UO 5/2

brianalee2984

@aacm that was what DH parents suggested when I mentioned my Mother. I don't see the point in letting her know anyways, it isnt like once I give birth shes just going to come right in once it's over. It will be when I'm ready so she will be waiting anyways.

cato99

For us it’s not cultural/religious but we do not share our baby’s name with friends and family until they’re born (though apparently I have no problem on forums like BMBs lol). DD came after a long stretch of infertility and I was really open about doing IVF, so everyone and their mailman knew the second I was pregnant. So keeping the name to ourselves was the only little bit of privacy and sweet secrecy DH and I got. I was shocked at how incensed it made some people! DH’s stepmother, with whom I had spoken like 3 times in my life, was ALL over us about it, and kept doing weird sneaky things like texting my BIL to see if we had confided in him, and zooming in on our baby shower pictures to see if she could find a name written anywhere (??). 

goldfishcraker

@cato99 well that's super absurd of her! Woah! I didn't even know sharing names before birth was a thing. I've never known a single person (outside of BMB) who has told me the name they've chosen, before baby is born. I've always found out when I find out baby has arrived. I can't believe she is being so crazy!
We aren't sharing our name choices either. But no one has bothered us.

BigBadWolf12

@jrm_14 I think the difference there is your sister asked you for a "dibs list" which was a kind gesture (and then used it anyways...that sucks and was not kind.... it just negates the original gesture and even makes it worse imo ) knowing what you were going through.  It seems this other situation was more the other person injecting themself into the naming decision, unasked, and trying to ban names for a baby that is already coming. I think there's a difference,  personally. 

But I do agree with you that perhaps there's more to her "dibs" than meets the eye, so we should be sensitive to that - maybe she is trying through alternate methods. Maybe she isn't trying but desperately wants to have a baby by trying traditionally and is getting anxious and upset about time passing and no bf, etc. I got married young so I don't have personal experience there,  but I understand a bit about waiting longer than you want to start trying to conceive and then it taking way longer and being way harder than it "should" to get a child out of the process. I only talk about my kid/pregnancy with one of my single girl friends (who I know would love to be in a relationship,  get married,  start a family,  and it just hasn't happened for her yet) if she brings it up bc I don't want to trigger any sad/anxious feelings about those things.

So, ramble about original scenario for the rest: i definitely wouldn't rub it in if I do choose that name,  but at the same time i wouldn't avoid a name I truly loved (and maybe also had picked out for a long time) just because she tried to call dibs.

jrm_14

@bigbadwolf12  I completely see what you’re saying!  Also, I agree my situation was different with the list. The first time, with the MN, I was still hurt, even though I didn’t call “dibs.”  I don’t think you should avoid that name you’ve had in mind for tears & I don’t get the feeling at all that you would rub it in!  In all reality, I feel like I’m probably too jaded lol

@cato99 We are keeping the name to ourselves, too, after IF. Everyone has known to hopefully expect a baby & knee when it happened, so the name is “ours” until he is born. It’s absurd how mad & what lengths people go to try & figure it out!