Struggling to stay body image positive

onenewheartbeat

Hi all,

I'm feeling a bit down about my body. I was not at my ideal weight when I became pregnant, and now I'm 11 weeks along and I feel huge . I'm not "showing" persay, but I have a lot of chub and I'm feeling really down about it, because I'm convinced it's not in relation to the baby.  Has anyone else had these feelings?  How did you stay body positive?  PS, I haven't gained any weight since I found outI; I've been trying to maintain (not gain) for as long as I can (midwife states this is ok).

Thanks ladies for your input and encouragement.

kangstadt

Hi there and congrats!

I've been feeling very down on myself lately also.  I haven't been able to workout like I usually do because I feel like garbage, and I've been eating mostly carbs due to the nausea.  I definitely felt it got better once I actually had a bump last time around.  The bloat/early fluff can definitely hurt self-esteem.

Try to remind yourself that this is all part of pregnancy, and keeping yourself as healthy as possible, mentally and physically, will be good for both of you.  Also, this too shall pass.

Maybe you could change the title of your post to "Healthy Habits Check-in w/o 9/10"?  I was meaning to start one for this week but didn't get around to it yet.  A lot of the ladies on here have exercise/diet/health goals we're trying to encourage each other to stick to.

lyse01

Hey knottie! (highly recommend changing your user name per the directions in the Read This First thread as you are very hard to tag.)

i know it’s hard to look at a first tri body and think you’re staying in shape - we’re all bloaty messes. I have lost 5 lbs in the past 11 weeks and definitely look fatter because my weight has redistributed to look bumpier. But since baby is still the size of a lime, it’s a bloaty, amorphous bump that comes and goes with food, hydration, and the tightness of my pants. 

How are you feeling otherwise? Is it possible to remember how strong/agile/other body positive descriptor you are? 

If not, tell your OB/midwife about these thoughts. It’s not uncommon, but it may take some watching and mark you for additional screening for PPD. And in the meantime, they may have other helpful suggestions.

sunny_native14

I'm in exactly the same position! I've gained quite a bit of weight over the last few years and (of course) had intended to get back in better shape before getting pregnant....but you know how life is. And honestly, I'm so incredibly thankful to be pregnant, I just try to focus on that- and the fact that my body is doing an incredible thing. But also honestly- I've really been feeling extra bloated and struggling to stay body positive too. It's really hard. One thing I have started doing is putting bio oil on my belly and sides and when I'm doing it-I try to think some positive affermations about how beautiful and strong my body is, how it's doing an incredible job of growing and protecting my baby, etc.. Also- a nice Mani pedi never hurts!! 
I'm so glad you started this post! I was going to do the same thing. I'm also working on maintaining my weight and really hoping it doesn't get made into a big issues further along.  I'd love to hear feedback and motivation! 

mels823

You’re not alone. I’ve put on 8 lbs and im
only 11 weeks. All that I can do to keep from throwing up all day is continue to eat. It’s weird. I look huge and gross and am so discouraged. Ugh. This is my third and I told myself I wouldn’t gain too much weight this time. I guess that’s out the window!

lizziealyssa

I have been on bed rest pretty much from the beginning (11 weeks tomorrow) because of a blood clot and I'm constantly bleeding so I feel pretty blah too.  My biggest tip is wear comfy clothes.  (4th child, but 9th pregnancy)  I throw out my jeans and anything else tailor-fit when I have a positive pregnancy test and wear loose shirts and skirts from then on.  

lovelybabybumpz

Pleas please follow Kimberlyweiss on instagram. She is all about body positivity. And not in a fake body positive because “I work out to be skinny, I mean strong.”

Really think about what it is that’s keeping you down. Usually it’s not about weight, but we use weight as an indicator of happiness. Like why do I only allow myself to be happy if I step on the scale
and see x as a magic number. 

Surround yourself with positive messages and give and give yourself some grace (even if you’re not growing a baby, our bodies are amazing and just a small piece of whonwe really are. 

cveliquette

Is this your first pregnancy? I struggled way more with this my first pregnancy,  gaining 65 lbs and being fat shamed by my doctors. It took me almost a year to get off but I ended up getting into the best shape of my life in the process. This time around I'm giving myself a lot more grace. Just focusing on being healthy. Just know whatever you do put on, you CAN get off but now is not the time to beat yourself up over it. 

onenewheartbeat

Changed my username, thanks for the tip!

And thank you all for replying.  It helps to hear that I am not alone in my feelings.   This is my first pregnancy!  Other than feeling down about my body image, I am feeling well.  Thank you for asking.  I'm mostly TIRED! And looking forward to the "second trimester glow."  I have an appt Monday and plan to discuss my feelings with my midwife.  I will definitely check out Kimberlyweiss.  

jamiemarp

I I totally understand! I was feeling a bit bloated, but otherwise not too bad! Then I go to the Dr on Tuesday and they told me I was having an obese pregnancy, and should only gain 11-20 pounds. Jeesh. That definitely hurt my ego! I’m a size 12, so I thought I was pretty normal...but no, now I have another thing to worry about

ashtuesday

@onenewheartbeat I don't have much advice for you, but know that you're not alone.  This was something I really struggled with during my first pregnancy.  There's something about seeing the body you've known all your life change so rapidly - I remember crying in the shower, thinking "I should've taken nude pictures while I had the chance!" lol.  I was never super into my own appearance, so it surprised me how upset I was.  The body positivity mantra-ing didn't help me (but more power to those who it works for!), but it did help me to remember this was a means to an end: if I have to deal with my body changing to wind up with a beautiful baby, I will happily do so.  Good luck, mama!

TheSouffleGirl

Lots of good advice above, but I'd agree with @ashtuesday that the body-positive mantra didn't work for me.

In part, I think, because when done poorly it can refuse to acknowledge the reality that some changes can be scary or unwanted, and make you feel like a failure if you can't just will yourself to love or want every little thing. Then you feel down not only for feeling bloated, but because you feel guilty that you can't love being bloated. Like, having a sick and disproportionate body sucks, and saying it is also strong is just changing the topic and invalidating the lived experience. I don't think good comes from denying reality or forcing yourself into more cognitive dissonance than pregnant women already have, lol. Good comes from acknowledging all reality and then choosing what to focus on and what to let go. Just my 2 cents.

I personally found it much more helpful to deal with why I cared, like @lovelybabybumpz said. For me it was loss of control (I think control is a big factor in a lot of the modern health scene) and loss of some things that really made me feel like myself in small ways (I got banned from jogging, couldn't wear my favorite clothes, couldn't have the fun cocktails I loved) more than fear of my size or weight. 

It was much more helpful to redirect to what I could control, find new things to love, reevaluate what I put my identity in, and, especially, let go where the control was not possible. And, when all else failed, rememver that it is a season, and to try to teach myself to accept (but not require myself to love) seasons. There are lots of different ones after you have the baby anyway, haha.

Anyway, it wasn't perfect and I'm not perfect, but just a few thoughts from someone who has been there and made it through... only to go back to it again, ha.

laurainoakland

I completely empathize too! I somehow gained 10 lbs already... (11 w, 2 d). Nothing fits right and I changed outfits half a dozen times today trying to get ready for a normal work day... I have to admit I started wearing maternity clothes early and they make me feel a whole lot better. They feel comfy and look pretty good. My boobs are so much bigger than normal, and the maternity clothes seem to highlight them in a flattering way.