Ask a STM+ Discussion Thread - March — The Bump
September 2019 Moms

Ask a STM+ Discussion Thread - March

Hey Ladies! 

Here is where us first time moms can ask anything or everything that we just don't have a clue about to any second time (or plus) mommas!

Me 30 DH 31
MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


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Re: Ask a STM+ Discussion Thread - March

  • Started this thread selfishly but I'll own in. 

    STM+ HELP! 

    As I'm starting my baby registry I'm trying to figure out what you do with baby while it's not sleeping? Is this where a good swing comes in? Or a portable bassinet that you can drag around the house with you? Stick it in a bobby? Sling it to you? Infant care seat? 

    In the early days, do you just hold it all the time?

    This probably seems very silly, but I just don't have a clue. :D

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    cammie0526kiki047
  • @nomangos23 Lol @ “do you just hold it all the time?” Ain’t nobody got time for that!! 🤣 Although I guess some people babywear all the time...and when your parents/ILs come to visit your kid will prolly not touch any other surface other than people for the duration of their visit.

    Portable bassinet is a great idea! Also, a laundry basket works great 🤣. Swing/rocker/bouncer is a great option. Invest in a play mat for tummy time and stimulation when baby gets a bit bigger. We also used the boppy to prop DS up when he got a little bigger.

    We bought a bouncer because it is cheaper than a swing and take up less “real estate” in the house. I toted it around from room to room so DS could be near me when he slept/stared at the mobile. Also, some babies hate swings so you might be SOL if your kid hates your super expensive Mammaroo (or whatever that thing is called). “They” say to test drive those things in store with your kid in it before you buy them (if you want to potentially save a couple bucks).
     

    DS: 05.2017

    #2 EDD: 09.2019

    LJMoon6kiki047
  • Loading the player...
  • We had a bouncer which is easy to move around the house, a swing which stayed in the living room, a rock n play, and just a activity mat. My daughter loved just laying on a blanket on the ground versus any of the big items, which I thought was odd. Every baby is different which is why we registered for them all. 
  • Activity mats are great. We actually need to get a new one because our dog peed on old one and it was impossible to wash. So look into that too, everything washable because spit and poop will get on there 1 way or another. 
    I liked the boppy lounger but it's only good for a short while. Probably 4 months and under and maybe even less if baby starts rolling early. I got one as a hand me down. I think a bassinet attachment for your stroller would be a good investment because it should still be nice enough out to get some good walks in outside. I have one for my city select and it is portable too so I would detach it and bring it outside and garden or just let baby sleep in it inside if she fell asleep during a walk. 
    I don't really like bouncers. Neither of my kids really enjoyed it and they truthfully seem more like a tripping hazard for a clumsy person like me.
     
  • I just laid baby on the bed or we used a baby bjorn bouncer seat or we wrapped. I think I'll probably wear baby mostly this time so the 4 yr old doesn't running off with it!
  • @supermom34482 @monkeysmom80 @lillywonderland Thanks guys! I didn't think about a bouncer and a play mat. 

    @monkeysmom80 Whats the difference between a swing and a rock n play?

    Also, when baby is still an infant and is asleep... Crib? Bassinet? Do you bring the bassinet into whatever room your binge watching netflix in? Does it sleep on play mat/bouncers/swings?

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    lillywonderland
  • @nomangos23 I definitely baby-wore a lot, so find a good carrier! Other than that, we had a pack-n-play in the living room (which also coupled as a changing table), a swing (cost $250--thanks registry! but my son maybe used it 10 times for no more than 5 minutes each time), an activity play mat on the floor for tummy time and back activities, and other than that, DS was in my arms! Also, if you have any rooms with ceiling fans at home, that will provide plenty of entertainment! Seriously had no idea how important that thing was for DS's entertainment! :D
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    nomangos23
  • @nomangos23 Anything labeled a "crib", "bassinet" or "playyard" is safe for sleep :) We kept the bassinet from our stroller (approved for overnight sleep) in our room for bed time, then we had moses basket "bassinet" for downstairs and the crib in baby's room. Safe sleep was/is really important to us. 
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
  • @sunshine2417 Cracking up at your ceiling fan comment! Good thing we have one in nearly every room! 

    @nda_roxybabe I'm not sure I've seen a bassinet/stroller combo but I am ALL FOR efficiency. 

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


  • @nomangos23 Oh yea! the bassinet unclips from the stroller, so then we had a stand in our room it rested in. 
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
  • @nomangos23 One time DS legit fell asleep on the floor in the middle of one of our spare bedrooms (I can’t remember why we were in there...). Babies sleep where and when the f*ck they want to, LOL. He also fell asleep on the play mat a few times. We let DS nap in his crib, PnP, or in his bouncer sometimes. I felt so guilty about letting him sleep in the bouncer so I propped up the front “legs” to make it more level. He was always in the same room as me, too so I felt like it was “safer”. Plus, sometimes he refused to nap anywhere else. 

    DS: 05.2017

    #2 EDD: 09.2019

  • @nomangos23 I still don't know what to do with a newborn. I was very "what do I do with it??"  :D We had a swing/bouncer that he sat in if someone else put him in it other than me (per his demand), and I let him be on his playmat to "pump some iron" a lot more than I thought I should. In the kitchen I had him in his high chair that tilts back for newborns. Then for napping, I did same room or in his room. In his room (which was our room) he slept in his PNP, but downstairs I bought the FP RNP (the flat one, "bassinet") that he slept in. It was nice because it folded up to the wall so nicely like a Murphy bed.
  • @nomangos23 I still don't know what to do with a newborn and this is #3 lol.

    I think one thing that I screwed up with ds#1 is that I didn't give him enough tummy time- so I highly recommend anything that will be a conduit for that- even if it's a nice blanket and a few toys scattered around. 

    Depending on whether you are in a house or an apartment, it was key having several tools so that I can scatter it around the house. And def something portable. I used a r&p and moved it around. Unfortunately for me, ds#2 would not let anyone put him down. Not even if 10 min. It was very difficult. And I tried everything: mamaroo, r&p, playard, babybjorn bouncer. So, I second the poster that said every baby is different! :) 
    Me: 34 DH:38
    DS: 18 months   <3
    Dx DOR AMH .2
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img 
  • @nomangos23 DS spent time in a bouncy seat. I didn’t start wearing him until 7 weeks, I will start earlier this time because it was great to have free hands. I also spent a lot of time laying on my legs while I watched TV. It was a cold winter and I didn’t do much. A playmat is nice for when they are a little older and need entertainment 
  • @nomangos23 I agree with a lot of others. A bouncer is a must have for us. I used it for my son whenever I was getting ready or doing things around the house etc. he’s so nice because it’s portable and can go anywhere in the house with you. I put the baby in it in bathroom with me when I showered and just left the door open. We also had a Graco glider swing that we used too. I recommend both a bouncer and swing for different reasons. 
  • So I wasn’t sure where to put this question but it’s a question for working S+TMs.. wasn’t sure if I should put it here or the big question thread but figured it’s targeted more towards stms since they are already in it with a child. And now to the point.. haha 

    S+TMs— If money wasn’t an issue (in the sense that your family would just have to budget a little differently but money wouldn’t be super tight), would you choose to be a stay at home mom or continue working? Why?

    More specifically, any teacher moms on here? How do you weigh in on this? Stay at home or continue teaching? Why? 

    Thanks for your input!! 

    kaceyallan
  • @nomangos23 I carried and/or babywore basically my entire maternity leave.  DS slept either way and I hated putting him down, partly because we have dogs, so I either had to put him in a chair/device on a counter (I was afraid he'd fall somehow) or put him on the floor and then worry about the dogs sniffing and/or stepping on him.  

    @septoctkids I had a major mid-maternity-leave crisis where I said I couldn't go back to work.  I'm a lawyer and my personality really wouldn't mesh with being a SAHM.  But the emotions kicked in hard for me.  I did go back and am so glad I did.  But, if money and career stability weren't concerns, I would keep a baby at home for six months and then go back to work.  They're entirely too small and helpless at 3 mos.  At 6 mos they're more into their surroundings.
  • @septoctkids Truth be told, we totally could budget and have me be a SAHM now...but I don’t think I would like it in the long term. Don’t get me wrong - it’s something I still fantasize about and it would be awesome but I love having my own career and my own financial stability. I’m a planner by nature and I like being able to know that I can support myself and my kid(s) today should something happen to DH. Plus, I spent a lot of money on college/grad school and I really love my career. I would feel odd just (seemingly) giving all that up. But man oh man, the working Mom guilt is real and tough. I can’t speak for working as a teacher, but my MIL was an elementary teacher for like 30yrs. She is still in contact with some of her old coworkers and a couple of them share a contract so they only work like 1/2 the school year (every other week or something like that). Is that possible for you? 

    Also, @mamaber2204 I had the same crisis/breakdown! I was MISERABLE for the first month back at work, but I powered through and now I can’t imagine any other way. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way again after 2.0 arrives. In an ideal world, I would work until baby is 6-9 mo, but that’s not quite that feasible here is the good ole USofA.

    DS: 05.2017

    #2 EDD: 09.2019

  • @lillywonderland @mamaber2204 thanks for your input! I’m so torn. I’ve been on a 2 year leave and I put in my notice to return to my classroom in the fall. So I would go back for a couple weeks before my due date and then take my 12 week leave but there’s a chance I can’t extend my leave the rest of the school year this time since I just extended it 2 years with my first child. I love my job but I also love being home to raise my son. My thought is they are only young once and a job will always be available somewhere since it’s not like my degrees are being taken away. But then some days I miss the routine of work and seeing my coworkers etc. I keep going back and forth. 😭🤷🏻‍♀️
    lillywonderland
  • @mamaber2204 Oh that's interesting. I have two dogs as well... I guess that's another Q for STM+

    How did you introduce your baby to your furbabies? I have two very loving but very excitable pit bulls. I'm not worried whatsoever about their behavior around baby but I do want to have a solid introduction plan/ boundaries with them. I can see my girl becoming a little guard dog. 

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    kgg2241LJMoon6kaceyallan
  • I was going to ask about pets and introducing the baby, so I'm glad it was brought up! The one thing I've been doing is playing YouTube videos of crying babies so my dog and cat can get used to the sound. Otherwise, I am all ears. Also, any advice on keeping your cat out of the crib (besides just closing the door)?


    Me: 30 │ DH: 35
    TTC #1 since 12/16
    MMC dx @ 11w 6/18
    EDD 9/23/2019  <3
    LJMoon6kiki047
  • I don’t think I’d be happy as a SAHM. I love my son, but being with him all the time wears me out. And I (mostly) love my job. It gives me a sense of purpose and it fulfilling. I feel the same about my kiddo, but there’s no way I could stay home with him. I was home with him for 4 months one summer and he watched so much TV it was sad. I don’t have the creativity to come up with different thing for us to do and I’m not much of a pretend play person. I also feel like it can be very hard to get back into the workforce when you’ve been out a while. 

    Like a PP said, I would love to stay home for the first 6-8 months. I wish we could improve maternity leave in the US
  • @nomangos23 I read all the articles on it (there are tons) and then generally followed them, but didn't do the whole "bring something baby wore home the day before baby comes home so they can sniff it."  That was too much logistically.  I did follow the "mom goes in first after hospital stay without baby so dogs can say hi and be excited to see her, then bring in baby and let them smell him/her" advice.  My dogs are both very mellow, so it wasn't stressful at all.  The intro was much easier than when DS became mobile.  He's been taught from day 1 to be gentle and not touch the dogs unless we're helping him, but I still don't leave him unsupervised unless there's a gate between him and them just in case he were to step on a tail, surprise our older dog while she was sleeping, fall on a dog, etc.  I feel like I have much less independence than my non-dog-owning mom peers.
    septoctkids
  • @nomangos23 Dh brought home hats and blankets from the hospital while me and the baby were still there to so the dogs could get the smell of the baby. Other than that, we didn't do anything special to introduce them.
  • @nomangos23 the biggest thing I've read about introducing dogs to a new LO is bringing some extra swaddles etc to the hospital, wrapping baby up for a while in it, and then having a family member swing by your house and leave them for the pups.  They'll learn babys smell and get familiar with them so its not a foreign scent when baby arrives home.

    @kgg2241 we have two very sweet kitties and when our last babe was a newborn (in the bassinet) they TOTALLY jumped all over her.  Just wanting to snuggle, but it would wake her up. I'm sure they would have done the same in the crib. It honestly contributed a lot to my lack of true effort in getting her sleeping in the bassinet versus cosleeping, which we will not be doing this time, so I'm all ears on suggestions here.
    kgg2241
  • @nomangos23 same as @monkeysmom80 We had a family member bring home a baby blanket from the hospital. We mostly kept the nursery door closed but once in a while we would let our dog in to check it out but other than that we didn’t do much. When we got home our dog came over to sniff the baby and that was about it. He wasn’t very interested in the baby. When he would cry he would check him out and we would watch closely. It was an easy transition for us but every dog/ pet is different. 
  • @nomangos23 we were VERY concerned about my dog when we brought DS home because he is not particularly friendly to strangers and has a very strong prey drive and ... well, we were just very concerned.  We got a trainer that came out to our house for a few months before DS was born and that helped a lot.  To be honest though, we just kept dog and baby pretty separate for several months, like baby was never on the floor when the dog was loose and stuff like that.  By the time DS started really moving around on his own, the dog was used to him and it (surprisingly) hasn't really been a problem at all.  

    @septoctkids I am very seriously considering becoming a SAHM when #2 arrives, but it's more of a financial decision than something that I really *want* to do.  My salary isn't enough to cover 2 in daycare and DH's salary is really the one that sustains us.  But I am really hesitating on doing it because I love to watch DS with his friends at school and love that he's so social and the ladies at his daycare are awesome, and want #2 to have the same experience.  But I'm struggling with the $ aspect because- does it really make sense to net less money to put 2 in daycare?  Also, home with a newborn and a toddler all by myself all throughout winter?  Yikes.

  • nomangos23 Good question. We have a staffy that has soo much energy. She gets excited and doesn't realize what is around her all of the time. She's been around kids and once she settles down all is good. She lets my nephew poke and grab her, so we aren't too concerned about it. It's just her excitement and weight that worries me. She is not even 2 yet, so I am hoping as she gets older she will calm down much more. She listens very well to me so I don't anticipate any problems. But it's so hard to know how it will all go down.
    Me: 29 │ DH: 28 
    Married 05/26/17
    FTM; EDD 9/15/2019  
  • @nomangos23 I cannot recommend a rock n play enough!! I buy one for every baby shower I go to, even if they aren't registered for one because I truthfully don't know how I would have survived without one... in fact, we have 3 (maybe excessive?!) but one for upstairs, one for downstairs and one we left in the car for whenever we went to my moms or my in laws. My daughter wanted to be held all the time (I had no time for that and wasn't really into baby wearing at the time, though when she got older I learned to love it) but the rock n play was the only place she loved. Its a slight incline and its cozy so she slept THROUGH THE NIGHT in it on a regular basis from 2 weeks old until she outgrew it at 4 months (for the record she hasn't' slept through the night since!!). We had a bouncer chair (she didn't care for it) and we had a swing (would maybe entertain her for 20 minutes) but the rock n play was a GOD SEND!!! Each kid is so different though, my niece LIVED in her swing... you may have to try a few different things till you find what works for you guys best! 
    STM - EDD 9/15 - Team Green <3 
    nomangos23
  • @septoctkids It seems I'm in the minority here, but, if money weren't an issue, I would quit my job and be a SAHM IN.A.HEARTBEAT.  I only work part time right now (3 days a week, 9-3) so won't likely transition to more than that any point soon.  I work for family - so fortunately/unfortunately it's a fine line to balance.  They are SOO kind to me with flexibility - with our last LO, I was able to bring her with me when I went back to work (she was prob 4 weeks?) and I just did a couple days a week at first.  **TW** They gave me several weeks off (paid) when she passed, and didn't force me back before I was ready. We have not discussed maternity leave this time around so I have no idea what the plan will be - but, my BIL (owner)'s wife (coworker) is also pregnant and due a few weeks before me - so I'm sure it will come up at some point.  All that to say, I don't think SAHM is in the cards for me right now.  But I wish CONSTANTLY that it were.
    septoctkids
  • @septoctkids Working second time mom to be here... I had always envisioned I would be a stay at home mom, but that isn't in the cards for us as I'm the majority income earner in our household. If you take money out of it, I would probably say that I'd still want to work part time? Its hard to tell. When she was a baby I would've LOVED to have been able to not return to work (I went back 3 days a week when she was 4 months old, and then full time when she was 6 months old). Now that shes an almost threenager, the days are long and demanding. I'm not sure if I being exhausted from working full time (and running a photography business on the side) gives me a tired/jaded perspective though... like if I weren't as exhausted on the weekends when I do get to be with her would I want to do it every day all day? I LOVE LOVE LOVE my time with her but sometimes its trying to not get a break. I still think I'd miss the adult interaction, though I have friends and relatives with little ones that do stay home so I'm sure I could fill my days. Not sure if that was helpful at all or a total brain dump ;) 
    STM - EDD 9/15 - Team Green <3 
    septoctkids
  • FTM working Mom here and damn is it a lonely place to be! If money wasn't an issue? I'd open a boutique like I've always wanted and still work ;) I'd just have more flexability and be able to bring the babies. 
    Married 6/5/14 in Ireland
    1st Baby 5/12/17, Henry
    septoctkids
  • @nda_roxybabe YES, I am right there with you! I want to (and plan to during the 2nd trimester) open my own business. Eventually, I want to quit my corporate job and work for myself. With my own hours, and with the flexibility to bring my kids (and have them help out when they are older).  :)
    Me: 29 │ DH: 28 
    Married 05/26/17
    FTM; EDD 9/15/2019  
    septoctkids
  • @kaceyallan What kind of business do you plan to open?  How cool!
  • I've always dreamed of owning my own business too. I would love the flexibility. But I'm sure it's a lot harder than I think it would be. I have no idea what I would want to open tho. MH had made the comment about wanting to open a mountain bike/coffee shop combo. Bikers like to chat about their bikes and special parts and all the trails they've done recently. MH could run the bike part and I could run the coffee part. I think it would be pretty awesome. Now we just need to move to a more bike crazy part of the world lol.
    Me:30 DH:29
    Married: 8/2015
    TTC #1: 4/2017
    Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
    DX: Unexplained
    8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
    9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
    11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
    1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th
    zuuls_mom
  • @mamaber2204 I am finishing up my schooling to become a reflexologist right now. So I am starting with offering that service. Eventually I'd love to open up a little boutique to go along side of it selling wellness and holistic items. But it will all depend on how it goes, and will happen much slower now that we are starting a family! But that's okay, I don't feel too rushed for it.
    Me: 29 │ DH: 28 
    Married 05/26/17
    FTM; EDD 9/15/2019  
  • @LJMoon6 ROTORUA!!!!! IT’S LITERALLY THE BEST!!! 😁

    DS: 05.2017

    #2 EDD: 09.2019

    LJMoon6
  • We almost moved to NZ a couple years ago! I was considering grad school there (my mentor lived there for 10 years before moving to the US and pretty much had an in for me at his old university). MH is obsessed with Queenstown (even tho he's never been there). I loved it when I was there. He was on board with us moving just because of the biking scene lol. 
    Me:30 DH:29
    Married: 8/2015
    TTC #1: 4/2017
    Testing: HSG, U/S, BW, and DH's SA all normal
    DX: Unexplained
    8/2018: Clomid + TI = BFN
    9/2018: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
    11/2018: Clomid + IUI + Progesterone = BFN
    12/2018: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone \\ Cancelled due to cyst
    1/2019: Letrozole + IUI + Progesterone = BFP! \\ EDD Sept 30th
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