**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**
Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:
I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.
I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.
I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.
I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.
The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.
Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.
Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.
Friday November 2nd, same thing.
Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.
I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.
On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.
I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.
At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.
I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).
I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.
While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.
This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.
On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.
But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.
Now the strangest part...
The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.
Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.
Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.
So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.
It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.
But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.
In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.
This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience. I'm open to anything.
Thank you for reading.