@pourmeanothermocktail I sincerely apologize if something in my post sounded like this. It absolutely matters that you were treated horribly, put in a dangerous situation, belittled for your concerns and everything else that is wrapped into that experience.
I meant only that I avoid talking about my birth experience with my first by using some vague comments because my own experience was difficult, and frankly not something I want unhelpful comments about either. Eventually my son and I were both healthy... But there road to get there was anything but straightforward.
@kyrwyn No worries, you did NOT at all sound like that. I just wanted to put it out there first, before anyone might, in case they didn't realize that it COULD be a damaging phrase to someone.
Because duh, everyone wants a healthy baby, but that's pretty much the bare minimum goal, the low bar, right? Healthy parents and feeling safe and supported and everyone's mental health are important too!
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeanothermocktail I think it’s safe to say that the statement “healthy mom, healthy baby” doesn’t apply in your case-all of that clearly led to unhealthy mama and baby! There are other things that are important. Even if you’re “okay” in the end, mental scars count too as being unhealthy.
That being said, I think the phrase works in terms of normal birth experiences that just go differently than planned. So many don’t have the experience they want but get to come home together. Trauma happens way too much in my opinion (I have some too) and is important to deal with but if you both get to come home, then you do GET to deal with it. If that perspective makes sense? That’s what I learned from my first. I know in your case you’ve spoken about what an amazing home birth you had with the next pregnancy. Clearly you took the trauma from the first and conquered it with the second, which is amazing.
@k@kyrwyn I also don’t talk about my firsts birth very much because it gets really complicated and extensive. There were a lot of unknown factors but, like you said, we were eventually both healthy and I’m so blessed to be able to carry a second baby right now.
I feel like this perceived process of judgment and justification comes up all the time in motherhood: labor, breastfeeding, staying at home or working, screen time, etc. it’s crazy to me how judgmental moms can be to each other when, as the last ten posts or show prove, we still respect each other and their decisions for what they were at the time, we can support each other.
Seriously, this is one of the nicest BMB boards I’ve ever seen and I love it
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17 EDD: 5/16/18 DD born 5/10/18 Postpartum Complications
@pourmeanothermocktail Cool. I sometimes have trouble parsing tone online and I just wanted to make sure I wasn't accidentally being an asshole. Having people feel welcome and included in our community is important to me!
I agree that that phrase can be unintentionally hurtful. I still have a lot of rough feelings about my son's early weeks, and anger at how poorly our pre-delivery classes prepared me for our particular reality.
@alli392 I was thinking about how one-sided the information I got before delivery was on some topics and how that fed into my expectations, disappointment, and shame about some of how my birth and early parenting things went down. I don't know about everywhere, but CA has a big "baby friendly" push to prioritize some topics, like exclusive breastfeeding, rooming in, etc, even when it doesn't make medical sense for the specific dyad. Similar to "healthy mama, healthy baby," I find the "breast is best" campaign creates a lot of judgment between moms rather than encouraging compassion and the understanding that we all have different circumstances.
Totally agree with @alli392. I lurked on the BMB board for my entire first pregnancy but was SCARED to participate because of the hatefulness and cliquish-ness of the core group that was most active. It was definitely entertaining at times, but in no way productive or comforting for a FTM just looking for some answers and support through the exciting and scary process of having a baby. It is so refreshing to see a group that is kind and respectful. Regardless of the differences in our journeys through pregnancy and motherhood, I think this group will raise some pretty great humans!
@hayhay2501 mine doesn’t either with the exception of a few people! Word must be starting to spread because someone called me the other day to ask if I had news. Ummm ok nosy Nancy!
I think I might start letting people at work know today. I was waiting to hear the heartbeat one more time. Something about this pg has me so much more anxious than previous ones.
@chaos-and-coffee omg. That’s totally going to happen to me soon!!! My boss told me she doesn’t want me to fully announce till mid February!!! And I have to go on a work trip to the US with loads of dinners with colleagues. Oy vey!
But on a positive- my boss told me today she’ll be fake drinking too because she’s pregnant!! It’s going to be a nightmare for our team as she’ll go off like a month after me but ehhhh.
@bbluemoo I hate hate hate announcements and being the center of attention. I’m sure people are starting to guess because my regular pants don’t fit so I’m in maternity pants and can only rotate through so many oversize sweaters but I just think it’s easier for people to figure it out on their own. I told my core team and that’s enough!
I don’t know how some of you are hiding it anymore 😂 as a FTM I made it to about 20 weeks but not even my baggy sweaters make this baby bump look like anything but a baby bump!
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17 EDD: 5/16/18 DD born 5/10/18 Postpartum Complications
@chaos-and-coffee I do too! Unfortunately we all work sort of spread out around a pretty large region so it’s not even like I could just make one announcement or do the cute box of donuts announcement in the lunch room. I basically have to tell each person individually 😑
@alli392 I’m 17 weeks but I have a pretty long torso and was chubby to start with, so I have a bit of a bump but it’s only noticeable if I’m wearing a tight shirt (and even then could just be that I’ve eaten too much lol). And it’s also winter in Canada so I’ve got a lot of clothes on 😂
Hey ladies. Just being a bit paranoid tonight. This is my first. And when do you start to feel baby kicking? Like ‘wow! That was definitely a kick. Baby just bruised my insides’ 🤣
a couple times I’ve thought I’ve felt something. Usually when I’m standing in the shower with my hand resting on my bump. Idk if it’s just something weird about the shower or that’s the one time I rest my hand on my bump. Lol.
But nothing I can definitively say is the baby. And when I went to my 16 week appointment a week ago my doctor said baby was kicking the crap out of the Doppler.
@emodelski it is completely normal (especially as a ftm) not to feel baby until 22 to 26 weeks. A lot of early movement is disguarded as digestion. Try not to worry, I know easier said than done. You will feel baby soon!
@emodelski with both pregnancies I’ve already felt baby very differently. It’s totally normal, especially if you have an anterior placenta. My OB doesn’t bother with kick counts until third tri.
So someone at work today saw my bump and called me out. I laughed it off then chose to take it as a compliment that she went there and not to weight gain. All my bosses knew but it's so awkward to announce to me. Also we dont work with the same people consistently so I'm only with 2 other coworkers now (and our federal counterparts). Wonder how fast it will get around the office lol
@emodelski I just saw my doctor yesterday and she asked if I felt anything but was unworried when I said no. She said it's still pretty early and baby is still kind of low. She expected I would start to feel movement by my next appointment when my uterus is grown to sitting above my waistline.
Me 29 DH 33 Married 10/2016 TTC since 04/2019 BFP 10/12/2019, estimated 6 weeks EDD 06/07/2020
I have felt movement for awhile now. Started at 13 weeks and now I am 20 weeks. And I still find there is no consistency. Some days I feel him literally all day, then I will go days without feelings him. I think at this point they still have a lot of space, so its easy to move into a space that we cant feel.
@emodelski So with movement, the earlier you're feeling it, the gentler it is-baby is smaller, weaker, and has more room earlier on.
I didn't experience truly painful kicks and such until probably 28 ish weeks with either of my babies. Everything before 20 weeks was mostly more tickles and nudges from inside. Back around 14/15 weeks I would put it akin to a small fish against the side of the bag you get them in from the pet store. I had a posterior placenta with first, but a pretty relaxed baby and didn't have baby caused discomfort until about 23 weeks when he wedged his head into my ribs. And it wasn't constant. His kicks almost never hurt except when they hit cervix or bladder. My second was an anterior placenta, but she was super super active (she actually crawled up my body to my breast within 20 min of birth!), and even with anterior placenta, I was getting uncomfortable pushes and kicks by 23 weeks, and by 28 weeks I felt bruised up every single day. She also wedged her head into my rib cage for weeks!
But, neither of them were hurting me this early!
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@emodelski you might be able to tell here soon. With my first I could about 18 weeks. It felt tickley or like a bag of popcorn inside. I never remember her moving being painful though-even when she was full term. Weird and uncomfortable at times, but not painful. So it maybe depends on baby’s position?
This one I could distinguish (rarely but I’m convinced now) movement at about 14 weeks since I knew what I was looking for. Not all the time but enough.
This babe has been so active though. My husband has already felt kicks when she’s gone into playtime in the last week (I’m 18+4 but she’s measuring almost a week ahead of that). I thought there was no way he would but she got a few good punches in on him 😂
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17 EDD: 5/16/18 DD born 5/10/18 Postpartum Complications
@alli392 my husband could feel DS from the outside at 17 weeks. He never stopped and to this day has never stopped moving. He is my wiggle worm. This one is totally different. 18 weeks today and still rarely feeling movement and nothing remotely close to a punch or kick. It’s so crazy.
@chaos-and-coffee I thought this one was more chill because I barely feel her. Nope... She is nonstop just like her brother. I'm just not feeling it even at 20w.
Eta and I had an anterior placenta last time and not this time... Figure that one out.
What are people doing for workouts? It’s icy here, so too cold and dangerous to keep walking. We don’t have a treadmill and getting away to the gym isn’t really feasible with childcare/budget to afford a nicer gym. I’ve been doing my usual YouTube Pilates but the exercises aren’t designated as Prenatal and they’re starting to be too much for this bump.
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17 EDD: 5/16/18 DD born 5/10/18 Postpartum Complications
@chaos-and-coffee I thought this one was more chill because I barely feel her. Nope... She is nonstop just like her brother. I'm just not feeling it even at 20w.
Eta and I had an anterior placenta last time and not this time... Figure that one out.
Maybe baby is gentler, and pointed TOWARDS placenta anyway? That's my best guess.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@alli392 same weather here. I just started doing some prenatal yoga, the peloton app has a free 30 day trial with prenatal options. Last time I had the tone it up app with prenatal options or, I just search prenatal workout videos on YouTube.
@alli392 YouTube has a ton of Prenatal yoga. Beachbody on demand has very small selection of prenatal which is unfortunate but I just follow a modifier as needed during normal workouts. Well.... For the week I did anything before I was sick again 🤣
@alli392 Yeah I'm in the north east so pretty cold here too. I got an elliptical machine about a year ago and love it! I was so scared to work out during 1st tri, but have started doing it a few days a week now.
I signed up for a prenatal yoga class that is once a week. Before that I was just doing regular yoga once a week and a ballet class once a week. I also walk a lot because I take public transportation to work.
Hello friends! Sorry for being MIA for the past few weeks. I took a hiatus over the holiday break and then just didn't jump back in once it was over.
All is well here. Baby is looking good so far on the a/s, but I need to return for a 2nd one in a couple weeks because they couldn't get a good view of his heart.
I hope your pregnancies have been treating you well. I'm excited to jump back in here
Ladies I think I will be cleaning up my house and having a private reveal for my hunnie. I want to surprise him with a nice box in the middle of the room for him to open or fill the house with blue balloons. **feel free to giveme some ideas** His mother is in the Dominican Republic taking care of grandma and my mom just had surgery so it doesn't feel right having a party without them.
I really dislike bots and phish like that bogus thread with I'm sure a scary link.
_______________________________________________
Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
My anatomy scan was today. Even though I still am with Kaiser it was so different from DS. Ds I got to watch the whole thing and they told me that things look good. Today I didnt get to watch but I did get to see him at the end. Also the tech wouldn't tell me anything except that unless they needed additional images that was it for this study. I hope everything is good. I have a phone appointment on Tuesday to go over the results.
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No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Hi guys, I’m kind of new here! This is hard to post. I’m having a rough pregnancy and it’s been pretty socially isolating. I’ve been dehydrated/in the hospital twice now (at 7 weeks, and at 14 weeks) and I’ve missed a few doctors appointments/check ups, and now I’m at 16 weeks and have an upper respiratory infection. My whole body just constantly hurts and I’ve been so dizzy and nauseous. I haven’t felt any movement yet (I felt my first pregnancy at 14 weeks), and my anxiety/depression is getting worse. I’m not trying to complain at all, I guess I’m just looking for some degree of a social life with anyone who might be able to relate. All of my currently pregnant friends/acquaintances are making it look like an absolute breeze.
Re: January Randoms
I meant only that I avoid talking about my birth experience with my first by using some vague comments because my own experience was difficult, and frankly not something I want unhelpful comments about either. Eventually my son and I were both healthy... But there road to get there was anything but straightforward.
Because duh, everyone wants a healthy baby, but that's pretty much the bare minimum goal, the low bar, right? Healthy parents and feeling safe and supported and everyone's mental health are important too!
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17
EDD: 5/16/18
DD born 5/10/18
Postpartum Complications
BFP: 10/1/19
EDD: 6/12/20
I agree that that phrase can be unintentionally hurtful. I still have a lot of rough feelings about my son's early weeks, and anger at how poorly our pre-delivery classes prepared me for our particular reality.
@alli392 I was thinking about how one-sided the information I got before delivery was on some topics and how that fed into my expectations, disappointment, and shame about some of how my birth and early parenting things went down. I don't know about everywhere, but CA has a big "baby friendly" push to prioritize some topics, like exclusive breastfeeding, rooming in, etc, even when it doesn't make medical sense for the specific dyad. Similar to "healthy mama, healthy baby," I find the "breast is best" campaign creates a lot of judgment between moms rather than encouraging compassion and the understanding that we all have different circumstances.
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17
EDD: 5/16/18
DD born 5/10/18
Postpartum Complications
BFP: 10/1/19
EDD: 6/12/20
@alli392 I’m 17 weeks but I have a pretty long torso and was chubby to start with, so I have a bit of a bump but it’s only noticeable if I’m wearing a tight shirt (and even then could just be that I’ve eaten too much lol). And it’s also winter in Canada so I’ve got a lot of clothes on 😂
a couple times I’ve thought I’ve felt something. Usually when I’m standing in the shower with my hand resting on my bump. Idk if it’s just something weird about the shower or that’s the one time I rest my hand on my bump. Lol.
But nothing I can definitively say is the baby. And when I went to my 16 week appointment a week ago my doctor said baby was kicking the crap out of the Doppler.
@emodelski I just saw my doctor yesterday and she asked if I felt anything but was unworried when I said no. She said it's still pretty early and baby is still kind of low. She expected I would start to feel movement by my next appointment when my uterus is grown to sitting above my waistline.
Married 10/2016
TTC since 04/2019
BFP 10/12/2019, estimated 6 weeks
EDD 06/07/2020
I didn't experience truly painful kicks and such until probably 28 ish weeks with either of my babies. Everything before 20 weeks was mostly more tickles and nudges from inside. Back around 14/15 weeks I would put it akin to a small fish against the side of the bag you get them in from the pet store. I had a posterior placenta with first, but a pretty relaxed baby and didn't have baby caused discomfort until about 23 weeks when he wedged his head into my ribs. And it wasn't constant. His kicks almost never hurt except when they hit cervix or bladder. My second was an anterior placenta, but she was super super active (she actually crawled up my body to my breast within 20 min of birth!), and even with anterior placenta, I was getting uncomfortable pushes and kicks by 23 weeks, and by 28 weeks I felt bruised up every single day. She also wedged her head into my rib cage for weeks!
But, neither of them were hurting me this early!
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17
EDD: 5/16/18
DD born 5/10/18
Postpartum Complications
BFP: 10/1/19
EDD: 6/12/20
Eta and I had an anterior placenta last time and not this time... Figure that one out.
Married: 12/19/15
BFP: 9/4/17
EDD: 5/16/18
DD born 5/10/18
Postpartum Complications
BFP: 10/1/19
EDD: 6/12/20
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
TTC#1 - March 2013
BFP 8/9/13 - EDD 4/14/14 - DS born 4/23/14
TTC#2 November 2015
Dx: Secondary IF June 2016
Medicated IUI cycle#1- Clomid+IUI -1/15/17 -BFN
Break Mid 2017 - Resumed TTC December 2018
"She believed she could so she did..."
Medicated IUI cycle#2- Femara 5mg+IUI 12/22/18 - BFP 1/4/19 - MMC 2/1/19
Saline Sono 3/15/19 - All Clear!
Medicated IUI cycle#3- Femara 7.5mg+IUI 3/28/19-BFN
Medicated IUI cycle#4- Femara 5mg+Gonal F 50iu+IUI 4/27/19- BFP 5/11/19 - MMC 6/12/19 - D&C 6/14/19-
Incomplete M/C Repeat D&C - 7/3/19 -Testing concluded baby was genetically normal
Dx: Unexplained RPL July 2019 - Tested + as carrier for Usher Syndrome & Familial Mediterranean Fever
Saline Sono 8/7/19 - Mostly Clear! All systems go for IVF#1
But will need a repeat Saline Sono between ER and FET
IVF #1 - Antagonist Protocol - 8/17/19
ER#1 8/27/19 - 12R, 6F, 4 biopsied+frozen! (3d5blasts + 1d6blast)- 2 PGS normal embabies!
Saline Sono 9/13/19 - All Clear! Onto FET Prep#1
FET#1 - 4AA -10/4/19 - BFP 10/14/19 - EDD - 6/21/20 -Beta#1-10dp5dt- 379 Beta#2-12dp5dt- 1007 Beta#3-14dp5dt- 2844
DD born 6/15/20
All is well here. Baby is looking good so far on the a/s, but I need to return for a 2nd one in a couple weeks because they couldn't get a good view of his heart.
I hope your pregnancies have been treating you well. I'm excited to jump back in here
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Yup. Reported.