Any way to do this wihout hurt feelings?

Andrewsgal

DH and I go to a lake in upstate NY every year with all his college friends. We are going in August and already asked my parents and his dad and step mom to watch one kid each. His Mom has brought up twice that she wants to fly here to watch them both. We are not comfortable leaving the kids with her for several reasons the most important being that they don't know her ( she lives in NY, we live in TX and the kids see her maybe once or twice a year).

I keep telling DH he needs to be honest with her and stop leading her on (he just changes the subject every time she asks about it). I know it will hurt her feelings and I hate that. Any way to explain this to her without hurt feelings?

MrsErickson

Maybe your husband could just explain to her that if she is going to spend the money to come and visit that you and he would like to be able to spend that time with her as well.  Feelings might be hurt, but you have to do what's right for your kids.

emilykristene2006

Just tell her that your parents are looking forward to being with the other DC. I also like the pp that said to come when you are all there so you can visit, too.

stacynikki

Just be honest.  That because she lives so far and doesn't see her often you don't think that the kids would be comfortable with.  Then go with the plus we'd like to spend time with you also line.

rebs

Have DH tell him how much your parents are looking forward to looking after your other DC.  Maybe set up some neat activities for her to do with your child, so DH can focus talking about that.

Out of interest (I am NOT trying to flame, and don't answer if you don't want to) but why are your comfortable leaving her with one DC and not both?  When I was growing up my grandparents lived in Europe.  My parents went away occasionally, and my grandparents came to stay with us.  It was because of this that we got to know them.  This could be a wonderful opportunity for your kids. Just a thought.

Andrewsgal

I am not comfortable leaving either one with her. She does not know either kid, and honestly when she is with DD makes no real effort to form a relationship and DD does not respond well to her.

What i meant when I said we are splitting them up is one will stay with my parents and one with his Dad and stepmom (they live close to each other). DD loves them both, but I think two kids is a lot for either of them for four days, so we will split them up.