Pregnant after a Loss

The things people say. Am I alone

I’m 9 w and some change. After 4 successive losses. 
I have been in hiding because I am trying not to lose every relationship that i have. 
I generally get very sick when I am pregnant. Including several losses. 
It makes me irate when women tell me that they are so glad I’m not feeling well. 
I explain it’s not any kind of sign, and it has no meaning and it doesn’t make me feel better to be told that. 

Then I’m the problem. 
I reject your platitude. 

I don’t know how to talk to people during a pregnancy after a loss. 
I don’t want to hear any platitude. 

Re: The things people say. Am I alone

  • breeze818breeze818 Just Joined
    Pregnancy after loss on social media is a good resource. I lost my daughter at 15 months tragically. It’ll be 3 years in July. Sometimes people have no idea what to say and they’re trying to provide comfort. I’m 29 weeks along with our third and have an 18 month old. It’s tough.
  • You're not alone.
     This time around I decided to reach out to a family member for support early on. 
    I have "lost" a lot of friends during this journey as people would tell me all sorts of hurtful things when they thought they were being supportive. 
     It might help you to reach out to one or two people who can support you without judgement and respect how you feel. I'm feeling good about that choice myself.
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  • In my experience, I’ve learned that some people just don’t understand, they don’t say the right things, and some are downright ignorant and very rude. I’ve been keeping this pregnancy a secret from my coworkers and will continue to as long as possible. I’ve told a few family members who will be helpful and supportive. I also get such bad morning sickness, I’ve been dry heaving/throwing up constantly in between my classes. I try to stay away from people and it may seem isolating, but I prefer not being the topic of conversation. I agree with lilmamabat, tell family or close friends that will be supportive and helpful. Even my MIL said, “it sure would be nice to have another grandchild by Christmas,” 3 months after our MC. If only we could special order one for you. I kept my mouth shut…others words and actions say more about them than they do about you. The anxiety on top of the hormones and symptoms we experience is so hard. 
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