TTCAL week of 7/23 — The Bump
Trying to Get Pregnant

TTCAL week of 7/23

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it?

Me: 32  H: 32
Married: 4/5/13
Hoping for our rainbow 

"You know that place between sleep and awake, 
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.  
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan 

*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12   Baby boy: 7/27/13
BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/19/19  <3  It's a girl!

Re: TTCAL week of 7/23

  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 3 losses now - 21 weeks, 5.5 weeks, 6.5 weeks

    Status: WTO - Benched

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Struggling with yet another loss and no answers. Struggling with husband who just doesn't understand, even though he thinks he does. Struggling at work. Struggling with struggling. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Confirmation sono today. Will know more after I talk with the doc but I expect she'll want to run more blood work. Can't wait. 

    Question for other loss mommas - what does your road to recovery look like after a loss? What are some coping mechanisms you use? Therapy? Journaling? Being with close friends? Alone time? 

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it? Titanic. No question. 


    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    TJtheGoatharrierwife
  • @nomangos23 so many hugs for you. I think our SOs really do think they get it but there is just no way they can. They will never understand that connection we have. The road to recovery is different for everyone. For me I text my friends/family telling them and asking for prayers then I tend to isolate from ppl except family for a couple weeks. I can’t deal with ppl. Lots of music for me and I don’t hold back tears because that makes things worse for me. My memory necklace has helped me a lot it gives me something tangible to grasp when I need it. I did some counseling with my Pastor after my second loss because that one was a lot harder for me. I tried journaling but it just hurt to much. I still haven’t finished my devontional I bought after my first. Lastly I started cross stitching again and made something to remember my babies. Oh and I named both my babies, which really helped me.

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses in 8/17, 1/18

    Status: TWW

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m doing pretty well this week actually. I think being in the TWW with okay timing gives me some optimism. And my OOS brother is in town this week so that makes me happy.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope 

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it? Gosh I have so many I love movies. Dirty Dancing, The Princess Bride, 10 Things I Hate About You, The Incredibles, Inside Out, any classic Disney movie, Mega Mind 

    Me: 35 DH: 47

    HX
    DSS: 20
    DSD: 17
    DS: 4(Nov'14)
    MMC:8/17
    MMC: 1/18
    BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19

    Tickers
    BabyGaga
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker


    TJtheGoat
  • @nomangos23 I'm so sorry again. I'm sorry that everything is a struggle right now. For me, what I needed changed day by day. Of course it was always a surprise to me what I needed and that was annoying. I hope that your appt today can give you some answers (even the smallest possible reason) to help the healing process.
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 2/28 at 11.5wks

    Status: TWW, aprox 6dpo

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Right now I'm doing good. I feel hopeful and not this cycle. It's a very confusing place to be. Things are looking good on the life and work front. Somethings that were stressors for me are resolving themselves. We still have some things in the air but I feel like they will fall into place soon.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just HPT if AF decides not to come through

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it? Most musicals. A few cheesy rom coms (like leagally blonde)

  • @kindbytealikat Thank you for sharing what your road to recovery looks like. I know everyone needs something different and it's probably very personal to share. I also have a memory necklace and am thinking of getting a small tattoo, but don't want to rush into something like that while I'm still freshly grieving. 

    @prpl11butterfly Thank you friend. I hope the doctor can bring some reassurances but we'll see. 



    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


  • @kindbytealikat I'm glad your feeling better this week too. I'm a huge Pixar fan myself! 
  • @nomangos23 Yes to the husband that doesn't understand. Also yes to struggling with struggling. I feel guilty for how upset I am... and then I feel guilty when I'm not upset. Ugh. The cycle is horrible. I wish I could be more helpful and uplifting, but just know that you aren't alone in your feelings. I have been finding that keeping a gratitude journal has been helpful. Just jot down a couple things every day that you are thankful for, no matter how simple they may be. 

    @kindbytealikat so fun that your brother is in town. I hope you are able to relax and have some fun. 

    @prpl11butterfly I'm glad you are feeling better and things seem to be falling into place. Haha and Legally Blonde is always a good one. 

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss at 11 weeks last month. 

    Status: WTO - Benched

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Overall I am feeling okay. We are hitting the 19th month TTC and that makes me sad. I know it is nothing compared to most of you, but for some reason 19 just feels a lot bigger than 18...

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? *Potential TW*. Finally met with the genetic counselor last week. Since I have a mosaic for Turners Syndrome they were nervous that it contributed to my loss. It doesn't look like it did. Baby girl had Trisomy 18 (also, cue the tears when we found out baby was a girl). They did give us the stats on what studies show for pregnancy outcomes in women with Turners Syndrome. The research shows a 60% chance of miscarriage with each pregnancy and a 40% chance of stillbirth. That being said, they also made it clear that the studies are so small and research available is so little that they hate even talking about those statistics because they really just don't know. They basically said that since they really don't know for sure, they think the best course of action is to try again with Femara and hope for the best. I feel at peace and comfortable with this approach, at least for now. So now I am anxiously waiting for AF or for another 30 days when I can take Provera to induce AF.

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it? Dear John. So lame, but I just love that movie. 



    Me: 29 │ DH: 34 
    TTC #1 since 12/16
    MMC dx @ 11w 6/18
    EDD 9/23/2019  <3


    coco2787TJtheGoat
  • @kgg2241 I'm sorry for your loss. And yes, oddly, a gratitude journal does help. Even if I'm not feeling particularly grateful for anything on that particular day. What does having a mosaic for Turner's Syndrome mean? Excuse my ignorance but I thought Turners had to do with the "misalignment" of the x chromosome, therefore only female fetuses could be affected? That's how they explained it to me after our first loss but it might have been out of context to your situation. 

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


  • @nomangos23 No worries. I was completely ignorant of it until just barely. We've known I had a mosaic since birth since I have some physical symptoms, but it hasn't affected any other aspect of my life so it hasn't been a big deal until now. A mosaic means that only a certain percentage of my cells are missing the x chromosome.  Yes, only girls can have Turner's Syndrome. I know that it isn't hereditary, so I was confused as to why it would result in a higher risk of miscarriage. My Dr. said that it wasn't passed down from my family, but that for reasons they don't really know, it does impact my future children (high risk for down syndrome, etc.). I'm really still learning and reading up, but that is how it has been explained to me so far. One theory they have is that because many girls with TS have premature ovarian failure, the number and quality of their eggs are lower. But again, they really don't know.


    Me: 29 │ DH: 34 
    TTC #1 since 12/16
    MMC dx @ 11w 6/18
    EDD 9/23/2019  <3


  • @kgg2241 Are you working with a RE along with your genetic counselor? I know how frustrating the "we just don't know" or the "there's not enough science" spiel can be. We're currently debating on if we want to do chromosome testing on our latest ms. We did it with our first one and it told us nothing. (Looked like turners syndrome to the doctors but all chromosomes were present and accounted for, so we became a rare medical mystery) Not sure what good doing it again on the 3rd will do. And it's so expensive! 

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


  • @kgg2241 I'm glad to hear that you have some answers. It's great that you have made peace with your next steps and I hope they are successful for you.
    kgg2241
  • kgg2241kgg2241
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2018
    @nomangos23 Yes, it is so frustrating. We aren't. I have horrible insurance so I've been putting it off. The original plan with my regular OBGYN was to do 6 rounds of Clomid/Femara and then I would move to an RE. I honestly had forgotten about that conversation until you just asked. Now that we are past that point and with one loss, I'm going to give that some more thought. It is probably time. 

    The genetic counselor told me some interesting information at my visit last week. I'm not saying this applies to your case, but it made me think of it. They said it that the chromosome testing results will change based on what/where they test. So testing blood might show that everything looks normal, but a tissue sample could be different. She also said a tissue sample of the kidney could look different than your heart. So just because everything came back normal in one sample, doesn't mean it would be if they sampled something else.

    You're right. It is so expensive. Also, if your first loss was due to Turner's Syndrome that shouldn't impact future losses. So although it is good to know, it doesn't really help you figure out how to move forward. Good luck at your appointment today. Let us know how it goes! 


    Me: 29 │ DH: 34 
    TTC #1 since 12/16
    MMC dx @ 11w 6/18
    EDD 9/23/2019  <3


  • @kgg2241 Thanks :) And thank you for the insight. I had not heard that. I'll bring it up with my doctor today!

    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Unexplained RPL. 4 MC.

    Status: CD 26. I think I’m still WTO.  Urgh.

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just… feeling really fat and bloated. I’d gotten back on my diet 2 weeks ago and was feeling really good, but this weather (We’re in the middle of the constant rain and flooding north of DC area) and O and everything has me wanting to eat EVERYTHING and making dieting hard!

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it? Star Wars: A New Hope

    nomangos23 Sorry for all the struggling… ugh… road to ‘recovery’ is an on-going process. I definitely recommend therapy (find a GOOD therapist that you can relate to though, not just the first person you find). Randomly taking a ‘mental health day’ off work where I can just read/work on projects of my own choosing with NO chores to do has been life saving recently. The road is rough because you’ll work really hard to feel better and ‘normal’ and get back to your usual routine, and you’ll be plugging along thinking you’re doing a lot better when suddenly something hits you square in the face and you end up a mess of a puddle on the ground, sobbing your guts out and/or angry at the entire world… Of course, no matter what you do, it’s always difficult to try to recover while you’ve still got PG hormones in your body. That just makes everything worse!

    kindbytealikat Dirty Dancing!!!!

    Love GIF

    Me: 34    DH: 38

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    Married: Nov. 7, 2015
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) 
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    Possibly giving up because I just can't even anymore...
    #BitterHagPartyOf1

    BFP 1/16/2019  
    HCG blood qualitative test - between 5 and 25... FML...

    fuck my life GIF

    prpl11butterflyTJtheGoattamalahoops
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

    4 losses in the past 10 months.  Two CP and two MMC.  Diagnosis unexplained. 

    Status: 5 weeks post D&C still WFFAF.

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

    Feeling pretty bitter this week.  Despite my best efforts, I can't seem to lose any of the 15 lbs of "pregnancy" weight I've gained after 4 losses.  Then I ran into a friend yesterday who had a baby in May and it was so hard to meet that baby and not burst into tears.   I also feel like I see at least three pregnant women a day.  It's hard not to be bitter that we have no answers and no guarantee that if we keep doing this anything will be different.  And now that I know my AMH is low I feel like the clock is ticking, and with each loss it just feels like time is slipping away and our rainbow baby will never happen. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?

    No.  My RE wanted me to get a final beta since last week was at 7 and they want it below 5 but I don't think I'm going to bother.  I took a HPT today since AF hasn't showed and to make sure my HCG wasn't going back up for some reason, but it was negative.  

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it?

    Anchorman, Zoolander, classic Disney.  Not a movie, but I could also always watch The Office or Arrested Development.

    Me: 32  H: 32
    Married: 4/5/13
    Hoping for our rainbow 

    "You know that place between sleep and awake, 
    that place where you can still remember dreaming?
    That's where I will always love you.  
    That's where I'll be waiting."
    ~Peter Pan 

    *TW*
    BFP #1: 11/12/12   Baby boy: 7/27/13
    BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
    BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
    BFP #4 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
    RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
    BFP #5 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
    Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
    BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/19/19  <3  It's a girl!
    catlady2015TJtheGoatharrierwife
  • @coco2787 ; I say screw the betas. Its laughable that they'd ask you to come in again to watch your beta decrease by two. (Ok, I should also state I'm not even close to being a doctor... I'm just bitter (especially at REs at the moment) right along with you). Sometimes I wonder if the doctors are just trying to bill extra services? Because, come on.

    @dpjennifer I don't know why but I always forget about the "hormones are still raging" part after each loss. And how LONG it takes to get them back to normal. And yes, since I've started this TTC journey I've had more toddler-like outbursts than I'd like to admit after weeks of feeling "fine". Gosh it's so tough. Don't beat yourself up too much about the diet. You're only human. And shitty weather calls for certain foods. That's definitely a rule somewhere. 



    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    coco2787dpjennifer
  • coco2787  I understand the logic and science behind getting your betas back to 5 or below, and I support that. However, having to be the one to go GET that final beta when you're at 7 or 9 or some number so small and barely above 5 with all the hormones in your body and dealing with RPL made me just want to scream "F-ing REALLY?!?!" at the doc for hours...

    Love GIF

    Me: 34    DH: 38

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    Married: Nov. 7, 2015
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks) 
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    Possibly giving up because I just can't even anymore...
    #BitterHagPartyOf1

    BFP 1/16/2019  
    HCG blood qualitative test - between 5 and 25... FML...

    fuck my life GIF

    coco2787
  • ::comes out of lurk mode::

    Hugs to each one of you. <3

    ::goes back into lurk mode::
    Me: 33  |  H: 32
    Married 6/2017
    TTC #1: 5/2018
    BFP - 10/7/2018, EDD 6/17/19


    dpjenniferkgg2241kindbytealikat
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 losses (13wk and 5wk) in the past 2.5 years, uterine septum now gone

    Status: cd4, WTO, starting FSH IUI #2

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m just feeling pretty negative this cycle. It’s taken so long to get (unsuccessfully) ku in the past, I’m just worried something else is screwed up even if ‘everything looks fine’ per the RE office. It’s so frustrating and demoralizing. On the plus side, I’ve had a lot of friends come from out of town to visit- it’s so nice to see people and catch up. 

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?  Just my monitoring u/s on Saturday.

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it? I love The Fifth Element- it’s so colorful and fun. Agreed with The Princess Bride- such a rewatchable movie. I also will watch any given Mel Brooks movie if it’s on (Young Frankenstein, Men in Tights, etc.). The man never left a joke untold.

    Me: 29 DH: 30
    BFP #1: 3/16/2016 MC 12w5d
    BFP #2: 1/25/2018 MC 4w3d

    dpjennifercoco2787
  • @nomangos23 I'm so sorry.  Sending you a big hug.  I actually started a blog after my loss and that has really helped me to get it all written out.  You could always write and not share it either, but I like sharing with people so they can understand kind of what it feels like.

    @kgg2241 The daughter we lost had mosaic trisomy 15.  We met with a geneticist as well and it seems like all they can do is really guess.  They say there's a very very small chance it would happen again, but can never promise zero and can never promise something else won't happen.  I found it both comforting and not comforting.

    @coco2787 I still can't lose the pregnancy weight from my loss either and it makes me sad every time I see my stomach.  I'm sorry things are so rough right now.

    Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.  CP, M/C around 7 weeks, and stillbirth at 32 weeks in March 2018

    Status: I am having another confusing cycle, so am confused on if I actually did ovulate.  I think I did, but got a low temp yesterday that had me wondering.  So I guess TWW.

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  DH has to leave tomorrow and be out of town for 10 days, so that sucks.  But I am going to visit him next weekend, so excited about that.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results? I went ahead and made an appt with my RE for Aug 13 since my cycles seriously don't seem to be regulating at all.  I'm beyond frustrated.

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it? Tommy Boy, Waterboy, Moulin Rouge


    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

    coco2787
  • TW Pregnancy

    Ok now a new thing happened that I am having a hard time with. 

    I am in a FB group for other parents that have babies/have lost babies to CDH, which is something my daughter had.  One of them has a similar situation to what we went though.  She is pregnant and her baby has been diagnosed with CDH and mosaic trisomy 9 I think.  Her baby is showing signs that mine did of her body failing with fluid buildup and stuff like that.  And they are saying she has a chance of having a stillborn.  Just exactly what I was told.  It just brought back all the feelings.


    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

  • @sparklingdiamond ; I'm also part of a facebook group for moms who have lost babies to hydrops fetalis, which is what we lost our daughter to @ 21 weeks back in January. I often see success stories but I've seen several moms come back with repeat hydrops and no answers from doctors, which is very very upsetting. I often have to way the pros and cons of being in that group. So far the pros have outweighed the cons but hearing stories like that is definitely unsettling. 


    Me 30 DH 31
    MC 1/4/18 @ 21 weeks 
    CP 5/6/18 @ 5.5 weeks
    MC 6/22/18 @ 6.5 weeks


    sparklingdiamondholly321
  • @nomangos23 Hydrops is what got us at the very end.  It's so awful.  I agree on weighing the pros and cons.  I left all those groups for a while, but rejoined a couple because I at least wanted to try and be helpful to those going through anything similar to what I went through.


    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker

  • @coco2787, sorry about needing another draw, and I get it is aggravating, but I will stand on my soap box and discuss the importance if need be (not that I think you need it.) .

    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    coco2787
  • Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

    mmc 2/12, MMC 8/17

    Status: benched 

    How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

    it has been a rollercoaster.  I was in a great and hopeful mood, I was going to call and get my IUD out tomorrow, then realized my obgyn was on vacation. But every time things look up, they come crashing down.

    Any testing coming up/any recent results?

    none for sure

    GTKY: What's one movie you can watch over and over again no matter how many times you've seen it?

    pride and predjudice BBC, super troopers, step Brothers.


    @nomangos23 , I am sorry for your loss and dealing with confirmation ultrasound.  As to answer your question, i tried to focus in getting healthy to deal with my losses.  I need something to focus my mind on.  I also listen to depresidep music, which actually seems to help.

    @sparklingdiamond @nomangos23, those groups can help and hurt imo.  I was on one for molar pregnancy, and had to unjoin for a few months because I could not take it.  My first loss was fetal hydrops, it is awful because it seems like it comes out of nowhere.

    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    sparklingdiamond
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