RP: Overstepping her bounds (vent)

craziheazo

My mother and I have had a very difficult relationship since I was 16 (she left my dad for his best friend). I have fundamental issues with a lot of things she does and believes.

I know she genuinely loves and cares for Maya. However, she totally overstepped her bounds today.  DD had her 2 month visit today.  She only weighed 8 lbs 1 oz.  She gained 7 ozs in the past month. I know it's measily.  She dropped off her growth curve.  I'm concerned and so is the pedi. However, she is still on track with her head circ. and her length. 

So, my mother took it upon herself to call the pedi I saw when I was growing up.  The nurse at that office decided to give my mother advice about DD (whom she has never seen).  She recommended that I immediately stop breastfeeding and give only formula. If I "insisted" on still BFing, that I needed to offer a bottle of formula after each time I nurse.  She suggested that because she STTN, that she must be dehydrated and that she probably needed hospitalized until she started putting on weight. 

My mom has been convinced that DD has not received great medical care from the beginning (with nothing to base it on).  I think this is just my mother's way of trying to force me to take DD to a pedi I don't like. 

If you made it this far, thanks! You are more patient than I am

What do you think? Am I being over sensitive or did Momma screw up?

2bWednDec

I agree it's overstepping.  She should have mentioned to you she'd call first, and even get your approval first.  ugh!  I guess the positive side is at least she cares so much about your DD.  But I'd have a chat with her that she should consult with you first about things like that.  Good luck!

mustangsallie

I would be livid.

If you were shrugging it off or not even caring about your daughters lack of weight gain then my answer would be different but you seem to be trying your best.

I'm sorry

violetvirgo

you need to tell your mom to stfu!  she is stepping WAY over the line.  if this were my mother, i would simply hang up the phone (of course, my mom and i have a great relationship and she lives far away which may help )

BetchySprout

I would go fuckking nuts on my mom if she did that. And the pedi sounds waaaay old school (and way out of touch).

honeybeez

I think your mom overstepped her bounds.?

olivejuice127

My mom does crap like that. I will tell her I have it under control and then a few hours later she will call me with all this information saying she called all these doctors. Ack. I know she is just trying to help like your mom is but it seems so psycho. I always chalk it up to her just being crazy and ignore it. YEs though I think she crossed her bounds.

lizzyjean24

No I would be pissed to if my mom did that...my mom feels like since she has 6 kids she knows all...and lately its on my nerves...

but you and I dont have it to bad....I saw a grandma on here once. Imagine she made her own nest bio and everything to discuss questions and stuff about her grandchild....I'd hate to be her daughter.

MrsL.inMarch

I don't know, it's hard to tell if she is truly concerned or being invasive and a PITA. I guess it would be easy to decipher.... has she previously and consistently tried to get you to use "her" pedi?

yoko589

Wow!  That is over the top if you ask me!  My DD was like that in the beginning and the pedi told me that I wasn't eating right.  He told me to take in more calories so my milk was better for her.  I ended up supplementing anyway but not for that reason.  I'm sorry you are going through that!  You are not being sensitive at all.  Breastfeeding is the best for Maya even if you have to supplement.  She is YOUR daughter and you do what's best for her and you together. 

craziheazo

MrsL.inMarch:

I don't know, it's hard to tell if she is truly concerned or being invasive and a PITA. I guess it would be easy to decipher.... has she previously and consistently tried to get you to use "her" pedi?

I honestly think it comes from concern, but I would never imagine doing that. To me it conveys the message that I am incapable of making decisions for my child. 

The entire time I was pregnant she told me I would be a "fool" not to use "her" pedi.  I'm a nurse at a local hospital and I KNOW that "her" pedi is no where close to being great. He is mediocre at best.

LucyPevensie

I think her concern is genuine but yes, she overstepped her boundaries. 

On a related note - my baby DID end up in the hospital for 4 days at 16 days old due to significant weight loss - and then no gain for a week and a half.  It turned out that because I was in so much pain from bf'ing (he damaged my boobs really badly - open sores that got infected - bad stuff because he was born tongue tied) - anyway I was tensing up so badly when he nursed that I wasn't letting down enough milk.  He was also a really sleepy baby.  But then even when I started supplementing he had a hard time gaining at first because his little systems were so depleted - it was very scary - we thought there was something seriously wrong with him, a metabolic disorder of some sort, because even in the hospital while being fed a TON he did not gain at first, then, all of a sudden he did and took off and we've been fine ever since. 

I did have to take him off the breast because my boobs were so damaged, it broke my heart.  Now, I pump and supplement with formula. 

Are you in touch with an LC?  If not - you should be.  It does sound like you *may* have some supply issues - which are usually correctable but you may need some help.  In the meantime, if you were to give your baby some formula, it might help her gain some needed weight - and it might help her become a more vigorous nurser - she may need some extra calories to gain some strength.  You don't have to give her a bottle - you could try a supplemental nursing system - an LC could help you.  You should probably also be pumping and maybe taking fenugreek or something like that to boost your supply.  

I would suggest you call La Leche League or an LC right away though - like, tonight, to discuss how you can help DD and make sure she's getting enough to eat.  As one VERY pro bf'ing LC told me, the first rule is "feed the baby" - no matter how that gets accomplished - even if it's with formula - you have to make sure that baby is getting fed, and getting fed enough.  And again, I think your mom's concern is genuine but I can see how you'd be completely put off by her efforts right now.   

LucyPevensie

OMG - duh - I just saw this was YOU.  I didn't really pay attention to WHO  I was posting to.  Sorry to tell you my whole dumb story that you already know, ha ha!!!  Hang in there honey!!

MrsL.inMarch

craziheazo:

MrsL.inMarch:

I don't know, it's hard to tell if she is truly concerned or being invasive and a PITA. I guess it would be easy to decipher.... has she previously and consistently tried to get you to use "her" pedi?

I honestly think it comes from concern, but I would never imagine doing that. To me it conveys the message that I am incapable of making decisions for my child. 

The entire time I was pregnant she told me I would be a "fool" not to use "her" pedi.  I'm a nurse at a local hospital and I KNOW that "her" pedi is no where close to being great. He is mediocre at best.

Then yes, she's out of line I personally would be pissed if my mom did anything like this, but she wouldn't. My MIL on the other hand, would absolutely do this. She thinks we are incapable of anything baby related. She constantly asks us if we are talking to C.

sara1817

Your momma screwed up! It's your decision on who you take your child too. I find it extremely hard to believe that a pediatrician could make an accurate Dx from a secondhand description without ever evaluating the child. If you are still concerned you could have your DC evaluated by another pedi. Don't let someone force you to do something you don't want to do. I would follow the directions of your pedi and make sure your dc is evaluated more closely to make sure she doesn't have something more serious going on.

J+O

Way overstepping.You're the mama, not her.

tqsbride

Mom has overstepped her bounds.  Tell her that you will continue to follow the advice of your pediatrician.  End.Of.Story.  If she keeps bringing it up keep giving her the same response. 

nick&nikki

I agree that your mom was majorly overstepping. However, what the nurse said is sound. I BF and DS had only gained 4 oz. at his 2 mo. check up (he is 4 mo. now) and the pedi told me to supplement with a bottle after every BF. I pumped the bottles though and did not use formula. DS has since kept a good weight, though he is still in the 20's for %. Super annoying though with your mom. I would say something, no matter how much she loves your daughter, it is just not her place.