all. It really only got worse as she got bigger because she came to prefer just me, all the time. He couldn't even really watch her while I was away because she'd just flip out the whole time. That made it even harder on him as a daddy; he felt like she hated him. Her first year, I completely became her primary caregiver which was hard on me. I was used to having a 50/50 co-parent like I did with Ben.

What I plan to do differently this time around is continue to pump or suppliment with formula from the begining so that he has a chance to feed her regularly. We did this at first and it worked great. Once I started EBF is when we started having issues. I don't think you should give it up until YOU are ready, though. But, if you only plan to nurse til 6 months, it makes sense to start really pushing the bottle-feeds now, before she gets too set in her ways. Good luck, Sum. I totally know where you're coming from:(

SumnerBride

lsufan:

If he wants to be more involved, why the heck can't he sleep in the same bedroom and wake up to change her diaper??  That arrangement would not go over well in our house.

I would be so annoyed if my husband suggested I quit breastfeeding at 3 months.   I'd ask him to elaborate and give more specific reasons why he wants you to quit.

And good for you for making it this far! 

I know I shouldn't have suggested him sleeping in another room, but we almost divorced when DD1 was born because we found out that DH cannot go without a full nights sleep. I mean, he is a raging baby/a-hole if he doesn't get his full 8 hours.  So, I decided to kick him out this time so he couldn't complain!  That, and he's a big snoring bear who is the heaviest sleeper of all time.

I think his biggest issue is that he doesn't feel he's bonding at all with Sydney like he did with Ashlyn.  I feel a little bad, but not really.  There are plenty of opportunities for him to bond, but he just picks and chooses when he's going to. 

jorie

I'd personally be pissed if MH thought he had any say in when I quit BF'ing.  I can understand his frustration with the bonding issue, but like you said, there are plenty of opportunities for him to become more involved. 

I'd try pumping and letting him give her bottles.  We did that right off the bat and it's not only good for dad, but also if you ever want anyone else to watch DD. 

SumnerBride

-auntie-:

I guess nobody else got that you weren't comfortable pumping. Are you a fair redhead like your older DD? I used to counsel bfing moms, redheads have the most troublesome nipples.

 

Has anyone shown you how to do manual expression? It can be faster and way less stressful on the girls. And it's free.

YES!  I'm a fair redhead, like DD1.  No one has shown me how to manually express.  It can be faster?!  Really??  Shoot-I wish I had known!  Is there a website that shows you how?  I really need to make an appt to see an LC again.

veloelle

I second manual expressing. I got more BM some days doing that than w/ the pump. Google it- you might find some videos. Honestly for me it was just trial and error. I bf'd for a little while, then when to full time pumping until DD was 6.5 months. DH's job was to get her ready for bed.  When I was pumping, DH would feed DD the previous session's bottle and get her all swaddled for bed. That was his time w/ her. I was actually a little jealous because he always did that while I was stuck pumping.

Could you figure out a nighttime routine that has him dedicated to a task? Something that is bonding, like giving her a bath or tucking her into bed? Give him a choice -'do you want to put her to bed or give her a bath?' Don't ask if he wants to be involved, just give him a task choice.

Good luck.

Bearbride05

No, I would be upset as well if my DH thought he had a say in my BFing- especially since I'm the one doing all the work. But in my case, DH was super supportive. DS is nearly 13 months old and we are still BFing- and DH is hoping we make it to 18 months!

Though DS does "prefer" me at times for cuddling and soothing, he and DH are very bonded and have their guy time. It just takes several months, once DS got past BFing being the most important part of the day. Now that he is older and more active, it is a smaller role than it once was so DH has been able to do more. But like pp said, have your DH develop his own routine with her, whatever that may be. It seems to me like your DH is being picky about how he wants to be involved. He wants you to stop BFing, deprive her of BFing benefits and pay $$$ for formula so he can feed her-- but he can't bathe her, diaper her, read to her, rock her, soothe her or cuddle with her?

And I think it is a total cop out that he "has to get his 8 hours." He is milking that for all it is worth! (no pun intended) I wish I had the option when DS was little to "have to get my 8 hours."