Trying to Get Pregnant
nomangos23
member
TTCAL Week of 10/15
nomangos23
member
**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Status:
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
GTKY? What's your bests accomplishment?
Re: TTCAL Week of 10/15
Hello all I’m back after a month or so. I participated on the board until I got my BFP at the end of September but sadly things didn’t work out for me so here I am again...
How are things going? Good, my body has come back to “normal”
What is something that you are struggling with this week? Not knowing where I am in my cycle. I typically have ovulation pain and so I guess I’ll just go off of that this month and see what happens!
What is going well for you this week? Nothing particular
R/R? I let myself go and I really have a lot of self dislike about it- I need to get past that!
Any testing coming up/any recent results? No
GTKY? What's your bests accomplishment? **Children trigger warning ** My older two kids are without a doubt my best accomplishment!!
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 5 losses
Status: benched until testing is done
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Started temping after my loss last month and saw when I o’d. I need to get better on tracking and taking my temps around the same time every day. It’s so hard when I am not consistent with wake up times. I’m definitely struggling with my diet. I’m insulin resistant and the carb cravings are legit. Hopefully that’s something I can address at my appt that’s coming up.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? First appt with re is on Halloween. Hopefully testing happens shortly after.
GTKY? What's your bests accomplishment? LC Tw* my son for sure. End tw* Im also proud of how well dh and I have been able to navigate the world of miscarriage together. I think we can all agree pregnancy/child loss can have a huge effect on a marriage and I’m proud that we have gotten closer through it all.
Edit somehow I missed part of the questions
@ThompsonHM2 I'm sorry you're here again friend. I typically take the cycle after a loss "off" from any tracking so I can focus on getting my head right so I normally don't normally track. Maybe just allow yourself the rest of this cycle to reset so you don't have added stress about tracking it?
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 3 losses in 2018 - @21 weeks, @5.5 weeks @6.5 weeks
Status: WTO CD1.
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? We're FINALLY off the bench and I wish I could say I was excited. I've waiting 4 months to be here and now I'm nothing but a ball of anxiety again. I'm terrified of another loss. It makes me think maybe I should wait some more. But will I ever be at peace with trying again? I'm so in my head right now. I really want to be able to enjoy the holidays this year, but watching every FW come and go is PAINFUL. Digging deep and doing a lot of yoga breathing these days.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? TSH and prolactin levels should come in today.
GTKY? What's your bests accomplishment? Probably the success I've had in my career thus far. I started this job right out of college as a kid who didn't know much and have worked my way from a coordinator to a director in 7 years. If you had asked me 7 years ago, I would have had no clue I had what it takes the climb the ladder.
@ThompsonHM2 I'm so sorry you are back and for your loss.
@kbrown2385 Good job on tracking, even if you don't feel like you are very consistent. At least you are getting in the habit. I definitely agree that our miscarriage brought DH and me closer together, even if it has been hard at times.
Status: TWW
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I've been having a rough week. More so with TTC than our loss. I'm starting to feel like this is never going to happen for us. I know realistically it hasn't been that long, but I just feel so defeated and bitter. Also, the heat in my office is broken and I'm freezing. It is legit hard to type because my fingers are frozen!
Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'm a poas addict so I tested today at 10 dpo and got a BFN. Pretty sure I'm out, but I guess we will see. Appointment with OBGYN at end of the month to get a referral to a RE.
GTKY? What's your bests accomplishment? I'm not feeling very motivated right now, but my career. I have a great job and have excelled pretty quickly.
Also, I brought a space heater to work and it has been my LIFELINE. I've been written up by the fire marshall 3 times now but I refuse to get rid of it. GIVE ME HEAT OR GIVE ME DEATH. I haven't been fired yet.
LOL about the heat. You rebel. I just took a space heater from someone who isn't in today. It is gonna be hard for me to give it back!
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
4 losses. MMC 12/17, CP 2/18, CP 3/18, MMC 6/18
Status: benched
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Monday was hard. It was one of my due dates and I posted on my FB about our losses. It was cathartic to put it out there but it made for an emotionally draining day.
I feel like I never have anything positive to say so here's a few good things to have happened this past week:
-An old coworker saw my posts about loss and reached out to me because she had also had a loss and was feeling pretty alone. We've been chatting and it's a great feeling to know that being open has been helpful to others, as that was one of my hopes.
-I found out about an OB in town who runs a clinic that is only for women who have had a miscarriage. She sees women both before pregnancy and during, I have an appointment with her next month. She's also had a loss herself so if I like the clinic I think I will likely switch.
-I made an appointment with the psychologist that works at both my RE and the loss clinic, she specializes in loss and infertility related issues. I'm hoping it's a good fit and I can clear my head a little.
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
Still waiting to hear from RE about whether or not I should be concerned about AF starting while I was on the estrogen but she’s out of the office until next week
GTKY? What's your best accomplishment?
Finishing my second degree and passing my occupational therapy certification, even with dealing with 4 losses in my last year of school.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Any ladies on this board diagnosed with high prolactin levels? Mine have come back @ 28 two times now. My doc is ordering an MRI to make sure everything is functioning normally with my pituitary gland but a quick google search has me low key freaking out. A brain tumor? Really?
@nomangos23 as much as the bench sucks it is kind of nice to not have the TTC stress. So much envy for people that don't have to know about the roller coaster of TTCAL. As far as prolactin levels I don't have any knowledge but I hope that they can figure something out with that. I always Google even though I know better but I'm still going to say stay away!
@kgg2241 I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged
@ThompsonHM2 I'm sorry you find yourself joining this group. Side note- (in spoiler for LC triggers)
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@kbrown2385 I hope you and RE can find some answers
@nomangos23 YAY OFF THE BENCH, but I get the anxiety. Don’t start until you’re ready. LOL about the heater.
@kgg2241 Creepy internet hugs !!
@coco2787 I hope the new clinic works out. I love my OB but can tell from the way she’s said some things she’s never had one. Sometimes I wish she could relate.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses 8/17, 1/18
Status: ? I’m not tracking anything this month I need a break from thinking about TTC, probably WTO though
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
I’m okay, Monday was really hard for me. I’m pretty mentally worn out this month; going into cycle 6 this time around has really messed with my head. I wish there was a clear answer for someone if their body is going to work or not. I brought up the idea of getting the uterine scope thing done(can’t remember the name) with DH and he didn’t seem to have an opinion, just a concern about more medical bills, we’re still paying off my miscarriage from January. He’s got a really valid point there so idk what I’m going to push for yet. Hopefully by January I won’t need to decide, but I’m not exactly hopeful.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope
GTKY? What's your bests accomplishment? Idk
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
@coco2787 I'm glad you had a coworker to talk to. It helps to talk to people you know in real life and can find some community. Also, I think it is good you shared on your story. I'm sure it was emotionally draining, but hopefully, it helped and was somewhat freeing. And awesome news about the potential new clinic. Keep us updated!
@kindbytealikat Creepy internet hugs right back at ya. I know what you mean about wanting a clear answer. I keep feeling like, well do I pull the trigger now and do more advanced treatment or give it another month? I guess the right answer is whatever choice we make? So tough. Also, I completely understand the bills. We are still paying off our miscarriage too. Talk about insult to injury. Hopefully, you won't need to decide and things will work out before January.
AFM, my therapist was so nice and fit me in right after work today. Since it was my first appointment back, I wouldn't say it was particularly helpful or insightful, but at the very least it was good to just talk and have someone listen. She is also a feisty lady and let me vent about my bitterness and jealousy with no judgment. That was especially nice lol. I'm looking forward to going back and think it will help me work through some of my feelings.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Hi everyone, I am new-ish to the boards and @coco2787 was nice enough to tap my figurative shoulder in the newbie thread to come check out this TTCAL thread.
I had two losses in 2017 (January and July). We benched ourselves for a little under a year after I suffered pretty significantly with grief/trauma particularly related to the circumstances of our second loss. In August 2018, my new OB was reviewing my medical records from the previous pregnancies and noticed a footnote that suggested I might have a uterine septum. A sonohysterogram confirmed a pretty formidable chunk of unwelcome uterine muscle/tissue living smack dab in the center of my uterus, rent free, and likely contributing to our losses. That m-f'er comes out mid-November and we can return to TTC after one normal post-op cycle.
Side Note: My OB referred to the tool they use for this procedure as an "Electric Melonballer" and if my current career totally flatlines that is going to be the name of my rock band. Please don't steal it.
Status: Benched. To have my uterus melonballed, obvi.
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
I struggle quite a bit with the anxiety and pre-occupation with it all and find that I sometimes can't focus on anything except post-surgical fertility statistics and other fertility/pregnancy topics. A pretty healthy dose of panic that this won't be the solution we're hoping it is. I have a countdown app that is counting down to surgery day in... my own heartbeats (just over 2 million to go, give or take). Like, that's probably not normal and I know that.
Rant: Being invited to a baby shower with FIFTY other attendees and so assuming mom-to-be won't notice that I am not going but she did and she asked what I was up to that day and it seemed not cool to say, "Well, the last time I went to a baby shower I was so anxious I sweat through all of my clothes and threw up after tea, and I hate this shit" but I also couldn't lie fast enough so it just came out like, "Unnnggggh, you know, well... unnngh, maybe I can make it after all?" Dumb.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nothing upcoming except surgery.
GTKY? What's your best accomplishment? Probably running a marathon or bikepacking 250 miles of Idaho forest service roads.
Anyway, I'm sorry for your losses. I have a very good feeling for you and your TTC future after your surgery. I got a pack of Tarot cards for my birthday so I can practically see the future. Have you had a RPL work up yet?
I completely agree with nomangos. Your post made me lol. You should just dine and dash at the baby shower. Let her see your face and then leave. If there really are that many people, she'll just think you're in another room (hopefully)!
And finally, are from Utah? I have also spent lots of time adventuring through Utah and Idaho and I'd love to have another "local" here. (Feel free to message me if you don't wanna answer publically)
@nomangos23 I love Tarot!
I really hope surgery is the answer to your prayers. I think it’s completely natural to be so anxious. Especially when it comes to your fertility. It’s a big deal. Hopefully you can find some comfort here
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
1 loss at 10 weeks July 27th. Natural miscarriage with a follow up D&C to really rub salt in the wound. I have PCOS.
Status: waiting to start my period. We took the last month off because of a move and also because I’m afraid/want it so much.
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
My humor has been pretty dark lately. I’m also feeling a little bitter. I think everyone in the world is pregnant and due January-March. That doesn’t help.
Also, I’ve been stacking all my bills from the ER, hospital and doctors office in a pile and not paying attention to them. Apparently that doesn’t make them go away, lol.
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
Nope
GTKY? What's your best accomplishment?
Surviving and becoming a successful adult. That sounds dark but it’s true. Major depression hit when I was 12 and lasted until I was 25.
Man, this post was a downer, lol.
@antera23 I'm sorry things have been rough, it really does feel like pregnant women are everywhere. I've been staring at my medical bills and doing nothing too, it just feels so insulting to have to pay them.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@kgg2241 Oh the way people would gossip when I dine and dash a baby shower- LOL! I love it and is actually totally something I would do. Lately, DH and I have been getting the babies in our lives totally non-baby gifts and I think it might be freaking people out a tiny bit. It's mostly been like, vinyl records, and I think people could be more grateful that we are starting their kid off with a great music library...
@antera23 Ugh. Sorry things are hard. It does feel like pregnant women are everywhere. Or pregnancy shows up in a tv show/movie/book where it isn't really important to the story and it's just like... "Whyyyyyyy?!" Last night I was watching old episodes of America's Got Talent (you can judge me, I judged me) and they asked this singing couple what they've been up to since the last audition and of course they got pregnant. And so then there was like three minutes of how excited they were to be starting a family... neat. I just hit rewind to the singing Golden Retriever and watched that twice. It's a darn tragedy he didn't make it to the next round.
@coco2787 Thanks! It doesn't feel like a very common procedure, so I am glad to know there are some other people who may be floating around here that have had it done. I had a close friend have it and she got pregnant with twins her first cycle after. I told my OB she didn't need to do THAT well. We don't need to hit it out of the park here. A base hit will do for me.
We bought a house yesterday so that's my rant and rave. I feel like we completely settled by buying this house which is a terrible feeling. I personally dont feel like the house will become a home however that's only based on the fact that it doesnt have our stuff in it. we still have move in with the inlaws for 1 month but that'll be fine.
Tw* my bfs sister is having a baby any minute and the entire family is basically waiting to go and help once she goes into labor and I selfishly have no desire to go there* End TW*
We leave for Tofino (google it, its beautiful) to stay at a resort for the weekend for my bfs 30th birthday so I took today as a personal leave day from work so I can pack and organize. its just a weekend but my to do list is like 35 things long and I havent left my bed yet.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? results from all of this blood work november 19th. I have to start provera today. im terrified as last time I did (with other issues too) I bled for 18 months straight and no one could make it stop and I was so sick.
@kels0091 Congrats on the house! What an exciting time. I'm sure it will start feeling like home soon enough. Have a fun weekend relaxing!
Thank you guys for being there for me. I really am ok. Everything in my life is good except TTC. So when I talk about it I end up sounding negative.
I think I froze for like 20 seconds and then grabbed gloves (thankfully since he was covered in blood) and ran over. adrenaline is an amazing thing.