Sensitive Announcement — The Bump
July 2019 Moms

Sensitive Announcement

Just wondering does anyone else have any experience with or advice on announcing your pregnancy sensitively to someone else? For reasons like that other person just had a miscarriage or has been trying to conceive for several years without success ect.

I have 4 best friends and currently all of them are struggling with some sort of loss in life or frustration with trying to have kids and this is my second pregnancy so I'm feeling guilty and reluctant to tell them. TBH I've actually been avoiding them because it's too hard to keep my secret of happiness when I know they are hurting so much!

Re: Sensitive Announcement

  • I’ve been on both sides of this. It’s definitely tough. When I had lost our first baby my sil was also pregnant. We were due within weeks of each other. We went to lunch and she told me individually rather than in a group. We cried together. I was so happy for her, but so incredibly heartbroken that our babies wouldn’t grow up together. When I’ve brought it up to my close friends and family I try my hardest to tell them first in person rather than them find out online or through a mutual party.
    indulgentgypsy
  • BigBadWolf12BigBadWolf12 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 7
    I've also been on both sides. Telling them privately is a must imo, whether that is through text/email, phone,  or in person. It really does depend on the person I think. 

    TTGP history (*TW*):

    Started TTC Oct 2015
    BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
    Re-started TTC Aug 2016
    Started IF testing Nov 2016
    Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
    BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019


  • I think it depends on how close you are and what types of personalities your friends have. After my losses I didn't want to be around anyone pregnant at all and I resented seeing pregnant people or hearing about other people's pregnancies because I was hurting. Personally if I was going to hear the news from a close friend I would have appreciated a personal email that let me know they were understanding of my situation but still wanted to share their news with me. That would have at least given me the time to be able to be upset, jealous, resentful, etc privately before seeing them without having to pretend to be ok in front of them immediately. That being said my BFF had her 4th when we were trying for our 1st and I never once resented any of her pregnancies or felt anything but thrilled for her. I don't think there is a right answer here. Do what you feel most comfortable with. I am sure they will all be thrilled for you:)
    indulgentgypsyCheesyPeasknottied5b800e06e25c4a7
  • I would also add that I would recommend telling them first when you start making it more public so they don't find out from someone else and get taken off guard that way. 

    TTGP history (*TW*):

    Started TTC Oct 2015
    BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
    Re-started TTC Aug 2016
    Started IF testing Nov 2016
    Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
    BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019


    wabash15Panaceia
  • Everyone else has given great advice. I’ll just add that your sensitivity to it already puts you steps ahead of lots of folks. I was always happy for my friends - I just resented strangers. Just temper excitement but explain you’d never want them to hear from anyone else. And let them that you know it’s complicated for them and that you love them. 
    indulgentgypsyPanaceia
  • ccmama3ccmama3 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 7
    I had this situation with my last pregnancy and I let my friend know via text before I announced on social media. I wanted her to be able to have whatever reaction she wanted/needed to have privately. And I know she really appreciated it. I believe I worded it that I was really sorry my news might be hurtful to her but that I wanted her to know. Something like that. It's so hard when you want your friends to share your joy but know that emotionally they just cant.

    ETA I also let her know I wouldn't talk about the pregnancy with her unless she brought it up. 
    indulgentgypsyPanaceia
  • I'm struggling with this a lot this time around.  Mostly because we weren't exactly trying.  I have two friends who have just had losses.  One is not a real close friend the other is.  I also know several people trying to get pregnant and what not.  It's hard.

    My best friend was due a few weeks before me.  The day she had her ultrasound and found out not so great news we ran into each other at the doctors.  So she already knows but I still am nervous about announcing because I know she would have been announcing around the same time.  I feel so bad because everything would have been about the same time for us and I've been on the loss side of it and I know what it's like to think things like "I should be having my baby".  
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers BabyFruit Ticker
    Panaceia
  • I have been on the loss side often, and would have appreciated a text/email along the lines of "I have some news that I am excited about but I know may bring up painful feelings for you." that gives the other person the chance to figure out the news on their own, and to process their feeling and then talk to you. It puts no pressure on them. 

    I never resented friends. I mildly resented a family member, but only because she found out she was pregnant the day I found out I miscarried and just NEVER told me I found out when my husband asked why I wasn't getting ready for her baby shower (same SIL from the baby shower post). 

    I strongly resented a woman in the village I taught in last year. She had 6 children, drank, smoked, huffed gas, and did drugs through all 6 pregnancies, severely damaged her children (all 6 were intensive needs SPED kids - like can't be in regular classrooms, physical and mental handicaps) and continued to have more babies.  >:) I fucking hated that bitch. 
    coco2787Panaceia
  • If you stay sensitive to their situation, you'll be fine. The worst are the people who get upset when you're not happy for them. I would say go into the conversation, regardless of how it happens, with a focus on them. You have 9 months to be the center of attention. They may never get that. Make that conversation about them and their thoughts, feelings, etc.
  • Thanks everyone for some really great advice! I'm sorry to hear that so many have had to deal with something so tough and not always receiving empathy from others! Maybe it's pregnancy hormones and a too empathetic nature but I definitely cried reading through everyone's posts. I know that I have to find a way too tell each of them individually. I've started trying to feel out how they each might react so I can tailor how to tell each of them in the most sensitive way. But I definitely don't feel so much anxiety about this task anymore! You all are so wonderful! 
    coco2787
  • Thank you for this thread. **********TW*******A dear family member just went through a horrible 2nd tri loss and we are all reeling from it. I am not a big social media person anyway, but at this time I have decided not to announce there, and just let word spread through the family grapevine. I may wait to post anything until baby comes, idk. I wouldn't dream of reaching out to her personally this soon either, it just happened in the last week. Tbh I'm really unsure how to proceed.

    We are all heartbroken. She and my sister were due the same week so we were very excited about all the little cousins born at the same time.*******End TW*******
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