xp: Any other WAHM's here? (vent) — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

xp: Any other WAHM's here? (vent)

I know how fortunate I am to be able to be home with DS all day...but WAH is sooo hard. There's no way I can not work since we need my income, but sometimes I think it would be easier if I were away at a job all day--at least then it would only be one job at a time!

I try to get my work done whenever DS lets me, but then there is this messy house and sinkful of dishes and laundry piling up and dinner to be made...oh, and now the baby needs me, and I have to pump soon, and the dogs want to go out and the phone's ringing...

I have been feeling so overwhelmed lately that I'm fighting back tears daily and trying not to throw tantrums when things go wrong. I hate feeling like this. I feel like it's wasting precious time I could be spending with DS.

Sorry this got long. Anyone have any suggestions on how to do this better??
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Re: xp: Any other WAHM's here? (vent)

  • Get a babysitter. 

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  • It's all about getting your baby on a schedule.  I was just like you, feeling like I was always behind and neglecting every part of my life (parenting, work, my DH, etc).  But, putting my DD on a schedule saved me.  I have to work about 3-4 hours a day, but it's completely flexible when I put  my time in.  I read Baby Whisperer and Baby Wise (i know, flame away), but those books saved me.  I knew exactly when my DD would be ready for a nap, how long she would sleep, and what time she would need to be up to eat again.  I could plan phone calls and other work assignments around her nap time when I knew I wouldn't be interrupted and could focus.  Then when she's awake, I do household things, like unload the dishwasher, laundry, while she's in the swing or exersaucer.  I am still interacting with her while I do all the household stuff, so I don't feel guilty that she isn't getting any attention.  Doing things this way, there's still plenty of time to read with her, play with her, and do all the great SAHM stuff.

    Also, now that DD naps a little less (she's 7 months old) she goes to a Mom's Day out program two mornings a week at a local church.  I drop her off, and I know I have three hours of uniterrupted time to get work out of the way, plus she gets to be around other kids and socialize.  Maybe your community has something like that?  And if not, I ditto the babysitter idea. :)

    Good luck!  HTH!

  • Same boat. it's hard.

    I ditto the schedule- however schedules are CONSTANTLY changing. once i get in one with DD its great for about three weeks- and then everything changes. I am a tax accountant and work about 60hrs a week during tax season (i only do PT after tax season)-- and it has been hell on me. I am up until two or three in the morning- trying to get everything done that i should have gotten done during the day.

    Just wait- it gets even harder. My baby is mobile. she won't stay in one place for very long. Naps are harder because she can sit up in the crib AND pull herself up. Its hell.

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  • Do you have any family members who might be able to come over a couple of days a week or a few hours a day that could stay with your son while you get some work done?

    If you attend a church and it has a daycare maybe you can drop him off there for a few hours a day (some of them you can pay by the hour).

    Look into doing a nanny share or getting a babysitter for a few hours a day.

    I don't WAH... but hopefully this helps?

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  • Get outside help!!!  I was feeling the same way and so I hired someone to come in one day a week to vac. wash floor, dust and clean for two hours. I pay them $25 a week, four times a month. It's so nice not to have to worry about cleaning. I just do the light stuff to keep the house looking nice and they do the heavy duty sanitary cleaning.  Getting help doesn't always mean loosing a ton of money. 
  • Is a part time nanny in your budget. I was going to WAH until my office closed and I was laid off the day I was supposed to return. We were going to hire a nanny for 4 hours a day.
  • Are you trying to work 40 hours? Or just part time?

    I see that your DC is still pretty young. Taking care of a 3mo old is pretty much a fulltime job. If you're working on top of that (even part time), then frankly the dishes and laundry have to get done at night/weekends with DH's help, just as if you were working fulltime in an office.

    When my maternity leave ended, I was working 20hr/wk from home. My job is mostly online without a whole lot of phone calls. It's not my style to schedule a baby, so I worked when she napped and at night. I had my laptop on a TV tray that I could pull up to me while DD nursed or napped in my lap.

    When DD was 8mo she just needed more attention and was napping less so I put her in mother's day out (MDO) 3x a week, 9am-2pm. Having dedicated time to get the bulk of my work done helped a lot.

    The tears are probably mostly from hormones. I swear the darn things keep messing with you for a good 9mo after having a baby. But for the overwhelmed feeling - you really can't do it all. Let the dishes sit there and order a pizza for dinner.

    - Jena
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