TTCAL W/O 9/10

coco2787

kgg2241 said:

Jumping in real quick to add that I hate that chart too. It felt like a slap in the face. And I'm pretty sure I won't join another BMB either. It is a little triggering for me to even see my old BMB name pop up on my screen and I just think I'm better off avoiding that whole process again. Also, does anyone else get sad when they see a new BMB added? It is like a reminder of how far along I should be. 

K now back to work

Yes.  I can't believe people are going to be having June due dates in like a week. 

All the people on the leaderboard right now are from my December BMB and it just sucks to see those names.  

ruby696

@meatballs37, @kgg2241, and @coco2787 I also hate how it makes me want to respond. I try to be a kind person but every time I see that, I want to point out everyone can still have a miscarriage and the statistics mean nothing on an individual level. And that's cruel. I hate that it makes me feel like being cruel.

And @coco2787 Yes, exactly. I must have the worst luck in the world because I've been in the 2% twice. Thanks for the reminder.

I realize I'm being a bitter hag right now. I'll stop. 

projectalice

I thought I was the only one that didn't like that stupid chart...

suzycupcake

*lurking*

@projectalice My heart hurts to see you back here. All the hugs to you  

jrm_14

I think my first UO on the BMb was my despise of that chart. 

So many tags- so thanks for all the support the last few days. Re: work, I can take unpaid leave but that put me at 9 marks (10 is grounds for being fired). After today, I have 6. All of them have been since May due to fertility treatments and these losses.  Pretty effing heartless. 

D&C went okay today. I’m feeling better physically than anticipated. I’m feeling worse emotionally than anticipated. 

@zamora_spin I often want to kick your IVF nurse. Hoping your upcoming cycle goes smoothly. 

@meatballs37 Anniversaries like your sons’ are so difficult. So glad to hear you’re doing what feels right and don’t give AF about making other uncomfortable. 

meatballs37

@jrm_14 That seems so unfair that you get those marks against you for losses. I wonder if fertility treatments would qualify under FMLA? So many hugs to you tonight. I will be saying an extra little prayer for you and your angels tonight. 

meatballs37

If it is ok with all of you I think I will start our pregnancy and infant awareness loss thread on October 1st. I won’t put anything TW like in the title. Maybe something like TTCAL October remembrance. And a huge warning in the top description similar to what we have here in ttcal weekly. 

I’d love to see all the ways you guys remember your babies too. I am a firm believer in every single pregnancy matters. 

I love @coco2787 idea of sharing ultrasounds or mementos on how you honor them. And even if you don’t have those, maybe tell us in depth more about your losses if you feel up to it. 

dpjennifer

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Unexplained RPL. 4 Losses

Status: WTO. CD 10?

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just got back from vacation, which was awesome. Got AF the day before I left, so at least I didn’t have to worry about testing on vacation or betas or anything (yay?) and since it was Epcot Food and Wine Festival, I got to drink a lot. So um, woohoo? *sigh* Having a really rough day back at work this morning though.

GTKY: I'm going to keep it light-hearted today. I watched a movie over the weekend and they asked this question and it made me laugh. Would you rather drink only water for the rest of your life or any beverage you want but it has to have a small amount of pee in it? 90% of what I drink is water anyway… so I’d go with water!

prpl11butterfly Sorry for all the rough times and that you’re back here.

coco2787 Sorry for the anniversary reminder. Those anniversaries are definitely the pits, especially when it feels like everyone around you has had no struggles. I don’t think I could do a BMB unless I made it past the HB scan successfully. I just can’t take the overwhelming optimism. And I refuse to TW my losses and my life.

klmcguire Unfortunately, until you’ve had RPL testing, there’s no way to even attempt to determine what the issue was for such an early loss. Thus, you can’t really do anything preventative. Also, it sucks but, 50-75% of RPL is unexplained, so even those of us with more losses and more time in this camp still can’t do anything to prevent a future loss. As for trying right away, my doctor said with a CP and the betas being drawn down to 0, I was free to start again right away. With a later loss, they recommend waiting a cycle or two. But if you’re temping and tracking, then I’d say go for it. (It’s the people who have somewhat later losses, who didn’t track betas down to 0, who don’t temp, that are TOLD to sit out a month and then try anyway and pop a BFP and aren’t certain if they’re PG or if it’s from last loss, and they come in all “Woe is me, What do you think?” that I want to throat-punch. Like, UGH… THIS is why rules are made!  BUT, if you are temping and everything and you’ve been at this a while, then it’s a completely different story).

projectalice I’m sorry for your losses. RPL is a real shyte sandwich. Are you going to do the RPL testing panel (or have you done it already?)

meatballs37 FWIW, my periods have definitely been heavier as of late. Like my cycles are way different from my losses than they used to be. Also, sorry about Oct being rough. I had my first D&C in October, and my 3rd loss in November, and it’s sort of when I count when all of this misery started, so October tends to be a very rough month for me as well. I am all up for doing something to memorialize our PGs next month. Do we need to use a spoiler?  Or just a TW? (Guess it would depend on what we decided to do).

zamora_spin Woohoo for getting underway!

ruby696 Those MC stats piss me off beyond all reasoning! First, they’re assuming you have had no issues up until X day, so unless you’re getting checked every day to make certain of that, it’s not even a guarantee. Second, being on the crap side of those statistic is a shyte sandwich of awfulness.

kgg2241 A new BMB being added doesn’t bother me as much as ppl who had a baby returning to try for a second.

jrm_14

@meatballs37 HR said I could have FMLA now for IF treatment/loss or have it if/when I have a baby. Mind you, that’s completely wring & not necessarily legal. It’s also presumptive on their part that treatments will lead to a baby within 1 year. It’s a bunch of crap (did I mention I work in a healthcare facility?). 

klmcguire

@jrm_14 I am glad to hear that your procedure went ok, but still sad for you. Also, sometimes healthcare has the worst idea of needing time off for situations such as these. 

projectalice

@dpjennifer thank you, I'm planning on asking my doctor about it tomorrow when he calls me. 

meatballs37

@jrm_14 ugh that really really sucks! I also work in a healthcare facility.

People say to me all the time “your insurance must be great” um no it’s not. Our nicu bills alone last year pushed us over our out of pocket max. We essentially paid 13k and came home with zero babies. 

The US really needs better health coverage and time off for medical procedures for people trying to grow their families. Or in general. 

jrm_14

@meatballs37 I completely agree. I get irrationally upset about so much focus on “the US needs maternity leave laws.”  What about those of us who can’t get&can’t stay pregnant or lose their babies?  What about those of us that can only hope for maternity leave after fighting so hard to even get to that point?  

zamoraspin

@meatballs37 I think that thread idea is great. I agree with putting the warning at the top so that people in the thread can discuss freely. Also, man, I totally agree, our health care system is so broken. 

holly321

@meatballs37 I think the thread sounds like a great idea too.  And yeah, health care is ridiculous. My on and I were just discussing the ridiculousness that is prescribed PNV.

@jrm_14, maybe it is just my experience, but I feel like healthcare employers can be the worst about health time off needs.

AFM, I had several nightmares last night that I miscarried again and was having issues getting a D&C.  What fun. 

jrm_14

@holly321 Nighymares suck, especially about loss, when you can’t get away from it day or night  

dpjennifer

holly321 Sorry about the nightmares. They're terrible, and it's awful to relive the feelings of MC. I hope you have more relaxed sleep soon!