How to cope with a miscarriage? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How to cope with a miscarriage?

I went to the doctors yesterday for baby’s first ultrasound. My fiancé and I were so excited, but suddenly our world came crashing down when the doctor told us my uterus was empty and that I am experiencing a miscarriage. I’ve been bleeding constantly and I feel so empty and at loss for words. I’m only 20 so none of my friends are anyone I know have gone through this and I feel so alone because I don’t know how to cope. Im very upset and anxious about trying again because I don’t want to have this heart break again. How have any of you dealt with/coped with miscarriage or someone you loved going through one?

Re: How to cope with a miscarriage?

  • Hey - so sorry to hear your news. A miscarriage is one of the saddest and most heartbreaking experiences to go through and it can feel very isolating.

    You are NOT alone!!  Most everyone on this board has gone through this unfortunate experience, some of us more than once. 

    I don't think there's any way of getting around the tough part. The news is a total shock and you watch all of the possibilities of that future slip away. So it's okay to be sad and angry and confused. For me, the first few weeks after were very tough, but things got better with time. 

    Along with support from these boards, what has been saving grace for me is hope and redirection. I've had two miscarriages now with no live births (yet!). After each miscarriage, I've taken a step aside to make myself even healthier, connect with and work to more strongly support my husband, be a good friend and family member, and try new experiences and adventures. It doesn't take the pain away but has showed me there's a lot to look to in these crazy lives of ours. Over time, the pain won't disappear but it will become more intertwined with your life fabric, and you may even find that you're ready to try again. There are also boards on here to support you during those times - trying to conceive after loss (TTCAL) and pregnant after loss (PGAL).

    Finally, talk with your OB and establish a plan! Discuss if you need any testing or if there should be additional monitoring for next time. If you don't like their answers, seek out a second opinion. I advocated for testing after my second miscarriage and have now discovered some underlying issues that need to be managed before I can get pregnant again. I have hope that we'll both have our rainbow babies 😊

    We're here for you. 
    knottie179e3dc280a93e8e
  • FyreFlyeRushFyreFlyeRush
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited August 8
    I hate seeing another woman or couple go through this. My biggest piece of advice is to allow yourself time to grieve. I know I'll never fully get over it, but I have slowly gotten PAST it. 

    Time and a good support system are key. But mostly, time. There is no timeline for grief, and you WILL grieve. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also, people say the dumbest stuff. And, you start to feel like their comments are hollow and flat. After pretending everything was fine for months, I had a major meltdown after a friend told me he and his wife were expecting. I went home and completely lost it. Things got a little easier after that. Give yourself time. Allow yourself to grieve. Get angry. Be sad. All are normal states of grief, and we need to experience the whole thing to heal. And remember, healing means getting THROUGH something, it doesn't mean getting over it. And, that's ok, too.

    I became pregnant again just 4 months after my loss. It's been scary. I still feel like something could go wrong, even though every appointment and every test has gone perfectly. I tried to hold myself apart from the pregnancy. Not get attached. My OB and the NP told me at one appointment to let myself be excited. Holding myself apart from my pregnancy won't stop my heart from breaking. And you know what? They're right. So, I got excited. I looked at baby stuff...and I'm happy. I'm still scared. I still dread the big bad ultrasound machine. But, I can't help get a little thrill every time I think about my little man in there. Every birth board has a PGAL support thread...and it's helped me immensely to have that connection with other women feeling the same fear and anxiety and excitement and thrill...the bittersweet of saying good-bye to one life, and welcoming another. 


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