Weekly Randoms 8/19-8/25

NYTino24

NYTino24

Alert - https://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2019/08/14/rainbow-light-prenatal-vitamins-marketed-as-free-of-heavy-metals-found-to-contain-lead-arsenic-cadmium/?fbclid=IwAR2cpXTna_AyRdeDrWzitlinwLyeIhv_1KuZFXycc-r5_Ot_pA9SSE89Fuo

whitealbum29

I always get so confused when drive-bys almost universally refer to The Bump as "an app." It's a website....there's no app right??? I've looked in my app store and there's a Bump app but it seems like a pregnancy tracker, not an app version of the message boards. There's just a mobile site and the regular desktop site!

b_1029

@whitealbum29 not sure what kind of phone you have, but I’m on the Bump app right now! 

mvt2003

@whitealbum29 The boards do appear in the app, but you have to go through like 3 different sections to get there. It's not something you just stumble across in the app. 

whitealbum29

@b_1029 @whitealbum29 - oooh interesting! I have an iphone, I bet I can get it! The mobile site is so limiting.

mvt2003

Also, for the record, I think she's getting confused. The app has a "real answers" section, and she's in there answering questions that other "knotties" have posted. 

photographerwife

@NYTino24 I’m glad I didn’t buy them! I was just looking at that brand! 
@whitealbum29 there is a community section in the bum pregnancy tracker app. I’ve always found it to be super glitchy though, and just use the mobile version. 

I’m assuming people think the bump is like other sites where you’re just shouting into the void about your dpo or symptoms. I’m so glad it isn’t like that here. 

mvt2003

Also, the "real answers" section legitimately is an entire section of drive-bys. It's terrifying. 

inthewoods23

@mvt2003 yup lol.

And omg, having no clue of a process for trying to figure out why youre5 not conceiving... Like... How did you make the first one???

b_1029

*deep breaths*

i must say I’m happy to know “these mean ladies” of TTGP ❤️

dpchickens

mvt2003  I'm both terrified to go check that out, and very intrigued....

So, I've got a random unpopular opinion/bitchfest Monday/TW thing I don't feel like I can TRULY talk to others about.  This is gonna be full of TW about my MCs, about sexual assault, and the like, so yeah.

TL:DR I feel like a barren hag and society is all about 'happy babies'

As most of you know, I'm a competitive roller skater. Since the gymnastic sexual assault scandal the US Olympic Committee has started pushing Safe Sport. So it's this training/test thing you take to ensure 'safety' of minors from abusive adults/coaches/mentors. Last year all of our coaches were mandated to take this. This makes sense so I was all like, whatevs.

This year they've decided that EVERY skater 18 and over MUST take the Safe Sport training in order to be a competition member. That means that in order to skate, I HAVE to take this, and I'm going off the deep end about it. I'm infuriated by the entire thing. I use skating as my ESCAPE, especially from my RPL and MCs. I jumped back into skating this year 5 days after my confirmed MC. I actively AVOID the kids in our club, unless they specifically seek me out or initiate the conversation. 

I'm extremely upset that society as a whole has written me off as a barren hag. As a federal employee, I have 0% monetary or other help towards IVF. I was recently told that it'd be EXTREMELY difficult to have a hysterectomy to stop dealing with the pain I have, since my IUD that's now 5 months old is still causing regular pain and issues. There is also seemingly NO help for adoption as well.  I personally feel that society has told me that as a barren hag, it's too bad I can't have my own kids, and they won't monetarily aid me to help me HAVE a child, and that I could just 'keep trying' because they don't care if I continue to have dead babies. Meanwhile I feel like I'm being forced DAILY to put a smile on my face and be happy for other people's kids and "children are the future" and "it takes a village" and I'm a mandatory part of that. But they left out that that's for LIVING children, whereas dead babies and hypothetical children deserve 0 fucks given. 

This entire training feels like another stab in the gut where I'm expected to take MY time and go out of MY way for other people's children that I actively try to avoid... when I doubt any of those people have spent even a few minutes to write to their congressmen/senator or lifted a finger to help MY (future) children because MINE are dead/hypothetical and they don't matter. I just feel this is ANOTHER thing that is there by society to remind me of what I don't have... and how what I don't have just doesn't fucking matter to the world...

P.S.  I took Safe Sanctuary training (basically the church equivalent of Safe Sport) several years ago and found it to be an utter waste of my time.

Am I a totally terrible person? How do I convey how horrible this makes me feel to others who are NOT going through this, because I can't even IMAGINE telling my mother about this as I'm sure I'd get a "*sigh* YOU need to be nicer."  I guess I just have NO way of saying how this makes me feel without seeming like a totally uncaring bitch...  help?

ruby696

@dpchickens We all have our limits and the fact that you have reached/exceeded yours, does not make you mean or an uncaring bitch. At all. Is there someone you can talk to, who you can inform that the training is extremely triggering for you (without telling them why)? Sending big hugs, not that it helps. ❤❤

jennifer_louise

@dpchickens all the hugs, friend. It is so unfair that there is no financial help for IVF or adoption and completely sucky that your escape from everything has also been triggering. I wish I could say something better ❤️❤️. 

bows22

@whitealbum29 there was someone else recently (maybe it was you??) who said it would be nice if there was a bump app and I was confused. That’s all I use! I have an iPhone too. I do think the app uses a lot of data though 

 @dpchickens everything you said makes perfect sense and in no way does it make you a terrible person. I don’t have any advice, I wish I did, but just sending ❤️ your way

edit - for some reason I always want to tag @dpchickens friend Jennifer 

emeraldduchess

@dpchickens I don't think I can really add to what these ladies have already said, so I will just send you . You are NOT a terrible person. You have been through hell physically and emotionally and everything you're feeling is valid. 

mvt2003

@dpchickens your thoughts and emotions are incredibly understandable. As you know, there are no easy answers, hopefully offering my support and empathy can be helpful in some small capacity. I do not blame you for feeling triggered at having to do that training, and while I can understand the thought process behind having everyone complete the training, it still doesn't make it any easier for you. 

dpchickens

Thanks everyone.  Yeah, It's hard to try to express how I'm feeling to people who don't get it.  I'm all like, "This is gonna sound terrible... and I'm not PRO-abusing children... but..."  And then people give me horrified looks anyway.  ugh.

mvt2003

@dpchickens I so don't blame you for not wanting to literally have to sit down and talk about protecting children for hours. I get squirrelly when the kids are all my in-laws or girlfriends want to talk about, cannot imagine having to devote hours of time to the topic. 

dpchickens

mvt2003 We haven't received all the details yet, but it sounds like this training is going to be online (THIS year anyway... who knows about every year following. BTW, did I mention it's something I"ll have to take EVERY year.  *sigh*).  Anyway, I digress... but someone I confided in mentioned maybe having my sister or someone take it for me...  Now I'm working on how I'd pitch this idea to my unsupportive, but 'wish I knew how to help you' mother...

mvt2003

@dpchickens Ha I feel like this is *exactly* the sort of thing she could help you with!!  

All jokes aside, at least it's online only!!!!! 

dpchickens

mvt2003  RIGHT!?!?!?  And ATM I 'believe' it is only online... we'll see what it all actually is or becomes by the time the season starts in a few months...

mvt2003

@dpchickens I think online-only is the way these things are going - it's less expensive and easier to schedule! Thank goodness. 

dpchickens

ruby696 I talked to my coach about it a bit ago.  She suggested I send an email to the figure skating committee...  I'm a bit overwhelmed/exhausted by everything ATM though and I'm not sure it would help. Plus, as we know, it's MUCH harder to try to express all these feelings and sound valid and like a real adult without sounding like I hate kids and want them molested.  *sigh*

mvt2003  I'd imagine there will be pushback as well from the older members in our sport. We have a LOT of 60+ year olds, many of whom I'm sure don't own a computer/have internet that will be burdened with figuring this out somehow!  

b_1029

@dpchickens I don’t have any advice to add beyond what others have said, but just wanted to say your feelings are totally valid and I’m sorry they’re making you  do it. 

shamrocandroll

@dpchickens I'm sorry you're triggered by that, and your feelings are valid.  Also, I don't necessarily understand what that type of training is going to prevent.  Like, "Oh, well I was thinking about molesting this kid, but then I took an online training that told me not to, so now I'm cured of being a pervert!  Hooray!"  

dpchickens

shamrocandroll I guess it's supposed to be more of a like "This is what coaching and mentoring should be" and "This is considered abusive (sexually or not) and a violation of the trust of younger kids."  And then after you take this test it basically makes EVERYONE 18+ be mandatory reporters.  Probably because of the gymnast Larry Nassar case where he sexually molested the kids IN FRONT OF their parents, and the parents didn't 'know better.'  So now we have to educate every adult as to what sexual assault consists of...

inthewoods23

@dpchickens hugs girl ❤️❤️

I think it's a bit bizarre that it's not just the coaches or mentors that need to do this mandatory training. Like, you're there to compete just like all the other athletes. You're not in a position of power over them.

Ugh, such a case of 1 person ruining it for everyone!

shamrocandroll

@dpchickens Ah, okay.  That makes a lot more sense, then.  Thanks for explaining and de-escalating that for me.   

b_1029

I want @dpchickens to be my therapist too! 

dpchickens

shamrocandroll and b_1029 

whitealbum29

@dpchickens - I completely understand where you're coming from and anyone who knows what you've been through should too! If you're a terrible person, I am too --

I got involved with the gun control group Moms Demand Action a year and a half ago thinking, "Even though I'm not a mom yet it's a cause I care about and in a year or so I'll be one of the moms who comes to meetings with a baby strapped to her chest, determined to fight for our kids' safety!" (lol no.) I went to a few meetings, handed out flyers at the farmers' market, did a presentation at a meeting, and then when they asked me to take on a couple projects when I was creeping toward a year of TTC I just...ghosted and completely ignored the group. I still care 100% but I do not need to be spending my time at a gathering of moms right now, talking about how to protect "our" kids and wearing a red shirt that says MOM on it. I wish your training wasn't mandatory, my situation is clearly different since it was volunteering. But seriously like others said, we are all entitled to our limits! And you're right, infertility and pregnancy loss are treated as such nothing issues in our culture - things no one wants to talk or hear about unless you're talking about your "success" story rather that something you're currently going through.

whitealbum29

OMG guys. Ok so I signed up for this online training for some volunteering I am doing. It said it was a virtual training so I SUPPOSE I should have maybe guessed there would be a video component but I didn’t see anything whatsoever about it being a video conference, I thought it would be like watching a power point online with someone narrating and explaining what we would be doing. So I get home last night and take off my dress because it’s hot out and get my laptop and sit up in bed in my strapless bra and underwear, thinking I’ll just be sitting there reading and listening. Click the link in my email to open the training. It’s through Zoom which I’ve never used. A video of a woman talking comes up and then there’s a power point looking thing. And then I realize after a few seconds that ***I’m*** on video too, in my strapless bra looking like I’m naked in bed!! 😩 just butt naked on a Monday evening, learning about getting out the vote. My video was at the top of the screen next to a couple of other people’s (two guys) and my NAME was at the bottom of mine! I have no idea if they and the 100 other ppl in the training saw!! I would assume they did. I aimed the camera away from me but it was too late! If you were organizing a training like this for volunteers wouldn’t you tell them if they were going to be on video as soon as they click the link?? For Pete’s sake!

mvt2003

@whitealbum29 Omg omg omg omg!!! I would have thought Zoom would let you opt out of the video component!!! EEEK! I would have died of embarrassment!

shamrocandroll

@whitealbum29 Just reading that made me want to sink into the floor for you.  I've been meaning to put a piece of electrical tape over my camera to avoid accidental video cameos during conference calls, and this may have just given me the incentive to do that today.  So embarrassing!!!

inthewoods23

@whitealbum29 oh no I would have gone into hiding after that!

ruby696

@whitealbum29 OMG. That's horrifying! At least no one can really say anything, right? Because that means they're a perv, imagining you naked in bed. Since you were clearly wearing a nude tank top and jeans.... Stick with that story. And act confused if anyone does mention something. 🙈

mvt2003

@ruby696 spoken like a true JD!  

b_1029

@whitealbum29 you just described my nightmare. I’m so sorry that happened!

inthewoods23

Well speak of the corn flakes devil from last week's randoms 😂

Some context: I get these emails on weekdays that tell fun facts or little known stories or reasons why things are the way they are (it's called Now I Know if you're interested in subscribing to the emails!). Today is why we have milk with our cereal. And look who got mentioned... Our pal Mr. Kellogg.

shamrocandroll

@inthewoods23 What's that word for when you learn something new, and then suddenly you start hearing it everywhere?