Daycare and caregiving dilemma — The Bump

Daycare and caregiving dilemma

Hello the bump community. I am having a dilemma and hoping to get some advice from you guys.

I am at the beginning of my second trimester and starting to look at daycares with my husband because we live in a busy area. We just visited three so far but all of them have some kind of a problem in our eyes, of course. I am particularly looking at how attentive the caregivers are towards kids. Usually, it’s a 1:4 ratio (need to go see those that have 1:3).

I do have another option and that would be having my parents live in my basement for at least 3 months and up to a year. They don’t have a permanent place in my state. They spend half of the year in Florida, when it’s not too hot and the other half of the year in Russia, when it’s not too cold. In between their trips they stay in our basement from 2 week up to a month. 

The problem is that I am not sure that with the additional stress of having a baby I want to have my parents constantly around. I don’t think this is going to be good for my relationship with my husband, my parents, and my baby. At the same time, I know that no daycare or nanny will be able to give the attention and love to my baby that my mom can. My mom is very selfless. I know she will never complain. But I also don’t want her to be confined to the basement, which really has space for only one person, in order to give me space (my dad doesn’t understand the concept of personal space really so he is in everyone's space…). Another issue is that my mom doesn’t really speak English or likes to go out in order to be with other people. So I am worried that my child will be rather isolated and later will have trouble being social with other kids. I had that issue growing up and am not the most social person now either. I don’t want that for my child. And what about hitting the developmental milestones? My mom won’t know them. 

That’s basically the gist of it all and what my thoughts are occupied with aside from what to do during child birth. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts!

Thank you!

Re: Daycare and caregiving dilemma

  • I was in a similar situation. My daughter is almost two now but when she was born I wasn't comfortable having her in a daycare (I used to work in one and I know that there can be problems). I went with having my mom watch her even though she can kind of get on my nerves and she is limited physically so she can't always take her out. I think it has worked out for the best so far. I feel more comfortable knowing she's home and safe and I signed her up for gymnastics on the weekend for the social aspect.

    DH -35
    Married in 2008
    Started TTC in 2011
    Began testing May 2014
    Test Results
    HSG- clear
    Hysteroscopy- clear
    SA- 11 mil count
    45% motility
    Diagnosis: MFI
    July 2014: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    August 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    September 2015: Femera 5mg CD 4-8, Trigger, IUI = BFN
    May 2018 after long period of not trying, starting adoption process with family friend's newborn
    November 2018 Adoption complete!

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