April 2019 Moms

Boy moms question... sensitive topic.

Hey, I am going to open a bucket of worms with this one but my hubs and I are both on the fence over whether to circumcise or not. 

I really want your honest opinion and possibly whether you chose to with older siblings in your house. 

Please no calling people out or arguing their decision really I want it to be where those of us who aren’t sure can think about more pros and cons and hear others thoughts. 

I think in the end, after the full family discussion I will probably have my hubs decide/ back what he prefers he has more direct info than me... 
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Re: Boy moms question... sensitive topic.

  • bankssl1bankssl1 member
    edited November 2018
    My son is circumcised, it was never really a question.. H is so DS is also.. I guess you could say I left the decision up to H, but really it was just a given. I did a little research before he was born and found that uncircumcised was just all around harder to keep clean and was less sanitary, but to each their own!!
  • We decided not to circumcise our DS. It really isn't medically necessary and we did not have a strong religious reason to do it.  DH is and his only hesitation was that DS might feel like something is wrong with him if he looked different than DH. Stripping away all of the cultural history and past religious tradition and looking at the procedure objectively it just didn't seem necessary and--if I am honest--felt pretty cruel. I didn't want to hurt my baby in that most intimate of ways (even though I logically know that he would never remember it). Personally I just couldn't do it.
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  • My son is circumcised and if this one turns out to be a boy, I will do the same. My H is too. Honestly I did little to no research, my main reasons behind going through with the circumcision was through my own experience.
    I use to work in a nursing home in high school, once I received my CNA, I would help clean the residents. None of the men were circumcised and it was difficult to clean them at times, especially if they had some sort of infection. Also, one of my high school friends was not circumcised, after he graduated, he had the surgery done. He claimed it was easier for him to keep himself clean.
    I know my sister was on the fence about it when she had her son about two years ago but decided to go through with the circumcision.
    All in all, my son did very well with recovery and being circumcised hasn't really effected him, hes only 3 though.
  • I appreciate you asking this question because I’m on the fence too. It’s important to me I *think* because I thought it would help him to look like dad, and DH is circumcised. But I don’t know if that should be our biggest concern or not. DH doesn’t have a strong opinion either way. 
  • We are not going to have our son circumsised. DH is circ'd, but he is 100% on the no circumcision train. Neither of us are concerned about their penises looking different. We are probably going to catch a lot of crap for it within our families, but I can't bring myself to inflict that kind of pain of a baby for something that isn't medically necessary and essentially a non existent practice in many other countries.
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  • kyashley1227kyashley1227 member
    edited November 2018
    I don’t have strong opinions one way or another. This baby is my first boy and I left the decision up to my fiancé. He is and our son will be circumcised too. 

    I agree that that it’s a family decision and don’t understand why people get so heated over the topic. 
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  • I was on the fence about it. But since I don’t have a penis and therefore no firsthand experience, I told DH that if he felt strongly about it one way or another I would go with what he decided. He actually had some good thoughts on the subject (and didn’t just say he wanted any future son to match him) which was a relief. So if this one is a boy he will be circumcised. And I’m totally okay with that decision. 
    this is my backup acct.
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    Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 
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  • H is Jewish and our kids have been converted and this one will be too.  This baby will be circumcised for religious reasons but if we didn't have that reason I would probably lean towards not doing it.  It's a natural part of the body and if it wasn't meant to be there it wouldn't be.  It's a tough topic for sure!
    Me: 31
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  • We circumcised and we will if this one is a boy too. 
  • With DS I researched both sides and thought both had good points. I could see the benefits bothfor and against circumcision.  I ultimately told DH he could make the decision since he’s a man and knows more about that stuff. An awkward side note, my grandpa actually had to get circumcised at age 80 because he kept getting infections 
    Just don’t let anyone bully you into making a decision based on their beliefs or make you feel bad for your decision. 
  • Team green, but since this came up during our Thanksgiving driving...

    I don’t have a penis and therefore don’t feel qualified to have an opinion. Defer to DH.

    with DD, DH was undecided. With this one, he is strongly against. His research shows cleanliness is not a strong reason to circumcise, he is against unnecessary surgery, he doesn’t want to take away the choice from potential DS (though one can sorta regrow a foreskin by attaching weights for like, 2 years), and while he doesn’t equate it with FGM he does think it may decrease sexual pleasure to a certain extent. 

  • Uncircumcised Team here because there’s no medical reason. I made the decision first 14 years ago with my first and now have a 14 and 8 year old boy I have not done anything special to keep them clean over the years and they are very typical boys—playing multiple sports, spending all day outside,  and avoiding bath time. Infection has never once been an issue. This baby is a boy too and we will stick to it.
  • It's definitely a hard topic.  With DS1, I left it up to DH since he has the same parts.  His main reason for circumsizing was that it's "cleaner," (supposedly) and he has a best friend who is not circumsized and regrets it as an adult.  With this one, I'm probably going to leave it up to DH again.

    I'm against it since it isn't medically necessary and it's making a permanent decision for my baby's body before they're aware enough to make their own choice.  DH's argument against waiting and letting them choose in the future is that the procedure is more complicated/painful the older they are (again, supposedly).

    We've had issues with DS1, mostly (I believe) because they didn't take enough foreskin so he tends to get sore underneath.  My sister circumcised her oldest boy and had so many problems with it reattaching/infections that she chose not to circumsize her second boy.  Neither of them seem to care that they "look different," from their brother.  (Although that is DH's argument for circumsizing this boy as well, since he and DS1 both are.)
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  • Our son was circumcised, not for religious reasons. I guess i never really thought about it until now but my reasons were shallow. I've heard issues of hygiene and a negative perception of an uncircumcised penis from some women.
  • We are team green, but if we do have a boy, he will be circumcised. I actually believe that there aren't any medical benefits for circumcision, but, as many have mentioned, since I'm not male, I let DH make that decision. He feels very strongly for it, so I'm ok with that. 
  • We’re expecting our third boy and have not/will not circumcise.  I do think people’s cultural associations influence their decision on this more than some will admit. In the US it’s more common to be circumcized and there’s a bit of a stereotype about uncircumcised penises being dirtier.  But to me it’s similar to saying that since you might get an ingrown toenail at some point it’s better just to remove it at birth to reduce the risk of infection later in life.  Of course there are differences between those two situations, but I do believe that most people will make their decision based on their assumptions/personal experience.  Where we live and in my husband’s culture it is not viewed as medically necessary/common to circumcise and that’s definitely influences our decision.
  • We chose not to circ. I did a lot of research on the subject, and decided that it’s a cruel practice (to be blunt). People have justified it saying that babies nerves aren’t fully developed and it doesn’t case too much pain, but research contradicts that. One group of doctors tried to do a study where they circumcised babies without pain relief and the babies were in so much distress (vomiting, passing out), that they discontinued the study on ethical grounds. If I can find it I’ll edit to link it, but it’s been 4 years so I can’t remember the authors - the finding really stuck with me though. 
    There is a slightly increased risk for UTI with uncircumcised men, but it’s very very small. Something like an increase from 5% occurrence to 7% occurrence. And still generally preventable with proper hygiene. Old people get UTIs a lot regardless of circumcision. 
    At first my husband wasn’t sure and was worried about his son looking different. But the second he was born, my husband decided he couldn’t stand to cause him that kind of pain for no medical reason. And my son has never noticed or questioned the difference between him and his father. 
  • professormamaprofessormama member
    edited November 2018
    This isn't the study I was referring to above, but it does talk about pain management (and lack thereof). If you decide to circ, you should ask about what pain management your infant will be given.
    https://www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD004217.pub2/abstract

    ETA. I obviously have strong feelings about this. But to husbands who want to circ their sons, I would ask them to think carefully about how (in adulthood) they would feel about someone cutting off some of their penis, without pain management. 
  • I don't have a strong opinion on it. I will let DH make that decision. 

    This sounds weird but I don't think many men/boys remember being circumcised so while it is a painful (and potentially not a necessary) procedure, I don't know of any men holding ill will towards their parents for making a decision to circumcise.
  • My son was born 14 years ago and we chose to not circumcise. His dad was circumcised, but I'm from the UK where circumcision is much less common, and so when we looked into the research felt that the cons outweighed the pros. I was concerned about causing pain to a tiny infant, and felt sad about potential future loss of sensation as an adult. The cleanliness argument was not that compelling to me since my brothers never had any issues and the studies did not indicate significant benefit. I felt better to leave his body as it came into the world.
  • happymoni21happymoni21 member
    edited November 2018
    We won't be. My hubs is strongly anti-circumcision. He is circumcised, and while he has a fantastic loving relationship with his parents he will always resent that they made that choice for him.

    The Canadian Pediatrics Association no longer recommends non-medical circumcision. If you are living in a nation with a developed healthcare system (i.e., not sub-Saharan African nations) there are extremely limited health benefits to circumcision, which all virtually disappear with proper care and cleaning of the foreskin.

    Lastly I will add that prior to hubs I was with a partner who had to have adult circumcision. It wasn't fun, no surgery is, but it also wasn't end of the world and he was far less hung up on it than my hubs is about being circumcised against his will.  
  • Well...I'm not sure.  SO is not and looked into getting it done later in life.  He didn't because the risk wasn't worth it since he wasn't having problems.  I would guess he's pro-circ but we haven't talked about it yet.  With my first son, I went with what his dad wanted.  I researched both sides and eventually decided that the one in the relationship that had the penis (and a strong opinion) should have final say when the research didn't point more one way than the other.  So...I guess that's where I am with it.  I don't care either way.

    DS1 is 7.  DD is 1.  DS2 is coming in late April.


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  • edited November 2018
    We are not because it’s not medically necessary. DH is and wanted our son to be, but I told him if our son has to go through that pain without being put out then I get to do the same to him. I feel like if it’s something our son wants done, he can wait until later in life to do it. I’ll even pay. 
  • We did circumcise both our boys, and while I did some research about it, what really motivated me was the fact that my 2 older sisters adopted 4 boys, none of whom had been circumsized at birth. Due to recurring infections while in foster care because of cleanliness issues, all 4 had to be circumcised after adoption. Before the circumcisions, they all messed with themselves CONSTANTLY. (Not just in a normal boy way: they were uncomfortable/itching.) Let me tell you that birth circumcision may not be traumatic (it certainly wasn’t for my sons,) but it sure was at their ages! So I just wanted to avoid the potential for that down the line. 
  • I have a friend who’s son is going to be having corrective surgery because his circumcision healed wrong. It didn’t present itself until potty training around age 2.5 and now he is 4 and they are still saving for the procedure. 

    I have another friend who’s baby is 12 weeks old and his wasn’t fully done and they will have to go back to get the rest removed as there are bits dangling about. 

    I nannied a little Korean boy who was not and didn’t feel it was difficult to keep him clean. 

    We we are Christian but no Jewish roots and don’t feel a religious pull towards circumcision.

    There are slightly reduced risks of penile cancer and stds but I feel like generally the medical pros for it are negated by good hygiene and safe practices later in life... 

    ao literally its it’s going to come down to what my hubs wants for him. :/
  • We talked about this with DD and again now that we are team green with this baby. DH is circumcised but doesn't have a strong opinion either way. After talking it through we have decided that if we have a male, he will not have the procedure done. I have done a ton of research on the subject because I read and research entirely too much for the both of us and decided that it's a cosmetic procedure with no medical necessity behind it. 80% of the world population is actually uncircumcised, it's mainly the United States and the Jewish community so it's certainly a cultural practice. All in all, I have strong opinions about it for my children but have no qualms against those who choose to circumcise. I just feel that no matter the decision, it should be well-informed and well-researched either way and not simply done because they may look different from others. 

  • we circumcised our son and i regret it. this baby will be our second boy & while i don’t want to circumcise him, either, i feel like i’m now obligated to b/c his older brother is. i don’t know how i would explain to 2 boys why one was cut and the other wasn’t. 

    i do have strong opinions on why i didn’t want to circumcise, but my husband’s experiences w/ an uncircumcised penis put him on the opposing side. he just kept insisting that circumcised boys have an easier life than uncircumcised boys. and while i wholly believe that is just buying into baseless societal expectations, and that my husband & i are progressive enough to combat that and raise confident men, i felt like i had zero experience to argue against my husband. so that’s why we circumcised. 

    but every time i think about it, i wish my husband and i had discussed it more. i wish i had more time to convince him otherwise. 
  • We circumcised DS and we are going to circumcise our next boy as well. I never gave it a second thought until they wheeled him out to do it.. I didnt want my poor nugget in pain! But he cried only a little bit and it didnt bother him after. It isnt necessary, but I wouldn't do it any differently. It's much easier all around with cleaning and such and one less thing to worry about with him maybe feeling awkward about being uncircumcised when hes older. 
  • A good topic to bring up!

    We're opting to not (if it's a boy). Main points boil down to:
    - no reason to
    - if possible, leaving bodily decisions up to the person

    Considering that it seems to be mostly aesthetic/religious (although there are exceptions to this as people mentioned in this thread), we believe it should be something that one opts into if it seems desirable or necessary later. While an older child/adult will remember the pain more, I think that's an acceptable tradeoff in terms of giving them agency over their body. Obviously parents have to make lots of decisions for their children before they are able to make their own, but this just seems like an unnecessary one.

    Also, I'd like to put it out there that while deference to someone who has experience with living with a penis is reasonable, seems like it should still be at least somewhat a joint decision, in my opinion.
  • @batmama31 don’t feel bad about past decisions, being a parent is difficult and overwhelming, we do our best at the time and place we are in!!!! And it’s ok if that changes for you and your family or it doesn’t. 

    If if you have strong feelings this time get to the bottom of it, you are allowed to do things differently with each child if your view changes. One of my aunts has one son circumcised and one intact. It’s ok. It’s also ok to circumcise if that’s right for your family. Hugs. 
  • I'm having a girl this time, but my son is not circumcised. I fully planned on it until I did some research while pregnant and decided against it. He is almost 5yo and has had zero problems. He actually thinks his foreskin is cool. 
    It is not medically necessary. It inflicts pain and takes away an important part of a male (the foreskin). It is not just a piece of skin. It actually has 16 functions including protecting the glands, keeping the penis moisturized, and a lot of nerve endings/sensation. 
    With an intact baby, you just need to know not to retract. Ever. There is no reason. It will retract on its own when he gets older. You wipe like a finger and that's it. It is so easy. 
    More often than not when you hear about infections and issues with an intact boy it is because he was orematuprem retracted. 
    I'm actually more nervous to change my daughters diaper than my son. 
  • You don't have to circumcise your son just because an older brother is. Many families have a circumcised child and intact. As well as a circumcised father and intact son's. It's not weird. Most people do not go around comparing penises. If your boys question it you can explain that you made the best choice at the time for your older son and then when you learned more you made the best choice at the time for your younger son. When you know better, you do better. 
    I know a few regret mom's (I almost was one). I haven't met a single mom who regrets keeping her son intact. You dont regret giving your son the ability to decide for himself about what he wants done to his own body. 
  • Thanks to all of you for this discussion! I've really been wondering about what people's general thoughts around this is in North America these days, and being a scandinavian-jewish couple, it's for sure a clash of two worlds in terms of people's assumptions and expectations. Luckily  DH and I can talk about these things and share experiences and both feel part of the decision. It is a bit of an extreme situation though because I've grown up with basically no one in my family or surrounding being circumcised, and for him it's the opposite. For us the discussion has been more about cultural belonging and risks rather than hygiene (which I don't think is a concern). Personally I don't think cultural beloning should have to be defined by the aesthetics of your genitals, but it can also be hard to understand why certain things are so important for different cultures, and I'm sure there are things that I take for granted that people from other cultures would find bizarre. 
  • We're having a boy, and DH feels strongly that he should be circumcised. This is the first boy in my family in over 30 years and I honestly have zero experience with little boys. I felt that DH was the better person to make this call considering he's the one with the penis, but I tend to agree with him based on his experience. 

    Since this is the decision we have made, what I'm trying to focus on now is the best way to go about it. Should it be done at the hospital or by a pediatrician after we've taken him home? I definitely want to make sure that more than just a topical numbing agent is used. It's not a decision made lightly, so I want to make sure we take great care in planning for it and the aftercare.
  • We're having a boy and we've decided not to circumcise unless there's a medical need. DH is circumcised, but after some research, neither of us are comfortable with an unnecessary procedure. We realized the only reason we were considering circumcision was because it's the norm here, between 76% and 92% of boys in the USA are circumcised (although those numbers are from 2006 and the rate is decreasing). I was surprised to learn that less than 20% of boys in Europe are circumcised. I think the percentage is equally low in South/Central America and Asia. A few of our male friends are uncircumcised. We asked their thoughts and they said they've had no issues and wouldn't circumcise their future sons.
  • I'm having a girl this time....
    I'm actually more nervous to change my daughters diaper than my son. 
    It was hard for my hubs. I almost always had to check after poo to make the poo was out of all her crevices. We ended up using Norwex baby cloths at home to wipe with(we did cloth diapers) for poo because it did so much better at grabbing it all instead of smooshing it around. 
  • @chrissdee don’t just let the hospital circumcise, you want the doctor who does the procedure to be one you select. Find a good pediatrician that does lots of them, and has good stats - complication rate etc. And schedule with them. 
  • @chrissdee check in with your insurance. We decided not to circ. But while we were still on the fence we looked into getting it done by a doctor later, in case we wanted to keep mulling it over even after the baby was born. It turned out that our insurance would cover the procedure in the hospital, but once the baby left the hospital it would no longer be covered. 
  • Like many of you, I deferred to H for our first (we were team green), H decided to have him circd.  We are having a boy this and he will be circd as well.  

    Personally, in the culture and climate that we are raising boys in, the appearance of the penis isnt as concerning as what they will be doing with said penis (but that's a topic for another thread).
    ME: 34 | DH: 36
    Married: 6/2016
    TTC:6/2016
    BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017






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