PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) Check-in: Week of 1/9/19 — The Bump
September 2019 Moms

PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) Check-in: Week of 1/9/19

Finally posting this on the right day! Welcome all new members. No TW needed here for loss discussions, but please use a TW to discuss living children. 

  • How far along are you?
  • Current mood?
  • If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable.
  • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs?
  • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job?
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Re: PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) Check-in: Week of 1/9/19

    • How far along are you? 5w2d
    • Current mood? Anxious and tired of this cough and cold. Waiting for my beta results is nerve racking 
    • If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC @ 8wks in August 2018
    • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Had my 3rd beta today. FX numbers double. Will go in to OB in 1-2 weeks according to my results.
    • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was selling silver jewelry at the swap meet. I was 15. My favorite job is my current job as a cancer researcher. 
    eme520MsBeachNJflowerintherainrms924
  • @maserrano714 Do you think you'll get your results tomorrow? Please update us. Your job is very cool and I love your first job!

    maserrano714
  • @eme520 I hope I get them tomorrow. Last time I got them the next day. I will keep you posted.
    eme520
    • How far along are you? 5w4d
    • Current mood? So tired. Irritated bc I just moved to a new city and had to find a new OB. I explained that I previously suffered a loss at 9 weeks and would like to meet with someone sooner rather than later, and they said “we dont do appointments before 8 weeks and can’t promise an ultrasound at first appointment.” Deciding if I should keep looking for a different practice who might be more understanding?
    • If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC @ 9 weeks in April 2018. Found out at first ultrasound when there was no heartbeat. Baby has stopped growing around 8 weeks. My husband wasn’t with me, so after I found out I sat in my car sobbing and then had to drive myself home. Worst experience of my life. 
    • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Ugh, see above. 
    • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was as a lifeguard. My favorite job is my current job where I head up project management for an ad agency. 
    eme520MsBeachNJzuuls_momrms924
  • @klhelder I’m sorry about not getting an earlier appointment. Even though what they said is standard practice for OB clinics, I have found that practices that are willing to put you at ease, even if it doesn’t change things medically, are more likely to be caring in other ways. I would keep looking if you can, what’s the downside? Let us know what happens. 
    klhelderrms924sunshine2417
  • MsBeachNJMsBeachNJ member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 10
    • How far along are you? 4 weeks 4 days (it still seems strange to me that I know this early!)
    • Current mood? Happy, optimistic, nervous, questioning every symptom
    • If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. Miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in November of 2018. 
    • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First appointment is scheduled for January 30th. We'll be 7 + 4. My practice usually won't see anyone until week 8 or 9 but with my loss history she wants to see me earlier. 
    • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? First official job was a cashier/gift wrap girl at a Hallmark store. Favorite job is my side business, I own & operate a Family & Newborn photography business (aside from my full time gig) It keeps me really busy but I'm passionate about it and I love it. 
    STM - EDD 9/15 - Team Green <3 
    Knottie1451194482eme520omg1108maserrano714
    • How far along are you?  Estimated 4 weeks 2 days (also strange I know this early). I started getting faint positives as early as 1/2
    • Current mood?  Anxious, but optimistic. We are beyond thrilled & I have a good feeling about this...
    • If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC at 9 weeks at end of September (2018). I had to have a D & C because my body wasn't recognizing it. With a history of depression & anxiety, the doctor didn't recommend I wait.
    • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First appointment is scheduled for February 6th. I just got my first HCG levels back 226.8 at 3W6D. I expect I will be heading back within the next week or so.
    • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was a hostess/cashier/car hop at Bob's Big Boy!! LOL!!   :) :smiley: My favorite, is my career as a teacher. I genuinely really enjoyed working with students with behavior disorders. However, it is a high burn out rate due to physical & emotional demands. So I have been in the inclusive classroom for the last four years. I have my MAED in Special Education. 
    MsBeachNJeme520maserrano714
  • @MsBeachNJ The only downside to knowing this early is that wait for the first ultrasound, only 3 weeks away! It’s also a good time to go in because it should be more definitive than a 6 week ultrasound. 
    MsBeachNJ
  • @eme520 Hope your u/s goes/went well! So so exciting. Is YH coming? 

    @maserrano714 I got my results next day; hope yours came back awesome & that you got them today.

    @omg1108 (If I haven't already indicated that I <3 yr screen name, let me say so here.) My Mom was a special ed. teacher when I was growing up--so much respect to you. I know it's a rewarding job, but it's also an important one, and a job I really respect.

    How far along are you? 4w6d

    Current mood? Happy, optimistic, motivated

    If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a CP in Oct. 2018. 

    Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I had my labs taken yesterday & they called this morning w/ the results. The nurse who I first called actually called last night to make sure I came in yesterday--she'd been the one I spoke to when I called to make the first appointment, & she was also the one who called this morning to get my my results. She's so... happy and enthusiastic and that's part of why I feel like I'm in such a good mood. She said everything looks super good & gave me my numbers & now I'm glad I can try to go about my day. Thanks, Nurse Taylor, for being so super good at your job!

    GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? I worked at a comic book store at the mall in NJ! Which I hope wins an award for "most 90s job." My fave job... I am a Professor of Lit/Creative Writing/Research Writing right now & I really love this job, and I'm on the market for a tenure-track job in that field so it can be my forever job. I don't know what I like teaching most... I would say CW/Lit rank above Research Writing, but I have my Research Writing class down to a science, so I actually enjoy that as well these days.
    MsBeachNJomg1108eme520maserrano714
  • @kagesstarshroom Thank you so much! It is actually kind of funny, but my initials are OMG....haha...and my birthday is 11/08, so that is the beginning of my email since FOREVER!!.
    kagesstarshroom
  • @omg1108 That’s an excellent first number! Can’t wait to see the next.

    @kagesstarshroom I am so happy to hear about your great results and that you have an awesome nurse in your corner! Yep, my husband is coming today, thank goodness. We have rarely had a good US, so need him there either way. It’s quite traumatizing for both of us.

    @zuuls_mom I hear you on how hard the wait is for the first scan. I’m going in today and it seems like it’s been forever. 

    zuuls_mom
  • @eme520 Sending positive vibes your way!!!!
    eme520
  • Good luck at your ultrasound @eme520!
    *TW*
    Me: 31 │ DH: 34 
    Married 8/16/13
    BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
    BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
    BFP# 3 EDD 9/5/19 Please stick little one!!


    eme520
  • @maserrano714 yay! So glad to hear your numbers doubled! 
    *TW*
    Me: 31 │ DH: 34 
    Married 8/16/13
    BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
    BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
    BFP# 3 EDD 9/5/19 Please stick little one!!


    maserrano714
  • @maserrano714 what wonderful news!!! 
    STM - EDD 9/15 - Team Green <3 
    maserrano714
  • @maserrano714 Yay that your betas doubled! woot woot!

    @eme520 So glad the u/s went well! Thanks for sharing the photo w/ us in the other thread. <3 <3 <3 

    @omg1108 ooo that's kind of awesome that those are yr initials!
    eme520maserrano714
  • @eme520 measuring 1 day behind isn't bad at all! Maybe you just o'd a day late or the egg implanted late in night and since your U/S was early in the day it still hadn't caught up. So happy you heard a heartbeat  <3 <3
    October 2017 May siggy challenge - Parenting fails



    DS-02/25/16
    Pregnancy #2-Due 8/24/17 MMC-01/09/17
    DD-Due 10/24/17
    Pregnancy Ticker


    eme520keikilove
  • @kagesstarshroom I’m loving your optimism!

    How far along are you? 4wks, 2 days

    Mood: Yesterday I had some thoughts of miscarriage and sorta spiraled, until a friend of mine reminded me that it’s normal to have those thoughts after having a past experience, but it doesn’t mean the experience is happening again. I’m making a point to say “I love you” to my baby every day. It seems to be helping my mindset, as it’s just simple and true in this moment. I’m so glad to have so much from you all to read everyday, so thank you to everyone for keeping these threads going with sich strong support!  <3

    loss history: 2 missed miscarriages around 7 weeks and a chemical pregnancy in between those 

    upcoming appointments: I’m struggling so I asked the doctor if I could do betas and 1 more progesterone check next week since the ultrasound isn’t for another 2 weeks.
    maserrano714eme520MsBeachNJflowerintherain
  • @blitzybee I think saying things like that are helpful as well. I also think a lot of us have PTSD from our losses and being pregnant forces us to relieve a lot of these experiences and thus we spiral. It’s totally normal, but I’m glad you were able to come out of it.

    @rms924 I doubt you are the only still POASing! I still did last week because it made me so happy to see such a dark positive. Also, re: Google, I’ve done the same thing, it’s ok unless it’s causing too much distress. Just vent to us and give yourself a challenge, one day at a time, not to google. Give yourself a reward every day you don’t. Don’t beat yourself up if you do!
    blitzybeerms924keikilove
  • @blitzybee ...I was waiting for one more sentence--and the Dr. agreed? I don't see why they wouldn't, but just making sure.

    @eme520 I peed on four total sticks, spread out to be every other/every 2 days before my first labs appoint. & was nervous each time hoping for a darker line (which happened.) I tried to explain to my mom, when I told her, how this was good, but she told me--she never POAS! She "just knew." Oh, the wild 1980s! Also, I never thought of a loss as something that could cause PTSD, that's so interesting. If you were my research writing student, I would encourage you to write a paper on this/see if anyone else out there had nabbed this argument yet. 

    @rms924 Thanks for sending yr well wishes! <3 also, Trust yr gut! You got this! ( ALSO: the above reply re: POAS was for you, too,) & OMG me & Google had such *fun* yesterday after my #s came back! The only thing I can say to my adventure down Googely lane was that most of the sites I went to that talked about early beta #s said the same EXACT thing, which eventually made me stop Googling. Do you know if you have the possibility of/gene for hyperovulation?
    rms924eme520
  • @eme520 I completely agree about the PTSD. Anything that causes trauma and then causes repeat memories, sadness, and fear counts as a form of PTSD as far as I’m concerned. I would never compare it to what war veterans go through (which is where most seem to correlate PTSD to), but it absolutely is in the category. Thank you for understanding! 

    @kagesstarshroom - yes, I asked and they said no problem! Since I’m on the progesterone medication, I think they can justify checking it via bloodwork:) 

    @rms924 I’m still taking pregnancy tests too. It’s like the only thing I feel I have control over right now, even tho at this point they don’t really show anything new. 

    eme520rms924keikilove
  • I was feeling so optimistic and positive today and then WHAM, intense anxiety. Now I am googling all sorts of BSC stuff because I think it will make me feel better, but I totally know all of these success/failure stories mean absolutely nothing regarding what will happen to me. I can already feeling myself bonding to this group and I'm so scuuured! 
    *TW*
    Me: 31 │ DH: 34 
    Married 8/16/13
    BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
    BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
    BFP# 3 EDD 9/5/19 Please stick little one!!


    eme520rms924
  • @zuuls_mom It’s almost like a harder fall when you get in that place of anxiety after being so optimistic. Like what goes up must come equally far down or some such nonsense. I’m sure your experience with the May group makes it so hard to join this one, but we are glad you are here. 
    zuuls_momkeikilove
  • ***TW LIVING CHILD MENTIONED IN LOSS STORY***
    • How far along are you? 4 weeks 
    • Current mood? Anxious and calm all in one. I’m thinking and hoping this will be a successful pregnancy, but I’m terrified to get my hopes up. 
    • If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a CP in May 2016, then successful pregnancy in May 2016 (born 2/4/17) then three miscarriages in December 2017 (due Aug 2018–D&C), March 2018 (due Nov 2018) and July 2018 (due March 2019). I recently had a polyp removal in November, allowing us to TTC in December. Every time we’ve TTC, we’ve achieved pregnancy, we just continue to have MMCs
    • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I can’t waaaaait until my ultrasound on 1/25! Can time fly by the next two weeks please?!??
    • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? First job was at the Disney Store! Favorite job was being an English-speaking tour guide in Florence, Italy, while I studied abroad.  
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    maserrano714eme520rms924keikilove
  • @kagesstarshroom that's the hard part about grief from loss--it can hit you so quick and suddenly and provoke all sorts of crazy anxiety. Hopefully with all of us here we can just keep chatting along and distract each other to help time continue to pass! Keeping busy, finding fun projects and routines, and things to do and talk about will help us all move forward! 
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    omg1108kagesstarshroomblitzybeekeikilove
  • @kgg2241 So many prayers and positive vibes for you and your anxiety too! It is hard to want to be overjoyed and excited and get super into it but then also not want to get your hopes too high and be crushed.

    @rms924 I'm still taking a pregnancy test every morning and every afternoon. I probably will do so until I get to my 6 week ultrasound at least, if not 8 weeks. I'm trying to remember logically that the less I stress, the better it is for the baby! But it is so hard to do!

    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    kgg2241eme520rms924keikilove
  • @sunshine2417 Welcome! I try to remember that worrying doesn’t prevent a miscarriage and just makes me feel awful. I’ve had losses where I “knew” something is wrong and losses where I was super optimistic it would work out. Each loss hurt equally as bad, but I was overall happier when I chose optimism. It’s a conscious effort and doesn’t come naturally. 

    @kgg2241 Welcome! I found mindfulness really helpful with the PgAL anxiety and with work. I just try to get them though the day or even the hour if it’s  really bad. Leaning into it and feeling it through my whole body then telling it to go away and I’ll  come back later really helped.
    rms924sunshine2417keikilovekagesstarshroom
  • @eme520 what you said about optimism really touched my heart today. I really needed to hear that. It’s so easy to let fear take over and rob you of the joy of pregnancy...so, I am saying “not today, fear!!” I am going to reclaim my optimism- at least for now (the next minute, hour, day whatever I can manage!). So thank you! 

    To everyone still taking tests: I am not getting any more info and it’s kind of frustrating but also fascinating. I took a frer yesterday (snuck it in my target purchases only to be caught by my husband) and it was all types of wacky. The control line is lighter but the test line varies. Sometimes it’s lighter than my earlier ones which drives me batty. Anyway, I guess there’s a phenomenon called the hook effect that explains it (according to my friend google) but I haven’t tested the theory. 

    @zuuls_mom I am happy to have you here though I understand how you feel. I feel the same way. lots of good energy to everyone. I think I have everything crossed for  all us at this point. 

    @kagesstarshroom must be something in the air because I totally felt that way today. Went through and spent unproductive time squinting at tests and comparing beta levels on google, all the while judging myself  :|. It’s nice to have the group to connect to during first tri especially ❤️
    Me: 34 DH:38
    DS: 18 months   <3
    Dx DOR AMH .2
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img 
    eme520keikilovekagesstarshroomzuuls_mom
  • Thank you for this discussion! It’s been so validating and encouraging hearing about everyone’s journeys :)

    • How far along are you? 5 weeks today
    • Current mood? Really anxious... every day feels like an eternity. I feel like I’m symptom searching throughout the day. Trying super hard to be optimistic! 
    • If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a spontaneous miscarriage at around 7 weeks at the end of November 2018. Then got pregnant before my first cycle after being cleared by the doctor. For some reason, I think this is adding to my worries! Keep thinking this might be all a hoax. Though the facts are telling me otherwise :)
    • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? My doctor is monitoring my hcg levels. First results came back strong, hoping they will continue to rise :) My first OB apt is on Feb 6th! I will probably schedule a confirmatory ultra sound before then.
    • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was teaching kids piano. My favorite was working at a concert venue doing coat check, eventually moving on to bartending haha
    maserrano714eme520
  • keikilovekeikilove member
    100 Comments First Answer Photogenic Name Dropper
    edited January 14
    • How far along are you? Still so early at 3 wks + 5 days
    • Current mood? Hopeful, prayerful, cautious
    • Loss history: Oct 2018: Went in for our anatomy scan at 18 weeks & there was no heartbeat. Baby was visibly kicking the night before so it was a devastating shock. We rushed TTC again b/c both MH & I are AMA. 
    • Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Once it became 2019 it really started to hit that I was supposed to have a baby in my arms in a few months. A few days ago I bumped into my friend who is due 10 days before I was due. She is a beautiful person, has a beautiful belly, & I’m happy for her but still sad for me. Today I got a simple sweet electronic invite to her baby blessingway/ shower & I’m not sure whether I will go. I’m not usually like this—I don’t get surprise feelings of jealousy or hold resentment toward others who have what I want—it just made me sad. And really, I’m so happy & grateful for this new pregnancy. So I’ve been sitting in these new mixed feelings all day. My entire extended family is super close with her entire family so I bet I will go...
    • GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? First job was a steady summer babysitting gig when I was 11. Best job was a remote consultant position w/travel a few years ago. 
    eme520
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