Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

When everyone you know is getting pregnant after MC....

I had my first pregnancy and miscarriage towards the end of January. My feelings have been all over the place, initially I was really scared and thought the timing was awful. We had been passively trying for several months and had decided to take a break over the holidays and wait til later in the year when low and behold I was pregnant. I was also terrified that something would be wrong with it because as I said, stopped trying! Lots of alcohol, coffee, general junk food, ect over the holidays. I miscarried going into my 6th week, which in a weird way I was greatful for because the baby didn’t have a heart beat yet, it felt more like it was still “a clump if cells”. I think it would’ve been much much more difficult had it been later in. I swore up and down it was fine and for people not to fawn and sympathize over me, I felt like since I wasn’t devestated and it wasn’t planned I didn’t deserve that because I know how devestating it can be for others.

Fast forward to know and I have been so up and down it’s crazy, I feel guilty. I get really sad every time someone else announces their due around the same time we would’ve been. I can say at least 8 people I know have announced their due late September. Recently I started feeling angry  about it and really judgmental, friends who aren’t married, friends who don’t have stable jobs, or haven’t been in a relationship that long, or they’re younger than me!  Most of the time I’ve been able to go about my business and remind myself I didn’t really wan a baby then.

Yesterday my husband told me that his mother announced his cousin and his girlfriend are having a baby and of course, it will be due when ours was. This has really sent me spiraling and I hate myself for having such awful thoughts. It’s the same sort of thing, they’ve been together a shorter period than us, they’re not even married yet, they don’t even have their lives together.... they both smoke and do a lot of weed! I don’t even know why it bothers me, my husband is the oldest and we were the first to do everything in his family (which I HATED the attention) and I always said I’d rather someone else have the first great grandchild than us because they’re so intense as a family. Now I’m like this! In addition my brother and his brother are both planning to get engaged in the next few months, so there’s a lot of excitement there as well.

I don’t even know if I’m asking for advice or just venting. But anything offered is appreciated :( 

Re: When everyone you know is getting pregnant after MC....

  • First I’m sorry for your loss.  I think your feelings are normal after experiencing a loss.  I had some of those same thoughts.  Right after my first loss, my 21 year old niece announced that she was pregnant with her boyfriend of a month.  My niece didn’t work and was living with my mom not even her own mom.  So I get feeling the way you do.  I’d like to say those feeling go away but they haven’t for me.  I’ve had 3 MC and I still have those thoughts at times.  However, I do think it gets easier but it’s always there “why them and not me”.   Unfortunately MC are common but hopefully you and your DH will have a successful pregnancy in the future when you are ready to try again 
  • I understand how you feel. It sucks. I miscarried in early January, and every where I look, someone I know is giving birth or about to become a grandparent. I get this quick, sharp twinge of envy and resentment combined with a profound sadness. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and it's normal to be all over the board. Venting is good, too. *hugs* 
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  • I am truly sorry for your loss and what you went through.  Regardless of whether you were planning, ready, etc. it is still a terrible experience. Your feelings are completely normal. My first, I did not know I was pregnant until I miscarried, thought it wouldn't affect me, then 1 day after miscarrying, my cousin and his wife announced a baby. I had all the sane thoughts and feelings as you, I despised healthy pregnancies and all babies. I went to counseling to help work through all that. It was hard. I just found out Sunday I miscarried for my 3rd time, and I tell you it doesn't get any easier. But, you find ways to process a little faster or a little easier. Loss of any kind is extremely difficult. Talk to people, talk to your family and friends and openly acknowledge your own feelings of what you are going through.  Not everyone wants to do counseling,  but it did help me. This time, I am struggling to sleep. I am writing a personal letter to my baby, it may sound ridiculous,  but I am finally able to start processing some of my emotions.  I send you lots of love and hugs. It is difficult,  but don't give up, it will get better.
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