TTCAL w/o 5/20

kagesstarshroom · May 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it?

maserrano714 · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: 2 losses, 1 MMC @ 8wks 8/2018, 1 MMC/D&C @ 9wks 2/2019.

Status: benched, WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Sorry I've been MIA for a few weeks. Went on vacation to Paris and have been traveling for work so just getting back to the grind today after 2 weeks off. It's nice not having to think about TTC for a while and just relax and enjoy life.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Got my genetic test results back. No genetic mutations except for 1 gene deletion that causes thalassemia but genetic counselor said it's nothing to worry about. DH is getting tested next.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? I've always wanted to try camping. I've never been. Not something my family ever did. I always worry about the bathroom situation. Definitely on my list to try. Maybe starting with Yosemite.

shamrocandroll · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC in Nov '18. Early loss in Feb.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm doing pretty well this week. Had a great weekend with a mix of fun and productivity. Still early enough in my cycle to be feeling optimistic before the BSC kicks in.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? OPKs starting up around CD10 or so.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? Inspired from this weekend: I'd like to go up in a hot air balloon, but I also think I might completely freak out. So maybe just go up a little bit, but not crazy high. Orrr maybe just stick to watching from below.

shamrocandroll · May 2019

@maserrano714 Yay for no genetic issues! I grew up camping and I loved it!!! It's so nice to just unplug and go surround yourself in nature. Most campgrounds have bathrooms with showers, but it's definitely rougher than a hotel. And there are always spiders in the showers.

*edited for typo

omg1108 · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 9/18 @ 9 weeks w/D & C; MMC 2/19 @ 8 weeks w/Cytotec

Status: TWW/ WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? -- The whole TWW makes me nuts. We had a very productive weekend--doing yardwork & getting everything ready for patio season. We still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better after some nice weather & getting outside a bit. I am still struggling with how I feel on this progesterone. All the weight gain & bloat over that last few months has taken a toll on my self-esteem. And now it is finally getting nice out, and I am frustrated with finding clothes to wear & feeling good about myself.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? HPT this Wednesday.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? -- Barre classes! I am interested in getting toned back up with a low-impact routine. I don't have the extra money for expensive classes, but I am going to look on Amazon Prime & see if there are any on the fitness channels.

@maserrano714 My family had a small camper when I was young & belonged to a campground. It was awesome. So many fun things to do & memories to make.

@shamrocandroll I do not like heights, so I don't think I could do the hot air balloon. From the ground, they look so beautiful though

MJDsquared · May 2019

Since I was on TTGP like two weeks ago, I shouldn't need to post on the newbie intro thread, right? I wasn't participating in the dailies yet and now won't again until my cycle straightens out.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: 1 early loss; I had a D&C on Friday

Status: benched; WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Probably going to ramble, so I'm going to spoiler it.

I got betas one week apart, 5/6 and 5/13. On 5/13 I got the call that they weren't rising appropriately, met with my OB and had another beta 5/15. They actually rose a little quicker. Scheduled another draw, US, and meeting with OB for 5/17. My beta results came in right before I went in for the US and they rose very slowly, so at that point we knew it was over. At the meeting with my OB we chose to go ahead with the D&C.

I cried a lot on Monday when we found out, a little on [edited] Wednesday, and by Friday I was pretty much at peace that it was over. But after being with DH from noon on Friday through this morning, it was hard to be alone and I started crying on my drive to work and I'm really hating being around these people who think everything is normal.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Follow up with my OB June 3rd.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? I've never gotten a massage. It doesn't sound like the most appealing thing to me, but I'm still curious and wonder if I'd enjoy it more than I'm imagining.

MJDsquared · May 2019

@maserrano714 That's great news about the test results! FX your DH's results come back good too.

@shamrocandroll I'm with you. Hot air balloon sounds cool but also terrifying. I think I'd settle for going to a festival or something and seeing all the balloons, lol.

@omg1108 I feel you on the clothes. I put my jeans on this morning and realized I want to get rid of all but like two pairs of my jeans and just start over. But I'd have to start over with expensive-ish jeans because those fit me better and I'm not ready to drop that kind of money.

kagesstarshroom · May 2019

@MJDsquared So sorry for your recent loss. I remember talking on this thread some weeks ago about how hard it is to have to pretend everything is normal--which we do for ourselves but also for everyone else (esp. those here who work with kids.) The easiest parts of me following my finding out about my loss & then following the D&C were when I was teaching my lit class--I remember thinking "Can I just do this all day?" bc I realized I'd gone like an hour without thinking about it at all. I also cried in the car--bc you're so alone in the car! Make a good playlist to keep you company maybe? Anyway. Hugs & flowers to you.

@omg1108 TWW is 100% the worst--it's like, exciting but terrible. Esp. AL, it's like--well, whenever I decide to pee on a thing, no matter what the result is, I am going to be nervous. But--eff those feelings, I try to be as optimistic as I can when possible, no matter what the result (& not lol to a point where I am being irrational--). Anyways, GL to you!

@shamrocandroll I'm with you on both wanting to go in a hot air balloon ride but simultaneously knowing I would be scared.

@maserrano714 Glad you had fun on vacay! Were you able to see what's left of Notre Dame? I am a bit jealous of your travels, but only bc I have yet to find significant summer work/reasons to leave my house now that the semester is over, so I am feeling really trapped, and traveling--for work or play--sounds like a delightful distraction from All This.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP Oct. 2018; MMC w/ D&C Jan/Feb. 2019

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? DH came home from the flea market yesterday morning with an antique child-sized rocking chair in rough shape--he's excited bc it's from the area we live in (he knows so much about furniture/wood lol he can tell things like that) & he wants to get it back into what it might have looked like when it was made (bc it was definitely handmade) I was just like Cool! I wasn't sure how to react--like, is this for US in the future? Or did you just think it was a cool piece of furniture? IDK. His hope sometimes is so inspiring and other times it makes me really sad that we've had these losses since even though he doesn't talk about it he really wants to be a dad & obviously thinks about it and really think it will happen for us and I hope he is right.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? starting OPKS on day 10 along w/ my friend @shamrocandroll

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? I have a list of area restaurants somewhere in my planner from last year--so all of those!

shamrocandroll · May 2019

@kagesstarshroom Aww that's really sweet. Men show emotions in strange ways sometimes. But I think it's awesome he's keeping his mind focused positively. I wish I could do that more.

MJDsquared · May 2019

@kagesstarshroom I'm definitely a realist (who leans pessimistic often) so I can understand how optimism can be helpful at times but upsetting at others. That is pretty sweet about the chair though.

puppylove8910 · May 2019

I am so sorry for your loss @MJDsquared

I absolutely agree. The worst part of it all was acting like everything was "normal" in your day to day life.

puppylove8910 · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP April 2019

Status: TWW (6 DPO)

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

This part of the TWW is my least favorite! Once again, I go from hopeful to not hopeful and I begin to SS like crazy which doesn't do any good. Also, cue the BSC because last night I had a dream that I had implantation bleeding so that has to mean something right?! *kidding* My rave is that the weather is pure perfection today and that just does wonders to my mood!

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

I can't decide if I want to test early this cycle or just WFAF. The CP was such an emotional roller coaster that I don't want to go through that again. But, if I do test then I'll try my hardest to hold out until 11 dpo. My LP is usually 12-13 days.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? Spray tanning. LOL! Random, I know.

puppylove8910 · May 2019

@maserrano714 ...sigh... Paris in the spring sounds glorious. I'm glad it helped get your mind off TTC for a bit! I head to London soon and I'm looking forward to a nice little girls trip!

@shamrocandroll Early WTO (after AF packs up and leaves) is always the best. No craziness to be had!

@omg1108 I agree, the TWW is definitely so hard! Especially, once 6 dpo hits and the possibility of implantation is on the radar. I'm sorry you haven't been feeling like yourself over the past few months. Try and be kind to yourself.

Also, barre classes are wonderful! I hope you get to try it one day.

@kagesstarshroom I'm the optimist in my relationship with my DH. He's definitely the realist. So I totally understand of always wanting to keep the hope alive and it's wonderful that your DH is doing it through something creative and cool.

emeraldduchess · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Early miscarriage in December at 5 weeks

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am feeling really good and optimistic this cycle. My OPKs were very clear, we had good timing, and I O'ed several days earlier than usual. TW

The cycle where I got my BFP, I O'ed around CD16 or 17. All cycles since then I have O'ed close to or on CD20. I am definitely bringing this up with the doc.

Also DH and I didn't have any anxiety since we have our first RE appointment on Thursday. I am getting really nervous but at the same time I am relieved that we are taking a step forward.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I assume I am having a ton of blood work done on Thursday. I will probably wait until 14dpo to test, assuming spotting doesn't show up at 9-12dpo.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? Hmmm...I would like to watch "Game of Thrones" to see what all the fuss is about! There is also a new Mexican restaurant near us that's been open for at least 3 years that we have yet to try.

puppylove8910 · May 2019

@emeraldduchess Good luck at the RE! I think I mentioned to expect a lot of blood work. When I went in late 2015, they took 9 vials! Eeek! I hope you get some answers.

MJDsquared · May 2019

@puppylove8910 Sorry about the SS/BSC, that's never fun! FX you can stay zen and hold of on testing.

@emeraldduchess I'm glad you're feeling anxiety free! I hope your RE appointment is promising.

kagesstarshroom · May 2019

@emeraldduchess I was just thinking of all the TV I could have answered this question w/, including GoT! I'm glad the upcoming RE appt helped you feel less stressed this cycle.

ejoseph16 · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. BO April 2019 (10 weeks)

Status: WTO/TWW (thinking I O’d yesterday)

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I’m not sure how I’m doing right now it’s strange my cycle has been super funky AL, and I’m at CD 24 with no confirmed O yet. My last cycle I O’d late at CD 21. We decided to get off the bench randomly on saturday(I was told to wait a month AL to start back to trying for timing, not because my body wasn’t ready), and I had a weird feeling the next morning. Not sure what that means.

When I was about 7 weeks along, my growth stopped in my pregnancy. I woke up one morning that week with a sinking feeling I was losing the baby. I woke up this Sunday with a feeling I was pregnant. I know the chances are slim since I haven’t even confirmed O yet, but it’s strange. I can’t explain it.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I’ll test if AF doesn’t come in the next 12 days or so.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? Hot yoga! I love working out, and I love yoga! I would love to try it, but I hate sweating, so I’m not sure how that would work. Lol

@MJDsquared I am so sorry for your loss. Let your emotions out! I had told everyone I worked with that I was expecting, so when I lost the baby word got around fairly quick. I was amazed by the support around me. Lean on those around you. It helps a lot.

@maserrano714 I love Paris!!! That’s one of my favorite cities in Europe. So beautiful!

I would tag more, but apparently my app hates me today. I’ll come back later and see if it stops this crazy!

ruby696 · May 2019

@MJDsquared I am so very sorry for you loss. I didn't tell any of my cowor with my last few losses and I definitely have mixed feelings about it. It's just so hard pretending you're fine, but it's so hard dealing with the sympathy when you just want to pretend you're okay. I hope work gets easier soon. Sending hugs.

emeraldduchess · May 2019

@MJDsquared I am so very sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself. 💚
@ejoseph16 I get what you mean about the unexplainable feeling. TW

A week after my BFP, I just had a feeling the outcome wasn't going to be good. This was on a Friday, and on Monday I was in the ER with spotting and they told me I was experiencing a miscarriage.

@puppylove8910 I am jealous of your London trip! Have some tea and scones for me while you're there.
@kagesstarshroom that is so sweet that your DH bought that little rocking chair. Hope you're relaxing at least a little bit now that the semester is over!
@omg1108 I am sorry the progesterone is making you feel crappy.

Good luck testing this week!
@shamrocandroll you are brave with the hot air balloon ride! I hate heights so that would be a hard pass from me. 😆
@maserrano714 welcome back! Glad you had a nice trip to Paris and could get away from the ttc stress for a while. Did you get to venture out to Versailles?

maserrano714 · May 2019

@MJDsquared I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say the crying stops but I still cry sometimes when I think of my loss. Its gets better but still hurts. We're here for you if you need anything.

mokay19 · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

6 wk loss in Aug 2016 and 6+6 loss May 2019

Status: bleeding

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

We just had the ultrasound yesterday confirming the loss so I’m still struggling to grasp that. The RE is doing some extra testing on me since this pregnancy had seemed to start so strong and healthy unlike my first loss. Since this pregnancy had started just like my daughter’s, I’m terrified for the future because I felt so secure in the pregnancy until the end... I guess I’m confused and I wish I had answers.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I got my blood drawn yesterday to check my hCG and test for some antibody issues

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? Fishing in Lake Michigan. We just moved back to the Midwest and DH and I are trying to plan a trip with friends to go fishing this summer

kagesstarshroom · May 2019

@mokay19 So sorry for your loss and that you are in the process of going through it right now. Thank you for feeling like this was a good place to share about it--we are here for you.

maserrano714 · May 2019

@mokay19 I'm so sorry for your loss. We know how difficult it can be. We're here if you need anything.

millpe · May 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC/D&C (10 weeks) May 2019

Status: benched?

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Well I'm sitting in the waiting room for my post op currently. *TW* It sucks seeing all the happily pregnant people, especially since I would be second tri this week.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Post op today, nothing else planned as of now.

GTKY: What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? I really want to travel more and get to every state, as well as see more countries. Besides time, finances also play a roll! My inlaws want to take a family trip this year, and the Carolinas were thrown in as a suggestion. Never been there, so I think it would be great!

Be back for tags!

millpe · May 2019

@maserrano714 I'm super jealous of your Paris vacation! I hope it was amazing. It's always hard coming back to real life after an awesome time away.

@omg1108 finding clothes I feel good in is such a struggle for me lately. Combined with the fact that I hate spending money on me and also hate trying on clothes...

@MJDsquared I'm so sorry you are here

pretending everything is normal is very hard for me as well. Although work has also been a little bit of an "escape" for me. I am slammed at work, so dont have much time to think about anything else which kind of helps in a way.

@mokay19 I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad they are doing extra testing for you and I hope you get answers that you need. This entire process just sucks. Here for you girl.

shamrocandroll · May 2019

@mokay19 Ugh, I am so so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself, and we're here for you!

ruby696 · May 2019

@mokay19 I'm so sorry for your loss. It's just so damn unfair.

kagesstarshroom · May 2019

@millpe Ugh girllll, I have been there in that waiting room w/ those ppl all like woe is me. It's the worst. Strength &

to you.

mokay19 · May 2019

@maserrano714 what genetic testing did you do? Is it a karyotyping? My RE mentioned this, but I don’t know if my insurance covers it. Also, I LOVE camping. Yosemite might be a good starting place because they’d have areas that have actual bathrooms and stuff. Less going to the bathroom in the woods and wiping with a leaf 😊

@shamrocandroll hot air balloons are so cool… but I’m way too much of a chicken to go up in one!

@omg1108 the progesterone bloat and water retention are seriously so frustrating. Every TWW I feel like Violet from Willy Wonka rolling down the hallway.

@MJDsquared having to pretend to be okay is one of the worst parts. I was sitting at my desk yesterday before my appointment just thinking to myself “why am I even here?” I’m the only woman at my job (and the only person below 55) so no one would even understand if I were to say something. It’s very isolating.

@kagesstarshroom I love that your DH is hopeful but I totally understand how that can be difficult at times because it can make the burden of emotions a little heavy. I hope for you both that he’s right and the rocking chair will get great use!

@puppylove8910 hopefully the BSC stays at bay… if that’s even possible. And if you find a way to make it possible, please share your secrets!

@emeraldduchess good luck at the RE! I’m someone who really loves seeing a doctor with the extra training because it comforts me to know that we have all of our options available and it gives us the ability to decide.

@ejoseph16 FX that your cycle regulates or that your feeling is accurate! If I hated sweating, then I wouldn’t be able to live. I’m a sweater haha

@millpe I’m so sorry for your recent loss and your post op visit with the people around you. It’s so hard to not be jealous and literally just always think “why me?” I know that I’ve been asking myself that a lot lately.

omg1108 · May 2019

@kagesstarshroom That was a nice thought from your hubby! And anything with food has my attention!

@MJDsquared I am sorry to hear about your recent loss. Massages have been wonderful for my stress & tension headaches. Apparently I hold a lot of frustration in my neck & shoulders.

@puppylove8910 I agree the TWW is the worst. I am on the spray tan game too. I haven't gotten one in a long time though. I get a bit of color outside on my face & arms & have been using the Jergens on my legs.

@emeraldduchess FX for you this cycle!!! It sounds like you did all the right things

Be back at lunch to finish tags.... I ran out of time on break

MJDsquared · May 2019

@millpe I hated seeing all the pregnant women when I was going to all my appointments last week. I know my followup in a couple weeks will be rough too. Really hoping there are no visibly pregnant women in the waiting room then. Ugh.

@mokay19 I'm so sorry. The only other woman sits right next to me and is middle aged. There are a couple of young sales reps and actually one of them is now engaged to the old sales assistant and...she's due in November. Days after I found out it was the talk of the office and I was bursting to be like "ME TOO!" and now I'm just really hoping it doesn't come up anymore. I'm also not close to anyone here so I would never tell them, unless they said something insensitive (like ask when I'm having more or something) then I'd say it to make them shut up and feel bad.

@omg1108 I'm a verrrry anxious person so I really think I need to schedule a massage and see how it goes!

omg1108 · May 2019

@MJDsquared ***TW**** I feel your pain! When I had my D & C, the procedure took place in the maternity wing of the hospital!!!! How insane is that? When I was released, I was sitting outside waiting for my BF to pull up car in a wheel chair next to a new mom holding her newborn baby. And on the way in, had to pass rooms of people in labor. Both of us cried just walking in.....****end TW****

MJDsquared · May 2019

@omg1108 Wow, that's awful.

Thankfully my procedure was just in a room in my OB's office. And I thought it was bad seeing a couple leave with their newborn baby from across the street (we were early for my appointment which is in a building connected to the hospital where I gave birth; just sitting eating ice cream outside killing time). I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

kagesstarshroom · May 2019

@omg1108 wowwwww on that location. mine was at a surgical hospital, so everyone there was there for some sort of surgery. I am sure, had my brain been on straight, we could have found somewhere cheaper to have it done, but we just went w/ what the ob said--and now I'm glad we didn't shop around for a d&c bc that would have been rough if it would have been in a maternity wing.

I mentioned this in the questions thread a while ago, but I have a different question: I have a cyst in my breast & I read it was more common in women once they turn 35 (CHECK) & also after an MC--I have always had "cysty" breasts, but this is the first really noticeable one I've had in a long time & I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed them AL? I hope not bc I accidentally squeezed mine hard bc I was bugging out at first and it's been hurting for days lol, so I wish that upon no one.

omg1108 · May 2019

@ejoseph16 I tried hot yoga a few times. I found a deal on Groupon & thought--why not? It was ok--definitely better than "traditional" yoga class (for me). I can not stay focused and calm enough during yoga. I feel like I need to get up and really get a sweat on. So, I thought hot yoga may be the answer. lol. However, I was not impressed with the studio. I may consider doing it again at a better place.

@mokay19 I am sorry about your loss & I hope you get some answers from the RE.

@millpe I whole-heartedly empathize. ***TW** My first due date just passed a few weeks ago. I have missed two baby showers over the last three months. One being a week after my second MMC. ****end TW**** I don't know if it gets easier, but hang in there & know we are all here for similar reasons.

@kagesstarshroom Yeah...and that was a Cleveland Clinic Hospital. One of the best you can find in the state & surrounding. Very poor layout.

maserrano714 · May 2019

@mokay19 it's a company called Progenity. It's a preparent carrier screen that tests for over 200 genes. They have genetic counselors who call you with the results and discuss any issues. My doc's office had a deal with them so that if my insurance didn't cover, they only charge $100 out of pocket.

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