IF Treatment and Testing- Week of 10/8

emmasemm

Also sending lots of love to @rallykat14

and @sparty18 I think you should have hedged your bets pretty well there with those two sizes! 

@ljmoon6 I also prefer working with men. And I would love to be a fly on the wall with what they think... I know the first time they thought I was KU, but as that obviously wasn’t true (it’s more than a year since my first ER) then I really cannot even guess what they think... 

@blackhottamales miss you old friend 

@nitnat007 oh you start so soon!!! 

@avrilmai how are the stims going? When is your first monitoring?

@jrm_14

Avrilmai

@emmasemm first monitoring was today. the new RE actually did my scan. Honestly I prefer it when the u/s tech does it because she narrates what she is seeing and tells me count/measurements. the REs just do there thing and I have to wait for it all to be loaded in the portal. all of that is to say. he didn't say much. just told me there were no leads which is good at day 4 of stims. waiting for the blood work. the office was a mad house this morning so I'm expecting my call to come a little later than usual today.

@rallykat14 thinking of you. 

@beachbunnyxo123 thinking of you too, hope things went well yesterday. 

@Sparty18 FX for you.

LJMoon6

Well, I just got home from my RE appointment. I feel so defeated and yet it went exactly how I expected it to go. Nothing stands out to her from our labs and tests. She said we're boring health wise. Everything is normal. She also doesn't think any other tests are needed. I expected this but I was still hoping they would recommend other tests or see something wrong that we could point our finger at. Besides a few additional blood tests we'll get in the next couple weeks, looks like we'll be doing an IUI with clomid next cycle.

suzycupcake

Hi ladies. The support I have received here has been overwhelming, in the best way possible. So I'm sad to say that a month or two TB break needs to happen. I so hope this doesn't look like I just came and took and went. 

We had a very stressful meeting with our RE yesterday. He didn't know why we were there to see him and apparently didn't read our results. The look of shock on his face when he looked at the computer screen and the audible sound he made when he put his hand over his mouth....It just didn't seem genuine. He immediately said my eggs are probably the problem, that he has never seen this happen before after seeing A+ embryos, wouldn't tell us which were mosaic (lied saying it would say so on the report even though the report clearly says that mosaicism wasn't disclosed because of provider preference), offered a donor egg as the next step saying that it's no different from the adoption that we are so open to, and closed the meeting asking if I had any younger sisters who would be willing to give me their eggs. Obviously that is the short version, but what a completely insensitive asshole. So many tears came out of me when he said that. There was a very real and strong physical urge to get up and smack him a bunch of times. It takes a whole lot to anger me and it was what made me realize that a break from all of it is super important. 

$16,000 is just gone. My heart just can't right now and my anger at God only grows. Every bit of energy needs to go to making our home an enjoyable place to be again, including getting back to myself, and my husband. And brushing my hair. Our foster to adopt orientation is scheduled for 11/7. It is time for that process. Whichever kid we are given from that will know that he/she is loved, will be protected, will be stimulated intellectually and creatively, and will be so well cared for. We may/may not go to another state/out of country to try IVF one more time. The good news is that my previous RE has given her opinion on this, that she would not even think to recommend egg donation at this point, but would instead tell us to take every supplement that has been shown to help, including she would change the protocol to something else, add DHEA and HGH, and thinks we should try again. Nobody ever told us that stimulation protocol changes could mean the difference. We wouldn't be comfortable trying again until we've had at least a couple of months of getting religious with supplements, etc. 

My husband gave a sperm sample today to check for DNA fragmentation. The jerk RE told us yesterday that those results would take a month, but a Nurse told my husband today that it will take a week. We'll see. There's still a telephone appointment scheduled with Cooper Genomics on Saturday to get more information as well as ask if they recommend we both get karyotyping done on ourselves. We aren't even sure that we want to try again, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna allow any kind of a rushed process, if we do decide to.  Now I totally get it why so many wait for so long in between these kinds of cycles. 

I am endlessly grateful to every one of you for reaching out to me and supporting me. Honestly I love you all so much for just being here, for being willing to open up and share yourselves with so many women who are struggling too, and for being ever so willing to give the butt loads of knowledge you've acquired, in public and in private, without passing judgement. Phew! The strength, compassion, and empathy that each of you display is remarkable! I have tears. Many of you are mid cycle right now (ER/FET). Please know that I'm praying for good results across the board. You are in my heart and on my mind. If anyone wants to be FB friends or wants to exchange emails, please inbox me. And please don't ever be afraid to share good news with me just because I find myself in this spot.   

kiki047

*Iurking*
@suzycupcake sending you all the love and hugs as you move forward in your journey. I am in awe of your strength and courage, and I am so, SO glad our paths have crossed along the way. You have been a guiding light in my own life, and for that I will never know how to properly thank you.  

tamalahoops

@suzycupcake I am so very sorry that you are going through this. Our journey was very similar, but we were able to make 1 embryo, from 23 eggs. When I asked my RE what happened I never got a definitive answer. She said it was likely that my eggs were very poor quality. She also said that "if I were a lab rat,  she could test the hypothesis multiple times to see if this cycle had been a fluke or if that was indeed the cause of our infertility." 

The best thing we did for ourselves was decide not to be lab rats. We took all of 2018 to indulge and enjoy each other as husband and wife instead of sperm and eggs. Please take as much time as you need. The beautiful thing we found in adoption is that there is no rush. My biological clock is off, and as long as we are patient we will be parents.

Best of luck during your break, treat yourself well!

rallykat14

@wabash15 @emmasemm @Avrilmai

Thanks ladies. It's been a busy week at work and I've just been lurking and wishing for good news for you all. I had blood work on Wednesday and can't remember estrogen but progesterone was 35. I have beta on Monday. I feel no different than all of the other transfers. 
A while ago I decided when I made it through all of this and if I still didn't have a baby I would buy my dream car and move on.  Well DH surprised me this week with it so at least Monday won't sting so bad.  I'll probably take most of the day off but I will have to go to work in the evening. Ugh. Never a chance to process emotions. 

purplg8r

@Sparty18 FX for you!

@wabash15 thanks for that info! Makes me feel better!

@LJMoon6 not having something to “fix” can be frustrating. Like, if something was wrong and could be fixed, then it’s easier to accept. Hopefully the iuis do it for you. 

@suzycupcake I’m so so sorry. IF sucks-it really, truly sucks.  I’ll keep you in my thoughts as you continue your journey 

sparklingdiamond

@suzycupcake I am so sorry to hear this.  Sending you such a big hug.  I am going to send you a PM.

littleredm

**lurking**

@suzycupcake I'm so sorry. Doctors shouldn't be allowed to be doctors if they don't know how to not be jerks to their patients. Take all the time you need. You've been so welcoming and supportive throughout my own journey here and I'm super grateful. Sending you all the hugs and so much love.