Ask a STM+ (May)

ponyoisfun

Any questions for those moms who have been there before?

js1213

TLDR; If you have already had a second child, how did your first cope during your pregnancy and after? How did you handle any problems that arose?

I got a message from my 3yr old's teacher that he had been talking back and telling her what she can and can't do for a few weeks, which is very out of character for him.

I guessed right away that it was related to my pregnancy and his knowledge that he is going to be a big brother since nothing else has changed. He internalizes a lot of the things we say and I sometimes don't realize how it's affected him until a day or two later. 

So, just curious how things went for you and how you handled it. Any STM having issues with their first yet? 

sejica

@js1213 both times I've had a 3yo while pg (#3&now) the 3 yo had a lot of big feelings while I was pg. It's also a big time for them anyway, regardless of your pregnancy. My then 3yo's teacher asked if anything changed at home Nov 2020 when I was 8 mo pg with our third. I pointed to my belly, mentioned the election, and the pandemic, and was like "um, yeah?" But other 3 yo in her class were also having behavior changes, so I think some of it is just the age. My current 3yo is having a toilet regression and saying he's not a baby, but also not big enough, which makes me think this is just a big transition for them, no matter what. So long as he's not a physical danger to himself or others, this is a great opportunity to start naming feelings. We had a lot of success looking at pictures of exaggerated emotion and making them ourselves in front of a mirror. They get the biggest kick out of guessing how mommy or daddy feels, though they are struggling with their own emotions. We liked the little spot emotion detective from Diane Albrecht (?) but there are tons of good books out there.

clee5711

@js1213 in my experience with my first two boys 3 is rough. They can be so sweet but holy hell are the mood swings wild. My oldest hit three and Had a rough 6-8 months or so and my middle guy started a little before three and it’s still not great and he will be 4 in 2 weeks. 3 is just a lot regardless of you being pregnant or having a new sibling. 

Try to be patient, let them make their own choices whenever possible and try to set aside some quality one on one time. 

ponyoisfun

My first was super loving and into it when I was pregnant, but after I gave birth it was so hard.  She is super high energy and I constantly felt like I had to protect ds from her. She also had a tough time at school when it happened. This time around I am going to spend a lot more time with my first two talking about what it will be like with a new baby and some do's and don'ts.  Last time pp we didn't have childcare because of covid, but this time I fully plan on sending dd to my parents so that it can be a little more chill around here. 

Also - I am a teacher and have seen this transition happen many times with sibling gaps of all ages.  I hate to tell you, but I have never seen it go "easily."  It just is what it is for a while.  I wish I had some comfort, but honestly it is a really big transition for a family.

little_umlaut

When did you first feel movement from your baby with your other pregnancies?

mflowers929

@little_umlaut my son I felt between 12-13 weeks (I had a posterior placenta and he was VERY active). My daughter had an anterior placenta and I felt her between 16-17 weeks. This one I have anterior again but I felt some stretching happening last week (14 weeks). I expect I won't feel much else for a while since this baby seems very chill compared to my other two lol

chuckle_sandwich

@little_umlautWith my first I didn’t feel anything until about 14 weeks. With my second@little_umlaut

@mflowers929 I expected to be feeling a little something already with this being my third. At my appointment on Friday my midwife was using the Doppler and said my placenta was real loud and right in front of baby. So I’m assuming that means this time it’s anterior?

ponyoisfun

@little_umlaut. I think it was around 15- 16 weeks with my first.  Definite flutters with my 2nd and now 3rd at 14 weeks. 

mflowers929

@chuckle_sandwich yeah, if it's in front of baby it's most likely anterior. Mine I think is like RIGHT in the front, so I can feel baby when it's right up at the top of my uterus, and I think that's only because I know what to feel for from my daughter lol. I was actually feeling it earlier doing flips or something lol, but most people would think it's just intestines or gas or something lol

goldenmom00

When does your pregnancy anxiety go away? I’m 12w 5d with twins and I am anxious ALL the time. 

Gingermom15

@goldenmom00 when the baby(ies) are born 😅 this is my third pregnancy and I swear the pre-appointment anxiety has only gotten worse. If you feel the anxiety is too much, please talk to your doctor! Medication can help tremendously 

sara12341234

For those who had acne in first trimester, was it better or worse in second trimester?

ponyoisfun

@goldenmom00 - @Gingermom15 is spot on.  
What helped me was seeing a therapist through my second pregnancy and pp. The pre-appointment anxiety was terrible to the point I would cry every time.  When ds was born it did get better.  This time around it has been "slightly" easier as I have a lot more coping skills that I learned from my therapist. 

bubblybunnie

Actually yes! I have a 7yo little boy and typically he is a doll but very recently he has become very defiant. I ask him to do basic things as do other well meaning adults and he is flat out saying No. I do not know where it is coming from because he is VERY excited about having a baby sister and I have taken time to sit down and explain to him that the baby brings a lot of challenges as well as work and mommys attention but that it is only a phase as she will be helpless and he can help with her if he would like but he will always be my special and favorite boy. Obviously that convo did not help lol. Maybe it is my son's age but he is usually so well behaved and respectful to adults so I do not understand. Sorry I am not of more help but I understand what you are going through as I am experiencing it with you. I am very happy we are having a girl as I really do not want him to think mom has a new favorite, replacement boy in her life to take his place. lol

bubblybunnie

I usually have pretty clear skin for the most part but my first trimester was like a teenage hormone rollercoaster.. I had acne all over my face. Tiny bumps as well all over my forehead and jaw line lol. A few unsightly ones on the main areas of my face lol. I get cystic acne when I pms and this was just way different. cystic with all the other joyous types. I did not use anything and instead tried to stick to my normal care routine. So far second trimester it has cleared. Fingers 🤞! How is yours?