February Mental Health Check-in — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

February Mental Health Check-in

***This thread has a general trigger warning.*** 

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 This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.  Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in R/R of dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health.  Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports. 

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. 
If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):

How are you feeling?

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)

TTGP February Siggy: Animals in Love



Married 10.2016
TTC #1 11.2017
kiki047inthewoods23

Re: February Mental Health Check-in

  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Have yet to look into getting any kind of official diagnosis, but a number of signs point to anxiety.

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW

    How are you feeling? I've been doing really well after coming to terms with the first failed IUI and all the other terrible crap that fell on that day. There have been a few bursts of emotion since then, but I currently have a very positive outlook.

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I think I'm looking for some encouragement to get my butt to a therapist or whatever to get the help I really need. DH isn't supportive on the idea of me on anxiety meds but I think that comes from his fear that it will continue to hinder our ability to get KU or if it will change how I am. I have periods of time where I'm completely fine and we're in a good place and then the next day I'm in a bad mood. I can go downhill so fast and then take days to really feel better and out of a funk. Plus I just learned that the picking/chewing skin around fingernails that I've been doing since I was a kid is actually a thing called onychotillomania so now I feel even more inclined to seek out help. 
    TTGP February Siggy Challenge: Animals in Love


    Me: 29 DH:31
    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16
    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, DH's SA shows 1% morph
    IUI #1 12/27/18 - BFN 1/10/19
    IUI #2 1/25/2019 - BFN 2/8/19
    IUI #3 TBD
    b_1029jennifer_louisekiki047NYTino24
  • @inthewoods23 I have very high anxiety and I went on Lexapro for it in October. It has made a HUGE difference for me. The way I describe it is that I still get anxious thoughts but I'm able to dismiss them much easier instead of letting them spiral out of control and affect me for days on end if that makes sense. I think it'd be worth it to see somebody and at least discuss the possibility of medicine or therapy if you don't want to take medicine. Infertility is so hard on your own, it can never hurt to have more support. <3

    TTGP February Siggy: Animals In Love




    suzycupcake
  • @littleredm you all have been a really great support for me ❤️ but of course there's always the personal life stuff.

    How does one even get started? DH's work has one of those EAP programs. Do I have to go through that for a therapist? Or who can provide me with a prescription? Nobody else in my family seems to have these issues so I have no idea what to do.
    TTGP February Siggy Challenge: Animals in Love


    Me: 29 DH:31
    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16
    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, DH's SA shows 1% morph
    IUI #1 12/27/18 - BFN 1/10/19
    IUI #2 1/25/2019 - BFN 2/8/19
    IUI #3 TBD
  • @inthewoods23 my company has an EAP program too. My understanding is you just call them and they set you up with someone. I’ve been dragging my feet on calling them myself...I wish I could give you more information. 

    My PCP prescribed me an anti depressant but I stopped taking it when we started TTC. In retrospect, probably not the best idea to just medicate without actually talking to someone trained to help. 

    TTGP February Siggy: Animals in Love



    Married 10.2016
    TTC #1 11.2017
  • *lurking* 

    @inthewoods23 Call the EAP to get a recommended therapist OR if you have someone you are interested in you can tell them.

    *TW?* I've always struggled with anxiety and prior to having DD I didn't want to be on anything. PP really kicked my butt and really made me wish I had a better handle on it ahead of time.

    I also can understand you having the really great days then suddenly a horrible day the next. I have been on Zoloft for some time and still have those days. What I have been focusing on doing is learning to recognize when I am having those days so I can start a dialogue with myself about how things are fine/not as bad as they seem/I can make it through because I am strong.
    Me: 29 DH:31
    Friends: 6/2007

    Dating: 2/2012
    Married: 5/2015
    Member of BMB 7/2017

    DD: 6/27/2017


  • @inthewoods23 my bestie has onychotillomania as well. She has tried fidget toys to various degrees of effectiveness. For me, it's mild trichotillomania (sp?) or hair picking. My hair stylist notices every time but i don't think she understands the underlying disorder. I have also tried fidget toys, and special gloves, but I feel like it just comes and goes in cycles with my anxiety. 

    AFM-- never been diagnosed, but I've got mild anxiety that seems to be exacerbated by TTC. The thing I'm struggling with lately is how TTC is slowly replacing the "good" things in my life: hobbies, social life, etc. I really don't want to give up, but a small part of me does. I am losing my identity to my inability to get KU. I want my hobbies back, I want my self-esteem back, and I want normal social interactions back. This could also be seasonal related, but either way January was hard. I truly hope it's just a funk and February will be better! 
  • b_1029b_1029 member
    500 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited February 1
    Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: mild depression / don't want to clog up the dailies with my negativity

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW

    How are you feeling? Not great, but it comes and goes in waves (typically day to day). I also feel like I'm losing my identity to TTC and it is controlling my life. I feel like I don't know how to be happy anymore, because in my mind happiness looks like a baby and I just can't get over that notion. DH has commented several times how I always seem to be in a bad mood, which makes me feel awful. I just can't seem to get out of this funk and stop being blah, not wanting to leave the house on weekends, or snapping at him all the time. 

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I have dialed the EAP number for work several times but stopped. It's like I don't want to talk to a real live person and tell them I'm struggling and need help? I wish there was an email address ha. Is that normal?

    Edited to bold the ?s

    @jennifer_louise I completely understand how you feel. I hope February is better for you <3

    TTGP February Siggy: Animals in Love



    Married 10.2016
    TTC #1 11.2017
    kiki047jennifer_louiseholly321suzycupcake
  • @inthewoods23 I have anxiety and I have been on Lexapro for over a year.  Honestly, it was one of the best decisions that I have made for myself in a very, very long time.  I still get anxious and sad, but not to the point where I was before meds. My PCP prescibed it.  My DH was worried as well when I first went on it, but he agrees that it has done me world of good. My PCP told me that while no meds are 100% safe when TTC/KU, this one is very, very low risk.  I struggled witu depression and anxiety alone for a long time and finally getting help gave me my life back.  
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day

    February Signature Challenge: Animals in Love



    jennifer_louisesuzycupcake
  • @thatcma I definitely have already thought about how I could be PP. I like to think I'll be super overjoyed but DH likes to joke about not helping with things like diapers and I just want him to not joke about such a serious thing!

    @jennifer_louise I've got a few fidgets toys myself. I like them, but it just isn't the same as actually picking so I haven't found it to be a great replacement. Like honestly those or even playing with silly putty my mind will be like "you're tired of moving your hands and fingers around so much" yet I can light pick at my fingers for probably hours without even thinking about it. The motions have been so ingrained for probably 20 years at this point. It's hard to find a replacement!

    @b_1029 I'm kind of like you in that I want help, but I don't want to talk about it. My anxiety probably stems from things in my childhood but I don't want to go through rehashing and reliving events or the whole "coming to terms with my past" or whatever. I just want the help for me now as I am. 
    TTGP February Siggy Challenge: Animals in Love


    Me: 29 DH:31
    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16
    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, DH's SA shows 1% morph
    IUI #1 12/27/18 - BFN 1/10/19
    IUI #2 1/25/2019 - BFN 2/8/19
    IUI #3 TBD
    b_1029jennifer_louise
  • @inthewoods23 I asked not to be put on meds but I take ativan for my panic attacks. I also pick at the skin around my nails (and I'm a nail biter too, only my right thumb though) and the only thing that seemed to help was always having perfectly manicured nails. Well that's just not fricken practical, I was better off spending the $ on therapy because at least that addressed my other issues too. 

    @b_1029 thank you for starting this thread. I meant to do one for January but never got around to it. You NAILED IT with the "happiness looks like a baby" line, that's exactly it. Our biggest fear, other than losing each other, is not being able to have our own biological children. Adoption and everything else aside, it's all-consuming. Month after month of failures is just a realization of that fear over and over. But I hope you know you're never clogging up the dailies if you need to express your feelings! I've definitely been there, there are days and weeks where I feel like I only have rants and I struggle to find any raves and everyone has always been there to support me. For the record, on the days where you really feel like you don't want to be a debbie downer but you need to let something off your chest, PM me! <3 <3  honestly, I know some days you just don't wan't to be "that person" because you feel like a burden, but I promise that's never the case. 

    Me: 32  SO: 35

    TTC since Dec 2017

    Aug 2018: PCOS

    Nov '18: Cycle monitoring, testing w/RE. SA showed count on the low side (19mil)

    Dec '18: Letrozole + TI - BFN

    Jan '19: 30lb total weight loss milestone since Aug '18. Natural monitored cycle + TI - BFN

    Feb '19: Letrozole + TI, repeat SA

    b_1029suzycupcakenomangos23MNturnsVA
  • @inthewoods23. TW, dd sees a psychological and psychiatrist.  We have used the EAP.  The first type, I called the insurance company, they emailed me a referral, which I took to her therapist, and we got 5 free visits, for each reason she needed therapy. Last year, insurance changed, and instead, the EAP a phone call with a therapist provided by them.  Me didn’t use it, since it would not work with a 6 year old.  

    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    kiki047
  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:  ptsd, ocd, binge eating disorders,  whatever you call dealing with a serious lifelong illness 

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): wto/maybe TWW

    How are you feeling? Kind of bleh.  I recently had a horrible flair, not only was it really long (I have had longer) but there were a few occasions I had a hard time walking from pain, I literally would have been unable to walk without the support of a wall.  It has had me pretty upset, but I am trying to remain positive and remember I am not on most of my medication.  Otherwise, just dealing with nightmares again and super jumpy every time I here the phone ring.  

    Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.). A friends wife recently reached out to me about her PPD, and through talking to her, it made me realize how I need to help myself better.  I have been saying for a long time I am going to see a therapist, and I think I am finally going to do it.  

    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    jennifer_louiseb_1029suzycupcake
  • @inthewoods23, TW again.  I also wanted go add, I was on Zoloft when TTC ds, and for the beginning of my pregnancy with him, my obgyn was the one who described it.  My ocd was making me struggle with the trauma of dd’s birth and my 2nd trimester miscarriage.   He wanted me to stay in it through the pregnancy, but it was making me too sleepy.  I completely understand the hesitation and fear about taking medication while ttc, but there are safe options and sometimes the benefits outweigh the risk.

    @b_1029 it is hard to take that step and say I need help.  While I never did go through with it, it took me weeks to build up the courage to ask about scheduling an appointment with a therapist.  Unfortunately, the place I asked had a wait to see any doctors, then I felt “better.”    But once the words actually came out of my mouth, it didn’t seem so bad.

    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    b_1029jackie_dunnysuzycupcake
  • @holly321 thank you! That's good to know!
    TTGP February Siggy Challenge: Animals in Love


    Me: 29 DH:31
    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16
    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, DH's SA shows 1% morph
    IUI #1 12/27/18 - BFN 1/10/19
    IUI #2 1/25/2019 - BFN 2/8/19
    IUI #3 TBD
    holly321
  • Thought I would resurrect this thread a bit.

    Any tips to give the DH for being good to himself during the difficult time of TTC and IF? How can I help reassure him that it's okay to be sad and make "him" time, especially when he's so busy?
    TTGP February Siggy Challenge: Animals in Love


    Me: 29 DH:31
    Together since 2007
    Married 7/2/16
    TTC #1 since 7/2017
    Dx: unexplained, DH's SA shows 1% morph
    IUI #1 12/27/18 - BFN 1/10/19
    IUI #2 1/25/2019 - BFN 2/8/19
    IUI #3 TBD
    NYTino24
  • @inthewoods23 ;   I haven't been in your shoes, so I don't have any situational specific advice necessarily- but just encourage him to go the gym maybe if he's not already going- or you could both go?? Book a massage for him and don't tell him?  plan a weekend away for just the two of you? find where your favorite band is playing next and go to the show? bring home his favorite dinner? adult coloring books?  it is equally important for them to take care of themselves as it is for us during this time, especially if it's taking a toll on them.  Hugs to you!!
    suzycupcake
  • Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: undiagnosed depression/anxiety

    Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): benched

    How are you feeling? better than yesterday

    Where are you in your mental health journey? trying to figure out my best path for support-- *tw loss* also, in the process of realizing how much my first loss affected me & going thru a second. I am normally very motivated and optimistic and haven't been myself for months. I am *JUST* now, after my second loss, realizing how depressed I have been since my first. I am grateful for this realization, but hoping to be able to find something that will better help me process and get back to feeling like myself. I buried myself in TTGP last time, completely & entirely--I need a better path.

    @inthewoods23 Guys are so hit or miss in talking about their emotions--MH is more openly sensitive/emotional than others, but I still let him know, verbally, that it's okay for him to have emotions, and he doesn't need to hide them from me just because I am suffering too. IDK if you are able to have such a frank convo w/ YH (every relationship communicates differently!) but every once in a while I offer this kind of verbal support for him. I also tell him whenever I can how much I appreciate what he does for us/our home. This sort of verbal support really goes a long way with him. A lot of what was said above I think are good specific suggestions! Esp. a massage/good food. Everyone needs to eat, even if they are super busy. I also try to encourage MH's friends to come around/come out because he benefits from being around them, so maybe some of that? ESP. if they are... good people. (Some of MH's friends are better to have around than others... just sayin'.) 
    suzycupcake
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