SAHM Doesn't Want To Be Backup Babysitter

jennyhoff37

Hey SAHM! 
Long rant, I apologize!
This is probably going to come off as a little rude but...
I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with #2. My oldest is 18 months. My husband & I decided when she was born, that I'd stay home with her. With that being said, in the 18 months I've stayed home, I've been asked by 6 friends/family members/neighbors to babysit. And 3 of them wanted me to watch their kids more 'regularly,' basically like a part time daycare. One didn't have a set schedule, so wanted me to watch her toddler last minute, a few times a week! Like she honestly thought I do nothing except sit at home all day long with my toddler. And one family member has 4 kids, all under 7 years. I have never been one to enjoy babysitting, even as a teenager. I don't mind watching my own nieces & nephews here & there, or close friends kids, but I just feel guilty saying no. But with a new baby on the way & already being tired from my incredibly busy toddler, I have no interest in being a free backup babysitter for everybody else. Anybody else ever been in this situation? I feel like such a jerk for saying no, & I honestly have no excuse other than being tired from my own child. 

lovesclimbing

I wouldn't want to do that either. I've never run into this, but I also don't have a lot of working mom friends with young kids, but I've heard about this from others. I would probably say no in ways that acknowledge that this is something people typically pay for. Maybe say, "I'd love to swap babysitting. Any Friday you need a sitter, I'll exchange for you watching my child on Saturday. I have errands I need to run, so that'd be a great trade!" Or for the people who want free daycare, "I'm not really interested in running an in-home daycare. It's not my thing, and it'd probably be the same price as a regular daycare anyway." or "I really don't want to get into a business relationship with my friends." Just go straight into referencing something about the cost because OF COURSE they're not expecting you to do it for free, right? Even though you know they want free daycare, operate as if of course they're asking to hire you. 

cjx95

Oh my gosh Free!? I think its pretty rude to ask your friends to regularly watch your child for Free! That is taking advantage of the friendship and not really fair to you at all. I agree with pp that a trade off day would be nice for everyone or tell them you don't want the friendship to turn into a business relationship. Just saying no doesnt make you a bad friend either and you don't need an excuse if you don't want to do something. 

varimama

I’m not even pregnant and that would be an easy no for me. Once in a while sure but I like my one on one time with my kid, that’s why I became a SAHM. If I were going to watch a kid more regularly it certainly wouldn’t be free either and I would never expect anyone (besides his grandparents who are always trying to find reasons to watch him) to babysit my son for free. No isn’t a bad word and you don’t owe them an explanation, you can just say it won’t work for you. 

ataylor507

My sister just asked me and our other SAHM sister to watch her 7 year old daughter during the summer. I live 10 minutes away and our other sister lives 25 minutes away so even though she asked for me to watch her daughter one day a week, I know she will ask me more and take advantage of the fact that I’m home. Part of me doesn’t mind but another part of me is now dreading the summer. This sounds awful but I’m going to say it... her daughter is a total brat. She acts like a naughty 3 year old, she is a whiner, she constantly wants attention and she tells your business to anyone who will listen. She drives me nuts. I guess she will learn how we roll in this house, respect, no whining and she will not be spoiled and rewarded like she is at home. She gets away with murder and then gets whatever she wants. No ma’am. Ugh, I have anxiety just thinking about this. See ya later sweet amazing fun summer with my kick butt 6 year old. I know we all think our kids are amazing but my kiddo really is amazing, we hit the jackpot with him. Because he so awesome, I’m just not used to an unruly disrespectful whining kid. My sister is a single mom of three with a jerk of an ex, she struggles financially and can’t afford summer daycare so I feel like I can’t say no to her. I guess we will see how this goes! 

jennaandkevin

I try to  politely say,  unlike what some people think, I do not sit around the house eating bonbons and watching stories. I plan out activities a week in advance to keep both my kid and me sane. I also  add and I do not mix business with family and friends.  I be more than happy to help in  a emergency but not regular daycare. 

Teya82

Wait, they are NOT paying you? It didn’t specifically say. Then they should feel guilty for abusing the friendship. Doesn’t sound like good friends to me either. 

If they do pay you, you still have the freedom to say no! It sounds like you are a really nice person who has some trouble defining boundaries. You can read some books on boundaries or look up Vanessa van Edwards on YouTube. I love her wisdom. 

stephanie309

Omg with a new baby coming just say no! If they're going to pay you adequately per child then after your newborn is in a place where she won't need you all the time then you can , if you want, take on some kids. But before and right after you give birth, that's a hard no for me!