Monday Bitchfest 2/28

kboydbowman

Have gripes?  Share them here.

mamamoomoo12

The smell of cooked chicken is the bane of my existence right now. 

kboydbowman

I have you beat - the smell of the boy person cleaning out a dirty bong (he is a lifestyle smoker, but is required to do so outside...however, he cleans them in the sink). Bleh.

jhysmath

How about the smell of a toddler poop when she told you she had to poop but you told her to go back to sleep because she never poops that early and it smelled like dog fart that burns the inside of your nose. She then you change her and put it in the trash only for the whole house to smell like that when you get home after running errands all day. Blegh. 

mamamoomoo12

@kboydbowman
I have not had the pleasure of being around my husband when he does that particular task. I hate it when I am not pregnant so I can't imagine how horrible it would be now lol!

theblondebump

@jhysmath haha oh man, that sounds rough! 

kboydbowman

@mamamoomoo12
exactly - it's awful normally, now it's just worse

lalarose22

@kboydbowman what is a lifestyle smoker?

kboydbowman

@lalarose22
he smokes a lot, every day, as opposed to just recreationally once in a while.  views it as medicine.

kboydbowman

So my boss is questioning why I have so many doctor's appointments.  I make them at the beginning or end of the day to minimize the time away.  Go ahead, try to discriminate against a protected class and see how well that goes over.

lucyg00cy

@kboydbowman yikes yeah that’s not great, hopefully it doesn’t turn into anything worse. I have a friend who mysteriously lost her job two weeks after telling them she’s pregnant and is now in the middle of a lawsuit while also a new mama (gave birth to a boy last week!). It blows my mind that we’re so far behind other developed nations when it comes to maternity care, leave, and general understanding 😡

lucyg00cy

Now onto my vent sesh: My fiancé is a CPA and he does international tax so he’s been out of the house 16 hours a day for weeks now because of busy season (including weekends now) and with me working from home, having just moved to a new neighborhood, I’m finding myself really really lonely. I’ve joined a few groups on Facebook to try and meet people, but it’s just so hard to actually make meaningful connections in real life now. Hoping once the weather gets nicer I can meet people out on my walks, right now it’s just me who walks in our neighborhood because I’m crazy and love a good walk in the cold. 

lilienne

My mother and I have a pretty good relationship overall...but a few years back when I broke the news that my husband and I weren't going to have children, she got really angry with me. It was insane...first she told me that I owed her an IVF attempt because I'm an only child and she didn't have any other chance at grandchildren. Then I told her we were considering hiring a surrogate and she asked if I'd read The Handmaids Tale. (I think I cried for a full week over that!) Then she didn't speak to me for months, and then she decided to leave all of her money to charities that provide care for children in need. She is, of course, over the moon excited that I am pregnant. 

I am having a hard time resisting the temptation to ask if she will put me back in her will now that I am pregnant. It isn't a good idea, but I keep having to bite my tongue. I just keep telling myself that I value my (otherwise pretty good) relationship with her more than I value the opportunity to yell at her, and more than I value whatever she might (or might not) leave me or my family in her will. So instead of going after her, I'll rant about it here. 

kboydbowman

@lucyg00cy I'm not worried that I'll lose my job (California state employee and pregnancy is a protected class), but it's so frustrating because she only *just* became my boss pretty much when I found out I was pregnant, so she has no baseline knowledge of my work ethic.  I'm sort of infamous for being "the one who works too much," who volunteers for everything, who is never out sick, and who never takes leave beyond a one-week vacation each year.  Our union bargaining unit contract includes the provision that we only have to use leave hours if we're gone for a whole day - basically if we're there at all, we get credit for the whole day (this is not something all or even most bargaining units have, including the one that boss falls under).  Which is a pretty sweet deal, but of course I'm a professional so I don't abuse it, plus I do quite a bit of work outside of normal work hours. 

But she's mad because right now I have a whole lot of days that I'm getting "full credit" for on my timesheet but am either coming in late or leaving early because of pregnancy appointments (I'm also in physical therapy right now, but that finishes next week).  I make all of my appointments for as early in the day or as late in the day as possible, and I was already feeling guilty about having so many, but I'm super high risk so I'm going to have a ton of appointments, relatively.  But now she's trying to say something about it and that makes me SUPER antsy.  I mean, I'll get my union people involved if she pushes the issue, but I'm also in what's called a "limited term" position, which means that it might not be renewed at the end of the term (which will be September next year).  Even then, I would still have a job, but I would be back to being line staff instead of in a senior position (which would involve a small paycut, but not huge).

babywiik

@lilenne that sounds hard. I think you're wise to not say anything. Even though the words may feel good coming off your tongue, they most likely would have a bitter aftertaste. I don't think you'd ever want your child to think that you had them just so you could be on your moms will but if she got angry enough, she could read it that way and someday fill your kid with nonsense. Have you had any sort of reconciliation with your mom after her silent treatment etc? You could maybe bring up that and how it hurt you. It's healthy to have a conversation when there has been offense taken but not if it's solely for revenge. Unless you want to blow up that bridge, because there's no fixing the relationship, then say whatever you want😂

jhysmath

I hate when people congratulate others on a pregnancy that's not theirs. My husband wanted to write in the card to announce to his mom, congrats grandma for grandchild number 3. Why does she get congrats? She's doing absolutely nothing to get this baby into the world any do we congratulate her? Every time she posted to Facebook *our* announcement everyone went on congratulating her too.

Maybe this is normal, but we don't do it in my family. 

whitta1015

@lilienne I agree with @babywiik. However, I do think that maybe down the road once the baby gets here, you could always just have a general conversation with her saying that you and DH are considering creating a living will (if you don't already have one) and maybe ask who she used or something just to spark the conversation. I wouldn't say "and by the way, I need to be added back into yours" but the conversation may get her wheels turning!

whitta1015

My rant is work. I'm an HR Manager in the hospitality industry and people are just insane. I always knew that being in HR, but these people in hospitality freaking thrive on drama and gossip, and I wish I could just fire all of them. No one has any self-respect or respect for others anymore. 

lucyg00cy

@kboydbowman yeah that so frustrating, document document document as much as you can of all of the exchanges so you’re prepared in case anything gets really serious. Hopefully she wisens up and understands what you’re going through so you all can work as peacefully together as possible moving forward!

julwanderlust

@kboydbowman - maybe give her the benefit of the doubt that she doesn't know how to be an effective manager and handle employee situations. Maybe it's a training opportunity for your union to teach her about awareness and what is/is not acceptable. Also, consider yourself lucky that no matter what you'll have a job. I am a contract employee with a contract that expires on June 30th. There's no way I'll be renewed with them knowing I will go out on maternity leave. I've already begun figuring out the SAHM life that awaits.  

savkrom

SAME. And eggs, garlic, and onions 🤢

savkrom

@mamamoomoo12 SAME. And eggs, garlic, and onions 🤢 (tried to reply post the first time and it didn’t work)

lilienne

babywiik and @whitta1015 you're both absolutely right. My mother started speaking to me again after the conversation about the will, and while we have a few "off limits" topics that will cause issues we get along pretty well in general. It is more important to me to keep the relationship solid than it is to tell her how I feel about her past behavior, and I think any attempt to discuss it will probably end poorly. I like the idea of bringing up a living will plan later in the process, I think that's really smart. At the end of the day, I truly do believe that her money is hers and she should do what she wants with it. Still, it would be good to know her plans so we can make our own plans accordingly. Thanks for the listening ear and good advice!

jhysmath the "congratulate grandma" thing has always confused me, too! I think it just comes from people wanting to celebrate with someone who is excited about a new development, but it always feels weird to me. I feel the same way about couples saying "we are pregnant." I have zero problem with "we are expecting a baby" or "we have big life changes coming up," but "we are pregnant" just feels dismissive to the woman who's actually going through all the scary/risky/painful stuff!

jhysmath

@lilienne yeah big no on we're pregnant that just doesn't make sense. We'll say we're having a baby, which now typed out makes me feel like we're ordering one for dinner 😂 

kboydbowman

@julwanderlust She's been in her current job title for almost 10 years - she just transferred from one institution to another (ours is a little closer to where she lives), and honestly she's EXCELLENT at most of her job.  But she's super intimidating.

lilienne

jhysmath haha, is there any non-awkward way to explain that there is a child on the way? I feel like they all get weird if you think about them too hard.

@kboydbowman this sounds like a tricky spot to be in! I hope it all works out okay, how frustrating to have a boss who's great in some ways but no good at handling the thing you need help with right now.

ashley35209

My lovely OB decided not to subject me to glucose testing since I've had GD with both previous pregnancies. She just asked me to go ahead and monitor and see how I'm running. Whelp, first reading was 139. I guess I'm joining the GD club again. Yay...

theblondebump

@lilienne haha "child on the way" sounds the funniest to me, I picture the child is on this epic backpacking journey heading our way or we're waiting at baggage claim to pick him/her up lol. Also, I'm sorry about your mom - that sounds like a difficult and stressful relationship. I have plenty of those in my family/DH's family as well. 

@jhysmath ugh, yes, my MIL drives me nuts with that as well - she posts on facebook for the world to congratulate her and has a way of making anything and everything about her. I am pregnant, this is not about you! 

@ashley35209 bleh, sorry about the GD news. I had it in my first pregnancy, crossing my fingers I am spared this time, but I doubt it. 

mnmomma84

 @ashley35209
There are a few GD experienced mamas on this board, too. I think there was talk about starting a thread for GD when more get to that point so hopefully the support will help! 

@theblondebump
Do you know when you're testing? I did one early test and "passed" with a 139 but when they called with the results my OB's nurse said she wants to test again around 20ish weeks. I think that puts me in May sometime...my carb time is limited. 

theblondebump

I had to test at 12 weeks and I passed, so now I will test again around 26-28 weeks. I'm just living it up until then! @mnmomma84

jhysmath

@theblondebump I'm living it up currently too. Probably not a good idea, but I was so excited. I think I'll make cookies today 😂 also really want good tomatoes to make some bruchetta. 

kboydbowman

Just don't be like my boy person. He stopped doing keto about a week ago and is going insane. He made a batch of 12 muffins after I went to bed last night and his already eaten 10 of them. I told him he is going to be so sick later lol

lilienne

@kboydbowman I hope he survives his questionable decisions!  My extremely health-conscious husband just ate half a box of girl scout cookies in a single sitting, with me giggling maniacally the whole time. Usually he's the one who watches me make bad decisions when it comes to snacky/sweet food!

lalarose22

@lilienne I bought two boxes of girl scout cookies on Saturday and they were gone by Sunday.. That's the last time I buy those this year! Haha

laj0217

I live in Savannah, the home of the girls scouts. Cookies are available year round 😬

whitta1015

@laj0217 If I lived in Savannah, I'd be eating Byrd's cookies every day!

lilienne

@laj0217 I don't know if I envy or pity you! 

laj0217

@whitta1015 they have free samples! And it’s 5 minutes away. I love Byrd’s.

@lilienne I love the samoas, but my husband is allergic to them so I don’t really get them very often, unfortunately. 

lilienne

@laj0217 samoas are my husband's favorite, but I don't love coconut. A woman at our barn has been bringing boxes in from her daughter's troop, so we've had way more of them lately than we probably should.