FFFC 8/16

b_1029

Let’s hear it!

*not guaranteed to be flame free

b_1029

*TW*
I’m pretty sure my cousin’s baby is just an ornament for her and it pisses me off to no end. I don’t doubt she loves him but it drives me nuts that she’s a mom (on accident) and I’m not, and how she complains TO ME about how hard it is going on vacation with a baby/toddler, how hard mom life is, etc (and yes she knows about IF). Then she’ll post all these cute pics of him on Instagram so it really just feels like she uses him for likes/ likes being a mom only when it’s convenient for her but once it cramps her style, all hell breaks loose. All this is probably stemmed by my bitterness but it is what it is. One of these days I’m going to end up cracking and b*tching her out when she’s whining to me. 

This isnt really a juicy confession but I just needed to tell “someone” 

babyodo

My FFFC: yesterday my 21 year old niece came to me for advice regarding frequent yeast infections, and we wound up talking about sexual health and her boyfriend, etc. It was weird, because I still see her as my baby niece (she's the firstborn of my mom's grandchildren), but it felt really good to be the "cool aunt" she can come to for stuff like that. She's closer to my older sister (her other aunt) than even her own mother, but my sister is also very prudish and I'm...well...not, lol.

inthewoods23

@b_1029 I feel like that's so typical of those with unplanned babies. Like heeelllllo deal with your consequences.

mvt2003

Ok, so here's my FFFC, and it needs some background. TWs galore!

Not sure if I've mentioned it before, but both of my parents have passed away, and I'm an only child. Therefore, we pretty much are exclusively with the ILs for holidays and events. We even live in the same town as the ILs. 

MH and I both feel like we're second-class citizens with his family bc we don't have kids. My ILs spend all of their time with MH's bro and his wife (and the kids), and we're kind of just the after thoughts. We adore the kids, and they're very close to us, but it just feels like we're the third wheel a lot of the time. I know the ILs want more grandkids and are being polite not asking us bc they realize something *must* be going on since it's been quite a while, but I just get frustrated. Like for example for MH's bday dinner, his parents wanted to ride to dinner with the grandkids not their son. The six of them were going to go together and we were just supposed to meet them there. 

inthewoods23

FFFC: it's 10am here and I have basically done nothing at work but answer 1 email, drank some hot tea, and mobile Bumped.

@mvt2003 that's really shitty of them to not acknowledge you and YH when they should!

mvt2003

@inthewoods23 I feel like they try, and I can't even blame them that their grandkids are their priority, but it just feels shitty right now. 

b_1029

@mvt2003 ugh that sucks. I would feel the same way. I’m sorry! 

shamrocandroll

@mvt2003 That's a tough one.  I think grandkids definitely tip the scales in the game of favoritism, which I'm sure is a crappy feeling.  

kiki047

@mvt2003 we're definitely second-class citizens in MH's family too because his brother is pretty useless when it comes to the baby so his mom and wife do evvverything. So when we're all together, we might as well be invisible because it's just babybabybaby 24/7. The world revolves around our nephew. 

My FFFC is related to the above, the more time I spend with MH's family the less I like his brother. He's just such an arrogant, conceited, selfish person, borderline standoffish. He's the kind of person who literally won't say anything to you if he doesn't want to make small talk so when they come over he sometimes doesn't even say hi or bye and he just lies on the floor or couch the entire time playing on his phone. Or if he does say something it's some kind of witty, sarcastic comeback that comes off as SO condescending. He's a 33y/o grown-ass man with a baby, there's no need for that. My SIL will come and give hugs and do the obligatory "offer to help" with whatever we're doing (but has never once actually helped) then goes and does her thing (usually goes to pump and take an hour nap upstairs while my MIL takes care of their baby). I feel guilty because it's making me not want to spend time with his family because I don't want to see BIL and possibly like him even less. 

emeraldduchess

@mvt2003 I am so sorry, that really sucks (fellow only child here, too, btw.). I can relate a bit. Sometimes it feels like the only thing DH's cousins, aunts and uncles want to talk to us and I about are his sister and her family. Since we aren't close to her, it gets awkward. Thankfully my MIL/FIL know what DH have been going through so they're careful about gushing about SIL all the time. I'm glad that you ILs aren't being pushy about you guys having kids. So many hugs to you, friend. 

@b_1029 that would tick me off to no end, too!  That's especially lousy since she knows what you're going through. Next time she complains I'd shut her down with "I wish I had that 'problem'." 

@ttcbabyodo that's great that you have such an open and close relationship with your niece. 

mvt2003

Thank you sweet friends @kiki047 @emeraldduchess it feels good to know we're not the only ones. @kiki047 I would want to kick his brother in the rear end!!! I do not blame you for not wanting to be around him! 

@emeraldduchess I feel like MH was so close to my mom (he never got to meet my dad) that maybe if she was still here, that weirdly might balance some of it out for us? The only child parental closeness is real, you know? We also have the same problem of extended family only wanting to talk to us about the kids. We're very close to BiL and SiL, so it's not a huge deal, but it just feels deflating sometimes. I'm so glad your ILs are being careful and respectful of you two, it can be such a hard line to walk. We haven't chosen to discuss what's going on with the ILs, mostly because it feels weird talking about HIO with them? MH wants to try SMEP for a couple more cycles before we go for testing, since we think we missed O on several early cycles out of the 11 we've completed. If we end up needing the RE, then we'll probably tell his parents and brother. 

emeraldduchess

@kiki047 I am with @mvt2003 here, your BIL needs a swift kick in the butt.