Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
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Insensitive Comments After 2nd Miscarriage

We just had our second miscarriage in 4 months. My in laws were aware of the first one, which was super early right at 4 weeks, and still continued to make comments about how we were never gonna have kids, it’s taking too long, we’re only ever gonna have dogs...fast forward to now, I’m a month out from my second miscarriage that occurred at 10 weeks and they are still making remarks that we will only ever have dogs, we’re probably never gonna have kids. Am I overreacting by finding these comments to be extremely insensitive? It’s not my fault that my SIL was able to have 2 kids so quickly with very little difficulties and that it took us 4 months to get pregnant the first time and now both pregnancies have ended in miscarriage. We are trying the best we can, we want kids and they know that, but they still think it’s okay to joke about us never having kids.

Re: Insensitive Comments After 2nd Miscarriage

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    @disneym0m I'm very sorry for your losses. It is insensitive of her to make comments like that, especially while you're still in the midst of going through a loss!  Can you sit down and explain to her how bad it makes you feel and that what she's saying is hurting you?  Honestly, a lot of people have NO clue about these things unless it's explained in detail, because they've never experienced anything like it, and will NEVER 'get it.'  The other option (if you want to be more callous, and oftentime the approach I take), would be to flippantly respond to her next 'you're never going to have kids' with 'I have 2, they're just dead.'  (I have 5 losses myself and we're looking living childless not by choice, so I have NO qualms anymore about upsetting people or stepping on the toes of those whose comments seriously hurt me).  Good luck navigating the situation, but make sure you are kind to YOU and feel free to stick up for yourself when you feel the need.
    #BitterHagPartyOf1

    Melody Pond GIF
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    honeybee1984honeybee1984 member
    edited September 2020
    I'm sorry for your losses. I agree that their comments are insensitive.
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    Oh my goodness I can't believe they are being so insensitive. That is totally not OK of them to say. I'd be telling them to shove it, tactfully. Maybe explaining how hurtful their comments are would help? I'm so sorry you're being treated this way 😔 💔 
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    That is a horrible thing for them to say, and extremely insensitive. My partner and I count our loss among our children. That life existed. It meant something to us. Our hopes and dreams were tied up in it. And, we mourned when it was gone. I would say something to them about how much it hurts to hear them say that. That you're mourning the loss of two children. They're real. They existed. My sister and I have each experienced a pregnancy loss, and my sister a child loss, too. My mother says she has 11 grandchildren, even though only 7 (8, one baking) are here. 
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    That is too insensitive and awful, please respect them
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