TTCAL w/o 5/6

emeraldduchess

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books? 

kbrown2385

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 6 losses. 12/13, 1/17, 11/17, 4/18, 9/18, 2/19

Status: tww

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m 5dpo and I’m already ss so that’s fun. Should be a long week or so and a lot more ss to go. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just waiting as long as I can before doing a pt. 

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books?Tuck Everlasting, Harry Potter, Jane Eyre, Lord of the Rings. I have so many favorites. I love to read. 

kagesstarshroom

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: CP 10/2018; MMC w/ D&C Jan./Feb. 2019

Status: TWW 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? This week, I am struggling hard w/ BSC & then "the fear" that is unavoidable and comes w/ any TTCAL test--a BFN is hard, but a BFP is hard too--no matter what, it's going to be hard and stressful, but I'm still glad we are trying, I just always have to be glad that we have the chance, every time. Ahhh I feel like I sound as crazy as I feel right now in this paragraph. I'm gonna stop typing. Note: I've never had BSC/SS *this* badly before, though I've had it for sure before.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Tomorrow or Wednesday if I can wait to save myself some stress or maybe it will add to my stress to wait? I don't know. (AHHH!)

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books? This is SUCH a hard question for an English PhD student! I'll give one (ahhh!) in each genre, since the question asks for multiple...

• ON BEAUTY by Zadie Smith is by far one of my favorite novels
• ARIEL by Sylvia Plath is a great book of poetry
• BLUETS by Maggie Nelson is probably my favorite work of creative non-fiction
• THE WORDY SHIPMATES by Sarah Vowell is a great history book                            and...
• HARRY POTTER is my fave YA series

hanshotfirst77

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC 2/19

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm starting to struggle this week. The 2nd half of the TWW always do this to me. Now im doubting everything. I both want to test very badly and do not want to test at all. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Beta is on Friday. Still undecided on testing at home before or not.

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books? 

Big surprise but I love Star Wars novels lol. My favorite is the Han Solo trilogies. I also really like anything by Isaac Asimov. 

kagesstarshroom

@hanshotfirst77 "The 2nd half of the TWW always do this to me. Now im doubting everything. I both want to test very badly and do not want to test at all." I am ONE DAY into the second half of TWW & I am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. I made a meme about this and posted it in the TWW thread for today, if you'd like to take a look over there ^_~*. This makes me feel... just as BSC, but BSC w/ company. GL!

hanshotfirst77

@kagesstarshroom I'm 9dpo so yeah we are in it together! And OMG that meme is perfect! I keep telling myself just wait for the beta, don't waste the tests , you will only disappoint yourself. But idk what's worse the disappointing phone call or the disappointing test? Fx for us both!

shamrocandroll

@kbrown2385 Ugh, the early SS struggles are so real.  I hope the rest goes by quickly for you!

@kagesstarshroom I totally get what you mean about being torn about whether a BFN or BFP would be harder!  You got this... you can make it to Wed!  

@hanshotfirst77 The test/not to test struggle is SO HARD!  

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:  MMC in Nov.  Early loss In Feb.  

Status:  TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  As I mentioned in randoms and dailies already, MH didn't break his foot after all!  It's a bad sprain and he's in a walking boot for 4 more weeks, but at least he can get around the house and help with stuff.  Also he can help with letting the puppy out and working on her training, so kind of a silver lining that he gets that extra time with her now!

Any testing coming up/any recent results?  Nah, probably just WFAF

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books? Some all-time favorites:  The Shadow of The Wind, Water for Elephants, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, Gone Girl, The Help, The Art of Racing in the Rain...

omg1108

*Good Luck ladies in your TWW*

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC 9/18 @ 9 weeks w/ D& C; MMC 2/19 @ 8 weeks w/Cytotec

Status: WTO CD-11

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

~Things are going....I am feeling hopeful, nervous, & very pushy with my honey to HIO. Last cycle I don't think we did it enough around the right time frame. He thinks he isn't just a stud horse...I said, not JUST...lol. I get frustrated that I even have to be pushy about this when I am working hard to wake up--take BBT, POAS (opk), take prenatals, take egg quality enhancers (which make me poo), drink all the raspberry leaf tea...etc. I know it must be rough to be forced into sex. On the positive, the weather is finally breaking here & we are looking at 75* and sunny today! I hope that puts him in the mood

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Not yet

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books?  I love mystery/smut. I read all James Patterson books for fun. I do also have a BA in English & teaching license for 7-12, before I fell in love with teaching elementary; I loved Jane Eyre & then followed up with Wide Sargasso Sea in an author study. It was my last big project when I worked on my MAED. I loved it!

kagesstarshroom

@shamrocandroll The Art of Racing in the Rain is soooo good. And I'm a lit snob, so a book written from a dog's p.o.v. lol is not necessarily something I thought I'd enjoy. but--so so so good. 

@omg1108 Y-E-S to JE followed by WSS!!!! That back to back kicked my butt in the best way as an undergrad, and really turned me on to Caribbean lit.

@kbrown2385 I am right there w/ you w/ the SS--& have been since 5dpo & before, too. Haha so like I said to Han but about me, it might not make you feel better but at least you're not alone.  

puppylove8910

@shamrocandroll Oh how I love The Art of Racing in the Rain  I heard it was going to be turned into a movie...starring....Milo V aka Jack Pearson from This is Us. Bring on the waterworks!

shamrocandroll

@puppylove8910 I always get both excited and nervous when my favorite books get turned into movies.  I never ended up watching Gone Girl for that reason.  They kind of ruined Water for Elephants, which made me sad.

millpe

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: currently going through a MC. Found out last Friday at 10 weeks I had a BO. I have a D&C scheduled for tomorrow. 

Status: waiting 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Pretty terrible right now. Just trying to make it through each day. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have a post up scheduled 2 weeks after.

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books?  I love to read, especially series, but I honestly havent read much recently. 

I have a question about what to expect after tomorrow. Will I be bleeding right away? Do I need to bring pads with for after the procedure tomorrow?

shamrocandroll

@millpe I am so so so sorry to see you here.  This has been such an amazing supportive group of ladies for me, and I hope you find the same.  I didn't do a d&c so I can't answer your question, but I am sure someone here can.  

kbrown2385

@millpe I’m so sorry for your loss. For
both of my d&c’s I didn’t need to bring anything with me, they provided everything. 

kagesstarshroom

@millpe I will second what kb said above--they should provide. I can DM you my chart for my D&C cycle if you'd like so you can see how the bleeding was going forward, though FF's chart search has a "D&C cycle" option that was really helpful to me during that cycle--just to see how different everyone's was and also to see some similar to mine--both were helpful. You can bring your own pad though, if you fear fees. I didn't see a charge for mine on my bill? Everyone was so incredibly nice when I had to go in for it, and I wish the same for you tomorrow. It's the little things like those kindnesses that created a brightness when I was going thru this sort of darkness. So sorry for your BO. So many hugs etc to you today & tomorrow & onwards. We are here for you.

emeraldduchess

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 1 early miscarriage in December at 5 weeks

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? AF finally arrived on Friday after 4 days of spotting. Now starts the looooong wait until O. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? We are meeting with the RE on the 23rd. I go back and forth between wanting answers and being terrified of what the answer might be. I already have a list of questions, so that helps. 

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books? I loved "Rebel Queen", "Nefertiti" and "The Heretic Queen" by Michelle Moran. Also a big fan of almost anything by Philippa Gregory! 

emeraldduchess

@millpe I am so so sorry you find yourself here. Sending you hugs. 

@kbrown2385 hope the ss train slows down before you go crazy!

@kagesstarshroom good luck testing this week. I am rooting for you!

@hanshotfirst77 I am so sorry you are struggling right now. Hugs to you and crossing everything for your testing this week!

@shamrocandroll that's great news about your H! So glad it's not broken and he doesn't need surgery or anything. 

@omg1108 DH and I kind of hit that point last cycle where HIO was not fun and it definitely felt forced. Hope the sunshine gets you SO in the mood!

MrsJessS

@kbrown2385 I’m right there with you on the SS. No matter what rational things I try to tell myself I go wayyyy down the rabbit hole 

@kagesstarshroom sorry you are struggling w the BSC/SS. It’s not a fun time

@hanshotfirst77 I bought cheapos on amazon and they are calling my name...so yeah...I totally relate 

@shamrocandroll yay! So glad YH’s foot isn’t broken after all!

@millpe I am so so sorry to see you here

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: Early MC 4/19

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Finally feeling confident that I ovulated. I didn’t do OPKs but I kept getting mixed signals from my CM/CP. Had EWCM for a really long time  now everything is finally looking like O happened. I am torn between hoping I’m a “unicorn” that get KU right after a MC...but also not wanting to get my hopes up. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Trying to talk myself out of taking a test until Friday at the earliest  

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books? Recently: trashy romance novels 🤦🏻‍♀️

ejoseph16

I’m a little late to the party this week... but I’m here! 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MC (blighted ovum) 4/19

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Telling people has been the hardest part. I had a few of our Title 1 teachers that helped me with restroom breaks and keeping an eye on my kiddos during the day for doctors appointments that were wondering why I didn’t call them lately. I told the last one today on the bus to a field trip. I cried. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I had my doctors appointment with an US last Friday. My doctor says we are good to go when we are ready to start trying again, so that’s good! She said this looked to just not be the right stick, not necessarily caused by anything specific, so we should be able to conceive again quickly (it only took 2 cycles last round) and she will monitor me closely with bloodwork and ultrasounds to make sure everything is going as it should. 

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books? Harry Potter! 100%! Granted, I’m a 3rd grade reading teacher, so I love books in general, but Harry Potter gave me my love for reading, so I reread it as many times as I can!

kagesstarshroom

@ejoseph16 Telling ppl is so hard. I wonder if I will tell less ppl (I found out I'd had an mmc week 8 & had told like, 5 ppl at that point) if/when we are lucky enough to get another chance. Glad to see another HP fan! I read them as an adult, and I really envy those of you who were able to grow up w/ those books.

ejoseph16

I’m back for tags! 

@kagesstarshroom your comment about testing is 100% how I’m feeling about getting back to TTC. I actually read it to MH and said that’s exactly how I feel. I’m terrified of a BFP even though I would be excited. It’s weird to think about. But yeah I agree on telling less people. It was hard for me to not tell people. I told my team and my boss almost immediately (that’s 6 people right there). Once we started having complications we had to tell more people. I’m not one to call off of work, so everyone was asking why I was taking so much time off. I’m thankful that this time around there’s a chance it could be over the summer for 1st tri, so I don’t have to worry about that part as much. 

@shamrocandroll I’m so glad to hear YH foot isn’t broken! That should make things easier and less stressful! Hooray! 

@millpe I’m so heartbroken to see you here 💔 I’m so sorry for your loss. Hopefully you have time to rest and recover. Take care of you, and check in with YH. MH and I had to really lean on each other. We took turns being the strong one in the first week. Prayers to you and YH. 

kagesstarshroom

TW: Story mentions someone I know w/ LO

So, a woman who's part of a friend group of mine (we'll call her from home-ish (aka far from where I live now) just had a kid & I mailed her shower gift to the friend of mine who organized it (& is a way better friend than this chick & we'll call her K). I had asked K not to, like, snapchat me B opening the gift or anything bc of my recent mmc & K was super understanding & had B open the gift in private. Well, the chick who had the baby keeps snapping me pics of the baby!!! So I asked the woman I'm closer w/ what to do? & she said she would handle it, which is fine--I just wanted it to stop. I'm too old for snapchat anyway, but that's besides the point. Anyway, so like--I feel like if B opened my gift in private--like, did K not tell her why? OR is the chick just so goddamn insensitive that she thought it was fine to snap me photos? I was like, "when I want to see them, I'll look at her feed on my own." Anyway, I feel like this is going to cause silent "drama" bc this group of friends, despite my note seeing them often, is drama-ridden-- but at the same time, I don't want to put the K who I am close w/ on the spot and be like "did you tell B about my mc before?" even though I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to know if B was just unknowing or stupid/insensitive--like, I want to be the dramatic one for once lol. Like, I just (vaguely, I admit, but nonetheless) posted for NIAW a few weeks ago--really, biotch? Anyway, the snaps have stopped--they weren't frequent but they were still triggering. I guess I don't have a question, lol, I just have no one really to complain about this to!

emeraldduchess

@kagesstarshroom I feel you on the triggering photos. I've been there and it sucks. Hugs to you. 💙

ejoseph16

@kagesstarshroom I’m in the same boat. I’ve had to hide friends on Facebook for a bit. I just can’t deal with their pictures right now. 

puppylove8910

It has been a busy week with my MIL in town!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: CP 4/19 

Status: WTO or just Od or who the f*ck knows. Currently, on CD 10.

How are things going? Physically & emotionally I am feeling much better! I'm having a strange cycle, I think. My last day of bleeding from my CP was CD 5. I normally O between CD 15-17. My pre O temps have been upper 97s which is unusually high for me and this morning my temp jumped to 98.18 which is a normal post O temp for me. Is it possible I actually O'd on CD 9? WTF, that's so early if it's true. Or are my hormones still trying to settle down post CP? I'll obviously keep on temping and HIO until I get my cross hairs. Any insight would be appreciated! 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope. 

puppylove8910

@millpe I am so terribly sorry for your loss. This is a wonderful community of amazing & strong women. I hope we're able to help you through this difficult time.

kagesstarshroom

@puppylove8910 You have FF, right? (I apologize to the board/thread for being the person who alllllways is suggesting this, but--) Something that's been really helpful to me in my journey TTC & specifically TTCAL is their chart search feature--you can specifically search for "after miscarriage" charts and see the variety of things that happen and what ppl have gone thru. If you'd like, digging around and looking at the gallery charts w/ different search options can be really helpful. There's an "early ovulation" option, so maybe using that and then "after miscarriage" would help. I hope you are enjoying your MIL's visit?

shamrocandroll

@puppylove8910 I took a break from charting after my CP, so can't comment on when I O'd... but I will say both of my AL cycles were unusually long (5-6 weeks), so I don't think I O'd early.  But.... I feel like there is no normal after a loss based on hearing others' experiences.  Sorry it's so confusing right now!

puppylove8910

Thank you @kagesstarshroom @shamrocandroll! Yes, I do have FF and that's a great idea. I never even thought to search different charts! **Excuse me while I go down the FF rabbit hole**

And yes! I get along with my MIL really well so it has been lovely.

kbrown2385

@puppylove8910 with my cp in February, I had a 35 day cycle (so started bleeding a week later than normal) and I o’d on cd14. Everything was pretty normal for me including how long I bled for.

kimmer1412

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: first loss 4/27 found out at a 10 week ultrasound that baby no longer had a heartbeat and had stopped growing at 9 weeks 

Status: no clue since I'm still bleeding from the misoprostol 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Still trying to process it all. Mostly I'm sad and angry. Struggling with mothers day coming up. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have my 2 week follow up on and ultrasound on 5/14 since taking the misoprostol 

GTKY: What are some of your favorite books?

I love reading and have do many favorites 

emeraldduchess

@kimmer1412 I am so very sorry for your loss. 💔 

shamrocandroll

@kimmer1412 I am so sorry for your loss, and to see you back here.  Your story hits close to home for me, because I also found out at my 10 week ultrasound that there was no heartbeat.  I can tell you it does get a little bit easier with time, but always hurts a little bit.  This community has been such an amazing support system for me, and I hope you find the same.  

kagesstarshroom

@kimmer1412 Sorry for your loss & everything you must be feeling, esp right before this holiday weekend. We are here for you, and you are not alone-- though I think it's important to say your grief and how you process it will be unique to you and there's no wrong way thru it. All the hugs.