Toddler Sleeping Trouble?

ellasmommy22

I am having trouble getting my 21 month old DD to sleep through the night in her own crib. It has been going on forever now.  She usually wakes in the middle of the night between 11pm and 5am. If I let her cry to see if she will go back to sleep she won't stop and if I go in there she freaks for me to pick her up and take her to me and DH's bed. We want to fix the problem, which we have tried everything over the course of 6 months or so, before our second DC in born. I am due March 3rd! Does anyone else have this problem or one similar? Any ideas on what I can do? Please HELP!!!!!!!!!

AggieDee

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You can try the technique below.  It is long but totally worth it IMO.  The first night, it took DS 45 minutes to fall back asleep.  Night 2, it took less than 5 minutes.  Now, if he wakes up, it takes only one time going into his room and he is back asleep in less than 30 seconds.

 

Most young children normally wake during the night.  Those over six months and younger than 18 months often have difficulty falling back to sleep on their own because of separation anxiety.  That is, anxiety from not seeing, hearing or otherwise sensing a parent or other caretaker to whom they are attached.  Separation anxiety is related to stranger anxiety.  Most parents are familiar with stranger anxiety.  It is noticeable when children older than six or seven months will often not go to, or allow themselves to be held by, someone that is not a primary caretaker.

 

When children between six and eighteen months awaken, there is nothing that will reassure them except the presence of a caretaker.  However, when the children first awaken and start crying frantically, the parents often pick them up, sing, rock, and even feed their children.  These techniques often get the child to quiet down and fall back to sleep.  Unfortunately, these parent reactions reinforce the childs awakening and crying.  This reinforcing makes the problem happen on a regular basis. The solution to the problem is to relieve the childs anxiety without reinforcing the crying and demanding behavior.  This is done through a simple behavior modification technique in which the child is reinforced for quiet behavior.  It is simple and fairly foolproof.  The total crying time for the child is usually less than five minutes.

 

The technique is as follows below and requires that the child have a room separate from the parents.  If your child does not have a separate room, speak to your doctor about accommodations that can be made.1)    When the child awakens, go into her room.  Do not touch or pick her up.2)    Say to her, by name, in a gentle but committed tone: Sally, if you are quiet, I will stay with you.  If you cry, I will leave.  The child will undoubtedly continue to cry.3)    Wait two seconds and leave the room.  Be sure the child can no longer see you.  Stay there, out of sight, for two to three seconds, return to the child.4)    Again say, Sally, if you are quiet, I will stay with you.  If you cry, I will leave.  Again the child will continue to cry.  Leave the room again, out of the sight of the child for 2-3 seconds and return again.5)    Continue to repeat the above exactly the same way, trying to use the same words and tone.  If very young, the child may not understand the specific words, but will get the message from your tone and behavior.6)  

 

Upon repeating this behavior approximately 15-25 times, the child will stop crying.  When she does, remain in the room and say, Good, you stopped crying.  Now, I will stay with you.  Having a comfortable chair or day bed in the childs room would be a good idea so the parent can rest while remaining in the room.  The childs separation anxiety has now been relieved; the child is quiet and soon should be able to fall asleep.7)    Often the child may start to cry again.  If she does, simply repeat what you said and did before.  It will probably take only 3 or 4 times of leaving the room and returning before the child stops crying.  (Children do learn fast!)8)    Once the child falls asleep, leave the room.  Occasionally, singing or humming may help the child remain quiet and fall asleep while you are present.  Saying, Sally, Im right here. Put your head down and go to sleep helps as well. (See below #11).  But DO NOT FEED, PICK UP, OR TOUCH HER or you will reinforce the crying and the dependency on the parent/caretaker for the baby to settle into sleep.9)

 

If the child wakes up later in the night, repeat the technique above.  It will only take 5 or 6 times of going out of the room and returning before the baby is quiet.10)           For the next 3-4 evenings, the child may continue to wake at least     once a night, but will always respond to the technique in a shorter and shorter time until she stops waking up completely.11)           Sometimes after three or four nights, the parents may be able to just call to the child from their bed, saying, Sally, Im right here. Put your head down and go to sleep.  This is particularly true for older children who associate the voice with the actual presence of the parent/caretaker.

 

Once your child falls asleep, congratulate yourself!  Youve gotten your child and yourself some sleep with negligible crying.  Youve also enabled the child to cope with her separation anxiety in a positive, developmentally appropriate way.  If you have any questions about this technique, speak to your doctor or nurse practitioner.