March 2019 Moms
zionsmama85
member
Transitioning the LO's
zionsmama85
member
I hope i am not messing up board organization bc i have gotten anal about it myself in some ways LOL. but i figured this was a topic that could spread across multiple people. I tried to go through the pages so hopefully this isn't a dupe post either!
I had my last therapy session this week and my therapist told me to start doing things with my DS because once i have the baby he will no longer be an only child. Are you guys doing any significant (or insignificant) things with your current children to guide them into not being the only, or becoming big sis or brother? Looking for some ideas and maybe topics...he is 9 so he is old enough to have conversations, and i also want him to go into this change still feeling important to me. My sister is 18 years older than me, so i never had that change myself to have to do any kinds of adjustments. I know that it will be a transition for him but would love some ideas and tips and even books if you guys have recommendations!
I had my last therapy session this week and my therapist told me to start doing things with my DS because once i have the baby he will no longer be an only child. Are you guys doing any significant (or insignificant) things with your current children to guide them into not being the only, or becoming big sis or brother? Looking for some ideas and maybe topics...he is 9 so he is old enough to have conversations, and i also want him to go into this change still feeling important to me. My sister is 18 years older than me, so i never had that change myself to have to do any kinds of adjustments. I know that it will be a transition for him but would love some ideas and tips and even books if you guys have recommendations!
Re: Transitioning the LO's
In general, I'm not too worried about the transition. I don't want her to be an only child, and I don't want her to expect she'll always be the center of attention.
I took care of a tiny baby for a few hours a little while ago, and it was interesting! The baby cried a lot, and she would cry too. And she wanted to crawl up on my lap and be held, which was hard to do, both of them! It might be interesting the first few days, but H will be there too. And I can pop the baby on a boob to sooth them instead of just having to walk around and change positions and do the best I can!
I need to move her bed out of her room (I might do that this weekend. I have to take it apart which is the only reason we didn't wheel it out already). I've been meaning to get some books but I figure she'll get some for Christmas. We've got a few friends that just had babies, so I'll probably try to hold some of them while she's around to get her used to "sharing" me with a baby. Otherwise we're working on patience and the idea that sometimes Mommy is busy and you need to wait and helping her understand what she can do by herself.
His cousins have siblings, and the most recent additions have been in the past year, so I’m hoping that will also help prepare him.
It’s definitely going to be a big adjustment for all of us for him to no longer be the only, but hopefully it will go smoothly enough.
Any tip or tricks from mom’s who’ve done this before are certainly appreciated!
I am worried a little because she is such. a. mama's. girl. My husband can't put her to bed, it has to be me if I am around. My husband has been doing more activities with just the two of them. They are out of town this weekend together, they will go to our friend's house for play dates, etc. I think she'll be okay, but it will definitely be an adjustment for everyone!
I'm looking forward to additional insights others may have, so I love this topic idea!
As as far as transitioning my daughter (she will be 3 when LO is born) to the idea of being a big sister, so far it has been super easy. She has several younger cousins that we are very close with so she knows the drill with new babies. She has many baby dolls and is an excellent mother to them
When it comes to switching beds, rather than making it about “you have to move on so the new baby can sleep here”, emphasize how awesome the new room/bed is. We were worried she was going to feel like she was getting kicked out because she had a bedroom and a playroom, but then the playroom became her bedroom. It ended up being a non-issue because she was so excited about her big girl room.
Re: pets. We have 4 cats and they were for sure our babies. We (at least I) was that annoying person that compared pets to real kids (I DID hand raise/bottle feed all 4 of them so there was at least a little overlap lol). That said, we were super freaked out how they would react to the baby as one of them had swiped at our friends’ kid a couple times (she was 7ish and messing with the cat though). The cats definitely seemed to sense that baby was important and have never messed with her, even when she grabs tails or hugs too hard. One cat pees in her room and we haven’t been able to break the habit so we make sure she doesn’t go in there. It’s not ideal and drives us nuts but she’s part of the family.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
With your son it will likely be important to still have some mommy-son time without baby always around. Not sure how close your SO is with your son, but maybe they can develop some cool guy rituals to do together. Haircuts, baseball games, video games—anything that makes your son feel like the focus.
My LO is 2: she wanted a baby brother so she had huge eyes when we told her it’s a baby sister in mama’s tummy.
If there are specific areas you don’t want the dogs in at all, start enforcing that now. Otherwise unless your pup is particularly sensitive to sudden noise I wouldn’t worry too much. Obviously don’t leave them unattended, especially when LO’s start to crawl and walk.
For transitioning our DD to being a big sister. She was about to turn 3 when DD2 was born. She had been prepped by easing into bedtime/storytime with Dada. Special outings with just Dada to grandparents and BOOKS. Our older DD is a big bookworm and she really takes things from books and applies them to life. However, since I'm a SAHM, we already spend tons of time together and had special outings all the time and she was a cling-tight mama's girl and I was nervous how she would do. She got plenty of individual attention already from being the first grandkid on both sides of the family. But, she did have 2 little friends that had older sibs and were each getting a younger one, coincidentally, at the same time she was!
DD did better than I could have hoped when baby came home. She got lots of mom snuggles but had to learn to "wait her turn" when it came to some things and then I made lots of things work while I was nursing baby, like reading whatever she brought me, snuggling up and watching her favorite show on TV. She understood that many times, baby needed mom first. She was also given "mamas helper" jobs. That helped her to feel pretty big and important. It helped that she really loved baby sis from the start.
Because he’s so young, I don’t think he is really going to understand until his sister is born. We plan on bringing him a toy “from” his sister when we bring her home from the hospital.
He goes to daycare now and is around babies often. He seems to like babies now, but we’ll see if that changes at all. He loves to help take care of the dog and cat so I’m hoping he’ll feel the same about the baby.
@mayoduck Our Aussie is so personable and was the baby before DS was born. He definitely feels bad for himself sometimes, but he’s gotten used to DS and is wonderful with him. We make sure to give him attention still so overall he’s happy. Before our son was born, we did have a trainer come over because at the time, our pup was still young (under a year). It was helpful to get some tips from the trainer. If your dog is still young and you have any concerns, I’d look into getting a trainer.
The only thing we are looking into changing in his world is taking the paci away completely. He still will only use the one from the hospital (which I know it’s not good on his teeth). But he only uses it for naps/bedtime (and he spits it out as soon as he’s asleep) he knows it stays in the bed as soon as he comes out of the bed. His pediatrician recommended taking it away before the age of 1 or letting him have it until the age of 3 when you can “negotiate” with it. We wanted to take it away when I’m home from work the entire week of Thanksgiving... so we will see. I just think if we wait too long he’ll be taking the baby’s and he’ll be upset the baby can have one and he can’t. We won’t start potty training him until next summer when I’m off work ideally anyways.
Also, I asked my midwife recently if there was a specific appointment she recommended I bring DD to in order to hear/see her sister. She said NOT an ultrasound, which kind of surprised me, but any other appointment was probably fine. She also said probably not the 36 week GBS swab but that was up to me.
@meggyme That is a great idea about not walking around the dogs. I often do that with our pup (6 months) probably a good idea for him getting used to be the one moving.
We are a little nervous about our older dog. He's an ex field trail pointer (bird hunting dog). We got him when he was about 2. Its not that he necessarily had bad living conditions when we got him but he was not raised as a pet. He was raised the the old school ideas that better hunting dogs are not house dogs. That is not how we treat him. Hes about 6 now and is very loving except with children. Hes scared of them... Like he goes to hide in his crate. We are probably going to get a trainer involved.
The transition from two to three should be interesting. We're moving next week and I'm going to tackle potty-training DD1 HARD after she's had some time to adjust to the new house. DD2 is pretty go-with-the-flow, and since she's never been an only child - and she's younger - I'm not as worried about her. It will certainly be interesting to see how this all shakes out!
Oh, and the dog. I definitely agree with @meggyme about getting your pets used to having to move out of the way. Our 9 year old mini dachshund still struggles with that almost 3 years after bringing DD1 home. We also brought baby blankets home from the hospital so she could get used to the smells. She LOVED our girls when they were newborns . . . she's not so much into toddlers. :-)
My daughter will be just over 3 when baby boy arrives. She has been asking for a sibling since before I got pregnant, although she insists (still) that it will be a girl.
She has always been a really empathetic and nurturing kid. She is always pretending to be the mom/doctor/teacher of some stuffed animal or baby doll, and she has a laundry list of big plans for what she can do to take care of her baby brother. She is also already potty trained and sleeping in her own big kid bed. So for us, the preparation part seems easy and she is super excited and wants to be a big helper to the family.
I am worried about the reality not matching her expectation. She has no sense of time and can’t understand why her baby is not here NOW. She is also completely spoiled for attention at home, since she has two involved parents that she doesn’t have to share. Her patience and ability to wait for one of us is minimal. Any suggestions on how to teach patience to a 2 year old?
Now, all that being said, we have severely limited the interaction Ada has with the dogs. Not that they are evil, but size is a factor (smallest is 50lbs), and their personalities and temperaments are so different. I've also liked keeping them separate because of the cleanliness factor. We have clay not dirt, so our house and dogs get very sticky and dusty. One of the dogs, Dakota, is a husky, so twice a year (usually winter into spring and summer into fall, so now, ugh), she blows her coat. We have dust bunny Dakota fluffs everywhere. I brush when she cooperates, but it doesn't help too much.
I also keep them separate for safety reasons. I saw an episode of "Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet" where the family golden retriever had a blocked intestine due to ingesting a pacifier. I forgot to close the dog's baby gate the other day, so the oldest dog, Layla, got hold of some magnetic numbers, and colored markers. No damage done, but it makes me nervous because DH and I are outnumbered with the dogs and DD. There are only so many sets of eyes. Luckily we have a large fenced in yard with lots of critters to chase, so the dogs are able to play outside safely.
What we've been able to do is incorporate the three dogs into different activities with the family. Layla, the oldest, is a lab mix and DH's dog. She loooooooves the water, so we take her with us when we go to the lake. Dakota, the middle pup, is my dog through and through. Because of her working background, I take her when we go hike or walk. Bonus: because she loves to pull, I hitch her up in her harness to the front of the stroller so she can take most of the load. Freya is the youngest, more my dog, we think she's a Husky mix. She's not very gung ho about men or children, but she'll play fetch until her heart explodes, I'm almost certain. DD is getting to the point now where she likes to throw the ball for Freya. If the dogs get treats, DD gives them. I want the dogs to associate DD with positive things.
I didn't really do as much preparation with the dogs that I wanted to. I did make sure they were all up to date on vaccinations, on their flea/tick preventative, etc. I wanted a healthy household.
Sorry, I'm a novel writer.
I'm hopeful it won't be a terrible transition since he has been fairly adaptable so far. But he is also a huge Mama's boy so jealousy will be a factor for sure. He did not react well when I held my friend's new baby a few weeks ago.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
@Lbloom LOLOLOL! I've seen a couple of those dolls online; are they creepy? I have visions of Chucky.
He is not pleasant when he is woken up at all. I feel so bad but he’s about 42 lbs now and over half my height (I’m barely 5’ he is already 46”).
DD would never make it from the car to her bed still asleep (and no chance would she go back to sleep if anything less than perfect conditions) so we have started not letting her fall asleep in the car unless we can commit to her taking the whole nap in there.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016
I volunteer at the shelter we got her from, and plan on talking to the behavior specialist at some point for more advice. But their newsletter had an article a few months back about dogs and babies that had a few helpful insights. Many things have already been mentioned (letting them sniff baby's blanket from hospital, playing baby noises, constant supervision, creating a safe space). One other thing I took away from the article was about baby & pup's first interaction. They said don't force the meeting, but when pup gets interested in baby, let them sniff baby's toes and give them lots of treats and positive reinforcement.