What I Wish I Would Have Known...

Jens_Hoes

Stolen again from January because I don't have an original thought on my own 

STM + what are things you wish you would have known prior to giving birth

LLynde5

I wish I would have known that I was going to have a super hot 3rd year doctor stitch me up (I had a vaginal delivery).  This guy was so good looking my husband was like “he looks like he should be on ER”. And my Mom and best friends in the waiting room down the hall were talking about him when they came in my room after I delivered.  

Other than that, I feel like there are so many things you can’t prepare for, all babies are different, everyone carries and recovery differently and if I would have known all of the thing that happen I would have adopted.  

rosebud332

LLynde5 said:

....and if I would have known all of the thing that happen I would have adopted.  

Lol! For real though. That’s kind of what I was thinking. I’m not sure how much I wish I knew. Ignorance might be bliss in this instance. I wish I would have known the positive stuff. That dd would be able to sleep in a thing instead of on me after about a week (not after forever). That I would start getting more than two hours of sleep relatively quickly. That four hours of sleep and two cups of coffee means you’re golden. 

Jens_Hoes

The only thing I wish I would have known was the amount of anxiety I felt after the period of baby blues was NOT normal.  I have self-diagnosed myself with PPA, and while I feel great now, and have since about 10 months, the first at least six to nine months for me was traumatic. I'm pretty worried I'll have PPA again this time around, but more aware of it, and I am already prepared to go to my dr to be medicated if I need to. 
The really unfortunate thing was that my husband and SIL both knew I was WAY too anxious and something was up, but never said anything to me, and I suffered through until the fog lifted. 

eta: Having a newborn is NOT easy, and I'm sure there is a level of anxiety that everyone has.  But if you do not feel right PLEASE talk to your doctor.  It may be normal, but it also might not be.

maureenmce

I wish I would've known never to be left alone in the delivery room after any changes or procedures (I had a very scary experience when my husband briefly left the room to update my mother in person instead of via text) and I wish I'd known more (anything!) about PPA and postpartum thyroiditis so I could have caught the signs sooner.

Also, most importantly, I wish I had known how much I would ADORE parenting after 1 year, and how much easier things got for me at 6 months. Having that knowledge would've made the tough (for me) newborn phase so much more tolerable.

@Jens_Hoes PPA solidarity! I'm so worried that I'll get it again this time again too. But at least we'll both know all the signs. I really hope we can both avoid it this time around!!

PensiveCrayon

Really dumb thing but I wish I would have known that babies don't sleep in. Somehow I missed this bit of knowledge

Jens_Hoes

Oh, and I wish I would have known to accept the help. My MIL would have come over in a hot second or even my mother (who lives further) if I said I needed/wanted help. 
The family dynamics are long and exhausting to explain, but long story short my one SIL has my MIL basically do everything for her, so her daughter is 9 months older than my dd, and I felt bad asking for help because she was ALWAYS helping her. 
This time around when she offers to help, I will let her. 

Katzalia

Yes to accepting help x1000. We foolishly thought it would be awesome to have the first 3-4 weeks just us & baby, bonding. I had a rough delivery, we had feeding difficulties, and everything was just hard. My mom wound up offering to come out earlier than planned (at about 1 week) and it was so amazingly helpful to have her there. 

rosebud332

@PensiveCrayon I had this idea in my head, I guess similar to “sleep when baby sleeps,” that I would just be able to get baby up and feed her when she cried and always put her back down and she’d go back to sleep and I could sleep as late as I wanted. Uhhhh...not how that works! Haha

mommythlegend

I had a c-section & the next morning my feet/ankles were swollen up like balloons. I had no idea this happens. I was like "nurse- something's wrong!"

AdorkablePixie

I wish someone would have told me how much hair I was going to lose! There was hair everywhere for months.

I also wish I was told that breastfeeding DOES hurt in the beginning, even if you're doing it right. It takes a while for your nipples to toughen up.

ebk20

Yes @AdorkablePixie Breastfeeding hurts! Even if baby is latching correctly.  It hurts a lot in the beginning but gets so much easier.

Prepare to lose yourself during the newborn stage. You may wonder how you will ever do all the things you used to do. It takes time but the things get back to a new normal and you will feel more like yourself. Your baby may suck the life out of you for the first few months, but they are totally worth it.

katy0990

@jens_hoes I agree completely with everything you said about PPA. I could have saved myself a miserable 6 months, but I assumed it was “normal” to feel that much anxiety.

I wish I would have known that the epidural would not hurt my son in any way and that waiting 34 hours caused more harm than good.

I wish I would have done some reasesrch on c-sections because all the hours of  natural childbirth reading, birthing classes, and birth center plans did not prepare me for the OR.

I wish I would have consented to the c-section sooner so I could have done immediate skin to skin and not been shaking too bad to hold him for the first hour of his life.

I wish I would have spoken up and said that DS’s soft spot didn’t look right because he had been stuck on my pelvic bone. I knew it looked odd, but I didn’t want to sound like I didn’t think my baby was perfect. If I had had him evaluated at the hospital, I could have saved 2 months of 90 min nursing/pumping sessions and biweekly lactation appointments. 

I wish someone would have let me cry and told me that it would get easier without dismissing my pain and fears.

I wish I would have known about the afterbirth contractions when breastfeeding.

i wish I would have known that I would survive those first few months and that it was ok that it hurt too bad to shower every day.
 
I wish I hadn’t refused the pain meds. It didn’t make me a better mom, it made me miserable. 

I wish DH had somehow known what to expect with a newborn. It was hard to coddle him and ease him in to parenthood when I was exhausted and hormonal.

I wish I would have known that no one coming over cared about my house being clean and that I could have turned away those who did *cough* grandma *cough*.

I wish I would have known that there is not one right way to give birth and parent a baby. All babies are different and it’s ok to not do things exactly the way my (controlling) Mom did.

Overall, I wish that I had known that despite the craziness of those first months, that season would come to an end and I would have an amazing little boy who calls me his best friend. He doesn’t give a f*ck that he wasn’t born in the water or that he had 4 oz/day of formula for the first 2 months. He just wants us to play with him and love on him. I wish I could have seen that at the time. I would have enjoyed those cuddles a lot more.

Sorry that got so long.... Now I’m crying... I’d blame the hormones, but thinking about his birth and our bfing journey always has this effect on me.

Whitmore1027

I wish I had known that I was still going to end up needing a c-section and wish I hadn't done the induction. Induction SUCKED. I had heard stories of the labor being harder when induced...still went for it. We induced because baby was measuring BIG and I tried to avoid having a c-section by being induced a week earlier. It was a bad idea. I hardly progressed...3 epidurals failed...had a fever...water was broke too long...we ended up needing to do a c-section after about 42 hours of labor or so (based on the time I got induced until the time I had the c-section. I was so exhausted and sick from such a long labor, they knocked me out during the c-section being I was gagging and hyperventilating, so I slept for 3 hours after baby was born. Didn't get my immediate skin to skin...or immediate breast feeding. Those were literally the only 2 things I wanted.

All in all baby boy was ALWAYS sooo healthy and perfect. Momma just had a rough pregnancy and labor.

Sooo now I know...and now I am just planning a gentle planned c-section.

Although, yes, there was no way of truly knowing what was going to happen. My sister was induced and her's progressed great, which is why I had hope. But nope. Not for me! lol

CecilB93

@katy0990 big hugs ❤️

Pretty much everything you ladies said. Though now I think I'll go read up on c-sections just in case it happens this time around, I never thought to do that either @katy0990.

I honestly can't think of anything to add at the moment, I'll come back if I do.

katy0990

@Whitmore1027 Your induction sounds just like mine! Induction due to polyhydramnios, 4 internal monitors, cervadil, a folly bulb, pitocin kicked up to 16, 40 hours of labor, and 27 hours of my water being broken and then a c-section. I finally made it to a 7 after being stuck at 4 for over 24 hours, but my cervix started to swell, so I was going backward (I wish I had known that could happen). I hope this time is much smoother for both of us!

@CecilB93  I highly recommend asking your doctor about their policies, just so you would know what to expect. If you were to need a C-section, would your husband be able to be with you the entire time? Would you be able to hold your baby/do skin to skin while they sew you up? Would they use stitches or staples to close? How long do the restrict your driving and lifting for?

snugglyduckling25

So many of these above are true! 

I wish I had known you still look 4 months pregnant after you deliver, so bringing a pre-pregnancy t-shirt to go home in, just doesn’t work.   Also, that you can birth a 9lb 5oz baby and come home with only 10lbs lost. I was so swollen, it took a couple of weeks for that to go down. 

I also wish I would have known that night two in the hospital is when baby finally wakes up (or maybe it was just my 3, but I feel like after the fact I have read that this is a thing). It’s hard because you’re worried about if they are eating enough because your milk isn’t really in, and they are crying and you’re overwhelmed with just being a new mom. 

AGK2015

So, I didn't know and wish I would have known about the actual sensations involved in a C-section. I had spent a lot of time considering what contractions would feel like, but next to none considering a section. It wasn't quite the completely numbness I had expected; there was still pressure and movement and weird tugging feelings (but no pain at all). Totally normal, but very jarring.

Also, it was So. Effing. Cold.

Activebaby

Yes @snugglyduckling25 I had no idea I would look so pregnant leaving the hospital or that I wouldn’t magically weigh less (which is why by baby 3 I’m staying active during pregnancy). And yes the cramping while nursing! I had no idea. It makes sense because your uterus had to shrink since the baby is out, but I had never thought about that. 
Also i didn’t realize how much I’d forget and romanticize. I wish I had saved my birth stories I wrote and shared in my Bmb. 

breadit124

For c section moms... Percocet is a wonderful thing but stock up on prune juice for the “side effects” :-)

awells189

I wish I had known that as a new mom I had every right to stand up for myself and my baby.  I was told by the lactation consultant day 1 my baby had a tongue tie.  After talking to numerous nurses and doctors I was brushed off time and time again.  10 weeks later, I finally got his tongue tie clipped and our breastfeeding relationship did a 180.  If only I had stood up for myself sooner... Oy.

PensiveCrayon

@snugglyduckling25 Oh yes, the swelling! I knew I wouldn’t magically fit into pre-pregnancy stuff immediately (yay 50-lb gain) but I was very annoyed that my hands and ankles didn’t lose all their fatness immediately. 

@Activebaby I’m definitely going to write out my birth story ASAP this time around! I’m so fuzzy on all the details of my son’s birth. Then again, I didn’t really want to remember it at the time.

tunnel

In addition to much of the above, I wish I would have brought a nursing pillow to the hospital.  It was so much easier to use than strategically placing tons of pillows.  I also wish I would have known to ice my vajayjay, that I could change into my own clothes and that I could walk around sooner than I did.  I felt confined to my bed because no one ever told me I could move.

I also wish I had read the first few chapters of Babywise and The Baby Whisperer before baby arrived.  H and I had absolutely no experience with children and were so lost.  It was hard to find time to read them through the exhaustion but they helped so much.

I wish I hadn't been so hard on myself about needing to supplement with formula.  I let it get to the edge of a failure to thrive diagnosis before supplementing and then fed through a syringe to avoid nipple confusion.  It made the exhausting first weeks even more stressful.  And contributed tp PPA.  F that noise this time around.  

snugglyduckling25

@tunnel oh yes - I forgot about the fact that’s I didn’t really get out of bed with my first! The second time around I got out of bed much quicker, showered and felt more like me. The twins birth was way easier than DS1 though - so that could also have something to do with me feeling like getting out of bed. But I will make myself get up and shower because that makes a world of a difference in how I feel. 

temmetime

maureenmce said:

Also, most importantly, I wish I had known how much I would ADORE parenting after 1 year, and how much easier things got for me at 6 months. Having that knowledge would've made the tough (for me) newborn phase so much more tolerable.

This speaks to my soul! Things got much easier around 6 months, so it gave me courage that I can get through all of this again knowing that there's light on the other side.

I wish I would've been more open to breaking the guidelines that SIL (LC) gave me. I was super open about how my labor went, but tried too hard to follow every little thing her or any other LC or nurse told me. Follow your gut.

Also, SERIOUSLY let your house be messy and stay in your comfy clothes with no makeup and unwashed hair. I did horrible with this & I think it's a nice gentle reminder that people need to be respectful of your time. MIL couldn't come around for 2 weeks due to being sick and when she did she stayed for 5 hours the first visit. I felt like I had to entertain her and I just don't totally relax with her. 

borgie05

I also wish I would have known more about Postpartum mood disorders in general. I knew about depression but not the others... and my doctor was clueless as well. I developed extreme anxiety that progressed into OCD during the 2nd trimester with my son. BOTH my doctor and I shrugged it off and thought it was just hormones and would go away. NOPE. I was diagnosed by a psychologist with postpartum OCD (which is basically just an extreme case of anxiety that gets it's own name because you develop compulsions based off of your fears you are obsessing over). It never fully went away (pp can last up to 3 years in extreme cases), but I got to a place that my therapist was ok with me getting pregnant again, which is why I'm here. BUT anxiety is high again and this time we are trying meds as I'm more open to it. I also wish I would have known that it's ok (and sometimes necessary) to be open to meds and that there are indeed safe ones for pregnancy and breastfeeding. I was so against them with my son and honestly, up until this last week when it was finally just getting to be too much. Started meds on Tuesday and we shall see how it goes! But overall I wish I knew the signs, understood what it was and got help right away. Because if you try to tough it out like I did or wait... it can progress and get worse. 

Another fun thing to know... if you are getting an epidural and all the IV fluids that go with it... Do not be surprised if your feet are so swollen they look like inflatable devices afterwards. This is normal and will go away after a week or two (can be different for everyone of course).

Also... this sounds super cheesy... BUT I wish that I would have been out of my head and in the moment more. I wish I would have let the little things go and just soaked up every moment of pregnancy and that newborn phase with my son. It's so easy to forget... you're exhausted, unsure of things... maybe experiencing anxiety or the blues... BUT this time goes by soooo fast. It really does. And you end up missing it later. So take lots of pictures. Even if you feel exhausted and gross, have pictures taken of you with your family/baby. Be present in the moment. Enjoy that baby as much as possible. Because you will blink and they'll be 3 and "independent" like my kiddo is now.

katy0990

@borgie05 Good for you for seeking out help. I hope the meds work. *hugs*

borgie05

@katy0990 Thanks! I'm on day 4 and they can take a few weeks to kick in, but so far so good  

temmetime

@borgie05 yes on taking pictures! I don't have many of me from the beginning because of my insecurities. 

Whitmore1027

@katy0990 My goodness! That's crazy. It's so hard to really know what's going to happen. Everyone is just so different in their pregnancies and labors that you just can't know. I really relate to a lot of your comments too.

gingersnap-mama

I was naive to think I'd push for 10 minutes and my daughter would be out (FTM). I pushed for 2.5 hours. 

Unless medically necessary (past due, polyhydramnios etc) don't electively get induced. I'm thankful mine ended with a vaginal delivery but I know now that isn't that case a lot of times.

Swelling after delivery is real - drink plenty of water to help flush your body. Seems counterintuitive I know but trust me!

I was open to people coming to help but i know people who aren't (my sister). There's that saying, "It takes a village," for a reason! 

Breastfeeding hurts in the beginning, use nipple cream preemptively before cracking/bleeding occurs! Engorgement is no joke. Lots of skin to skin. *Eat* and drink plenty of water and Gatorade. 

Remember to give yourself some grace - you just grew another human and birthed that human. It's hard stuff being a mom but you'll do wonderful even if it doesn't always feel that way. 

PensiveCrayon

@gingersnap-mama Ooh I actually never thought about preemptively using nipple cream! I had a slow intro to BF because my son was in the NICU so in a way I was sort of lucky? The pressure to supply all his nutritional needs from the getgo wasn’t there since he was still being fed via NG tube between practice sessions. 

ANYWAY. It will be interesting to see if it’s painful the second time around. My mom says yes, ha.

Activebaby

@borgie05 I think it’s great advice to remind moms to take pictures with your baby. You won’t remeber how tiny they really were. Also when you see yourself and your imperfections - that won’t be what you see - it will be how lovingly you look at your baby. It’s so special. I had been given that advice before I had ds1. I discovered I wasn’t taking the advice and broke down to h. He had no clue that I wanted him to take pictures of me and ds1. I love those photos and show ds1. Those are priceless photos to me.

PensiveCrayon

Ooh, ooh! To add on — take videos! I didn’t take that many when A was superwee and I wish I had. They are sooooo fun to look back on. 

gingersnap-mama

@PensiveCrayon I'm curious if they'll hurt this time around too! I just stopped nursing my daughter at 23 months at the beginning of July so I'm curious what the 5 month break will do to there stamina!

Activebaby

Just as a different perspective- I didn’t have bad nipple pain while breastfeeding my boys. I’m afraid to type that in case it happens this time though!!

westcoastfoodie

So much yes to all that has already been said, especially about taking pics. I think the only pics I have with DS until recently (he’s just shy of 2) are his newborn pics. Also, newborn pics... I didn’t realize I’d want them until the week before I gave birth and scrambled to get a photographer. I’m so glad I did. 

I wish I had not waited so long to get help with PPD. 

I wish I had spoken up sooner when I disagreed with my pediatrician about my newborn’s diet. I figured he knew because he was a dr., but he told me I needed to supplement with WATER. This got in my head and totally screwed up my breastfeeding journey. We switched pediatricians quickly, but I wish I had listened to my spidey sense and walked right out of that office as soon as he said that. You do not have to stick with any Dr. if you disagree, speak up and get a second opinion. 

Not to scare anyone, but I wish I had been more mentally prepared for recovering after giving birth. It was painful and miserable. I don’t know what i thought it would be like... unicorns and rainbows?

I wish I had known about post partum chills. I had NO IDEA they were a thing. I would go from fine to shaking so badly I couldn’t even hold my baby in less than a minute. It lasted a few weeks and a heated blanket was a lifesaver. 

I wish I had thrown every expectation of what I thought motherhood would be like out the window. Things went as I thought and some things didn’t. And that’s OK!