December Mental Health Check-in — The Bump
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December Mental Health Check-in

U.S: National Suicide Prevention :  1-800-273-TALK [8255]
Link to Canadian Resources:  https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.  Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in R/R of dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health.  Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports. 

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. 

If you need help getting started, consider filling out the form below:

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):

How are you feeling?

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)
ttcbabyodo

Re: December Mental Health Check-in

  • tryingktogkutryingktogku
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited December 6
    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: No diagnosis just feeling extra down right now

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO

    How are you feeling? Sad 

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)

    Having a rough day, in I’m WTO but fearing this is another anovulatory cycle and it’s very depressing. I can’t help but ponder the “what If we won’t be able to have kids” doom and gloom thoughts. all my husband and I have both wanted was a family. Even when we started dating at 15 we both knew we wanted a big family and now with this diagnosis of PCOS I fear the uphill struggle before us TTC. I know there are people here that are further into this journey with much more to be sad about and I don’t want to take that away from anyone I just needed to vent because sometimes just writing about it and validating you’re own feelings can make you feel a little better!

    ”I hate that my body won’t do what it’s supposed to do, what I need it to do” - a million little things
  • @tryingtogku sending you a creepy internet hug as they say. I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I'm crossing everything for you that O shows up soon.  <3
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  • @gladmamma thank you! I receive your “creepy” internet hug with open arms and that did make me laugh!
    gladmamma
  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) in 2016

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): I have no clue. *TW* I'm still bleeding post-MC on Oct. 11th, and my docs can't figure out why. I have another US on Wednesday and will follow-up with my doc on Thursday. *End TW*

    How are you feeling? For the most part, I'm feeling okay, but then I get in a depressed mood out of the blue and it sucks. I dressed up as Elsa for a Children's Breakfast with Santa thing at work this morning, and it was a bummer seeing all of the babies and kiddos running around with their faces painted, giggling and holding their pregnant mamma's hands. That was hard, hence why I'm here posting this now.

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.). I did several weeks of therapy in the summer of 2017 and my counselor really helped me hone in on the root cause of my anxiety, some family of origin issues, and also helped me process a lot of anger that I was still holding onto after my cousin was killed by her boyfriend in 2009. Since then, I've been able to use what I learned in therapy and in my program in grad school to help keep my anxiety at bay. It's a challenge every day, though, and I have to remember to be kind to myself.
    Me: 35 / DH: 39
    TTC #1 since May 2019
    MMC - Oct. 2019 (10 weeks)


    inthewoods23photographerwife
  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Feeling super upset right now

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): benched for biopsy testing

    How are you feeling? I just really need to get this off my chest how much I really hate being around or even talking to DH's family. It triggers my anger so much. My heart rate increases, my blood pressure probably goes up too. I'm here in the bathroom crying now or trying not to at least. All I did was ask his family what they wanted for Christmas since I've bought very little at this point and SIL's BF starts listing off all sorts of tools that are not your cheap brand and it just really set me off because my MIL chimed in about ideas that are reasonable and I think it was SIL that chimed in that "well she asked what we wanted" and that's what got me so angry because what is with people listing off these super expensive items for people to get them instead of them buying it themselves. Like the time my cousin had a 500 dollar comforter on their wedding registry. Just who TF is going to buy you that?? Be f*cking realistic people!!! UGH

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) Trying to find the push to get me to call the EAP for help
    TTGP December Siggy Challege - Extreme Holiday Decor/Holiday Decor Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively February or March 2020 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing 

    shamrocandrollssblphotographerwife
  • So how's everyone doing?

    Today I'm feeling disappointed and tired of putting in the emotional labor to have a clean and functioning household.

    DH was off yesterday to have new winter tires put on his car. There's no Tesla service centers in our state (for now) so he has to drive 2 hours to the nearest one. I asked him to empty and fill the dishwasher and that request got completely ignored. I just don't understand why this is so difficult. It's a simple request and he can't bother to fit it into his day. It should have taken no more than 5 minutes. So now that's on my list of things to do 🙄

    Plan on calling EAP today to hopefully see a therapist soon. Based on how I feel about yesterday, I'm hoping I can get DH to come with me to some appointments because he's half the reason I'm stressed out and anxious all the time. I just want to be heard and taken seriously. My asks to keep this house clean are not optional. Really hope someone can get through to DH that he's kind of being a poor companion.
    TTGP December Siggy Challege - Extreme Holiday Decor/Holiday Decor Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively February or March 2020 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing 

  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Diagnosed type II Bipolar, currently just really overwhelmed with stuff.

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO

    How are you feeling? Excited, sad, hurt, overwhelmed... so many emotions. I got medically cleared on 12/5 to start TTGP and AF started on 12/7 which gave me a fresh start to a new cycle. I have no idea what my cycles are going to look like while my hormones are regulating which is a bit annoying but I'm working with it however I can. My mom's family was really upset that I didn't have Thanksgiving dinner with them even though I didn't do Thanksgiving at all this year because I had other stuff going on that they knew about well in advance. My dad's family is trying to schedule Christmas stuff and my grandma sent me a message yesterday that was super upsetting to me. (next part in a spoiler, TW: Abuse, LC mention, cancer)
    My grandma messaged me that she wishes my "brother" and I could put aside our differences for the holidays so all of our kids could be together because my niece doesn't have another kid around to spend the holidays with. Now the reason I put brother in quotes is because I was abused by this individual from 8yo to 14yo. He deserves no place in my life and he CERTAINLY deserves no place in the lives of my kids. I sent a screenshot of the message to my dad because he's sick of her doing this too. It happens every holiday. I explain to her, yet again, that abuse isn't something I can just "get over" and I'm not going to re-traumatize myself every holiday for the sake of convenience. He talked to her, she messaged me saying "It's just for Christmas! What part of that don't you understand?" I sent that message to my dad as well and stopped responding to her. My dad talked to my grandpa late last night and found out grandma was drunk because her sister had just been diagnosed with cancer. Not an excuse for her behavior, but it did explain a lot. When MH got home last night I found out that my MIL is going to the Mayo Clinic in the next couple of days because her local doctors are concerned that she may have cancer as well.
    There's just a lot going on, and grad school at this point has become more of a chore than something I'm enjoying because of everything else going on in my life right now. I used to look forward to the discussion boards, and right now I'm just skating by doing the bare minimum to meet the assignment requirements. My grades aren't suffering at all, but I really hate that this is the mindset that I have.

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) Mostly just looking for support after a really rough day. I'm not looking forward to the holidays and I'm entirely debating having my dad over to my house for Christmas and spending zero time with any other family because it'll just be too much. I just want this season to be over.

    @ttcbabyodo I'm so sorry work was hard for you this weekend. How are you doing now? I hope your follow-up goes well today! Sending love! Try to squeeze in some self-care time if you can.

    @inthewoods23 Sorry family stuff has been hard for you too. Hopefully you can get in to see a good therapist and they can help strengthen communication between you and DH. It's not easy when you're feeling unheard. I'm writing a prescription for self-care for you too!

    *TW*
    Me: 23 Dh: 45
    Married: 10.2018
    DS #1: 06.2014
    Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Emergency C-Section
    MC: 03.2017- 5 Weeks
    Rainbow DS #2: 07.2018
    Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Fetal Surgery, PPROM, Placental Abruption, Partial Uterine Rupture, Emergency C-Section
    NICU, Chronic Kidney Disease
    TTC #3: Medically Cleared 12.5.2019

    December 2019 TTGP Signature Challenge: Holiday Decor Fails/Extreme Decor





  • @ashaislurking - oh my goodness, I can't imagine going through that with your MIL! That is a lot to take on this time of year. And I hate that it's taking away your vigor for grad school. Grad school was certainly no pleasure cruise for me, but it was definitely a good escape/distraction whenever I was going through BS in my day to day life.

    As for me - the follow-up didn't go so well. I have to have a D&C next week. My pre-op is scheduled for Monday. :(
    Me: 35 / DH: 39
    TTC #1 since May 2019
    MMC - Oct. 2019 (10 weeks)


  • @ashaislurking I wish I had your confidence in standing up for myself! There are so many things I dislike about my SIL's BF and I have yet to ever blurt out my feelings because "keeping the peace" I guess is my reason.

    I never know where to put the line. Like am I not doing anyone any favors by never saying anything? I think we've all tried to say something to give the impression we dislike what he said or what he does, but nothing has changed. It's getting to a point that I can't go an entire get together without feeling my blood boil at least once and wanting to be driven home. But I have reached the point of never trying to make plans with them.

    One thing I'm really hoping to get out of therapy is the right script to say when people do or say things JUST to irk me. I hate when people push buttons because they thinks it's funny to see me get angry when I would never do something like that to others. And I absolutely hate the advice that "I should give it right back". Excuse me for not being an asshole human being. Wtf is wrong with my family 😒
    TTGP December Siggy Challege - Extreme Holiday Decor/Holiday Decor Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively February or March 2020 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing 

  • @ttcbabyodo So sorry to hear about the D&C. I'm hoping it goes okay for you. Take the time you need to process everything and love on yourself over the weekend. Sending lots of positive thoughts and gentle hugs (if you want them) your way!
    @inthewoods23 I really hope you can build up that area of communication. It's certainly not an easy one, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. It's one thing to want to keep the peace, but it's another when doing so is damaging to your mental health. It's a fine line to walk, and knowing when and how to pick your battles is an ongoing struggle for a lot of people. Hopefully you can find a system that works well for you that doesn't go against your kind nature as a person.
    *TW*
    Me: 23 Dh: 45
    Married: 10.2018
    DS #1: 06.2014
    Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Emergency C-Section
    MC: 03.2017- 5 Weeks
    Rainbow DS #2: 07.2018
    Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Fetal Surgery, PPROM, Placental Abruption, Partial Uterine Rupture, Emergency C-Section
    NICU, Chronic Kidney Disease
    TTC #3: Medically Cleared 12.5.2019

    December 2019 TTGP Signature Challenge: Holiday Decor Fails/Extreme Decor





    ttcbabyodo
  • @ashaislurking that's all so true.

    @ttcbabyodo sorry to hear you have to have a D&C. But hopefully you can move forward as soon as that's done!
    TTGP December Siggy Challege - Extreme Holiday Decor/Holiday Decor Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively February or March 2020 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing 

    ttcbabyodo
  • So anxious me finds out I can find a list of providers through the EAP program by registering on their website so I do that like "yes! I don't have to speak to someone" because obviously anxious me hates the idea of speakng to a human to say "I have anxiety and want help with it". Well I end up calling the number anyway ( :D ) because the website said it only covers 1-3 visits in a 12 month period and I'm just like, wtf. Got confirmation though that once the 3 visits are up it can then just go through my medical insurance and I think when I call whoever I'd like to see I just have to confirm that they work with the EAP program and do accept my insurance.

    So... not really any closer than I was before, but hey, I took a mini step to get myself help.
    TTGP December Siggy Challege - Extreme Holiday Decor/Holiday Decor Fails


    Me: 30 DH:32

    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, low morph

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1 - 6/11/19
    24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys

    FET #1 - 9/10/19
    Best male not viable after thaw, used boy #2 (both graded 5BB)
    Beta 9/20/19....BFN
    "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"

    FET #2 - Tentatively February or March 2020 after loss, ERA, and Receptiva testing 

    mercury94ashaislurkingfeather_heatherttcbabyodo
  • @inthewoods23 mini steps are still steps! 
    *TW*
    Me: 23 Dh: 45
    Married: 10.2018
    DS #1: 06.2014
    Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Emergency C-Section
    MC: 03.2017- 5 Weeks
    Rainbow DS #2: 07.2018
    Hyperemesis Gravidarum, Fetal Surgery, PPROM, Placental Abruption, Partial Uterine Rupture, Emergency C-Section
    NICU, Chronic Kidney Disease
    TTC #3: Medically Cleared 12.5.2019

    December 2019 TTGP Signature Challenge: Holiday Decor Fails/Extreme Decor





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