Product Spotlight Series: Intangibles

kagesstarshroom

The Product Spotlight Series continues! Each week we spotlight a new category of product. If you discover something new or are new to the board, you're welcome to comment on threads like these throughout your time here, not just when it's their week in the spotlight. This week it's... Intangibles!

Some products can't be bought--and some experiences sh/could be that would be greatly helpful to a PG person/new mom. I've been weirdly looking forward to this one. Here are some helpful prompts to get us started!

ALL

• Products aren't everything! What sort of services or help or non-buyable actions are on your wishlist for this pregnancy/post-partum time?
• Are there any intangible things that people have offered you thus far or what you have indulged in/purchased already that you'd recommend?

STM/+s

• What sort of services or help or non-buyable actions were most helpful to you for previous pregnancies/PP?
• Were there any that you wished you had been able to receive but didn't?

FTMs

• What sort of services or help or non-buyable actions have been offered or purchased for you for your pregnancy/PP, if any?
• What are any that you are thinking of indulging in or registering for or purchasing?

To view the upcoming PSS schedule, based off of S19's, see here: March 2020 PSS Spreadsheet!
Up next week: Baby Containers! 

varimama

This is the most important intangible thing I can think of. No is not a bad word. If something makes you feel uncomfortable just say no. If people are offended by it, that is not your problem, it’s healthy to set boundaries. You don’t want people to visit you at the hospital, say so. You don’t want someone to hold your baby, say no. Make sure you communicate your needs to your partner so they can advocate for you as well. I was a mess any time we say people because it felt like the entire time people were just taking my baby from me. He’d be crying and they wouldn’t give him back and I’d be a mess. We were struggling to breastfeed and people wouldn’t listen to me that he was hungry so he’d get frustrated and it’d make it harder when I finally got him back to nurse him. Finally I opened up to DH and he helped me set boundaries and then visits went much better! 

I wish I had actually made some freezer meals. I plan to start making them in Feb this time! My MIL did drop off a couple dinners and did our first grocery run for us and it was a godsend! 

If you are planning on breastfeeding see a LC. It was really reassuring to have a weighted feed and they were able to tell me about a support group they ran where I got to weigh my baby each week, ask questions, and talk to other new moms which also helped a lot! 

Make time to go to PT if you have issues. My core was so damaged that I ended up with terrible back pain. Like I was crying out when picking up DS bc it hurt so bad and he was only a few months old. Just a few sessions into PT and my back pain was gone! She taught me some new ways to do my daily tasks and gave me exercises that helped me get strength back! 

momoftoddlers

Second everything @varimama said.

1. Privacy/Control. Your first weeks with a newborn are very special and you will never get them back so you have every right to set limits. No one’s opinion but yours and your partner’s matters, unless you want it to. 

2. Help. It’s not helpful for people to descend on your house and demand to hold your newborn while you serve them cookies. It is helpful for them to drop off a meal, fold a load of laundry, or take your older child to the park. 

3. Professional Help. Your pediatrician and your OB/midwife work for you. If you’re concerned about something, they owe you a chat on the phone or an extra office visit. Lactation consultants are wonderful, as are moms with breastfeeding experience. Don’t be afraid to be honest and expose yourself (literally) so they can actually help you. 

4. An organized home. Declutter, hire a temporary house cleaning service, subscribe for delivery of household basics like toilet paper, paper towels, Clorox wipes, etc., even toiletries like shampoo, toothpaste, soap. Utilize grocery delivery to stock up your pantry with easy snacks and meals (granola bars, nut packs, frozen meals, soup, etc.). The less you have to think about or run out for, the better.

5. Meals. If people offer meals, accept. If they don’t, order take out. Prepare meals or meal components now and freeze them. 

6. Plans for Older Siblings. Stock your house easy to grab snacks and meals for them. Easy Mac is your friend. Load up on mess free crafts or a few new toys, books, movies to keep them occupied. Maybe give them a gift from the baby. 

7. Self Care. Don’t forget that you yourself will be healing from having a child. Stock your bathroom with supplies for when you come home from the hospital (don’t rely on your hospital to send you home with stuff) I like: giant maxi pads, a can of dermoplast spray, a clean peri bottle, diaper trash bags (for pads), chux pads (for floor), and an ice pack. You may not need them all but it’s better to have it than have to send someone out for it. Also stock a breastfeeding station(s). I like: a water bottle, snacks, a phone charger or book/magazine, lanolin or similar, extra breast pads, and burp cloths.  

8. Grace. The point in having all of the above prepared is to control what you can, because there will be many things outside your control. Once you’ve done all that, remember to give yourself grace in handling situations as they arise. A difficult hour doesn’t have to become a difficult day. If you’re doing your best, you’re already a great mom. 

kantobean

Much great advice! I will echo much of what @varimama and @momoftoddlers said!

-Boundaries are good! Also if you do plan to have people visit and help with baby (grandparents) make sure they get flu and TDaP shots!

-My in-laws paid for a cleaning service to clean our house while we were at the hospital! It was sooo nice to come home to a tidy and fresh-smelling house.

-I made a few freezer meals and my parents and ILs brought dinners over for us quite a bit the first month. That was really nice! Also grocery delivery is very convenient for us.

-I also made “padcicles” before giving birth and these were awesome! I used a couple a day for several days after birth. Look these up!! Easy and soothing.

-I took a breastfeeding class and found a great IBCLC and a local breastfeeding group. That was awesome support! I was able to text my LC questions and also go to the group meetings for weighted feedings, discussion, and general support. Plus a safe space to practice “public” breastfeeding (around other moms who we’re doing the same!). I really valued this.

-I wish I had let my mom or others help more just to hold the baby for an hour while I napped or showered. Especially after the first two weeks or so. I was afraid of not meeting baby’s needs by missing a feeding or something, but she would have been fine for an hour or two! 

-Involve your partner as much as possible. My H was very active with DD but it’s hard when you’re breastfeeding and your partner can’t feed (DD never took bottles). But he would spend lots of time holding and soothing her, dressing her, and changed basically all diapers when he was home, including in the middle of the night. Since I was handling all the feeding, this was necessary to keep my sanity and also helped him be very involved.

treetop19

I agree, great advice @kantobean, @varimama, and @momoftoddlers.

- One big thing that really made a difference for me was the lactation consultant - don't be afraid to call them and ask questions, and/or seek out breastfeeding support if you need it. And try more than one of them.. the first one I talked to was all doom and gloom and basically acted like my DS would 'never' breastfeed because we hit a rough patch, she was not helpful at all.  But I went in a day later and saw someone else, and she was very encouraging and it was just what I needed to power through the rough patch. so don't give up too easily. 

- Definitely agree on everyone's visitor stance - if they aren't there doing something helpful, it's just not worth it in those first couple of weeks.  

 - In the thick of things, it's easy to forget about caring for yourself - you know, the basics - eating, sleeping, and showering.  I've always been kind of terrible at this...understand you might have to let some less-important things go (like forget about vaccuming the living room, take a nap instead.)  stock up on quick and easy snacks... that was definitely a lifesaver for me, since I often didn't feel like eating full meals during the day, but I wanted to just grab a quick bite here and there.

- as silly as it sounds - enjoy your time in the hospital.  enjoy having food that you didn't have to make/clean up after, enjoy the break from your other kids if you have them, and enjoy just focusing on your newborn. it goes by way too quickly.  

kantobean

@treetop19 yes, I loved my time in the hospital! So many moms want to rush going home and I don’t get why. Having nurses to call on for help if I needed it was great, and ordering whatever food I wanted! The bed was pretty comfy for me and there weren’t many chairs for anyone else to linger too long. 😂