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Parenting
s/o -- what do you think makes/causes a "bad" teen?
It can't all be chalked up to parenting, can it? Are some kids just hard-wired to be pains in the ass?
For example, there are three of us girls in my family. Two of us have our shizz together. I'm married, own my own home, have a good paying job, have a great husband, have two sweet boys, etc. I've never gotten into any sort of trouble. My youngest sister is in college, gets good grades, has a job and generally stays out of trouble. My middle sister is a train wreck. She's married to a douchebag who's been arrested multiple times. Neither she nor her H have jobs right now. They rent a trashtastic apt from his step dad for $250/month and STILL are behind on rent. They have no credit to speak of. And she's always gotten in trouble -- at school, at home, with money. So, what gives?
I'd really like for my kids to grow up to be gainfully employed, down-to-earth, responsible, not-wed-to-douchebags men...
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Re: s/o -- what do you think makes/causes a "bad" teen?
EXACTLY!!!!! Nothing I do as a parent will ENSURE my kids will come out normal. And not being able to control the situation scares the shiznit out of me.
YET...even though I know it isn't necessarily my fault if my kids end up screwed up...I will blame my self until the end of time.
But to answer your question---my parents tried hard, but after some bad stuff went down, I flipped out of control. I was a bad kid...and it wasn't anythign my parents did.
I turned myself around...thank goodness...but yeah, It isn't parenting.
My nephew is not a nice person, plain and simple. And in hind sight, he never has been. We watch videos from when he was a baby and he is always looking at his brother nasty or just screaming.
That being said I love him to death, and will do anytihing I can to help turn him around. We are all hoping that he is going to out grow all the crap of the last 2 years. He does seem to be coming around a bit lately. And it's so odd that as cocky and omnipotent as he likes to come across, he is super good with all of the little kids.
His older brother is the perfect child you would wish for. It's very obviously not from parenting.
I think it is about half and half. I definitely can see some things that my ILs did that caused some of their boy's problems, but one turned out great and the other is a complete loser. Actually, they turned out complete opposite of what everything thought they would in HS. It is bizarre to think about now!
I think every family has at least one kid that everything thinks "WTF happened there?"
Liam is 5!
I think all kids are different. And sometimes parents don't take that and realize that not all of their children can be parented the same way. Some take little work, others take much much more work.
That said, I definitely don't think that every "bad" kid is the result of a parent who didn't put in enough work while parenting them. But, I do feel (at least with those that I know well enough to say this about) this is the case for a lot of kids/young adults.
My siblings and I are a great example of this. I come from a family of 5 and we are all totally different.
My oldest sister is a perpetual screwup. She's 28, has moved back into my parents' house for the 5th time (or something like that, I lost count). I can't imagine her getting out of debt without filing bankruptcy, just because she likes to play ignorant. She picks horrible choices in men, both bad people and unavailable (including my own DH, but that's a story for a different day). She's whiny and incompetent.
I am married and just bought a home in August. My DH was in the Army and we lived in Louisiana for 3 years where I grew to be very independent and I now manage our finances and home. We have a beautiful 2 year old DS and both have great jobs with excellent potential to move up.
My younger sister is 24 and just got engaged. On the outside, she looks like the most successful. She has a great job making more than both DH & I put together, owns a home and goes shopping like she'll never run out of money. Behind all that, she's considering foreclosing on her home because she doesn't want to live in it anymore and it's too much of a hassle for her to rent it out. I don't even want to think about how much debt she's in because it will hurt my head. She's completely irresponsible and was a huge druggie in HS.
My oldest younger brother moved up north to go to school. He doesn't get any help from my parents financially and seems to do ok. He's a hermit and I'm not sure he has any friends.
My youngest brother has the worst temper of all of us. He almost didn't graduate from HS because he just wouldn't go. He graduated a semester late doing online courses. He's very thickheaded, but the sweetest guy ever.
My parents didn't do anything different with any of us, except maybe my brothers. I think they had it easier because my parents were tired when it came to them. LOL! I think it all has alot to do with your personality that you are born with.
That is what I'm saying...parents may need to do something different with each kid, depending on their personalities.
I think that allowing kids to grow up without the ability to make choices (good and bad ones) at a young age, sets them up for a rough adulthood.
The age old fact of teaching responsibility and consequences of your actions is what helps them learn and to be good adults. Outside of teaching them this, there isn't much you can do besides set a good example.
I do think there are some people who will screw up no matter what, but what I have mentioned will probably keep it to a minimum. I am hoping anyway.