Telling my sister I'm Pregnant...

knottie9ac332186d09f248

I have an older sister, We've never really been close, I see her maybe once or twice a year at big family events we occasionally talk in a family watsapp group but she makes lots of snide comments so I tend to not reply.

I got married last year and decided to only have people that had me as bridesmaid as my bridesmaids. My sister got married they year before and didn't have me as a bridesmaid so I thought she wouldn't mind.. but when she found this out WW3! She refused to come to the wedding and told my parents if they went she would never talk to them again, it did all cooled down by the time of the wedding and she did come, but made it very clear she was unhappy to be there. (I have many more examples of similar behaviour)
My parents never say anything to her because they are so scared she will isolate them from her life.

I'm unsure on if she has fertility issues but she once mentioned that she wished people would stop asking her when she would have children as it upsets her... I didn't ask more as I felt it was a closed remark.

I've found out I'm pregnant I'm not telling anyone yet but I'm already absolutely terrified on how to tell her as I'm sure she will turn nasty on me. I feel I'll need afew months of bigging myself up to tell her..

Any and all advise welcome.

ftm33

Yikes, that is a TOUGH situation. It sounds like she needs therapy. You do what is best for you and what feels right. If I was in this situation, I would wait until the second trimester (no special treatment with early notification) and break the news in some cute and super enthusiastic/happy way. Then if she responds negatively, I would ask what has gotten her knickers in a twist, and why she is unhappy during such a happy time in my life. Maybe that would force some self-reflection on her part and encourage her to share what is making her so unhappy. Regardless of what happens, you cannot control other people and their actions, and it is her choice if she does not wish to be involved in the life of your child, but you might be pleasantly surprised. Just don't get your hopes up! 

ashleightmc

That’s really tough, I’m sorry. She clearly has some issues to work through, and perhaps she is facing fertility issues. If it was me, I would wait until the 2nd trimester to tell her, and also keep it simple. But it seems like she may take it badly any way you break it. Who knows what she’s going through, but hopefully she works through it at some point because it seems like it’s super hard on you and your parents to have to tip toe around what you say. I hope she surprises you and is happy for you! Either way enjoy this time  

sarahh8824

I also have a difficult relationship with my older sister. We used to be close but after I moved away a few years ago, she has really cut me out of family conversations and has become really distant. I don’t know why or what I did, but she won’t talk about it. I told her I was pregnant when I found out and got a very minimal “congrats” text from her. She wouldn’t answer my calls when I tried to FaceTime her to tell her. She hasn’t really said anything to me about it since. It really sucks and is super disappointing, but I just tell myself I’m not responsible for her feelings and I can’t try to fix our relationship if I don’t know what’s upsetting her. 

I hope things change and I’m still going to share information with her the same way I share with friends or my mom, but I try not to let it get to me if she doesn’t really respond. I’m trying to not cut her out or keep information from her, but she’s not the person I’ll be reaching out to for support or questions. I have my partner and friends/other family for that. Talking things like this through with my therapist also help because this isn’t the first time things like this have come up with my sister. 

I hope your sister is excited for you and that you get to enjoy telling her, but if she reacts negatively just remember you didn’t do anything wrong and lean on the people who support you.