Can we talk sex during pregnancy??

starsaligned13

I was a little surprised to see there’s been no discussion on sex during pregnancy. I know it can be a taboo topic to talk about, but we don’t know each other since this is an online forum and I’m sure some people are struggling like me. 

So, I’m 18 weeks pregnant and since finding out I was and some minor scares at the beginning (and then being cleared for sex) I can honestly say we’ve done it successfully maybe 5 times. My husband and I have been married 5 years together 13 and never had an issue with sex. We’re young and in love, that’s how I got pregnant. But now, I can’t get into the headspace. I’ve lost my libido, feeling very disconnected from my pelvic floor and abdominals, keep thinking our baby is with us in these intimate moments, it just feels like a water balloon in there like everything is just larger? Then there’s his feelings of being uncomfortable, not wanting to cause me discomfort, or will barely go in. 

We do other sex things but even that I just can relax so I’m the one pleasing him because I don’t want him to suffer haha

I’m not usually someone who watches porn, but I was curious to see how other pregnant woman are having sex. There’s no way I’m going to turn into a pornstar while pregnant, but I need to do something. Can’t go 9 months plus a few more for healing. Suggestions? Anyone else going through this?

and_peggy

You’re surprised that nobody wants to talk about sex with a stranger on the internet? Boy, am I a prude.

mdfarmchick

I should have had coffee first. Hi. It’s nice to meet you? I’m sure we all can relate to sex and pregnancy but maybe before we have that intimate of a conversation with you, we could start with introductions and getting to know you? I, personally, don’t typically discuss my sex life with strangers on the internet… but feel free to introduce yourself and jump in some more tame threads and maybe we can revisit this topic after we’ve gotten to know each other. 

msjoym

personally i have no issues discussing sex, it’s not taboo at all for me. i’m 17wks and so far i’ve had an easygoing pregnancy. No nausea, pains, cravings, etc. so maybe that contributes, but my husband and i have been married 3 years, together for much longer and are having sex almost daily/every other day. i do struggle sometimes with discomfort and fear that.. idk the baby might feel it or something if he goes too hard. but i’ve gotten reassurance from my obgyn and other pregnant women forums that sex is safe and totally okay.

your and your partners feelings are totally normal, and i hear it’s common to have libidos change due to the hormones. maybe if you’re feeling discomfort you can both stick to non-penetrative methods until you’re both feeling better about it? Maybe introduce the use of toys if you’re both open to it? i’m not sure, but i think open communication with both your partner and doctor are key.

best of luck!

starsaligned13

@mdfarmchick I by no means intended this post to seem creepy, so I’m sorry if you took it that way. I was just curious if anyone else was feeling the pressure to continue their sex life while pregnant. 

starsaligned13

@msjoym thanks for sharing. After reading responses, I realize I’m just overthinking it and trying to move forward with the way things were before becoming pregnant. My husband has definitely expressed that’s it’s ok if we don’t have sex. I’m just putting way too much pressure on myself. 

mdfarmchick

@starsaligned13 I think if you had phrased it exactly like that, with less details, it would have been easier to relate to and answer. I can give you my answer to that: This is my seventh pregnancy and hopefully my fourth take home baby. Sex isn’t going to be the same. Hormones suck. They can make you want a lot of sex or not want any. First trimester symptoms can really put a damper on things. And you may find yourself wanting something that your brain and body aren’t on the same page over. All of this is normal. I think letting go of the pressure you think you are putting on yourself is a good start. Sex won’t be the same after you have a baby either. 😁 I don’t mean that in a scary way, but you aren’t the same. Give yourself lots of grace and talk to YH about how you are feeling. Even when it’s embarrassing. He probably feels some things are different on his end too. Because this is a life changing event. And please, join in some other threads and get to know us. 

starkette

Just so you know, men won't suffer because of lack of sex. They'll survive. You're growing a human. Having no libido while feeling your body go through so many changes is extremely normal. Hopefully he can chill and let you be pregnant. Try to let it happen organically and if it doesn't that's okay too.

danielled100394

18 weeks pregnant with twins and my husband and I still have sex quite a bit. It’s getting more challenging with the bigger I’m getting but we still find ways to make it work. 

starsaligned13

@mdfarmchick yes I’m new to posting here and you’re right less probably is more lol. Thanks for the insight and advice!

knottie4c8c84a4e861eb29

This is my second pregnancy and hopefully my first baby. The first time around my husband and I had sex at 6 weeks and I started bleeding and was on pelvic rest due to spotting until I was cleared for sex at 8 weeks after an ultrasound confirmed baby was ok. We tried again and same thing. We stopped trying until we could get some confirmation that the baby was going to be ok at 12 weeks with the scan. Unfortunately that baby was no longer with us at that time.
This time around we are a little fun shy and have had sex very gingerly, exactly 3 times this pregnancy. Realistically we know that me being 16+ weeks along with a healthy baby girl means that as long as we aren't doing acrobatics or anything like that it should be fine but there's still some fear there. We both want to have more sex but it's scary to try. My libido is mostly returned but I still have that fear that we'll hurt the baby somehow. 
Pregnancy sex is complicated

albeebaby

Respectfully, to those responding if the discussion makes you uncomfortable it doesn't have to be a discussion you join. It is tabboo for some and it's not a discussion everyone will want to have with strangers. However, this is a place to seek support and have open conversations like this, so good on you for sharing!

I personally experienced something similar. We were having sex early on in the pregnancy but it caused spotting which my doctor reassurred was normal however I did not feel comfortable after that. We then began having sex again as I entered my second trimester and there was no longer spotting. However, as I got around 18 weeks my libido changed and the discomfort and disconnection I felt was emotional and physical. I was also now experiencing pretty frequent round ligament pains. I could tell my husband was missing our active sex life so I definitely put pressure on myself to try more frequently. Talking to him to understand what I'm going through physically and emotionally has been so important though. I am 25 weeks now and I feel like my libido may come and go. It still depends on my physical pain as well. My suggestion is to do what feels comfortable for you. Accept that your body is doing some amazing work right now and it may be different. Absolutely try new things if you want. If you want to try watvhing porn to see if it helps, then give it a try. I would also say to be vocal and let your husband know if/when you are wanting to have sex because during this time (at least for me) it does change frequently. I hope this helps in some way, even if it's just knowing someone can relate! 

jessicamarigold

First I'd like to acknowledge that on literally any thread here, someone will always jump in to shame the OP for whatever they are feeling, so I would suggest ignoring the prudes saying this is inappropriate or they don't know you well enough to talk about this. 
I'm 28 weeks now and have been really missing sex! There's no pressure from my partner at all but we are both stressed, broke, and working like maniacs so we haven't had much time for intimacy. We've been together 9 years and this is our first baby, which we did not plan for, and there have been many ups and downs. 
We always had a very fun and active sex life so this stall out is very annoying. I basically have zero sex drive and orgasms are almost nonexistent. We don't have fear about the baby being hurt or anything like that, but I can't move around like I like to and things are just sort of uncomfortable, plus I get really winded! I miss sex terribly and even though we are not pressuring each other to have it, I feel really sad. I still want to share this relationship aspect with my partner and I'm afraid it will never come back the way we used to have it. We used to be so free and casual and now it's so different, it's hard to deal with this change. 

knottie4b28e63b24fb101e

Yeah, a few strange replies on here, so I was glad to see recent positive ones. I don’t need to get to know a person on here in order to talk about sex in a candid and detailed way. The fact they are a stranger on the internet is precisely what makes it safe to be open and honest without fear of judgment.

Long story short, in response to the OP - I’ve had a similar experience. I was put on pelvic rest the whole second trimester and was recently cleared to resume sex. It’s been hard to enjoy though because now I have anxiety about it and all the other factors complicate it as well. I have no advice. Just wanted to say I feel you and that communication has been key for me and my partner.