Weekly Randoms w/o 7/15 - Page 3 — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

Weekly Randoms w/o 7/15

13»

Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 7/15

  • So, I’m having a personal issue with my useless co-worker and I’m hoping for some advice. DH told me to go to HR and complain, but I know from past history in my department that causing drama generally doesn’t end well, so I’m worried about making the situation worse. My useless co-worker has been making “small talk” about my reproductive plans. He frequently asks about my plans for kids. That would be less offensive if I wasn’t dealing with IF, but I’ve been dealing with it, because it’s not so bad and lots of people ask questions like that. On my birthday, he asked how old I was and then told me I was about to be too old to have kids. I told him that was a rude thing to say and walked away. I wanted to say some things back, but I like my job for the most part and I assume that I would get fired if I said what I was thinking. Then, yesterday, we were in a meeting together and he told people that I’m pregnant (which of course isn’t true and is super hurtful as I would love to be pregnant right now). I just corrected him and said that I’m not pregnant multiple times. But, it bothered me for the rest of the day and I’m still mad about it now. Is this the sort of thing you would complain about to HR? Or would that be overreacting?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Me 33 DH 33 TTC since Jan 2019 PCOS

    DS1 born September 2017
    brookert615
  • Loading the player...
  • chichiphinchichiphin
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 18
    @mercury94 that is gender discrimination and harassment. report him ASAP. edit to say - if they shrug you off, threaten to report this to EEO. 
    **tw loss in spoiler**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    mercury94emeraldduchesswabash15
  • also @mercury94 I read this and think... 


    **tw loss in spoiler**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    ruby696NYTino24mercury94emeraldduchess
  • mokay19mokay19
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    @mercury94 I would 100% go to HR.  That's inappropriate.  You don't go around telling people that he's sterile or that he's a virgin.  It's a part of your life that isn't his to talk about.
    Me: 28   DH: 28
    Dx: PCOS
    TTGP: 9/2015
    Started at RE 5/2016
    *TW*
    BFP: 7/31/16  MC: 8/20/16
    BFP: 12/1/16   DD: 7/30/17
    TTGP #2: 6/2018
    BFP: 4/24/19  MC: 5/19/19


    mercury94
  • b_1029b_1029
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    @mercury94 wtf is wrong with this guy that he’s so interested in your uterus? Not only is that rude, that’s creepy. I think I would probably go to HR as well, especially since he’s doing it in front of other people so there are witnesses to his weird ass behavior. 
    TTGP July Sig Contest - Awkward Swimsuit Photos


    married 10.2016
    ttc #1 11.2017
    dx: unexplained
    chichiphinmercury94
  • bows22bows22
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 18
    I agree with @ruby696. This is how I would have to handle something like that, even though it’s not right that it’s that way. 

    Edit to add - That being said, if you want to go to HR you would be totally justified in doing so! He is way way out of line. But if you are worried about the fallout, @ruby696’s approach sounds perfect. 
    brookert615mercury94
  • bluetickgalbluetickgal
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited July 18
    @mercury94 I’d like to say I’d lean towards confronting him with a warning about HR (as others have suggested above)...but I would have a hard time confronting and just go straight to HR myself. If you feel comfortable confronting him though, that may be the best first step...but it sounds like you’ve given him the impression already that you don’t think his comments are funny or appreciated and they’ve continued! That is ridiculous though, why would he make comments about you being pregnant in a meeting?! Sorry you have to deal with this jerk!! 

    Edited for clarification.
    brookert615mercury94emeraldduchess
  • NYTino24NYTino24
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    @mercury94 I hate that you, and women in general, have to deal with this crap. You’ve gotten some great advice. I hope he stops immediately.
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*


    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    RE appointment 8/20
    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, and vWD type II - low Factor VIII
    brookert615mercury94
  • @mercury94 I also work in a male dominated field, and as much as I would love to tell you to report him and it will be handled properly, my own past experiences with reporting a former coworker to HR for harassment have provided me with zero confidence in that system actually working the way it should.  It did far more harm than good in my case.  I love @ruby696's advice, if you have that kind of confidence.  I hate that we as women have to worry about how we are perceived by our male coworkers when we find ourselves in this kind of a situation.  
    Camping Mishaps - TTGP Aug Sig Contest

    **TW**
    Me: 34 | H: 39
    DS: Nov 2016
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)


    mercury94NYTino24emeraldduchess
  • @shamrocandroll That’s another issue. I’ve been involved in two previous HR investigations. One led to an employee getting fired for comments he made to me, but his supervisor was basically just looking for a reason to get rid of him anyway. The second was super traumatizing and did not change anything except to piss that person off and require me to keep working with her. I wasn’t even the complainant in the second one. Just got called to give a statement and it still created problems that I don’t want to deal with. 

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Me 33 DH 33 TTC since Jan 2019 PCOS

    DS1 born September 2017
  • ruby696ruby696
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    @mercury94 It's so hard to be confrontational when it's a personal issue that you're sensitive about. If you can act like one of the guys in how you confront him, it will go over better. Direct and without any emotion. And if you can make him look like a creep publicly, he may avoid you all together. It sucks that when women are upset, it's because we're women, not because a man was an asshole. Another option would be to ask about his prostate every time he brings it up, but that might get you in trouble and he might think it's a fun joke between the two of you, which you definitely don't want. You could also retort with something like, "apparently someone needs more harrassment training." If you say it in front of others, especially supervisors, it might send a message. 
    chichiphinmercury94shamrocandroll
  • @mercury94 I am so sorry you have to deal with this loser.  What he is saying to you is beyond creepy and inappropriate.  Has your employer distributed and had you all sign a sexual harassment policy?  I would look that over (if you haven't already) because he could be violating that policy with his comments.  
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day
    BFP 7/1/19, CP confirmed 7/3/19
    First RE consult 5/2019
    HyCoSy: all clear! Moving on to testing for RPL
    TTGP August Signature Challenge: Camping




    mvt2003mercury94begging4abump
  • @emeraldduchess Yes and we all did sexual harassment training a few years ago, but I can’t remember if that was before he started here. But, the policy basically requires you to confront the person before you report them. It’s weird. Like, if he makes you uncomfortable, why should you have to talk to him about it?

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Me 33 DH 33 TTC since Jan 2019 PCOS

    DS1 born September 2017
    ruby696
  • inthewoods23inthewoods23
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 18
    @mercury94 HR is never good at HR it seems.

    My previous job had a 3rd party service called Listen Up which was a phone number you could call to submit a complaint if you weren't comfortable speaking with upper management and/or HR. I think they would gather info from the caller and would take that information to our HR for them to investigate.

    I only saw it in action once while I was at the company and it was in regards to my boss. Never found out who had made the initial call, but my boss ended up getting fired shortly after the investigation was done. She wasn't fired due to the investigation, but an incident with her behavior that occurred shortly after the investigation was probably the final straw.

    I wish more companies used a service like this because it can be so helpful when you have employees who don't feel empowered enough to speak to management directly or is too afraid to.

    ETA: fixed grammar
    TTGP August Siggy Challenge - Camping

    Me: 30 DH:32
    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16

    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained

    IUI #1-3 all BFN

    IVF #1
    6 total biopsied for PGT-A and frozen, 5 normal - 3 girls, 2 boys

    FET #1
    Scheduled transfer date 9/10/19


    mercury94shamrocandroll
  • tyrion_tyrion_
    500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    My internet was down all day and it was a stressful day without my internet. Biggest FWP of all. Now I’m going to catch up on anything I might have missed around here. 

    mercury94shamrocandroll
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards