TTCAL W/O 1/7 — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

TTCAL W/O 1/7

holly321holly321 member
Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
edited January 8 in Trying to Get Pregnant

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most?

Me: 30 DH:32

DD 3/11  

MMC 2/12

DS 1/13

TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

«1

Re: TTCAL W/O 1/7

  • Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 2 CP, 1 BO 

    Status: TWW (I am assuming around 5dpo)

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am a little sad that I ovulated instead of starting a period, I am grateful for getting back to normal, but I was looking forward to getting back to tracking and just being normal for a little while. I feel like I have perpetually been in the first tri for the last 6 months.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? yearl appt is next week, but nothing else.

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most? RUNNING IN SHORTS! Gah I hate pants so bad! 

    Pets in Snow - TTGP January sig challenge


    emeraldduchesseleven_ballofmeat
  • Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 1 CP at 5 weeks

    Status: benched and WFAF

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

    This is a tough week.  Today would have been our first prenatal appointment. We'd be having a scan and hearing the heartbeat.  My first cycle after my loss is looking wonky which is not helping my nerves, either. I just want to move forward.  What's going well is I've been knitting a lot and it's been very therapeutic.  I am making a rainbow striped blanket for my future rainbow baby, and it's coming out very well. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?

    Nope. Not sure if I O'ed or not because I have been sick which messed with my bbt. So I guess I will be peeing on OPKs for the time being. 

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most? I can't wait until there's sunlight after 4:30pm! I am bracing myself for the crappy New England winter, but I remind myself that every day is another day closer to spring. 

    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day

    December Signature Challenge: Awkward Family Photos




    ballofmeat
  • @emeraldduchess Awww I love the blanket idea.  <3  Where are you in New England again?  I'm in NH.
    Pets in Snow - TTGP January Siggy Challenge **TW in Siggy**


    **TW**

    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    BFP: 10/7/18
    MMC: 11/16/18
    emeraldduchess
  • @kgg2241 Hugs!  That's a really great idea, and something I will try to keep in mind in the future with TTCAL friends.  <3 
    Pets in Snow - TTGP January Siggy Challenge **TW in Siggy**


    **TW**

    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    BFP: 10/7/18
    MMC: 11/16/18
  • @shamrocandroll I'm glad the holidays are over too. It really helps to move forward.

    @klmcguire Nooo to running in shorts! I just bought three new pairs of pants and I will be so sad when it's too warm to wear them. 

    @emeraldduchess I love the idea of a rainbow blanket. I wish I could knit. It seems like it would be really hard learn though.

    @kgg2241 Good luck on Saturday!

    AFM:

    Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: Unexplained RPL. Three MMC's and two CP's.

    Status: Benched until March.

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are good. I'm glad the holidays are over and that I hit CD1. I feel like I can start moving forward. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Saline sono next Monday. Karyotype results were normal, as expected.

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most? The spring air and feeling like everything is new and fresh. I love having my windows open, even though it's not quite warm enough.

    shamrocandrolleleven_ballofmeat
  • @ruby696 sorry you don't have any answers either. This is truly unfair.
    ruby696
  • @kgg2241 Everyone says "you're not alone" but you sure feel alone when you're the only one that feels the pain of an anniversary or milestone. The truth is that the probably did remember, but had NO idea what to say, or how to say it.  I was talking to my therapist and telling her this exact same thing and she said "If it's painful for you to have others ignore, dismiss or forget important milestones... tell them." For me, I'd rather die than run around and ask people to remember painful things, but I knew if DH didn't bring it up, that I would be really upset. So I casually mentioned it and he was very sweet and supportive about it. People don't know how to talk about these things and it's just not fair. Sending love. 

    @prpl11butterfly I love the idea of a tattoo, but don't know what I want and where I want it. I'm thinking little birds, maybe on my wrist. I'm sure your ring is beautiful. I hope you'll share a pic when it comes in. 

    @emeraldduchess I'm glad you're able to pass the time with some quality decompressing. I can't wait to see a picture. 

    @ruby696 I agree, new year calls for a fresh start... Or the best we can do, anyway. Testing is such a slippery slope. I'm glad the karyotype was normal but it's so hard having no answers. Like, really unfair. Sending hugs. 

    @klmcguire I'm sorry your body isn't doing what you wanted. I totally get just wanting to start fresh. I guess silver lining is your body is still trying to make babies?? 


    Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: SB @ 21 weeks, CP 5.5 weeks, MC 6.5 weeks, all in 2019

    Status: TWW, 7DPO

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Over the holiday we officially passed one year since we lost our little girl. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, but it was disappointing that not one single person acknowledged it. I get people don't know what to say but it's sure a lonely place. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just testing this Friday

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most? Wearing dresses again. 


    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    kgg2241
  • klmcguireklmcguire member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its
    edited January 8
    @ruby696 ; There is no way, so restricting haha! 

    @prpl11butterfly & @nomangos23 Thanks ladies.

    *TW loss pregnancy mentioned

    I guess in my mind its not the getting pregnant that I have trouble with it's the staying pregnant. I think my body needs time to regulate and I would have liked to have given it that... In reality its my own dang fault lol Didn't we all learn to use protection in like high school hahaha. Guess I am WAY out of practice.

    Edited: to put some of what I said in a spoiler. It may have been a little much.

    Pets in Snow - TTGP January sig challenge


    ruby696
  • @klmcguire Just got back from a run in pants...so great! Actually, I prefer to run in cool weather and pants just happen to go with that. Running in the heat (on my lunch break) is not my favorite.

    Also, re: your spoiler, I have the same issue, so my RE benched me for three months. I should have been giving my body time to heal. My problem is I'm impatient and it only ended up delaying me further. Ugh.
  • ruby696 said:

    Also, re: your spoiler, I have the same issue, so my RE benched me for three months. I should have been giving my body time to heal. My problem is I'm impatient and it only ended up delaying me further. Ugh.
    YES. This is also my problem, I am so impatient. I really need to get it under control after this month and learn to take a break. 
    Pets in Snow - TTGP January sig challenge


  • klmcguire said:
    ruby696 said:

    Also, re: your spoiler, I have the same issue, so my RE benched me for three months. I should have been giving my body time to heal. My problem is I'm impatient and it only ended up delaying me further. Ugh.
    YES. This is also my problem, I am so impatient. I really need to get it under control after this month and learn to take a break. 
    The break has been surprisingly nice. I was way too consumed with TTC and ended up having three back to back pregnancies/losses. It's been a relief not to test and not to care about the TWW. Goes by a lot faster too. Lol.
    klmcguire
  • ruby696 said:
    klmcguire said:
    ruby696 said:

    Also, re: your spoiler, I have the same issue, so my RE benched me for three months. I should have been giving my body time to heal. My problem is I'm impatient and it only ended up delaying me further. Ugh.
    YES. This is also my problem, I am so impatient. I really need to get it under control after this month and learn to take a break. 
    The break has been surprisingly nice. I was way too consumed with TTC and ended up having three back to back pregnancies/losses. It's been a relief not to test and not to care about the TWW. Goes by a lot faster too. Lol.
    I needed to hear that! Hopefully if this isn't the month I will feel ok with and enjoy my break! Thanks @Ruby696
    Pets in Snow - TTGP January sig challenge


    ruby696
  • @shamrocandroll YAY for cycle!
    @emeraldduchess I’m adopting your theory, just one day closer to spring.
    @prpl11butterfly well at least Dh isn’t saying no now, it’s something :)
    @nomangos23 hugs

    Me: 34 DH: 46
    December Sig: Awkward Family Phone

    DSS: 19

    DSD: 16

    DS: 3(Nov'14)

    MMC:8/17

    MC: 1/18

    shamrocandrollprpl11butterfly
  • Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: CP 5/18, twin MMC 8/18

    Status: CD 17, I may have Od in the last two ddays.

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  I was extremely hopeful the first part of this cycle.  Today I am feeling pretty negative.  After two consecutive losses, it's hard to think of any different result.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?  No testing.  I am giving it another cycle or two being as healthy as possible.  If no luck, I am going to find an RE.  

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most?longer days, warmer weather,not having to get all bundled up to leave the house.  I find this time of year most depressing. 

  • Wow, I sound like a debbie downer today. 
  • @shamrocandroll I am in MA. I went to college in NH and I loved it there. :)
    @ruby696 knitting isn't too hard once you get the hang of it.  I actually learned by watching YouTube videos a few years ago. 
    @nomangos23 hugs to you. 💜 I'm sorry that no one reached out to you on your little girl's anniversary.  Even if people probably remembered and just weren't sure how to go about reaching out, it's still tough that they didn't.
    @prpl11butterfly I love that you're getting a ring with birthstones to remember your angels.  I have a necklace with a tiny angel on it to remember mine. My mom got it for me right after our loss.  It's nice to have something to wear close to my heart. 
    @kgg2241 hugs to you, too. 
    @klmcguire I give you credit just for getting out and running in the winter!
    @kerco925 I am sorry you are struggling right now.  Hugs for you. 
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day

    December Signature Challenge: Awkward Family Photos




    kerco925shamrocandrollprpl11butterfly
  • @emeraldduchess I'm from MA originally. Spent the first 28 years of my life there! 
    Pets in Snow - TTGP January Siggy Challenge **TW in Siggy**


    **TW**

    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    BFP: 10/7/18
    MMC: 11/16/18
  • @kgg2241 & @nomangos23 I'm sorry to both of you that folks didn't share any words or motions of acknowledgment for your losses. That had to be hard. @nomangos23 You put it very well and quite compassionately, what a beautiful way to extend grace in such a sensitive situation.

    @zuuls_mom It's good to see your update. Stay positive, sending positive light your way

    Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: Late loss in October 2018, have been a scientist retracing all that could have contributed to it & how to hopefully avoid in the future.

    Status: TWW, 7 DPO

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I was my crazy optimistic positive self about this cycle, and then yesterday & today the doubt has begun creeping in. This is my first experience w AL/scared brain, and it sucks. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Trying to hold out till Friday to POAS.  If it's not positive then we move on to a mandatory semen analysis for DH, then begin the road down IUI.  Time is of the essence due to age. I am also struggling this week with new feelings of mourning what could have been with our recent loss... I wonder if the new RE hadn't scared me about my age & low AMH levels, would we be rushing this process?  Would I have grieved longer instead of jumping back on the TTGP train?

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most? The weather doesn't change significantly here, thank goodness, because I despised all my east coast winters. Just looking forward to change, period. 

    zuuls_mom
  • @zuuls_mom This time is so hard. Sending SO many hugs. Feel free to reach out in a PM if you don't feel comfortable sharing on a board. I've been there too many times. 

    @kerco925 Don't beat yourself up about your negative feelings. If that is what you're feeling right now, that is OKAY. Have you checked into a SAD light? I hear they can help with seasonal depression as it relates to natural sunlight. 

    @ruby696 Ugh, yeah. I have so many regrets for how quickly we tried again and again. I call 2018 the year of heartbreak. I wish I had done things differently but oh well. Only onward and upward from here, right? 

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    zuuls_momruby696kerco925
  • kgg2241kgg2241 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 9
    @nomangos23 Thank you for the kind words. I am so sorry no one acknowledged the milestone of losing your daughter. You are so right. I am sure they remembered (or at least remembered the general time frame), but didn't know what to say. It is definitely very lonely, so I'm glad we have this space to talk and vent. 

    @kerco925 You are totally fine. If you read my history, I am pretty much a debbie downer all the time. I try to remember that we are going through something pretty hard and this community is here to be a safe place to talk about how we are feeling.

    @keikilove I completely understand how you feel. It is all so overwhelming. My RE told me if we aren't successful soon that I need to freeze some of my eggs. It adds a whole new dynamic to an already stressful process when you feel crunched for time. I am so sorry you are having a hard time. Big hugs. 

    @prpl11butterfly I always feel like it is better to ask for forgiveness than permission with DH lol, but I'm glad he is on board. I'm sure what every you decide will be beautiful. 

    @emeraldduchess I'm sorry you are having such a tough week. I remember thinking after my loss how much better I would feel when all these appointment milestones were through. I'm am finally there, so we will see if things get any easier now. I love that you are knitting. When you are ready, I'd love to see the blanket. 

    ETA: Thanks for all the support yesterday everyone. I am slow to respond and I know I missed people, but I really appreciate the nice words.  <3

    Me: 29 │ DH: 34 
    TTC #1 since 12/16
    MMC dx @ 11w 6/18

    prpl11butterflyklmcguireruby696kerco925
  • @keikilove I'm sorry that is so hard. I hate when I get in those spots where I just start to question everything. 
    @kerco925 Feel what you have to feel. I'm sorry you're down but I totally get it, as I think everyone in here does. 


    Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 2 early losses 8/17, 1/18

    Status: CD 1 :(

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Well at least CD1 explains my moodiness the past week. The past week has been really hard for me. I have been down and irritable since Christmas eve(the anniversary of when thing started), and next Wednesday is the anniversary of the D&C. I don't think that is what is bothering me the most, I think it's the inability to get pregnant since. This May will mark 2 years since we first started, and a full year this last try. The last two years have really put some strain on my marriage as well, DH and I decided on Sunday we should probably look into counseling to help of figure things out before they get to bad. 

    On a happy note, I've started keto and i'm feeling good physically. I also tried a class at the gym yesterday that I really think i'm going to like, which will help me stick with it. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nothing here, can't really afford to get things done with the RE so, just living on a prayer. 

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most? Sunshine and warm weather. We've got some nice trails and hiking areas here and I love them in the spring and fall time. Winter I am a baby and don't like to be out and summer I will overheat. 

    Me: 34 DH: 46
    December Sig: Awkward Family Phone

    DSS: 19

    DSD: 16

    DS: 3(Nov'14)

    MMC:8/17

    MC: 1/18

    kgg2241ballofmeatkeikilove
  • @nomangos23 Thank you.  I probably have a mild case of SAD, because January/February are always a blah time for me.  Overall, I am doing fine, yesterday was just a bit of a down day.  

    After my losses, I found myself picking up the pieces right away.  Maybe a little too fast.  I do have to remind myself that it's normal to grieve and be sad.  It definitely sneaks up on me once in awhile. 
  • @kindbytealikat, I am sorry you find yourself in a position that you need counseling, but I am glad you and your dh are seeking it out before issues escalate.  Constant bad news is definitely rough on a marriage.  I understand not being about to go the RE route, but have you had any bloodwork done just with your obgyn?  While my issue involved me not menstruating, I was able to get hormone levels check with mine though my insurance.  

    @nomangos23 I am sorry that no one acknowledged the anniversary.  I am glad it wasn’t as bad on you as you thought, I feel like the buildup is always worse.


    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

  • @holly321 Thank you :) After my last loss I saw a high risk OB he ran a battery of test. I believe almost all of it was related to clotting disorders, standard blood counts and thyroid. 
    Me: 34 DH: 46
    December Sig: Awkward Family Phone

    DSS: 19

    DSD: 16

    DS: 3(Nov'14)

    MMC:8/17

    MC: 1/18

    holly321
  • Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: I haven't posted in awhile, but I am unfortunately back.  We just experienced our fourth loss, and this one was the hardest.  I was 16 weeks and our baby was diagnosed with Trisomy 18.  We made the extremely difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy.  I had the surgery yesterday, and am taking a couple of weeks off work before trying to "people" again.

    Status: Benched

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  Obviously struggling with the recent loss and the fact that we had to make the decision, whereas the other losses just happened.  I had started to feel "safe" once we reached 12 weeks.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? We will meet again with our RE in a few weeks.  Not sure where we'll go from there.

    GTKY? What about spring are you looking forward to the most?  No more snow!

    I will catch up on threads and start posting again soon :) 



    ballofmeatkels0091
  • (Sorry I've been MIA, been bumping from the glitchy app with no ability to like or comment.)

    @kindbytealikat Thank you for the kind & understanding words.  Today is a new day & I'm feeling better. :-). I'm sorry for your challenges & frustrations over the last couple of years.  That would put a strain on any relationship, sounds like a good idea to get counseling w DH.

    @drdolittle22 Glad your appointment went well. That is the best scenario, fingers crossed the progesterone is the magic bullet!

    @bakerstreetboys I am so so sorry for this most recent loss.  What a tough decision you had to make. Very good choice to not "people" again for awhile, I am praying for peace for your heart.  When, and only when, you are ready, try reading "It Starts With The Egg" if you haven't already.  The author gives lots of tips about improving egg quality in a fairly short amount of time; there is a specific section about minimizing the most common trisomies.  I will be thinking of and praying for you until I see your name pop up again.




    drdolittle22bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys It hurts my heart to see you here. I'm so, so sorry you had to make such a difficult decision. So much love to you right now. We are here when you need us.  <3
    bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys omg. I am so sorry. My heart is broken for you. Sending you so many hugs. So, so many ❤
    bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys I’m so so sorry for your loss and even more sorry you had to make that heart wrenching decision. Take as much time as you need to heal and know you have support here when you need it. 
    bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys I remember you from the June19 BMB and I just wanted to say I'm so incredibly sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Sending you all of the creepy internet stranger hugs right now. ❤️
    Pets in Snow - TTGP January Siggy Challenge **TW in Siggy**


    **TW**

    Me: 33 | H: 38
    DS: Nov 2016
    BFP: 10/7/18
    MMC: 11/16/18
    bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys I'm so sorry
    Me: 34 DH: 46
    December Sig: Awkward Family Phone

    DSS: 19

    DSD: 16

    DS: 3(Nov'14)

    MMC:8/17

    MC: 1/18

    bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys ; OH NO. I am so sorry. That is a lot to go through, take care of yourself and I my heart is absolutely broken for you and this experience. 

    Pets in Snow - TTGP January sig challenge


    bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys I am so, so sorry for your loss and everything that you are going through.   <3
    Married: Spring 2009
    TTC #1: July 2018
    *TW*
    BFP 12/7/18, EDD 8/20/19
    CP 12/17/18 @ 5 weeks, 1 day

    December Signature Challenge: Awkward Family Photos




    bakerstreetboys
  • @bakerstreetboys I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart is so sad for you and the difficult decision you had to make.  :'(
    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerMe: 39  H: 37
    Married: 8 years

    ***TW***

    ****trigger warning****


    1 LC, girl 4 years old

    TTC #2 Summer 2017

    BFP 1/5/2018, MC (D & E) 2/23/2018

    TTCAL May 2018

    BFP 9/20/2018, MC (D & E) 11/16/2018 :'(

    bakerstreetboys
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