Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Cytotec Holiday

I am 3 pills into my 4 doses of cytotec and already passed my golfball size chunk of tissue. I am currently experiencing major guilt that maybe I should have waited or I did something wrong...

My LMP was 4/10 and due to going out of town I was scheduled to have my dating ultrasound on 6/14.
Instead. On 5/25 I started bleeding and continued to bleed up until today.
5/28 I called the office and they wanted a stat transvaginal US before I left town. The US showed and empty gestational sac and my hCG was 1400. I was measuring at 4 weeks instead of almost 7 weeks. I was told that there's a high probability this is a non-viable pregnancy, and we're sorry.
I went out of town (honey moon no less) and bled and bled and bled (well, brownish discharge with mucus, not occult blood). Meanwhile, I'm eating sushi, drinking mass amounts of coffee, and breaking all sorts of "rules" (I don't drink or smoke though).
Came home and they wanted a repeat hCG to see how things are progressing. On Monday my hCG had INCREASED to 3000. Threw me for a loop, but the office was saying "there's probably just left over tissue making your body think you're still pregnant, come in for a transvaginal US on Wednesday".
Here we are Wednesday. I had a fever all Tuesday night through (...well, now). The US now showed a FETAL POLE but no heart beat and no yolk sac. The ultrasound was dating me at 6w and change where I should've been at 9 weeks.
At first the MD (covering physician for mine) was a little wishy-washy about "...well come back next week and maybe we'll see a heartbeat and know more from there... the chances aren't good but there might be a chance" she couldn't quantify if it was 1%/10%/25%/50%/98% chance etc. I started to get upset (because at this point I am running on a few hours of sleep and have had a fever for >12h) and I reiterated that I'm just so tired and I'm so confused. I reminded her again my LMP was on 4/10 and her whole demeanor changed about it being a viable pregnancy and she recommended cytotec to move things along. (And an antibiotic just in case I have an infection).
As I'm lying here, bleeding, passing chunks of tissue, I can't help but to think "maybe I SHOULD have waited...".
I'm also terrified about going to the bathroom and seeing all the blood.
I guess - help? Did I do the right thing? Is this guilt normal? Any similar experiences? 
This is my first pregnancy and NOT how I pictured any of it going.

Re: Cytotec Holiday

  • It saddens me to see you going through this. 

    It sounds similar to my natural miscarriage, tbh. At 7w3d, I was measuring 5w1d. All they could see was a yolk sac. At 9w6d, I was measuring 6w3d. There was a heartbeat, but it was low and weak. I naturally miscarried 4 days later. 

    I don't think you made the wrong choice, FWIW. You could have waited, but then would be the What if I had taken the medicine... Would it have gone faster? What if.... What if... There will always be a what if factor. We'll always second guess. It's our way of trying to explain the outcome. 
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