When you have had a miscarriage, or more than one, every day can be a punch in the gut. But this day, especially, is a knife to the heart.
To be surrounded by people joyfully celebrating motherhood when all you can see is the emptiness in your arms. All you can feel is how you are not a mother.
This is what I want you to know: you are a mother. You are a mother to the baby that is waiting for you. And because you are a mother, you are fighting, every day, for your baby.
When you endured the unspeakable process of natural miscarriage, or a miso-induced miscarriage, or a D&C, that was you fighting for your baby.
Getting through the frustrating doctor’s appointments, the confusing tests, the conflicting information: you are fighting for your baby.
The ovulation tests, the scheduled sex, the fights with husbands and boyfriends, the endless two week waits, the disappointment when it didn’t work again this month: that is you fighting for your baby.
The loneliness, the pain, the uncertainty, the desperation: every morning you get up, and you face it again. You keep going, when it feels like you cannot.
You keep going, because you are fighting for your baby.
That is a mother’s strength that you are showing.
That is a mother’s love.
I had two miscarriages before my daughter was born in January, and this day used to be so heartbreaking I could hardly stand it. All is could feel was how I was not a mother. I didn’t yet understand that everything I was going through, I was going through to bring her here. I fought for her with everything I had, because even long before she arrived, I was her mother.
Just like you are fighting now. You are fighting for your baby.
And when your baby finally comes, and I truly believe it will, you will see that it was a mother’s strength and a mother’s love that allowed you to keep going.
Because you are a mother.
Keep fighting, mamas.
I’m thinking of you.