Trying to Get Pregnant
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TTCAL W/O 8/27

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? 

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Re: TTCAL W/O 8/27

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    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 2/28 at 11ish weeks.

    Status: TWW

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Right now I'm just struggling. I've finally admitted to DH (and therefore myself) that I think the MC has caused some kind of anxiety. I dont feel like I'm always worried, but I always feel like I'm on the edge of a breakdown. Always overwhelmed. And the smallest dumbest thing (like unable to find something in a store) sets me off. I just can't most days (at home, I can keep myself in check at work, sadly it's like a vacation). When I get to the point where I feel like I can no longer tolerate what's happening I completely shut down. And then DH gets mad because I don't communicate.  It's really making home life miserable right now. Is that anxiety? What do I do now? I don't really like my PCP and I know I shouldn't feel like a crazy person but I do.....

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? nada

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? I need to think on this..... I'm very overwhelmed at the moment.

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    @prpl11butterfly I am so sorry that you are experiencing these feelings? Have you talked to anyone? I have no clue anything about anxiety, so I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say hugs to you. TTC is hard and you went through a traumatizing experience.


    ntroduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Hi! I have been here a couple of months. Had a loss (CP I assume) last week at 4w5d.

    Status: WTO

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? DH is now questioning a 3rd... He is all "What is that was a sign" I may throat punch him today. Hormones and emotions are high and I turn into uber b* when pregnant, so maybe he is trying to avoid that haha! 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?  I have my second blood draw tomorrow to make sure my progesterone is back in the normal range so that I ovulate this month. 

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? Debt free, huge stockpile of cash and a nice camper to go view the world in! 

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    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

    Hi!  Been fairly active on the TTC after miscarriage board.  I’ve have 2 RPL this year.  One at 6 weeks and the other at 9 with a DC.  The second loss was due to a Trisomy 22.  It’s been tough as I’m approaching 39 and really hopeful for a baby.  

    Status: TWW after a lot of trying this last week.  

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  I actually feel remarkably calm.  I’m sure if we get a positive test in a few weeks my anxiety will shoot through the roof but for now I’m just feeling relaxed.  

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?  Nope

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire?   Savings, mountain house and keeping my good health!  

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    @prpl11butterfly first off I am so very sorry you are dealing with this right now.  I do the shutting down thing to when I get overwhelmed. It sounds like a mix of anxiety, depression, PTSD to me, but I am no expert. Either way I think talking to a counselor might help. In May I finally broke down and talked to someone when DH pointed out how much different I was. It helped a lot. 

    Sorry I have been MIA from the thread. I have been having trouble keeping up with everything lately. 

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses 8/17 and 1/18

    Status: TWW

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I've been feeling pretty good. Getting back into work and the busyness of fall has brought some needed normalcy to my life. I'm trying not to get my hopes up to high this cycle since I really don't want to deal with the disappointment. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?Nope

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? Paying off debt, vacation fund, modestly nice house.

    Me: 35 DH: 47

    HX
    DSS: 20
    DSD: 17
    DS: 4(Nov'14)
    MMC:8/17
    MMC: 1/18
    BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19

    Tickers
    BabyGaga
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker


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    ruby696ruby696 member
    edited August 2018

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 2013, CP 2017, MMC 2018.

    Status: WTO

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? No major complaints today. WTO for the first time since my post D&C AF. Kind of ambivalent about getting back into the game. I should be excited, but after 3 losses, I really don't believe I'm going to have a successful pregnancy. I've adopted an "expect the worst and maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised" attitude. Not sure that's really healthy, but...

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope.

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? Pay off my house, buy an RV, and run a marathon (the first two are most realistic).

    @prpl11butterfly I'm so sorry you're feeling like that. If you're able to talk to a counselor, it might be helpful. There may be some techniques you could learn to help manage your feelings.

    @klmcguire My husband hasn't said it out loud, but I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I want to be annoyed, but since he hasn't actually said it, I can't be. Smart man!

    ETA: spelling

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    @ruby696 you could definitely run a marathon! 
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    @klmcguire I am pretty solid for about two miles. Then I start thinking about how good it sounds to be sitting down   :D
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    Welcome to all the new and new-ish faces. I'm sorry you have to be here with us but this is a great group of women. 

    @prpl11butterfly I'm sorry you are having so much difficulty and anxiety. I think admitting you are having difficulty coping is the first step towards improving your well being. Would you consider talking to a therapist or other mental health professional to help you find some coping mechanisms? These days even if you don't want to go in person there are options like Talkspace where you can speak with someone without having to physically go to an appointment. It is very common to have continuing issues with anxiety and depression after loss. 
    @klmcguire I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your bw is as you hoped. Sometimes ovulation occurs a little later after a CP but after mine I did ovulate. Good luck. 
    @denma2015 I'm sorry for your losses. My fourth mc was also due to Trisomy 22. For me it was helpful to know the cause. I've said this before to TTCAL grads, but I honestly do think that PGAL (pregnancy after loss) is harder in some ways for a lot of us than TTCAL, so I get what you mean about the anxiety of a positive test. I sure hope the next BFP comes quickly and is your take home baby. 
    @kindbytealikat I'm glad you have some distraction right now. I will stay hopeful for you so you don't have to, how about that?  :)
    @ruby696 Recurrent pregnancy loss really robs us of our innocence. I think the marathon is more doable than you think if it's something you want. Running is something most folks can do if you slowly add on time/miles. It's also pretty common for folks to run most and then walk some of their first marathon. Full disclosure I've never wanted to run a marathon and haven't done it myself, but I did get up to running about 10 miles at a time after being a completely unathletic person my whole life. I didn't keep up with it because I lost interest but if you have the patience you can do it. 

    Sorry I never checked in last week, I was reading and rooting for everyone. 

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Four first tri mc's.

    Status: WFIVF

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? So far so ok. I'm waiting for AF and hoping it holds off as long as possible, probably will start 9/3 which means it's not totally clear when we'll start stims (either 9/7 or 9/14). 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? I saw my RE last Thursday and we did a mock transfer and went over IVF consent forms. Mock transfer went smoothly. I'm waiting for the two pharmacies to call me about my meds so I can pay them a ridiculous amount of money. 

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? Hmm. I'd like to travel more internationally, write a book, and feel like I've contributed something meaningful to my profession. 

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    ruby696 said:
    @klmcguire I am pretty solid for about two miles. Then I start thinking about how good it sounds to be sitting down   :D
    Yea. I feel ya there! My strategy has always been... Run as far away from my house as possible, because I know I have to run back! Also, making a playlist and making it exactly the amount of time that it should take me to run a route, that way I know by the song when I am getting closer to finishing hahah! I am all about the end to a run.
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    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Twin B lost at 22 weeks following placenta surgery. Twin A passed at 29 weeks after a month fight in the NICU in 2017. Benched for 6 months only to have another loss, blighted ovum. 

    Status: WTO, CD 12

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are actually feeling fairly decent for me. I was able to chat a lot with my mom this weekend and she made a huge effort to ask the things everyone else avoids. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have nothing going on. But I may make an appointment with my endocrinologist to check up on my thyroid. 

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? mine are fairly similar to everyone else’s. Pay off the house, be completely debt free, and I like the idea of making sure I have put my health first. 

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    @prpl11butterfly I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. It does sound like anxiety to me. Is there a way you can get in to see someone about it, maybe your PCP can set up a referral. Or maybe DH can take some things off your plate? :( hugs to you. I definitely know what it’s like when your world doesn’t feel safe anymore. 

    @klmcguire I’m sorry about your MC. DH questioned if we should even keep trying after our third loss in July. Losses screw with your mind that make you question everything. I find most days I’m all about it, but then there are the low days where I read into the “signs” too. 

    @denmanam I am so sorry for your losses. I think you described exactly how I feel. I’m so calm during the TWW, but it’s after that is when I feel like I could break down from constant fear of loss. It’s so crappy all of us have t experience that kind of anxiety because of our previous experiences. And unfair. I sometimes have really resentful days towards people who have a textbook pregnancy without a care in the world. 

    @kindbytealikat So glad you are feeling better too. There is something about fall approaching that gives me an extra boost in the good mood department.

    @ruby696 3 losses have me feeling the same way. To not get too excited and then it won’t hurt as much when it doesn’t work out. I think all of us here donthat to some extent. PGAL brain is the worst. And you could totally run a marathon! I did a half marathon in my late 20’s and it was such an awesome feeling when I finished! Best high ever. 

    @zamora_spin So glad the mock transfer went smoothly. I am loosely following the IF thread and hoping AF shows up at the right time for you so you can get things moving! What book would you write? 
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    Status: CD4 today

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are okay. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Have education day for IVF scheduled for September 25th.

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? Travel and see more states, Get a bachelor's degree from college, not sure what else really

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    @meatballs37 That is beautiful. What a lovely way to honor your babies.
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    @meatballs37 Aww that is so beautiful. I love that painting. I'd love to have a piece of art to remember my babies but I'm pondering a tattoo. Still not sure about that though. 

    @prpl11butterfly I'm sorry you're struggling this week. I totally get feeling overwhelmed ALL. THE. TIME. I call them meltdowns b/c I'm not really sure what else to call them. Talking to someone really helped me. I found someone who also struggled with IF and also had miscarriages so for her to validate that I'm NOT crazy was more healing to me than anything else I tried. She also gave a lot of great tips for caring for myself and things I could do to help communicate with DH better. Counseling can be expensive but what's worth more than your mental health? (That's how I justified the cost anyway)
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    kgg2241kgg2241 member
    edited August 2018
    @meatballs37 wow, so beautiful. I love the colors and emotion. My DH and sister surprised me with a signet ring to remember my loss. It is the zodiac sign of her due date, but also DH's sign. I like that if I don't feel like talking about our loss, I can say it is for DH and not elaborate. Also, I haven't had a chance to respond to your post last week (or today really), but I am so glad you were able to talk to your mom. Sometimes you just need that one listening ear and conversation to put your mind at ease and validate your feelings. I'm glad she was able to do that for you. 

    Edit for clarity. 
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    @nomangos23 I have also contemplated the idea of another tattoo too. But I haven’t run across anything that I love. 

    @kgg2241 what a nice surprise from your sister and DH. I love when someone does something unexpected to remember. It makes it feel like it matters, which we all know it does. But it’s nice when someone else acknowledges that too. 

    My mom and I have definitely grown closer since my losses. She is a lot more understanding of my anxiety and depression. Before she used to write it off. It’s so nice to be taken seriously. 
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    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

    4 losses in 7 months.  2 chemical, MMC dx @ 9 weeks, MMC dx @ 14 weeks.  RPL testing showed no known cause.  

    Status:

    Who TF knows

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

    Well still no AF and based on today's ultrasound it most likely won't be happening any time soon either.  They couldn’t diagnose anything but I guess my uterine lining was thin so RE doesn’t want to do Provera.  I went down the Google rabbit hole of “Asherman’s thin lining” and apparently there’s a severe form in which the basal layer of the endometrium gets damaged beyond repair, which would cause a thin lining rather than adhesions.  And that kind is untreatable and causes infertility so now I’m scared shitless.  I’m starting to feel pretty hopeless and like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.    

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?

    Hysteroscopy next Tuesday to get some definitive answers.  Was originally going to be tomorrow but they had to reschedule and I wanted to cry.  Imsofuckingsickofwaiting. 

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? 

    Find our forever home, pay off our house, and have at least one patient tell me I made a difference in their life.  

    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
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    @coco2787, *hugs* I am so sorry, I can imagine how stressful that is.  I hope you get good results with your next test.  Fx for you. 
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    @coco2787 I’m so sorry. I was hoping AF would show up or they would be able to start the provera. I’m also annoyed you have to wait even longer for answers until next week. Did they say how long it would take for them to summarize the hysteroscopy findings? Lots of fellow wisco hugs your way. 
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    They didn’t say @meatballs37 but I had a hysteroscopy after my 3rd loss and they told me while they were doing it what they were seeing so I assume I’ll know right away what the findings are. 
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
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    @prpl11butterfly first off I’m sorry for the way things are going, but thank you for sharing bc I’m feeling the same way but until you wrote it out I don’t think I realized that maybe this is what has been going on with me as well. So I’m sorry I don’t have a good answer but sending creepy internet hugs and wanting you to know you are not alone
    @zamora_spin what type of book would you write? 
    @meatballs37 glad you and your mom had a nice talk. And what a beautiful painting!
    @coco2787 I’m sorry your body isn’t cooperating. I’ve been lurking mostly the past couple weeks but I really hope your body gets it together!

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. EP in Feb 2018 resulting in right tube removal

    Status: basically WTO

    I’ve been lurking mostly the last few weeks. Work is still busy and our timing has been awful the last 2 cycles so it was hard to participate. AF should be here in the next day or so, so I’m looking forward to a new beginning 

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m doing ok ...But I’m really hoping our timing this cycle works out! If it doesn’t I may lose it. One thing I’m struggling with is getting back into a workout routine, I feel like I’m just in this funk and can’t get out. I need to take it one day at a time but I just can’t right now

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? Debt free, purchase a beach vacation home, hmmm that’s all I got now

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    @coco2787 I’m glad you advocated for yourself and got the u/s. I’m sorry the news wasn’t better. Argh, how frustrating to hear you have to have another hysteroscopy and they’ve put it off. I really hope it’s not the crazy rare Asherman’s version. Lady I just want you to catch a break.
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    @coco2787 I'm so sorry you're going through this - I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. I hope you get answers next week and I really hope it's not what you're thinking. 
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    @prpl11butterfly I'm sorry you're struggling, that definitely sounds like anxiety.  Your PCP can prescribe meds, which can definitely be helpful, but finding a therapist or psychiatrist to talk to is probably a good idea.  I've been trying to convince myself to do the same, taking that first step towards getting help is the hardest.  

    @denma2015 good to see you over here.  I hope you can continue to stay Zen during the TWW, that's never an easy feat.

    @ruby696 I think after you have RPL hoping for the best and preparing for the worst is the best we can do.  Also, I second that you could totally run a marathon.  You don't have to be super athletic, even Oprah and Will Ferrel have done marathons.  Look for a fun race (lots of spectators are good motivators) and just sign up!  It's been a while since I've done a race and have only done a half marathon but if I sign up for a race I find it to be a good motivator to stick with my training.  

    @zamora_spin that's exciting things are moving along for you!  Glad to hear the mock transfer went smoothly.  The plan is to do a FET with PGS right?  

    @meatballs37 I'm glad you had a good therapeutic talk with your mom, she sounds pretty great :)  I love that ultrasound painting so much <3   I had a final picture printed of my girl that I haven't figured out what to do with, I would love the artist's info if you're willing to PM it to me :) 

    @nmbrcrnchr1 sorry about the crappy timing, I hope things work out better for you this cycle.  I find that working out helps to get me out of a funk but I know it can be hard to find the motivation to get there.  

    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
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    @nmbrcrnchr1 Hmm, ideally a book of short stories. But I'm pretty rusty at fiction. 
    @coco2787 Yes - plan is FET with PGS. So it will be a while after my ER before we are ready to transfer. RE has also given me an option to do an ERA (which measures timing for the FET) before transferring anything. It would add even some extra time on if we did that. I'm undecided on what to do because we don't know yet how many embryos we'd be working with. Based on my age and my AFC my RE has suggested we will only get 1-2 embryos that are PGS normal in a cycle. 
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    Ugh.  Doing more research and it seems like a thin lining is a common feature of Asherman's, regardless of severity or type.  I have basically every risk factor for it, making my chances of having gotten it like 50%. 
    • "In the case of missed miscarriages, the time period between fetal demise and curettage may increase the likelihood of adhesion formation due to fibroblastic activity of the remaining tissue." (3+ weeks for me)
    • "The risk of AS also increases with the number of procedures: one study estimated the risk to be 16% after one D&C and 32% after 3 or more D&Cs." (I've had two)
    • "Up to 30.9% of D&Cs performed for missed miscarriages, in another study, 40% of patients who underwent repeated D&C for retained products of conception after missed miscarriage."
    • "Pregnant uterus is more susceptible to develop scarring."
    Best case scenario, I don't have it and my body is just taking an extremely long time to reset.  But if I do have it, and even if it's a mild case, it will make it harder to get pregnant, increase my chance of placental issues, and can cause miscarriage and 2nd tri loss due to cervical incompetence.  And of course worse case scenario is untreatable infertility.  I don't even know what we'll do if we get bad news next week.  
    Me: 35  H: 35
    Married: 4/5/13

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
    BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
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    @coco2787 Awe coco, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how scared and upset you are right now. I'm sorry the ultrasound didn't go better and you have to wait until next week for more information. Hopefully, it is just taking your body some time to regulate. I'll be thinking of you. Try to do something fun over the long weekend to distract you. Keep us updated. 

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    @coco2787 I’m so sorry you are in limbo, That is the worst place to be
    Me: 35 DH: 47

    HX
    DSS: 20
    DSD: 17
    DS: 4(Nov'14)
    MMC:8/17
    MMC: 1/18
    BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19

    Tickers
    BabyGaga
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker


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    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC at 11 weeks

    Status: WTO

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

    I am really trying to be positive this week. I just don't like who I am becoming... I feel like I am so bitter and jealous because of this TTC/MC thing. I hate feeling this way. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

    GTKY: What 3 things do you want to accomplish (besides TTC) by the time you retire? Pretty similar to everyone else. Be debt free, travel more, feel accomplished in my career

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    @coco2787 that’s so true. I feel like I’m so jagged now. The person I was then had no idea. It’s amaz the things that change in a year and how different it makes you.
    Me: 35 DH: 47

    HX
    DSS: 20
    DSD: 17
    DS: 4(Nov'14)
    MMC:8/17
    MMC: 1/18
    BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19

    Tickers
    BabyGaga
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker


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    @coco2787 every damn day. We just went to a wedding this last weekend and DH and I took a selfie. And for the first time I recognized myself somewhat happy in almost a year. 

    It is so true, life before and after being divided. 
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    @coco2787 oh so true. That's one thing I've really struggled with. I will look at pictures or think of moments before our loss (while I was pregnant) and become so embarrassed and almost ashamed with feelings of how naive I was. How stupid that I thought everything would work out for me. Rationally, I know how crazy that is, but I have a hard time looking at pictures because of it. Like you said, it is crazy how it will change you. 
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    @coco2787 I have this snapshot in my mind of DH and I on our way to my 8 week US with my first pregnancy/loss. We were so happy and excited, and completely naive. I feel like that appointment changed me and it makes me so sad when I think of how carefree I was before we went inside.
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    @meatballs37 That is the most beautiful painting. <3 

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    @holly321 a loss of innocence is the perfect way to describe it. 
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    @coco2787 Yes yes and yes. Except I'm also angry at her for being so naive and clueless about what's to come. 
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    TW
    For me pregnancy was the most magical journey. It broke my heart to have two losses this year. As time passes I can only try to muster up the excitement to feel that magic again. And of course you have to hold out hope that this time You will walk away with a sweet baby in your arms. This last pregnancy was so full of angst and worry, and obviously rightly so. However I am going to try to only channel positivity and love the next time I find myself pregnant.  It’s so easy to say try not to dwell in the past and look towards the future but of course we always carry the past with us. I try to remind myself of those sweet moments even with the losses. I hope you can too.  
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