July 2019 Moms

FTM - When to have my Mom come??

So my parents live very far away, other side of the country... And as a FTM, I really want my mom to be with me for my L&D and then some after baby comes. Question is, how close to Due date should she plan to come? She’ll need to fly out, and will only be able to stay 6-8 weeks. So we want to make the most of the time available. Any suggestions?? Want to give her enough notice to get a good rate on her airfare & to take off work. Thanks!!

Re: FTM - When to have my Mom come??

  • nopegoatnopegoat member
    edited February 2019
    This is a tough one because there's always a chance that you could go early but statistically most FTMs will go past their due date. I'd probably say 38wks. That gives you cushion in case you get go a little early and let's her help you finish any little thing that needs to be done and gives you 3wks or so for after the baby. This is assuming you two have a great relationship and don't mind hanging out together twiddling your thumbs possibly.


    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
    suzycupcakePanaceia2ndbebe102020
  • It's kind of impossible to guess this, but I would just tell her to come week 40 so that she's not potentially sitting around for 2-3 weeks waiting on labor or induction. 
    nopegoatsuzycupcakePanaceiaBigBadWolf12
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  • Oh this is hard... can you get the tickets on Southwest or a flight that is easy to modify? Most**** labors aren't very quick... so she could potentially have time to hop on a flight and still make it in time. I think predicting labor is impossible, I went into labor with my first at 36+6 out of the blue and my second at 38. Some people make it to 41 weeks before a doctor will induce. So if you told her to come at 38 weeks, she could be sitting around for 3 weeks waiting... or she could be late???!!! 
    nopegoatPanaceia2ndbebe102020
  • I was a first time Mom whos water broke at 38 weeks out of nowhere. I would say a week or two early just in case.
    nopegoatPanaceia2ndbebe102020
  • The good thing about having her come on the 'front end' for a while (even if you are just 'sitting and waiting') is that she can help get everything in place. There are probably onesies to be washed, freezer meals to be made, cute bunny pictures to hang (or Star Wars, whatever floats your boat). I'm sure you could keep her busy even if the baby was 'on time' or even late. And you'd still have plenty of time for her to help after the baby arrived. Six to eight weeks of an extra set of hands is great! :)
    Panaceia2ndbebe102020
  • I'd probably vote for 39 weeks and a modifiable ticket incase things changes towards the end. I agree there's prep that my mom was super helpful with, but not sure about 2 weeks worth - I'd rather have that extra week on the back end. 

    Panaceia2ndbebe102020mamanbebe
  • I helped my sister out with her first.  i got there at 38 weeks and she was induced after 41, the first weekish was nice to help make freezer meals and clean the house, but then it was just waiting and i felt it was a waste.  I'd do 39 earliest and probably 40 and if you are early maybe she can call and see how much a change would be.  
    erynpdxPanaceiamamanbebe
  • I agree with waiting until closer to 40 weeks. 39 at the earliest. I liked having those last days with just me and SO before DD came along and having my mom after  the baby was so much more helpful than if she would have been there before...at least for me. I'd rather have her on the back end than on the front. 
    blackhottamales2ndbebe102020mamanbebe
  • I'd have your mom wait to buy the ticket until you are getting checked at your appointment. If you are not at all dilated at 35 weeks then I'd have her book the trip for 40 weeks. If you're a cm or so I'd have her book for 38ish weeks.
    PanaceiaHappyin14blackhottamales2ndbebe102020
  • Yeah @happyin14 - my mom needs to be busy and feel productive/helpful at all times. We'd both get stir crazy waiting around. But everyone is different. 
    Panaceia
  • @Cbeanz, I’d also never want her in L&D with me... so there’s that. 😂😂

    She’s the same woman who gives me the same advice every time I have a bad bf’ing day: “I mean, you could just stop.” 
    Cbeanz
  • CbeanzCbeanz member
    edited February 2019
    @Happyin14 I know! There was only one other human I allowed in L&D and it wasn't my mom! Don't get me wrong though - she was awesome to have afterward to cook and clean and stock the freezer etc. But only hubs was allowed to see me in all my glory in L&D! Haha

    Also that's terrible advice for a new BF mom! We were delaying a pacifier early on to establish BF and my mom would constantly stick her finger in the baby's mouth. "She just needs to suck on something"
  • @nopegoat @mamanbebe@Bear14+ Yes I have a really good relationship with my mom, she can keep busy in any circumstance. So I don’t think any time waiting would be a bother for anyone. 

    @nerdtoyourmother @erynpdx @Panaceia
    Yes, agree that I’m going to want most of the visit after L&D. But the extra help before sounds awesome too. 

    @Cbeanz @Bear14+ @blackhottamales will look into if she can hold off on buying the ticket or see if she can do a changeable one. Just don’t want to cost her extra $$.

    @Happyin14 haha, ya I’m not stuck on the EDD, just a random guess as far as I’m concerned. My mom said as her first I came “early”, the midwife was on vacation & she had to do the backup plan of a doctors office. Her mom wasn’t there till a couple weeks later. My mom is awesome though, pushed us all out with out meds, one at home (would have been me too) and BF all of us! 

    Than you everyone for the suggestions! Really helpful to hear the real life examples of pregnancies already in the books. 
  • I would say 39 weeks and look for tickets that are easy to change. My dad came to visit at 39 weeks and it was great. He helped clean, cook, took my car in for maintenance, etc. 
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