TTCAL Week of 8/20

dpjennifer

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese?

coco2787

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

4 losses in 7 months.  2 CP, 2 MMC.  Unexplained diagnosis. 

Status:

Ya'll are probably sick of hearing this, but still WFAF and about to lose my damn mind.  

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

It's going to be a busy week.  Finally going to take my occupational therapy certification exam (I graduated in May) on Thursday.  I know I didn't study as much as I could have but I don't think continuing to procrastinate is going to really help my outcome.  Just hoping I pass the first try so I can relax.  

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Well I took a HPT this morning just in case, very much a BFN.  I messaged my doctor to see if I should be concerned about lack of AF, I'm starting to get paranoid about Asherman's as this was my 2nd D&C in 6 months and one of the symptoms is lack of a period.  

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese?

Ooh, this is tough, I love cheese (and I live in Wisconsin).  I might have to say cheese curds, the fresh, squeaky kind, not the fried kind (although they're delicious fried too).  

nomangos23

@coco2787 Any signs or symptoms of her showing up soon? Are you temping at all? I know you said you got positive OPKs a few weeks ago.. She should be close if you did indeed ovulate. Are temps high? 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 21 weeks, 5.5 weeks, 6.5 weeks, all in 2018

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm feeling SO much better this week, after a weekend full of emotional meltdowns and finally telling husband I needed him to be  little softer with me for a while... I feel like I'm getting there.. 

On another note, I have this job opportunity that kind of fell into my lap which would be a pleasant surprise if it worked out. However, I'm not sure how I feel about transitioning to a new job and TTC. Does anyone have thoughts? 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? FINALLY got a negative bHcg, so will have some more testing in 6 weeks

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? ALL cheeses are the best kind of cheese. I do not discriminate. 

coco2787

@nomangos23 no obvious signs of AF showing up but I don't get much in the way of cramps or anything ever since getting my IUD out, so it's hard to say.  My +OPK was 12 days ago, and I think that if I did O it was that same day because by evening of the same day it was negative.  So not quite 2 weeks ago but I've never had a 14 day LP (I do realize things are often different after MC though).  I haven't been temping at all.  

I'm glad you're feeling better, sometimes we need to just have a meltdown to be able to move forward.  I don't have any job advice at the moment but if I pass my exam I'll be in the job market so I'm also wondering some of the same things, I'll be interested to see what you decide.  

kgg2241

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
MMC at 11 weeks in June of this year

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I had a rough weekend and was super weepy and emotional. I am fairly certain I am out after a BFN today. I wish the phrase "it's not over until AF comes" applied to me so I could move on. I rarely get AF on my own, so I hate just sitting here waiting for something that might not show up. It makes this process painfully long. I'll probably test again later this week and then call my Dr. to see if they want me to wait it out or start Provera. She usually has me wait until CD 45 to start Provera though. 

On a happy note, we went to Crazy Rich Asians this weekend. It was so good. I highly recommend it for a good laugh. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? Does any and all cheese count? I pretty much love everything. 

@nomangos23 I'm sorry you had a rough weekend. I'm right there with ya. I do feel better now too though. Sometimes you just gotta get those tears out. As far as the job thing, I really think you'd be okay. You should read The First 90 Days by Michael Watkins. It helps you make a plan to get up to speed faster and more efficiently. I found it to be very helpful when I started my new job. 

@coco2787 Good luck with your exam! My sister went to school for Occupational Therapy and know from watching her how difficult the exam is. I am sure you will do great though!  Keep us updated on what your Dr. says. I'd be curious to hear if he/she thinks that might be contributing. And I love cheese curds too! My family owns a dairy farm, so we are always stocked up on cheese curds. 

lin0442

@coco2787 I went to WI for the first time the other week, and wow cheese curds are really good! Best of luck on your certification exam- they’re nerve wracking, but once you get it out of the way it’s a huge relief!

@nomangos23 I’d recommend that you go for it if you want the job, as long as you have some amount of financial stability/health insurance. TTC is such an unknown, you can miss out on so much if you try to time things ‘perfectly’. Ask yourself if a. You would regret not taking the job if TTC didn’t work out and b. If life would *actually* be too hard/uncertain if you got pregnant the first or second month you were there. Best of luck with whatever you decide!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 losses in past 2 years, at 13wks and 5wks. Uterine septum now gone, unexplained IF

Status: 14DPO, should get AF tomorrow 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Eh, things are just kind of going. I feel kind of pessimistic about TTC this month, but I’ve done a good job keeping busy. Been working on a gardening plan for next spring, which I’m pretty excited about- I’ve never really gotten to design and care for a garden before!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Beta scheduled for Wednesday is AF doesn’t show.

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? Oh now this is an unfair question. I do like fresh, good quality ricotta, but also like.... every other cheese.

prpl11butterfly

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 2/28 at 11+ish weeks

Status: TWW, aprx 1dpo

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Already too hopeful because our timing was awesome (and better then planned due to an unexpected but greatly needed HIO for fun). Back to work after being off all week and ready for the day to be over. Our rental property is just about done and all I have left is to clean it 1 night this week. All else is out of hands.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? nada

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? I'm actually kind of particular here. I like your standard American, swiss, provalone, mozzarella. But that's about it. I love ravioli and know there's ricotta but cant do it alone.

@coco2787 I'm sorry AF still hasn't shown. Hopefully over the next day or so you get an indication that shes coming. FX you passed the exam! I wanted to go into PT but it didnt work out.

@nomangos23 I would go for the job! Dont let TTC hold you back from a great opportunity. It could all work out better the  planed/expected.

@kgg2241 sorry to see your still waiting as well. Maybe given the circumstances your doc will give it sooner. What DPO are you at now?

@lin0442 I hope your garden works out! I like the idea of planning one but I think I would fail at maintaining it. The countless dead air plants and cacti in my house would likely agree....

holly321

Intraoduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MMC 2/12 MMC 8/17

Status: tww

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Okay, very busy with moving in this weekend.  Today is the last day of my 4 day weekend, so that makes me sad.  But, I only have to work 3 days and kind of enjoy my job, so I should get over it.  

Wednesday is 1 year since finding out about my loss.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese?

I love all the cheese.  I can be a bit picky about stuff like Bleu cheese and such, but in general, like them a.  My favorite is gouda.

@coco2787, I am sorry about the lack of AF, and sorry for the worry about asherman's, hopefully, the positive opks was a sign of O.  When are you going to call and see about progesterone (if memory is correct, I think you said you were going to?)

@nomangos23, I recently have been dealing with a lot of large life altering changes, a new position at work, moving, stuff that needs TW, etc.  We had decided to take a break from ttc, because I mentally could not handle it all.  So I got an IUD, was medically benched about a week later.  Within a few weeks, I was mentally over my breakdown, and was ready to go (health kept me benched for a few more months) .I think it is possible to deal with both, but I think it depends on the pressure we put on ourselves ttc .The pressure was there big time for me.

@pr@prpl11butterfly, glad all is going well with the rental, and that you got an extra hio session in just for fun . It is hard to not have your hopes high.

coco2787

@holly321 after my +OPK I contacted my doctor about getting the progesterone suppositories as we hadn’t been using any contraception and I wanted to cover my bases in case I got KU.  Since Provera just tricks your body into thinking you ovulated and I think I did, plus I also used the suppositories for a week I don’t think more meds are going to help anything  

meatballs37

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. It always throws me for a loop when I post here because I am like, oh yeah! I don't have to put in any TW. 

Identical twins diagnosed with TTTS at 21 weeks. Surgery to split placenta, baby B passed at 22 weeks in utero. Both Twin A and B were delivered 3 weeks later. B was stillborn. Twin A fought like hell in the NICU for 26 days. I am missing him terribly this week. We also had our 3rd loss last month, blighted ovum. 

Status: WTO, CD 5, month 10 (6 benched), cycle 3

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I stayed up late watching videos of our son that lived in the NICU. He was so beautiful. I posted his baptism video on facebook. I feel like at this many months later, people forget my sons existed or just don't care. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? none. Just trucking along in this cycle. 

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? I like all cheese. but melted cheese is the best. Or anything served with wine. 

meatballs37

@coco2787 Fellow Wisconsinite here! I wasn't born and raised here, but have lived here since high school. DH is a lifer though. lol. I am so sorry AF hasn't shown its face yet. Did your OB say when to call if it hadn't shown up? If I am remembering correctly, you are at 8 weeks now? 

@nomangos23 I am sort of in the same situation with a job opportunity opening up. But I don't want to switch things while TTC, but I also don't want to put my life on hold either. I go back and forth. Sorry I don't have any advice, just commiserating.

@kgg2241 Hoping you don't need the provera and you get your answer soon. hugs!

dpjennifer

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Unexplained RPL. 4 MC.

Status: CD 17. WTO I think… still a lot of CM…

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? Anything but Swiss…. But you all are making me hungry!  I think I asked the wrong question, LOL.

coco2787 Ugh, sorry. What CD are you on now? Also, fresh cheese curds are absolutely amazing!!!!! HUGE fan!!! Harder to find in the DC area though, but my dad grew up near Amish country and a small local cheesemaker, so we used to get it all the time there. Yum!

nomangos23 Yay for feeling better! As for new job and TTC… if it’s a good opportunity for you then take it! Do NOT put off your life TTC. Do NOT pass up on opportunities while TTC. You don’t know where the TTCAL path will (or will not) take you, so don’t stop living because of it. I know it’s scary, but you don’t want to end up 3 years down the road wishing you’d taken an opportunity that you passed up on because of TTC, when there is no guarantee in the PG game…

lin0442  WOW… gardening plan for next spring!?!?  That’s almost a year away. LOL. I love the planning and optimism here though!!  Planning out your own garden is definitely fun.

meatballs37 Sorry you feel like people don’t care. I feel like with my MC, everyone tells me how sorry they are and how sad they are for a week or so afterwards. But then they seem to just expect me to ‘get over it.’ I can’t imagine people would feel the same for a child you actually gave birth to!!!  It’s so hard when everyone else seems to have moved on and you are still grieving.

Also, melted cheese… AND wine…. Mmm…….

meatballs37

@dpjennifer I agree. Everyone else has moved on. My ILs never ever being the boys up. My mom however is the best about bringing them up and including their memory in discussions. My ILs act as if it never happened. Yet they were the ones who were Abe’s sponsors and present for his baptism. 

And yeah I’m not a fan of Swiss either. Yuck. 

coco2787

@meatballs37 today is 9 weeks post D&C for me.  OB said to call if nothing after 8 weeks but I didn’t since I was hoping the +OPK 2 weeks ago meant AF would be happening soon.  

@dpjennifer well if you look at my chart I’m on CD 166.  But I believe I’m 13 DPO.  Sigh

lin0442

@holly321 Gouda is an excellent choice! Do you do a 3x12 schedule? It must be nice to have the long weekend.

@meatballs37 I’m so sorry it feels like people forget. I feel like child loss is something so few people experience (thankfully), that few people know how to provide support properly. Maybe they think that they’re playing it safe and being conscientious of your feelings by not mentioning your sons? I’m glad your mother is there for you and your whole family in the way you need her to be.

@dpjennifer Swiss is my least favorite- I like it in things, but not by itself. And lol on the garden thing- I have to redirect this TWW funk to something more constructive!!! We moved to a new house this winter, but the outside isn’t great- I know I need to do a lot of research because I’ve never planned/maintained one before. DH thinks I’m kinda wacko.

AF is either coming today or she isn’t, ughhhh I am a crazy lady whether I test or not.

coco2787

@kgg2241I'm sorry about the rough weekend    That sucks that you're having AF woes as well.  Is there a medical reason AF doesn't show up on its own for you?

@lin0442 I think it's pretty normal to feel pessimistic about TTC at this point in the journey.  It's a lot easier to guard our emotions than to get our hopes up.   I'm keeping my FX for you!  

@prpl11butterfly yay for good timing!  I hope this TWW goes by fast for you.

@dpjennifer I don't find many people outside of WI who even know what non-fried cheese curds are.  So good.

@holly321 I'm sorry about the anniversary tomorrow.  I hope that you're able to do something for yourself to make it a little more bearable

@meatballs37 my heart broke thinking of you watching videos of your beautiful boy    I'm sorry you feel like you're the only one who remembers your babies.  It's an unfair burden that loss moms carry, but I can't imagine how hard it is to feel that people have stopped caring about your baby that was actually here for a time.  I can tell you with certainty that people DO care, but our culture is weird about grief.  We're expected to grieve on a timeline and people who haven't experienced profound loss just truly can never understand.  People stop asking about how we're doing because it makes them uncomfortable to see us sad.  But I promise you that your babies are not forgotten and that they mattered  

troystory17

@meatballs37 I know what you mean about feeling like people just move on like they never existed its an awful feeling and I'm you have to deal with that.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

PPRom 19w6d still born 20w

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm having a rough day.  I think i'm just nervous about how I'm going to feel once I get pregnant again.  I should be 7 months pregnant instead I held the box that contains my sons ashes in my hands this morning.  Its just not fair

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I had positive opks over the weekend so fingers crossed for good timing

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? I think I have to go with fresh mozzarella.

dpjennifer

coco2787 Geesh!  I knew you'd been waiting a while, but I didn't realize it'd been THAT long!?!?

lin0442  Eh, you already missed FMU so wait until tomorrow morning!  If not bleeding by then, TEST!

troystory17 Sorry for the rough day. It is a cruel twist of fate. Try not to think about how far along you should be... it's almost impossible to do, but it can cause more stress. I hope you find some peace soon.

kgg2241

@coco2787 In high school I was sent to an RE who suspected I had PCOS, but since then we found out I have a mosaic for Turner's Syndrom which is likely the cause. Not quite sure though. I don't think I have PCOS and besides amenorrhea, I have no other symptoms that would lead to that diagnosis. 

@meatballs37 I completely agree with Coco. I am so sorry you feel people are forgetting. Our culture is very strange about grief. I slowly think that is changing and you posting and sharing about your journey will help change that stigma. 

@troystory17 I am so sorry for your loss and the hard time you are going through. Big hugs. Good luck with your timing this week!

@lin0442 I love that you are planning for next spring already. You are just like me. A lot of the good seeds sell out by mid-fall, so you have to plan now to get what you want!

meatballs37

@coco2787 Our society is really weird about grief. I feel as if I’ve been labeled as obsessive or unstable because I still talk about them. I plan on celebrating their 1st birthday in November by baking a cake. If people think thats "weird" I have decided those aren't the kind of people I need in my life. 

coco2787

Sending you hugs @troystory17.  I have to look at a tiny box of ashes every morning too and even now, almost 2 months later, it's still somewhat of a shock every time I see it.  It's so incredibly unfair.  

Not weird at all @meatballs37, I hope that you never let other people's judgments stop you from honoring your boys however you feel that you need to.  

coco2787

Heard back from the doctor, since I got a +OPK they want me to wait until end of the week and if still no AF then I'll do 10 days of Provera.  If still no AF after that then they'll do an ultrasound.  I'm really hoping it starts on it's own because I don't know if I can handle waiting another 2+ weeks, I might lose my mind and start to convince myself I'm having a cryptic pregnancy.  

meatballs37

@coco2787 It feels so odd hoping AF starts soon, but I hope it does so you need minimal intervention and your body can do its thing naturally. What were your cycles like before your loss? 

dpjennifer

coco2787 Sorry, but I think you're out for cryptic PG. Isn't one of the 'things' on that crazy website about how you have AF regularly... you haven't had AF for like ever, so pretty sure cryptic PG is out. 

coco2787

damn, you're right @dpjennifer.  I was really hoping for a surprise baby in a year or two.

@meatballs37 my cycles were always really regular before this.  26-28 days, O around CD 13-14.  After my first loss/D&C AF showed up 4 weeks later and my cycles were regular right away.  Which makes this all even more frustrating

nomangos23

@coco2787 That's odd. Seems like they'd do an ultrasound first before they started the provera, don't you think? It's a super simple and quick procedure. They can even see if you've ovulated on a US. 

coco2787

@nomangos23 I'm assuming the logic is that if the Provera works then there isn't any reason to worry about an issue, and if it doesn't work then it's an indication there's something wrong and we'll do an ultrasound to take a closer look. 

It's just frustrating because I feel like if I'm not getting AF after ovulating (and my doctor specifically told me, delayed period after MC is usually due to delayed ovulation), that obviously there is something going on and dragging this out for another 2 weeks just to be certain is a waste of time.

drewsdarlin

Status: CD28 today

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are okay. Struggling with stress over IVF stuff 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? AMH was good for my age group according to doctor on phone consult last week and just got education day and semen stuff set up for hubby on September 25th for us to get ready to do IVF

GTKY: What’s the best type of cheese? American

meatballs37

@coco2787 hmmm @nomangos23 brings up a good point. They can tell if you ovulated on the ultrasound. If I were you, if AF doesn’t arrive by tomorrow, id request one just for peace of mind. 

That is super frustrating that your cycle is all of a sudden a long one when it was fairly regular before. Mine was super regular before the twins. But then I didn’t get my PP period for months after. And since then it’s been all over the place this year. 

coco2787

Yeah, that's a good point, maybe I'll push for an ultrasound sooner.  I can't even tell you how pissed I would be if I wait out the provera and it ends up not doing a damn thing.  

holly321

@coco2787, not to beat a dead horse, but I too think the ultrasound is a good idea, especially if you are slightly concerned about asherman's, which I get. I  hope your doctor agrres with it. 

kgg2241

Just an update, AF showed up today. I am sad because even though I knew this wasn't our month, I was still holding out a little hope in the back of my mind. I am mostly just shocked that she showed on her own though. Like blown away. Maybe my pregnancy a few months ago kicked my body into gear and now it is just learning what it is supposed to do? Who knows... Anyway, thanks everyone for all of the support and letting me complain about this process...

meatballs37

@kgg2241 sorry AF decided to show up. but I hope you are right that it gave your body the wake up call to get things going on it’s own! 

nomangos23

@kgg2241 Sorry about AF I have noticed that my body is doing different things after loss. I hear something say they felt like their MC actually reprogrammed their body to be a little more "normal". I guess if you have to find a silver lining, that could be one?

kgg2241

@meatballs37 thank you! Me too! 

@nomangos23 I am definitely grasping on to that silverlining! We'll see if this new normal sticks lol. 

holly321

@nomangos23, mine seemed to.  Before my loss, I had amenorrhea, and had to use clomid, but once I was over my trophoblastic disease, I have had regular-ish periods since.  (I have never been a regular 28 day type)  some cycles we're a bit shorter than I am used to, but I seem to be ovulating regularly.

coco2787

@kgg2241 my lovetit was for AF showing up on it's own, I'm sorry you're out this cycle.

Just sent my RE office a message about doing an U/S before Provera, we'll see what they have to say.  Cervix is still high and closed, so definitely no sign of anything happening anytime soon.  

meatballs37

I’ve had a bit of wine tonight. So I probably shouldn’t even post. But my mom came over tonight and we talked for hours and sipped back the good stuff(my mom doesn’t even drink really). We had such a therapeutic long talk about my sons. I feel like she is the only person who makes an effort to know that they mattered. She told me my dad tears up when she talks about them with her. I never even knew that. 

In a weird way. I am feeling renewed tonight. I always question if we should even bother trying for more children. Like this is God’s way of saying enough. Especially after our MC last month. But my mom boosted my confidence tonight and told me to not give up until I am left with no options. I’m feeling sappy and grateful for her tonight. And also guilty that I was such a jerk to her in my teen years and early 20’s. 

I am also grateful for this safe place on TB. I know you ladies are some of the only ones who truly get it. So thank you for the support. It means so much to me. And quite frankly I’d be a little lost without being able to read about your experiences too and know I am not alone. 

suzycupcake

@meatballs37 You are just the sweetest person. Thanks for sharing this with us. I'm so glad you had such a therapeutic evening with your mama! Isn't it crazy how much they love us no matter what we've put them through? The epitome of love. Hugs  

coco2787

RE agreed to do an ultrasound next week, assuming AF continues to be a no show.   Now for the fun game of do I want there to be something wrong so we can fix it, or do I want to be told there’s nothing wrong with me.  

ETA thank you ladies for encouraging me to advocate for myself.   I’ve been to the doctor more in the past year than l have in all my previous 30 years combined so this is all pretty new to me still.  

meatballs37

@coco2787 My vote is for nothing wrong, but I know how frustrating not having answers is too. Glad your RE agreed to do one. Now wouldn’t it just be awesome if AF showed up before then.