3rd Trimester

Did doctor just ruin our gender suprise?

I am pregnant with my second baby.  We didn't find out the sex of our first baby until I was handed a beautiful baby girl.  It was the best surprise of my life.  We were planning to be surprised with the second, as well.  We did genetic testing at 13 weeks and the doctor told me not to open the lab results because the gender would be at the top of the page.  They were very good about it and called with the results to let us know everything was fine so we didn't have the open the file.  

Yesterday, we had the 20 week ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech was pretty good about saying "baby" or "they/them" throughout the entire hour+ long ultrasound.  At one point, my husband swears she said "him" but I heard it too and thought it could have been "them".  I also thought she said "she" at one point, but it could have been "we".  We saw no penis during the ultrasound.  The tech turned the screen for the genetalia portion of the scan (she said it was required for her to note the gender).  But the ultrasound was an hour long and we both couldn't help but look and saw nothing, even in the belly/upper leg portion of the procedure.  We also saw no vagina or any gentiles at all, so who knows?  Maybe she was really good about hiding it.  Either way, we walked out of the ultrasound pretty convinced it was another girl.  

Then, we met with the doctor.  Our regular doctor had been called into delivery so we met with a different doctor.  The first thing she asked us was if we knew the gender.  We said no, we wanted to be surprised, then I asked her if she knew.  She said "Well, I just reviewed the ultrasound and saw the gender, but I already forgot so it's 50-50 whether I know.  I do know the baby looks healthy."  I'm sure there's no way she forgot the gender that quickly and was just trying to cover any potential future slip-up.  Well, she pretty much immediately slipped up.  She used the "he" pronoun twice.  Both times, she tried to cover it.  "He....(a second or two)...or she!"  We didn't call her out because we both wanted to pretend it didn't happen and definitely didn't want confirmation from her that it was a boy.  Then, she said "so, if it's a boy, do you want a circumcision?"  We said yes and she said "ok, that will generally be done the day after the birth".  This confused me even further.  On one hand, if she had accidentally slipped up and ruined the gender with the pronoun, you'd think she wouldn't be dumb enough to immediately follow up with asking about circumcision.  On the other hand, maybe that's required to be asked in this practice after the 20 week scan if it's a boy.  I honestly don't remember being asked about circumcision a single time during pregnancy with our first (a girl).  

I'm pretty much convinced it's a boy at this point.  I can't decide whether I should 1) Ignore the whole thing and go along convincing myself/pretending we're going to be surprised.  2) Get excited about the idea of a boy (possibly even look at the genetic testing results to confirm this). or 3) Be pissed off :)

Re: Did doctor just ruin our gender suprise?

  • mrsmtothekmrsmtothek member
    edited March 7
    @court9898 This is pretty common when you don't find out the gender. The ultrasound techs and OBs use pronouns because it sounds better than "it" and naturally flows off the tongue. Kind of the same way you might tend to reference a dog or pet as a "she" (at least I do!) without knowing the gender. We had 2 surprise deliveries so I totally understand your fears and anxieties, but I think you're okay. I remember our OB using a "he" pronoun one time for our now daughter lol.
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  • 00kim0000kim00 member
    I think it's ambiguous enough that it still could be either a boy or girl. You could get mad or try to hype yourself up for a boy only to be given a girl when you deliver. I say it's still a surprise based on what you said, and you're still team green. Make sure you have names for both boys and girls picked out, and if you're currently not feeling great about the idea of having a boy, go ahead and hype yourself up in case you do end up with one (but same with girl!). There is still a 50% chance it's either- if it's a boy, you could be mad and think "I knew it!", but if it's a girl and you went ahead and opened the generics results, you'll probably be upset. There's no way to win with any of your options other then accepting that it's still a surprise! 
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  • Honestly, I am reading so many mixed signals in your post that I wouldn't be dead set of boy or girl.  

    I'm surprised they said that they have to write in boy or girl after ultrasound as I was told it was not noted because ultrasounds ate not 100% accurate.  I personally know someone who was told boy, but had a girl.  It happens! 

    At my appointments, I never recalled my doctor ever referring to baby with a pronoun. 

    Questions were always stated as:
    Do you feel movement? 
    You don't look as far along as you ate because your torso is so long there is enough room to stretch.
    The head is here, bottom is here feet are here. 
    Heart rate sounds good and strong! 

    My doctor was 5 years to retiring when I had her, so maybe that was the old school way? I DK, but all the doctors spoke like that in the office when we saw different ones.  If anyone referenced the baby, it was stated "baby" not him, her, it, she, or he. 

  • We have been team green for three pregnancies now, two different practices. Both assigned a random number to the sex in my chart, and nobody paid any attention. I got a pamphlet on circumcision the first time around in a pre-delivery packet of pamphlets, and ended up having a boy. I doubt they have time to make gender-specific packets, so I’m assuming even anticipated girl moms got it. This time around and last (which ended up a girl) I was asked at 36 weeks if we wanted a circ if it’s a boy. It’s a pretty standard question. I was also asked if I want a tubal if I need a CS so it’s pre-documented. All that to say I think that you are probably overthinking things. 

    My US reports all have said genitals “present.” And nothing more. We skipped the NIPT in favor of the quad screen to specifically avoid finding out sex by accident. 

    I think you are still team green and just thinking too much. Also, not sure why you were trying to look and find out at your anatomy scan but are now possibly “pissed.” 🤷🏻‍♀️ My vote is continue to be surprised but I think you deep down want to know and that’s why you are ruminating on this so much. 

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